The Reason I Don't Talk

First off I don't know anyone here. This isn't my hometown. I don't even know anyone in my hometown. I know a few people in Eskasoni and that is a limited amount of people. I want to make my own restaurant building with a studio apartment on top: an fitness area, a bathroom, kitchen, living room, dining room, bedroom and Spacemaker Washer and Dryer in the bathroom. Build my own style of soundproof studio apartment.

I would have two office space. If I could save up for a restaurant business in We'koqma'q community. I know that I am put down because I am a general former addict. I know that I don't need anyone's financial advises. I know that this was supposed to be my own income where I have a good cooking experience in first. And than I would try to make recipes for Traditional Cooking with NSCC Strait Campus. Nobody has talked to me in any way.

My older brother has talked to me in ways but I cannot hold a conversation on my own with a female because I'm no conversationalist. I don't know what they say to me when they are in the mood of conversation. I know that I'm always left out and don't have any sex here because I don't have any dates. I'm a intellectual bachelor who has epistemic curiosity and a few accomplishments in my life.

When my brother was alive he would get all the girls. And I was left out of everything and had to be self-contained. Learning my opportunities to play video games and watch my TV shows. I knew that I did not have that much conversation in my time. My uncle Dodo has been able to make me engaged in political conversations. But nobody else but him. Here I only use Mawita'mk Society for a soundboard and I want to figure out what I want out of my life.

I don't engage in conversations with them because I am less of a person because I am a genetic freak. I know how people think and I know that nobody finds history, philosophy, politics, video games, philosophy of Diversity, philosophy of Dignity of Labour, sexism, favoritism, nepotism, intercultural racism through colourism, ableism, classism and elitism. Some topic of conversations that I used to engage in. There is the History of Western Philosophy, Confessions of a Philosopher and Dialogues of Plato that they could be reading. And finding engaging topics of conversations in my life.

I am stuck here because I don't enjoy the conversations here. I don't like to engage in anything. I know there was conversations about Kleptocracy, thievocracy, plutocracy or plutarchy, oligarchy, narcokleptocracy, technocracy, theocracy, democracy, timocracy, monocracy, gynocracy, autocracy.
Just to name a few topics of educational conversations. But I know that there are politically  scientific books I want to get so I could work at that too. What if Nova Scotia became a diverse Thalassocracy. And we earn a good living from Native Fisheries, Oceans and Treaties. Am I too intelligent for some ladies, probably. And do I want a well knowledgeable and educated person at my side, yes. I want a lover who can reason or simply do the fitness training and is smart. 

Tinder might find me a good lady. Epistemologically speaking everyone has intelligence and they are smart in their own way.

I know that I have a lot of good reasons to stay. I could talk about my past with a worker and have my thinking corrected. I could move back home because my paranoia is mine alone. I don't want to deal with another person's criticism.

I had women before and that was exciting to think that I could have a potential relationship. But I know that I wasn't ready yet, I wanted to have some fun. I know that I was enriched in ways of family resources and my stepfather's family pop bottles business. A small community business in the summertime that would get me out picking. I know that I've done a lot with his yard, his plumbing, building, installing, cleaning, baking, doing. I know that he was a person I aspire to be. My brother used to dumbified me in my thinking to lower me down from astrophysics level of knowledge and deep philosophy level to a lower school level. He was older so I couldn't really practice my math to that level.

I have healthy coping skills and strategies that could help out in the future. I know that I want to have everything I need to live my life in We'koqma'q independently. I want to have my second transplant kidney, my fitness.

I want to grow accustomed to making fitness part of my daily routine. But I need to flip the thought and see it on its other side. I know that I had a bunch of good reasons to stay at We'koqma'q community but Eskasoni is my hometown and they are growing. They seem to have economic developments in its infrastructure and have a better grip on their finances. I know that I want to be left alone reading my books, playing my video games and watching movies or TV. I know that now I am on dialysis and I want to get a good job in Eskasoni Tim Hortons. But I want to go out on a date.

I know that I hadn't been getting laid since I came here, twelve years. Now I am on Tinder and hopefully, I can get a few dates and get laid at some point. I don't feel too ugly now and I know that I hadn't much thought to this Tinder. I have social media accounts but this is something new.

The WiFi isn't working too well now and I hope that they do get Fiber Opts cable. I know that I hope that we could get on Wi-Fi again. I know that I like Kendra and Darren, and that I want to have everything I need to live my life in We'koqma'q independently. Like a second transplant kidney, my fitness and routines. I know that I have went for a walk today. And in that I got my coffee and ride up from Gerard. I know that I want all the opportunities I can have for dating. But I want to go back home because there is a lot of benefits living in Eskasoni now.

I know that I could learn much as I can as a bachelor. Learn emotional relationship tips and advises from my dates. I know that I have a bunch of good reasons to stay but too, I have a growing amount of reasons to move back. Not right now because I have been living here and enjoying their outings. I know that I want to enjoy that again.

And enjoy visiting my family and sisters and cousins. I know that I have good influences in my life. I know that I have a good family relationships with my cousins, sisters and brothers. I have a lot of cousins I want to visit. And I want to enjoy my aunties' places with a small cup of tea and cookies. I hope that I could because I know that here I have it made. I know that I care a lot about my family and I take great pride in them because I am egalitarian. I know that I was taught to be careful with what I say and see Dignity of Labour philosophy, Philosophy of Diversity and to accept all walks of life. With the seven sacred teachings and traditional practices of forgiveness.

I know that there is power of appreciation through visiting my sisters and family. I feel that I could get my Darken Emotional Sanity and have my days off with my sisters. A day visit or something.

