The Canadian Psycho

I am Aboriginal and the people in power care less for me than what White Supremacy believes. The cruelty of the people in power are what I cannot stand. I know that we have a few Aboriginals in our Parliament. But I feel that I've lived an rich life because of so many Aboriginal people today have contributed to my life. In this racist, abusive and cruel society known as Canada. I haven't got a woman, a career, a full driver's license and truck. I am less desirable for the beauties that I cannot get because my fathers want a young fine thing. I know that I'm no one of such significance.

I know that I want to earn my way in this world but I'm on dialysis and I have to wait for the Transplant kidney committee to decide my fate. I know that I want to show my work this time around and have a good understanding of cooking, plumbing and cleaning in We'koqma'q community.

I know that I an no significance in We'koqma'q community because I haven't really done any work in a real long time in We'koqma'q community. I am not saying that I want my fathers to die but simply let me live my life. I could live without them and I know that I don't need them. I could get my full driver's license on my own now because my sisters let me drive. So, I think. I know that I want to let my fathers down softly. I want to be left alone with occasional visits like Christmas or the holidays. I don't want constant phone calls waking me up while I'm ready to go to sleep. I don't need that kind of acknowledgement. I need acknowledgement of my skills and abilities. My list of educational accomplishments and work ice done.

Yes! I am 36 years old and don't need a pesky father bothering me. I know that I'm trying really hard not to tell him off.

If I could get my full driver's license and credentials. I could do it myself, I don't care for losses. I cut my losses and keep moving on. I don't squander my life with Pettiness and Vengeance. I say that if you wanted a child, you've lost that opportunity long ago. Please respect me as an 36 years old because I know that you're lonely. Please find a woman without me. I don't want to be your consort, cohort or anything for that matter. I have a life of my own and I want to be treated with the respect I deserve.

You think that you get a special right to piss me off when you haven't been there for me for years? I hadn't gotten anything from you for years and all sudden you shower me with gifts and expect everything to be okay? I mean what possessed you to think that years of birthdays, Christmases and other occasions that I've enjoyed food with my family, you have the right to annoy me?
I mean yeah my stepfather Billie has earned that. He spent money on clothes, food, my own personal TV, my own bike, my own Playstation console and a litany of video games I used to have. He spent money on me like I'm his only son. Movies we had, the professional pool table and pinball machine. 

The Big Screen TV and V.C.Rs and other upgrades to the house. For years we all had the latest technology. A computer, WiFi capabilities and our own van. I feel that we've had an rich life back in the 90s. The 90s heaven he has created was perfect. The latest technology and electronics.

I needed him then but you weren't there. I know that I could live without you. And I know that I could live without Billy. He has taught me well. And I know that I want to enjoy you in my life but you have to understand that you're not in good standing with me. For years my stepfather bought me stuff.

He bought me customes, clothes, shoes, boots. Throughout the seasons he has bought me the appropriate clothes and as I was growing, I was learning that I don't really stop growing until I reach a certain height. Throughout the years he spent birthdays and Christmas. Throughout the years he has treated me well and wanted me to enjoy and be happy with my life. I had a rich life in the 90s with my stepfather, Billy Morrison. With Billy I had a good life. He shown me love on a daily basis. You gave me stockings and I cherished those. Every time you came by to let my cruise with you. I know that I had a good time.

Not I have Mawita'mk Society for all that. They provide for me and I know that I have a good home. I've healed here, I've recovered from malnourishment and addiction. I've had troubles in Eskasoni. I couldn't really enjoy myself in my own apartment.

You came and tried to force me to live with you. I know that I wanted my own place. And I know that you don't want to understand that I don't need you. Yes, I have took money, clothes and scarf from you. But I'm talking years in debt of not celebrating my birthdays, graduations and Christmases. That's years of New Year coming and going. Daily money giving. My stepfather gave us money after each chores was done.

I'm begging you don't try to compete because you would sorely lose. He has fought for me to get into IWK and we went on that shopping Spree. I kind of enjoy the arcades and picking stuff out. My uncles were there for my birthdays, my uncles and family.

I know that I want to have a list of graduations over the years. I want to graduate from Nova Scotia Graduated Driver's Licensing Program.
NSCC Plumbing Certificate program, ISSA-CANADA Cleaning Management Institute Custodial Technician Training Certificate program, NSCC Pipe Trade diploma program, CBU's Bachelor of Arts program and Red Seal programs. I know that I could get funding for NSCC Cooking Certificate program too. I don't want to do it all at once but rather over a span of years aimed at getting my Red Seal papers and diplomas, and getting my Expert level with Custodial Technician Training. I want to be a great reputable services to We'koqma'q community over the years I've stayed here. I want to build a good reputation in We'koqma'q community, over the years and have a good understanding of the Trades.

I know that Mawita'mk Society is a great way to save up money. I don't have to pay for anything other than my phone. But still by then I hope to purchase my own truck. I know how to fix a runny toilet.

You have to replace the flapper. I know that I've learned from my stepfather and on YouTube. I know what kind of pleasures I could enjoy on my own. I know that everyone don't want to leave me alone. I usually accept family but constant calls are annoying. I don't even communicate with my sisters that much let alone my father Vincent Syliboy senior being in my ear. Thats fucking annoying.

I love that kind of occasional calls like on Christmas or New Year. But constantly? God that is annoying. I know that I kind of snapped at him couple of times. I feel bad about that but I don't want constant phone calls. I need my privacy and independence and freedom. I know that I love them but I want to live my life independently, free from parental supervision and Mawita'mk supervision. I want to live my life how I see fit but my fathers wouldn't want that for me. Nor Mawita'mk Society or anyone.

I know that independence is thriving on my own. And living my life how I see fit. With the exception of getting my medicine and injection every now and again. I want to enjoy my music, video games and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. And other Netflix shows. Without interruptions and disruption. Look I know you love me and I am not that lonely. I just hope there is an understanding between us. I feel like I have a rich life of things to do. I don't need a nosey father coming around and bugging the hell out of me. You're not cute or my other father.

You abuse me by your treatments, Vincent. And I know it's not love but a sense of control over me. I get good treatments with my stepfather who has been there for me since day one. Sober, putting up with my shit and teaching, guiding and practically begging me to be good. I was a good child until I had to see you.