Skills and Art

The interrelationships of theory and practice comes from reality of professional socioeconomic environment. Mutually beneficial trades is something awesome but fungibly specious trades aren't. I know that I couldn't maintain my job because I was nephrologically declining. Work has always been giving opportunities to get full time employment and fringe benefits which minimum wage jobs always have. I know that I have traded with certain friends but I know that fair-weather friends aren't always there but at least they are gone when I need some alone time. Dysfunctional friends will be there for everything because I know that I have to be alert, awake and ready for anything.

I feel that I always had Dysfunctional Friends. I feel that I always had their back and wanted to fight by their side. I know that I never made anyone out to be anything. I wanted them to present or respresent what they feel.

Now I have a good life in We'koqma'q community where mutually beneficial trades are accessible and I get to keep my stuff. I know that I could've enjoyed that apartment in 74th street. But it has a great significance to me that is horrible. Rosie Basque didn't do a good job with protecting her tenants. I know that I couldn't really work because she professionally discriminated against me. I know that I want to have everything I need to live, work and drive in We'koqma'q community. The 7 years I was on my own was complete hell and I had to move. I know that all my school funding and Christmas bonus comes from Eskasoni.

Skills, experience and art is part of the interrelationships of theory and practice. But I know that I have the art down from my stepfather because I had remembered my own place with him. I know that I was taught a lot through Black & Decker books.

I know that skills and art comes with a little courtesy. I know that I had a lot of good memories with Mawita'mk Society but I want to thrive on my own. With trades there is a sell pitch and I know that if you work the negotiations with skills, art and a business/sociopolitical ear. I know that I've done so many things in my life that I know a thing or two about plumbing, landscaping labor and other skills that I could learn. I feel like I am enrich with knowledge because the Black and Decker books were a reminder of my mentored years with my stepfather.

I had practice and experience with my stepfather who knock the courage out of me. And I had to find it again, through practice and question. But my stepfather scolded me and tiraded me all through my teen years. But I had to soldier on and keep on trying. I know that I had a lot of criticism over the years. And my stepfather made me out an invalid.

My stepfather made me out to be an mental invalid and wanted me to remember the tirades, criticism and jokes. I feel like I couldn't do anything without him but he wanted me to be held back, indebted and no way to make the money back. I know that I had to learn off the Internet at my granny's house where Ray was living. And I had to move back home because I couldn't really enjoy myself at Paq'tnkek. I know that I wanted to be this skilled person who had experience in the interrelationships of theory and practice. I wanted that hands-on learning because it was gratifying to finish. I know that I'm not that smart about anything.

So, it seems. I feel that I could learn a lot from my stepfather, father, stepuncle and other stepuncle. It depends in who I'm with that I could perform. I feel that I had some experiences with trades through my uncles and other relatives.

I know that women hold that sexual aesthetic powers over me but I cannot get any because my time has come. I am disabled and protected. My brothers are just kids and I cannot rely on them for a good woman. I know that I don't want to rely on dysfunctional friends too. I should work out and walk no matter the weather. I sh0uld commit all the way through the shitty weather and still have rain coats, winter jackets and indoor calisthenics and exercises. If I don't want to exercise outside.

I have a good life but I don't know if I'm willing to give that up. I feel like I have a good group home and in that I have many good memories with Mawita'mk Society. I know that I don't have any love in my life. And in that I'm free and able to do what I want, how I want. I know that I have people that care for me but don't want to take a risk on me. I kind of feel trapped and stuck here.

But it was a beautiful day out and I went for a small walk. I know that I feel much better coming from a walk. I know that I am able to live how I want to because there isn't much love in society for someone like me. I have relationships books, pdfs on quality of love and types of loving. I know that I have been through a lot throughout my past years. But I never had any real lover. Or I don't have any black book on my phone for booty calls or anything. I know that I just look at porn and I don't have any sex professionals on my phone. I know that I don't have any past lovers on my phone either.

I know that I was working hard on getting a smartphone. I know that I don't want to screw up my credit with Bell. And I know that my sister has more people on her Facebook than me. I know that I don't have the driving experience of my sisters. And I don't have any friends or lovers on my phone.

I used to have a Walkman as I was walking around Paq'tnkek, growing up at certain places. My older cousins would kick whoever took my Walkman. I know that I had rock and roll on it. And I know that I had a stereo back home to keep me entertained. I know that I wasn't that attractive as a kid. So, I kept to myself and lived my life alone in my bedroom. My dad would keep me in the yard but I couldn't do any sports. So, I'd played Nintendo and Playstation. Me and my stepfather's gaming consoles. But as I grown, I watched many movies and learned a lot through TV shows and my stepfather's parenting. He was a father no matter what I put him through.

