I Have a Good Group Home

I know that I've lived a rich life with my stepfather, by myself and with Mawita'mk Society. I know that through the various pains and different ways I was beaten. I know that I'd tried to earn my way. I know that I wanted to invest in my own apartment. And I was earning my way instead of scheming off of Tully. I knew that I could have a good reputation of being a hard worker. But I am on dialysis and have to keep up with my health. I was taught all these coping skills and to accept all walks of life, with the seven sacred teachings. Still I struggle with my father Vincent. I just need space and he is giving that.

I was taught forgiveness and healing but I know that I don't want to deal with my real father. A real father would understand somebody like me. A real father would accept me in every contexts. I know that I want to live my life how I see fit.

I want to enjoy my adulthood and independence. I want to be left alone and don't want the constant calling. I don't care if he is trying to rekindle this relationship with me. I have been so annoyed with his nosiness that I find his small talk seems like invasive questions. I have a good home and unless a woman enters my life, I am not moving. I know that less is more for this father. But I am at a good place because I have happy Christmases, good birthdays and a great deal with Mawita'mk Society. They work and I do some chores. And I have respect as an adult. So far so good with the Covid-19 cases.

I know that I have a good time with family. Even though I don't communicate with them all that much. I know that I wouldn't mind him passing away. It would be a load off my shoulders. My father Vincent Syliboy senior is abrasive, a load on my shoulders and a hell of annoying person.

I really wouldn't mind him passing away. But I know that I have family I barely talk to. I get annoyed and troubled. I know that I don't like the fact that I have a large family because it would mean that I have to watch out for cousins, aunties and first cousins. With Indian Residential Schools I know that the intergenerational impacts of my people are secretly keeping it under wraps. With this kind of national truths, there needs to be a writer of memoirs of all the survivors that are out there. A writer of sorts about the memoirs of Indian Residential Schools survivors.

The process of learning these stories means to learn the languages, cultures, traditions and heritages of the survivors. I know that I could benefit from my own native language, culture, tradition and religion. In learning other First Nation cultures, traditional medicine and traditions, and heritages.

The rich experience and emotional intelligence through all these integral parts of human mind. I know that I could learn much in healing and forgiving. I know that I could learn much out of this country and have those cultural experiences. The coping skills I have and the seriousness of abuses. I know that I could learn a lot of emotional regulation and mindfulness with all this. Coping skills I know is Emotional Intelligence, Emotional Literacy, Emotion Attunement, Mindfulness, Emotion Regulation, Distress Tolerance, and Interpersonal Effectiveness. I know that I had to accept myself and live with all I have because I know that people wants me to fall.

That's been my experience with traumas. Everyone hates me and I'm hyperviligant. And have Anxiety and PTSD. I have paranoid schizophrenic and everyone that I known has taken advantage of me. Is what I feel like saying. But they haven't, they tried to help out.

I am the ideal target for everyone and I am trying to use my coping skills to live a better life. I know that nobody wants me to be committed to living a power balanced, holistic lifestyle of an active dialysis patient. I know that I don't like too many phone calls and my other dad, Billy Morrison knows that. I don't like it when it's hinging or hovering over me like a burden. I know that I don't like it when people control me or dominate me. I know when they do it, I just got to stand up for myself when that happens.

I know people want me deindividuated, manipulated and hated. I know that they want me not to thrive or succeed. I am afraid of being held back because it has happened before. And I know that I'm being held back because of my dialysis. I know that in Eskasoni I was held back from bullies, fiends and addicts. I know that I wasn't really respected in any fashion, way or style.

I was full head on with my goals but apparently everyone had different plans for my money. I know that I never got my money back. I had enemies drugged out or just simply taking my money. As I lived in Eskasoni it was easy to spot out problems before they happened. I know that I had enemies everywhere in Eskasoni. I couldn't get a woman,  I never had any job prospects or education. I know that I was malnourished, constantly broke and hungry. I know that nobody cared for me in Eskasoni. I know that I wasn't well fed enough or had any help in straighten out my life.

The twenty year old verve I had about life was diminished quickly. I couldn't really enjoy myself in my own apartment. Comfy and cozy at Mawita'mk Society, I feel a debt of appreciation for Mawita'mk Society. I know that I have a good group home. I've been here eleven long happy years. But I have to caution.

Take precautions while I live there. But ever since I'd moved here I don't need any precautions. I am free to live, eat and sleep. But I know that I have to have a routine or I will fall out of my sleeping pattern. And wind up being off-schedule with everything. Violence has been the key ingredient to the recipe of disaster living in Eskasoni. Addiction and malnourishment, no accomplishments or thriving in Eskasoni. I was stagnant, quiescent and stuck there. All it was a cycle of addictions and pains. There wasn't living there.