I know that I'm a descendant of Indian Residential School survivors and in that I know that I have a responsibility to carry my facts with me. I know that I have to learn about the shared histories of my people and the Native Country. The reasons to move is growing and developing because of all the services and businesses in Eskasoni. I know that I miss living in Eskasoni. And I don't want to get up that easily. I know that I've talked with Darren about it. I know that we talked this out.

I know that since I am on dialysis, I know that I won't be able to secure a ride to Sydney dialysis. I know that I had a growing interest in moving back but I know that it's dialysis issue that I cannot overcome. I know that I have it really good here and in that I know I want to be successful, accomplished and published here. I've been here for twelve years and I know all the benefits of living here.

I feel that I have been tormented by this notion to have my own place in Eskasoni. My own independence and freedom in my own place without anyone checking up on me. I know that I care about this place and I know that we go out on outings, trips and vacations. I know that I have had clothing checks and Confort Allowance. I know that my online banking is safe and I know that I have been living here with home services like a toilet, WiFi, cable, electricity, indoor plumbing and radio.

I am poor in financial ways but I know that I'm rich in other ways. I know that I have a good head on my shoulders and enjoy reading when I can. I know that I have been living at Mawita'mk Society for twelve years but I cannot wait for these Covid-19 restrictions to be lifted. I feel that I could go visit my sisters soon and hopefully, my fathers. I know that I care for the family.

I feel that I had struggles before but now I'm learning to express myself. Learning emotional literacy to my pains and beginning to make words meaningful. I know that I'm not that attractive but I don't think that I could get a good woman because it's all superficial. One good look at me and I'm nothing to the ladies. But if they want they could meet me at We'koqma'q Tim Hortons.

I know that I've built a good life here and have a good home. I know that I'm waiting on something to do with Mike MacInnis or We'koqma'q Tim Hortons. If I had both and a car, I could drive to Eskasoni anytime I want and have the best of both worlds. I know that I have a bunch of good reasons to stay here. I have Judo referee specialist Certificate to get, I have Retail Council of Canada courses to get and We'koqma'q Tim Hortons training. I could keep building a life here and build it pretty good.

Well established routines and work, I could be very happy where I'm at. I know that I have a lot of good reasons to stay, because I could build a really good life with my Sensei Mike MacInnis and We'koqma'q Tim Hortons. Through We'koqma'q Tim Hortons I could try to get Retail Council of Canada courses and ISSA-CANADA Cleaning Management Institute Custodial Technician Training Certificate. That way I could get a good professional Certificates.

I hope that I could be productive while on dialysis. I know that I could have a really good life built here and work with Mike MacInnis to settle with this place. I know that I have been positively influenced, positively encouraged and positively impacted in ways of Mawita'mk Society, Theresa Cremo Memorial Health Center and We'koqma'q Tim Hortons. I know that I could get a bunch of Credentials hanging on my wall.

With Sensei Mike MacInnis I could learn all the forms and styles of Judo. And have practical training with him and get Certified in Judo Referee Specialist. I know that I could learn much with Mike MacInnis' help. I could have a bunch of credentials hanging on my wall with his help. I could have more memorable moments here and work towards a lot of credentials in my time on dialysis. I could get certified in We'koqma'q Prevention program and get my DBT Skills Training Certificate. And become independent teacher of Dialectal Behavioral Therapy. I am grieving now because of a few losses but doing all this with Mike MacInnis could refreshen my perspective on doing stuff.

I have coping skills that Mike MacInnis has taught me. And learning all these things in the years to come. I know that I have a bright future with We'koqma'q community because I could relate, be sociable and skilled.

I know that I could have a bunch more memorable moments in We'koqma'q community. I know that I could get my full driver's license, I could get my BA, I could get my Certificates and Accreditations. I could get a good start with Mike MacInnis. I know that I could build a more happy life through Mike MacInnis, We'koqma'q Tim Hortons and Mawita'mk Society. I know that I could learn as much as I can with everything I need to, to work as an Certified Instructor of DBT, Judo referee specialist and Professional We'koqma'q Tim Hortons team member.

I could get Certify in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Dialectal Behavioral Therapy, Retail Council of Canada courses, ISSA-CANADA Cleaning Management Institute Custodial Technician Training program, We'koqma'q Prevention program, We'koqma'q Tim Hortons team member and Judo Refereeing Specialist training. I started all of this back in 2021. 

With volitional freedom, adult independence, personal liberty and sexual attractiveness. I want to improve on my sexual attractiveness through fitness which I hope that I'm attractive in ways. I know that I want to enjoy sex and dating. I hope that I could be confident in my searches of ladies in Tinder. But I know that I'm learning psychological tools for healthy coping. Dyscontrol and emotion dysregulation is something that I'm learning. The doctors that I'm learning from are people like Dr. John Gottman, Dr. Tara Bennett-Goleman, Dr. Marsha Linehan, Dr. Tian Dayton and Dr. Daniel Goleman. And other doctors I hope that I could learn from.

I know that I understand these terms and concepts because I know that I have a large vocabulary and other printouts for my reference. I feel that I have a rich opportunities in We'koqma'q community to get my credentials. I know that personal development is personal enhancement of skills set like life skills, trade skills, survival skills, driving skills, job skills and career skills. I know that I ha.ve learned financial skills and budgeting through Raf's We'koqma'q Adult Essential Skills Enhancement Program. And I know that I have learned Graduate Math in Adult Learning Program from Nova Scotia Community College.

I know a thing or two with finance but I know that I was stupefied in ways where I couldn't really use my skills. Following recipes and buying groceries wasn't my way at Eskasoni. But now with the new and improved me, I am living a good life in We'koqma'q community where I'm cooking breakfast. And learning to cook.