I know that I had a good backup with my cousins. I feel happy that they've protected me over the years. I know that I want to say thank you to my family for putting up with my shit. And thank you for protecting me.

I am no good fighter and the only market I'm allowed to go on is the job market. I know that if it doesn't make me money or isn't family, I'm not adding anyone on. I know that through association of Mawita'mk I had a few people on my Facebook. Cousins willing to keep in touch with me. My family lineage doesn't go that far on the family history. I know that my aunt Malege has been working on it throughout the years. I don't know when she started but I know that she has Ancestry and a physical copy of the lineage. I wonder if we could date back to the Great Depression, passing through the Dark Ages and before civilization.

I know that is how family trees could work through. I know that I want to go back that far in my family tree. I know that I hope that I could study genealogy and professional pedigrees of the family. I hope that somebody could explain my papers.

I know there is racism with all this. And I know that I cannot stop but work with a professional archiver. I hope that I could get a good genealogy and a good amount of education about my family. Over the years I have grown accustomed to domestic routines like cleaning and doing my chores at Mawita'mk Society, with my stepfather and stepmother. And I know that I have been thorough throughout my life with being respectful. I know that I had a ton of reasons, even a raison d'etre to live my life in Eskasoni.

But I know that the dark underbelly of my hometown was astounding. Nobody wanted me to succeed. And have financial control or any control over my life. I know that I hope that my nieces and nephews could tell the differences of society. But I know that I have a lot of enemies in Eskasoni. And they are spilling outside of Eskasoni. I know that I'm sort of welcomed in Eskasoni.

But I have too many bullies and I'm the nerd that had no hope. I feel like I don't have any respect from anyone. And I have to keep up with the charade. I am diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic and I don't have any lovers. I am educated though, trained and Certified
tradesman that is a Certified driver with an expired Beginner's license. But I know that I don't have anyone for anything. Like I do have friends that have booty calls. Nobody in my generation would help out at all. Confidence don't attract them. Being horny don't attract them. Being charming and dressing nice don't attract them. Smells don't attract them.

I am that experienced nerd of types of traumas and miseries. I know that good looking women have a good time. I don't because I am targeted and cannot fight because I haven't trained or exercised. I had bad influences from Shubenacadie Indian Residential School.

I am on dialysis and have no work to go to. I know that I've accomplished some things in my life. I do have a few milestones in my life. I know that I do not have any personal powers to control my life. I know that I'm stuck at Mawita'mk Society because I don't have any love. Even when Caprice was here I still couldn't live my life how I wanted. I know that I'm not the first choice for women because I'm not that attractive. And I know that my older brothers were my access to life. I don't bitch or holler. I am neutral in all this and I don't have any friends thats willing to go through anything with me.

I know that I never have anyone hot. I feel like I'm stuck at Mawita'mk Society because I don't have any sanity. I cannot self-prompt and self-start my day. Yesterday I was doing pretty good. I had a lot of good reasons to walk down the stop sign. I know that I had a good day today. I'd walked around.

I have to have faith in the Lord. And believe that He is giving me strength. I know that I had been alone all my life. But I know that I was taught the joys of living my life alone. 

Alone I could have my nieces and nephews visit any time. I could be free to work on my trades or skills. I could keep writing poems and blogs. I could exercise and train with certain people. I could play Playstation consoles and Xbox 360 gaming system. I could keep working on my physical aspect of my independence. My heart isn't broken into a million pieces. I don't have to listen to nags or anything girly. I don't have to worry about impregnating a woman. I don't have to worry about my looks all the time.

I got all this free time to be lazy. To be working on myself in ways of fitness, of Mi'kmaq politicking and of course, courses and a second transplant kidney. I know that I want to see myself with another person. 

But my grandmother would tell me to never give up. I know that I'm happy where I'm at for now. But I know that I want to work on myself like a driver's license and fitness. My economical aspect of independence and education. I know that I hadn't found anyone that is willing to date me. I know that I've learned emotional intelligence through relationships and forms of therapy. But I have a rich life where I need to stay here. Because of dialysis and medical problems, I have to stay here. My reporting isn't that great. 

I know I'd tried to be a bad ass but that only attracted more bullies. I know that I'd tried the laid-back approach but weed got me diagnosed. I know that I tried to go through friends but they were just as dysfunctionally helpless as me. And tried to get me into troubles with the law. 

I know that I did not have any luck with the ladies because the ladies see me as a reject. So, while I'm stuck here. I have to face couple realities. And I know that I'm happy where I'm at so I might as well enjoy it. 

People only bully me because I don't fight. I have to train for that and work out with all that. I know that I don't get any conditioning going as long as some people would. I know that I'm hated and bullied on. I'm only liked because I'm weak, pathetic and have access to fast cash. When I'm vindictive and training, people stop me from accomplishing my goals.