If I Was Brave and Smart

If I was brave and smart I would've been very productive in making music, taking business up and having a good understanding of business. I know that I would've been living with a good amount of money, investing in apartment buildings and service. 

If I had my driver's license and Eskasoni High School diploma, maybe I could've had a good trade business and live my life with a thriving business. I know that I need to live my life in a productive regular basis way where I could thrive and work. I know that I could've had my own trade business in plumbing, cleaning and cooking. I could've lived in my own incomes and benefits if I had my own Eskasoni High School diploma and driver's license.

Yes, I have so much accomplished in my time in We'koqma'q community. But I know that I could've had a lot of careers and hustles. I know that I could've spent my days getting used of hard work on a regular daily basis.

If I was brave and smart I would've been living in a thriving way with the family that I had a lot of time logged in with work, driving and living my life in a food productive way. Dignity of labour is a good philosophy that lsys the foundation of how I could respect my parents for counseling.

But I know that I was a animal that couldn't learn for them. I want to get my NSCC Plumbing Certificate and get my Red Seal diploma in that. Try that out for a few years. And get into cleaning with ISSA-CANADA Cleaning Management Institute, doing a Custodial Technician Training. And getting my expert level with that. Do that for a little while and then get into cooking with NSCC and get my NSCC Cooking Certificate, get my Red Seal diploma in that and see how that fits into my life.

I know that I would've had tons of good networking connections in Eskasoni. I would've been used of gathering information.
Gathering information for a job. I know that I have a good life now but I want to be financially in control of my own occupational fate. I want to be in control of my own life and live it how I see fit. But apparently I have to wait until I can get a second kidney before I can renew my Beginner's license, continue on this path and keep doing what I want to do. 

The women here make me out to be inept in everything that I do. If I was with family I would've been choosing a job. I know that I don't get that much driving experience in because I feel that they want to keep me in a limbo of dependency, stagnation and reliance on them. I know that I'm just nothing to the independent world.

If I was smart and brave I would've been writing songs, learning instruments and learning driving. I would've been living a good life of independence. I know that I could do it but I have to wait until I can get a Transplant.

I could've been breaking barriers and having my words said in songs, poetry, short stories, novels, novella and an autobiography. I could've been that kind of author, singer and songwriter. I could've been into businesses and many money-makers in my twenties. I know that I could've had a good poem or two in my time. But I don't and I don't know why I cannot publish. I know those who are seriously publishing Cape Breton books, I hope that I could get a good momentum going with all that. I see that I had a lot of potentials that my stepfather didn't want me to explore. I know that he could've taught me driving and plumbing. And learn to master those two skills sets.

But as usual I don't have any respect as a human being. I know that I didn't have any choices to do something in my teen years. I was power-deprived and I couldn't get anything regular.

I know that I wanted to get my Eskasoni High School diploma and driver's license. I had 21 years of a Kidney Transplant, to get my driver's license and all my professional Certificates in Plumbing, Cooking and Cleaning. I could've had everyone in my LinkedIn page and live my life in a good way. 

Accomplished even more. But I have an accomplished past in We'koqma'q community where I have my Playstation consoles, Xbox 360 and laptop. I have my ALP diploma, NSCC Construction Trades Labor program Certificate and Unama'ki Driving Certificate. I got my We'koqma'q Adult Essential Skills Enhancement Program Certificate and We'koqma'q Men's Wellness program Certificate. I got my Nova Scotia Skills Record Certificate and Eskasoni NADACA Prevention Online Wellness program Certificate. I got my Eskasoni Treatment Center Certificate too. Yeah, I got a lot of Certificates.

I know that I got every opportunities here. I know that I got my own smartphone, that way I got connections and a versatile thing. I know that it is a multifunctional tool of a lot of things. I could've had my full driver's license in my twenties if my stepfather took the time to help me out. Knowing that I didn't have that luxury, I know that he chosen his own personal business. I know that I never had his ambitions. U know that I wanted to be connected but I couldn't even get that in Eskasoni. Yeah, I got a six weeks job but it was nothing. I couldn't apply it to my job experiences. There is not much that I could put on my rèsumè.

I used to hustle for my Welfare check but I know that wasn't getting me professional respect. I felt that and I know that I could start here. Feeling that I could get my NSCC Plumbing Certificate when I do get my second kidney. If I do get my second kidney.

