The Perspectives of a Challenge

The perspectives of a challenge is something that my uncle Dodo thrives off of. I know that he wants to let me down gently, with no job prospects or professions. I know that I had to suffer it out while I was in Eskasoni. They all made my sufferings special. I wanted to build my own happy home in Eskasoni with a job, full driver's license and truck. I hoped that I could get employment in Eskasoni but I don't have any favors. I am not liked there and I'll be stuck in the limbo of dependency, stagnation and reliance on welfare. I'm not the favorite because I'm not that great. I haven't gotten my Eskasoni High School diploma.

My stepfather never wanted me to thrive on my own. I know this because he wanted a good life in a dependent way. I knew this because I was extremely independent when I was a child. I know that I don't want to blame him for a driving reason. But that's my blame.

I know that I wasn't the perfect teen or child. I know that I had everyone against me in Eskasoni. I know that I couldn't keep up with the latest driver's license or car. Hopefully, I could get my own happy home and build a good lifong routines of a happy home. I want to accept that kind of challenge for myself but I'm afraid now. I don't have any bravery or intend to find my sense of purpose. I have my own happy home in We'koqma'q community. I don't get any respect I'm Eskasoni. Now with this Covid-19 pandemic, Eskasoni is more dangerous than ever. If I was brave and smart I would've had connections to my own Eskasoni apartment.

I know that true homies make you feel good about your situation. I got couple of smiles in and I felt like what was a happy home in a sense. I know that I had groceries but I wasn't stable. I know that people were stealing stuff and I couldn't enjoy my home alone.

Knowing that I never had any safety or security, I was home invaded. I know that I went through a series of beatdowns and malnourishment. I know that some faults are the members that have attacked me. It's a need to keep me down or hold me back. I know that Mawita'mk Society hasn't been doing that. Feeling that I have their happy home but I want my own happy home. I want to work on my goals and get a good job in Eskasoni. I want to return triumphantly and have my life together in a educated sense of driving, careers and credentials. I want to have my own truck and credentials.

I'm only liked because I am weak, soft and vulnerable. I don't have any friends to help me out. I don't have any strengths or personal powers. I know that I was deprived from goal-orienting and school. I know that people wanted to steal my thunder. They kept me power-deprived and scared.

I couldn't rely on anyone for anything. 

Everyone was way too busy, when it came down to me. I had to make compromises. The healing powers of Mawita'mk moments, music and food. Good company and a great place to live. That is a home. That is a happy home. I know that I have been living here for eleven long happy years and had outings with no masks, had trips and cruises around Cape Breton Island. Had a few memorable moments in Fortress of Louisburg and other places. I know that I was learning about history and the family of allies. I know that I needed help to understand that everyone is a Treaty person in Mi'kma'ki. And that we need to fix the power balance.

I knew that I had to make compromises in my life because the rides provided was way too much. I knew that I was with barriers of transportation and money. I knew that people were keeping an eye on me.

I knew that I was living under the microscope and a lot of schemers were wanting easy money. Feeling that I had tons of jobs from family in Eskasoni, I knew that I was doing pretty good for a Eskasoni Welfare recipient. I knew that Rob Shipley and Marie K. Joe wanted me to fail at being a human. And wanted me to stay in stagnancy and dependency on them. I knew that my sisters didn't want me to thrive in Eskasoni because I was suffering. And I knew that people wanted me to live a hard life. They wanted the voice of reason assigned to their will. They wanted controllability over my finance and life. They wanted damage control and perpetuating dependency in my life. They wanted me to stay in stagnancy and reliance on them.

I know that I've never had such riches of a Mi'kmaq group home. Mawita'mk Society has given me so much, food and transportation. They protect my medicine from addicts.

But they wouldn't protect me from Clyde, Randy or Vickie. I know that I'm still vulnerable in Mawita'mk Society. I know that I don't have any respect because of the Randy culmination that lead to the attack. I know that I wasn't fairly treated. And with everything I had, still I couldn't keep my emotional sanity intact. While at the apartments someone kept on getting in and not cleaning up after themselves. I couldn't rest in my own apartment because so many have distracted me from living my life. They Connie kept on checking upon me and wouldn't let me rest. Everyone wanted a piece of me because I wouldn't let anyone go.

