As Long As I Can Thrive, I'll Stay

I know that I have been thriving in We'koqma'q community for some time now. I have enjoyed their TV cable, WiFi, Netflix and other things. I know that I have been living here with the intend to move back home. But when I do come to think of it, there is utterly nothing left for me other than a grave. I don't have any lovers from there. I didn't get my ALP diploma in there. I didn't get my trade or Beginner's license there. I didn't get my Unama'ki Driving Certificate. I mean what do I have that is left there other than enemies?

I know that I got friends and family. But they are way too dysfunctional to consider healthy. I couldn't get a decent rides out of any of them. And I couldn't really get comforts in my own place. I even think that they are at fault with certain things that have happened in my home. I know that I couldn't really live in Eskasoni without somebody asking me if they could come in.

Or somebody knocking my head around. I never had a moments rest in Eskasoni because of drunkards and addicts keep knocking on my door. Trying to get my place or get something from me. I, never once had caught a break in Eskasoni or dated a hot woman, had a good time or gotten anything in my own apartment. I couldn't really live in Eskasoni without drunks, addicts or schemers. They wouldn't admit that they have damaged me in some fashion or way. I know that I never had any support, help or backup in Eskasoni. I know that with the dignity of labour there wasn't one job prospects in my favor.

I know that I could've enjoyed the outdoors. But I think that everyone schemed off of mein Eskasoni. My traumas made me paranoid, scared and reminded of the underbelly of Eskasoni. And they still are. I know that not once had I a moments in my own apartment with the latest technology, driver's license or job. I know that I had to put up with stagnancy.

I know that I always had to put up with the limbo of stagnancy, dependency and reliance on certain people. I couldn't learn or be taught, it was always them looking for a quick scheme. I know that I don't get to choose my own destiny at Mawita'mk Society but at least I get to choose between bowling, pool hall or movie theater. 

At least I get to live my life with people that actually care. But I don't want to be discouraged, discriminated, deindividuated or deterred. I want the full supports of Mawita'mk Society for the full pursuits of my life goals and objectives. I know that I want to have my full driver's license and BA degree.

Apparently I have to listen to Mawita'mk Society because I have a slow reaction, bad timing, bad memory and I'm not that keen. I know that the goals of Mawita'mk Society are to support me in my goals. And to fully encourage, support, guide and help in ways.

I would live here as long as I can thrive and get my own car, driver's license and BA degree. I know that I want to thrive much as I can do with hunting, fishing, bushcraftship, building, planting. 

I know that I want to thrive as much as I can with a truck, Red Seal papers, BA degree, full driver's license and my own place. I know that I had a lot of good reasons to live at Mawita'mk Society but I want to thrive on my own. I want to be well immersed into Cape Breton cultures, adventures and outdoor activities. I wouldn't mind getting my own full driver's license and a good life in Eskasoni. Even though Eskasoni has treated me so badly, still I want to live my life in We'koqma'q community or Eskasoni where I could live on my own.

I know that I've been held back from my stepfather, certain family members and friends. I know that in We'koqma'q community I have an accomplished past.

And a good start with things. I have a really good start and I know that I got my ALP diploma, my Trade and Unama'ki Driving Certificate. I know that I have tons of things accomplished. I just hope that I could continue on that path way and live my life how I see fit. I have to put things on hold for a while until I can work at my health. Keeping up with my hygiene and personal physical care. I hope that I could take care of business. I know that I need to accept that this is a lifelong journey and I have to be well prepared each day. I know that I have to get ready.

I've been held back from my kidney troubles since I was a little boy. I couldn't really get used of school because I never had any connections to jobs or education. I know that I had nothing but a boring life of appointments, dialysis and blood work. I know that I never lived in Eskasoni.

It was more grieving my losses than living a good life. I couldn't really exercised my body with my transplant. I couldn't really do much first few years. In Eskasoni I had barriers of transportation and safety. I couldn't really get used of living my life the way I wanted. 

Thriving in a community that was important to me. I know that I did not have any powers to convince my stepfather that I wanted to drive. But like I said I have to put my life goals on hold and get to know the community that have made my accomplishments possible. I should learn everyone here and make it home project with this Book Club.

I know that I enjoy the comforts of my own technology, electronics and radio. I know that I enjoy my own bought video games, online accounts and other electronics. I know that I have tons of things that I could learn from. I just need to get my second kidney to get back on track with things.

I know that I'm on dialysis and I enjoy the tea and cookies there. I know that I enjoy the good sleep and the good service that they provide. I know that I enjoy Mawita'mk Society's WiFi and cable. Mawita'mk Society is providing WiFi, Cable, Homephone and transportation. I could do all that myself and save my money for groceries, clothes and my own cleaning supplies. 

But yeah Mawita'mk Society provides for rides, groceries, shoes, clothing checks, cleaning supplies, WiFi, cable and homephone. I could do that if I had a full-time employment status. I know that I would have to build a sense of purpose with that job. I know that I could've gotten my own driver's license and job experience. I had one barrier and that was transportation.

I know that I have a good life but I wonder sometimes can I thrive on my own? Can I learn and do much as I want with everything I need to do in a day.

Have a lifelong healthy routines and habits. I know that through a deep disassociation I am left with an alexithymic profundity of that and have to wait this out even more. I know that I don't get any justice or restorative justice because I have so many enemies. I know that I had a lot of incidents in my time where traumas was associated with, that I never had any good meals and I was beaten down. 

I know that I gotten over my traumas but I never had any real justice because I never fought for it. I see that my first time with child addiction wasn't anything that I would want to remember. I know that people that made me forget was those power-craving people. I know that I was suffering and had no apologies or they never went to redemptive works of forgiveness.

I know that I don't like money because I never could spend it well. Most people made me not like my own money I so eagerly earned.

I know that I was motivated, determined and strong enough to actually care about my jobs that I had. I know that I wanted to impress on my bosses that I'm a capable person. And I knew the means to thrive all along. I just needed my education, trade and licenses. 

I know that I wanted Playstation consoles, Xbox 360 console. I knew that I wanted my stuff safe and sound. But apparently everyone worked on me and didn't want me to thrive, succeed or prosper. I knew that I had many enemies and in that I have friends and family that are willing to protect me. But I know that they are way too busy to protect me because they have children. I know that I'm not their number priority.

So, I have to live with Mawita'mk Society for now on because of renal safety, disability service and advocacy service. I know that I have a good group home but I know that I have to put things on hold.

As Long as I can thrive here, I'll stay and live here. I know that I'll be stuck with certain life goals from here. But sooner or later, I know that I will get my second kidney.