I could get my full driver's license, BA degree and NSCC Plumbing Certificate. Have a few careers in my name with We'koqma'q community. But I need my second kidney but I know that I'm happy where I am at. But I want to improve on it with general physical fitness, careers and full driver's license. I just got to take the initiatives of building a lifelong routines of chores, cleaning and organizing. I know that I have a lot of good things happening here. But the question is that can I take care of myself if I was out there, brave, resourceful and smart.

But right now I just got to enjoy my time in We'koqma'q community for now. I know that I want to be driving, working and thriving. I know that I need to get my second kidney and continue with my life. Feeling that I've been living here for eleven long happy years. I know that I want to get all those credentials. And live my life productively.

I want to be busy as I used to be and have everything I need to live, work and drive. I find that Vickie is querulous because she wants to bring the worst out of people. And she wants to bring them down. I know that querulous means to complain in a petulant or whining way or manner. That is her best feature, to be querulous. Could be too, a self-filling prophesy that she creates with her querulous demeanor. I know that she is harmless but she is toxic too. I know that I have to deal with her negative stereotypes, assumptions and bias. I don't blame her, it is the intergenerational impacts of Indian Residential Schools that we have to endure in our own way. Her father was native and I don't know about the mother.

I know that both of my parents are native and on the Syliboy side they have African-Canadian Natives that are my cousins. I know that they are the ties.

They are the ties of African-Canadians and Mi'kmaq. They are two worlds of cultures and have a good mixed race that love diversity and cultures. If not then they aren't being real Natives. I know that I'm of Two Large Families. My blood is, of Proud Syliboy muin family and my Jown family. Which have too many to count. As the same with my Syliboy blood. I relate to Lieutenant Worf on Star Trek: Next Generation. I have been living with the idea that a Warrior is somebody that looks for a good battle. Something like Guko but have the training of Rocky Balboa.

But I get that bane of my existence at Mawita'mk Society when I feel like she is going to do something. I know enough not to underestimate women. I had aunties, mothers and sisters, female cousins and female friends tell me off so many times I had to come up with my own stuff. I was shown that female powers can be deadly.

I know that I have a large family and in that I had my fair share of female informants. But apparently I wasn't informed that my sisterial powers was gonna take over. I had to let it happen because I did not have my older brother with me. I know that I have to stand up for myself but I feel that I had a good life so far. I appreciate the fact that my little siblings are learning their place and living with Mawita'mk Society in their lives. I feel that I have the closest relationships with my sisters. And I know that I want to be well known to my nieces and nephews. Through my half-blood sisters I am related to Shannon and Matthew. But Edna and Mark are through marriage. But through Sonny I am related because Billie Jean and Katt are the older sisters of Sonny.

Of course I am the oldest. I have to keep them in their independence. I know that I don't want to live without independence.

If I was a role model I would be about life skills, coping skills, exercising skills, trade skills, driving skills, survival skills and Outdoorsmanships. I know that I got nieces so they would have to be Outdoorswomanships. Feeling that I would want to teach the ambitions of independence and the desires and fun for work. I know that I would be a role model for independent thinking.

I know that I am happy here. There is happiness in the air and I'm enjoying the quality time with Adrienne and Fran. I know that I was a little worried about my impending death for a while. Taking the comfort, safety and security inside of Mawita'mk Society, I know it's something of a worrisome night because of thousand possibilities of death lurks every corner. I know that I want to keep living because of new movies, I haven't got my full driver's license yet.

I haven't made a trade business yet. So many possibilities, reasons and love of life to live for that I know that I want to keep enjoying the comforts, safety and security of Mawita'mk Society. I haven't gotten my BA degree yet. I haven't gotten my NSCC Plumbing Certificate yet. I definitely don't got my Red Seal diploma yet. So much to live for. So much to build a sense of purpose and build off of that. I had so many purposes in my life that I knew I wanted to go to school and work after school.

I always imagine my soul out of my body where I'm slamming my soul into things in a spiritual plane. I feel that I need to accept what I've done and do the endeavors of Redemption. I love my stepfather and family, but this is my soul I'm talking about. I don't want to be burning bridges with myself. And have everything thrown away. I know that I haven't gotten the fair emotional sanity.