I know that Rosie don't care what Vickie do, as long as she doesn't physically hurt me. She could torment me psychologically and abused me psychologically. But I cannot prove it because I don't have any way to explain psychological abuse she does.

I know that she wanted my apartment and wanted me out of there. Which she got and I couldn't really say nothing to that effect. I want to move out of here because I don't get any respect like Clyde or Vickie. I know that they get everything they want but I still don't. Elizabeth is another example of how I don't get any respect. She let's Clyde come with us to my appointment but when it's up to him, I have to ask Clyde when Clyde doesn't have to ask me. That's slight in value because Mawita'mk Society doesn't appreciate equality. They aren't egalitarian because the way they treated me over the years.

But I got to say that I got it made in ways. I have my meals well prepared in the evenings. I get to choose what breakfast I want to make. I get to make my own lunch or they make lunch. I get a well done meal and I have a good life. I get three meals a day. It's just that I don't get treated equally.

I know that the principles in equality is not to withstand ageism, or any discriminations based on anything. I know that there are discrimination which I have to face with the culture. I know that tradition but they assumed that I did not know the culture and oppressed me in my freedom. I know that they are paranoid but this is ridiculous and I don't have any respect for my own independence. I know that I have a good home but it doesn't mean I have to constantly obey or bow down like I'm some kind of slave. That's what they want, they don't want me to think for myself.

Respect my elders, not people that are slightly older than me. I know that I don't have any respect for my emotional sanity, I know that I don't have any respect for my independence. I know that I don't have any respect for my adulthood. I don't have any respect or freedom.

I know that I'm not really freed here because of the family. It's just to serve the purpose of my insanity. And to keep me here as long as possible without incidents or troubles. I know that I want to move back home but I am forgetful. I don't remember that well or don't have any sense of duty or something. I know that is how my stepfather sees it. And I know that if I do move, the family would be in an uproar about my next move. I cannot move right now because I don't have any second transplant kidney. And I do know that I'm still struggling here. Feeling like I've been through so much in Mawita'mk Society that I know that people want me to be afraid of everything.

They don't want me brave and smart. They want me stuck in stagnancy. I know that I am on Dialysis and I enjoy their cookies. But Mawita'mk Society only serves, not train. I'm tired of the same old story of being afraid.

Being afraid of a repeat. I just got to enjoy the free rides, the service of advocating on my behalf. The good food, the tea and cookies. The comforts of Mawita'mk Society. The comforts, benefits and perks of Mawita'mk Society. Like having comfort allowance, GST direct deposits every three months. A Christmas bonus every year. And a good family to live with if I do need them. I want to enjoy my Freedoms and Enjoyments of tea and cookies. Of video games and watching Netflix and CraveTV. And watching movies and TV. I enjoy the fact that I have choices with my entertainment. I appreciate that fact at Mawita'mk Society. I have WiFi and cable, radio and smartphone. I have a good Smart TV and Playstation 4. I just need that HD Pound Link. 

I know that I could get a good home in We'koqma'q community. Feeling that I had a lot of good memories at Mawita'mk Society. I know that I have family to get my full driver's license. I know that people pretend to want me to thrive but have no idea of what I'm capable of. I know that I don't have any professional respect or personal respect. I am power-deprived and don't have any choices. 

I know that if my stepfather wanted me to thrive he would've been helping me out with a driver's license. I know that I cannot rely on certain family members but other family members would help me out. I hope anyways.

I know that the perspectives of a challenge is that I need to be patient, practice wisdom and have serenity. I need to keep my calm and stay positive because I have a whole family I haven't tried yet. I know that my uncles of my stepfather wouldn't help me out. But my sisters would. 

I know that I have siblings and cousins I haven't tried yet. And I have a whole Jown family in Paq'tnkek, Eskasoni and other First Nation Communities. I feel that I don't have any Syliboy family members to help out. They aren't open-minded as my Jown family. 

At Mawita'mk Society I have the comforts of the bathroom, my bedroom and kitchen. I know that I have that much comforts in Mawita'mk Society.