I fear I won't be back to my hometown until everything is set, settle and fixed. There is so many reasons to get in shape. One of them is improved mood, improved flexibility and muscular physical fitness. And a good set of lungs. I would be stronger, more attractive and healthier looking. It would impress people that I'm taking care of myself well.

It would impress on them that Mawita'mk Society is such a motivator and it would show a vitality, richer health, sobriety, vibrancy and zest for life. I know that I would live my life in a good way at Mawita'mk Society. And it would mean that I have settled for this place for now. I know that Mawita'mk Society wants me healthier, stronger and physically strong. I know that I have a good understanding of exercises. And I know that I could do repetitions until I have a good sweating sessions of exercising. I know that it is a good motivator to improve on the mood, sense of purpose and humor.

I know that I never lived in health in Eskasoni but I was trying. I know that I never had any exercise equipments like how I have it at Mawita'mk Society. We'koqma'q gym don't want me and I know that they don't care for other people's health. I know that they don't want me to have affordable membership.

I feel that all these gyms in First Nation Communities have too many bullies, fiends and addicts there. I know that they don't want me to comfortably thrive in We'koqma'q community. I know that I have to go against gym bullies. Feeling that I never had any real connections to gyms. I want to use my home exercise equipments at Mawita'mk Society. I know that I'm not well liked in powers. I know that they want me power-deprived for the rest of my life. I know that I've done so many things that I could've had my own fitness if I kept going.

I know that I don't have any respect now. I think I might have some respect but not too much. I know for a while there Connie was treating me as an adult. But she soon stopped that. I know that there are Connie Rules and then Mawita'mk rules. It comes from Connie with the rules. And I don't really need to live here but I'm stuck here.

That is ruthlessness to a disabled man. I know that I don't get to express myself how I want to or say whatever I want because it's controlled by Mawita'mk Society. Nothing changes here but the same old treatment I get from Mawita'mk Society. Controlling my every move. Trying to make am impact in my world. And trying to control what I need. I know that my father Vincent Syliboy senior is something of a influential man in my life. So are so many others. I don't trust nobody.

Yeah I have a good group home but there could be hubris to that. I know that I don't get any respect for being an adult here because they would expect me to do the chores around the house. Like I'm contributing to the household. But I know that Connie or others don't want that to happen because they believe that I'm lazy. And that treatment alone works because I've earned my way but they don't want to even acknowledge my skills.

But I just got to be patient. I know that I have a good group home and they will soon realize, acknowledge and recognize my skills, abilities and independence. I know that I don't get recognize because I am not seen by anyone. I know there would be abuses and bullying there. 

I know that I want it to be safe enough in Eskasoni where I could return. But there isn't any magic button to make it safe. I know that I have enemies and they've left me in that state. I don't know how to get out of there. I need therapy for that and there isn't any. I know that I have to pray for forgiveness, healing and recuperating. Yes, I am nourished each day, three meals a day. But I need religion or Mi'kmaq spirituality to help me forgive them. I know there is a talking circle and I know that I never lived in safety in Eskasoni. 

I know that I want to get Mt NSCC Cooking Certificate and get my Red Seal papers in that. That way I wouldn't starve and I would be well educated, immersed and taught well cooking. I know that I want to have a good career with cooking specialty and have my Red Seal papers chef status. I know that after I get that I want to get my full driver's license and BA degree. So, I would try to work my truck off. When I do get my second transplant kidney I want to take off like a bat out of hell. I want to get my full driver's license and NSCC Cooking Certificate and Red Seal papers. 

Have a good comfortable career in that and switch it up by getting my BA degree. Hopefully, by then I would have a truck. Once this Covid-19 cases are down and we return to some kind of normal. I hope that I could have a good psychotherapist career and get into a good comfortable career with that. I would be the cooking psychotherapist. I would have my own office and kitchen in my building. With a small receptionist desk. 

After a 10 years in that I would enjoy a NSCC Plumbing Certificate and get my Red Seal papers in that. That way I could go for my Pipe Trade diploma. And get my Red Seal papers in that. Hopefully, I could always get my own used truck. I hope that by then I have enough money living at Mawita'mk Society to pay for a decent used truck. And have a brand new truck after a few years with my used truck. 

But I am living with Mawita'mk Society and waiting on a second kidney. That is my second chance. Nobody could determine my second chance by that. I know that my uncle Dodo tried to determine everything for me. I know that he hasn't really respected me in any fashion. I know that I don't have any protection in Eskasoni. It's not safe to return because I have so many enemies. My types of enemy is bullies, fiends, addicts. I know that I cannot say a gay morherfucker is an enemy or I would be labeled homophobe. 

I was raped by a giant of a man gay motherfucker. I couldn't really do much and I couldn't really enjoy myself in my own apartment, with the ladies. I couldn't really get my laid on because of Trent Nicholas.