Active Mind, What Seem Immersive

In order for something to seem immersive back in my day, first you had to get into it and work at puzzles and mathematics. I knew that I would lose certain keenness of my faculties and in that I wouldn't of learned the physical consequences of addictions. I knew that I was learning, expanding my mind and perceiving what I could while I was high. The limited perception I have as an Civilian is something that I do not enjoy. Everything I've learned suggest something deeper with other problems. I don't want to get into deeper problems of everyone because I know that I'm still at a researcher level of knowledge. I know that I'm still learning about the world and in that I did not have my own collection of books back in Eskasoni.

I did not have my own collection of books and credentials until I'd moved out. I know that I was something handy in repair books. But I know that I never used my skills set.

Not for a long time. I have no love to talk about and I have no car or job. I know that I've been alone most of my life and in that I had to learn to take the bad with the good. Not with women of course, I had to earn, prove and do what I could without learning it first. I was deprived of books, knowledge and traditional practices of my people. I couldn't really afford my own collection because my stepfather didn't want me to have any knowledge. Epistemologically speaking he'd controlled and patrolled every information that came my way. Knowledge wasn't freed and I had to ask him.

I know that I'm still learning a lot through these books. My life was filled with horrible things instead of love. I know that I have too many enemies and traumatic experiences over a couple decades in Eskasoni. A decade is ten years in Eskasoni and I know that I was in Eskasoni since I was a baby.

So when I'd reached ten years old in Eskasoni I had the collective wisdom of AA, NA and Eskasoni NADACA Mi'kmaq Lodge Treatment Center, Eskasoni Elementary and Middle school, had tutoring and traditional practices of traditionalists. I had collective wisdom of the family, community and Church. I know that I was taught the good influences of my people. And in that I know that I've learned the depths of ethics, neuroethics and moral philosophy. I've talked about the reasons why Churches were in our community, the pillars of our cultural  Hometown is the Church, Schools, Band Office and services that have been built for the sole purpose of strengthening social fabric.

But I knew that I had a certain way with my attitude towards elderlies. I knew that anything that I needed could be researched on my computer or phone. I could read because Joe Mckenzie tutored me.
Once I get back to those better conditions in my life I would try to move back to Eskasoni. 

The way they have my attitude towards Eskasoni is hard to get rid of. I know that I could forgive and move on. I know it's part of my healing to talk about the traumatic experiences I'd had over the years. I know that I could learn to cope and use my life skills in a daily routine. I've worked for many years on myself and I had many support over the years. But I want to live by myself because I could spend my time how I see fit. I hope that I could keep all my contacts but I know that I want to move out on my own.

See? Here my time isn't mine because Mawita'mk Society has me trained or domesticated like a real tool of emotions. I know that I never needed elders in my life, I know that I didn't need other people's opinions or knowledge. I know everything I needed to live a standard level of life.

Ohyes I so call needed to rely on the community for rides only. I did not need that much because my thing was books. I knew that I needed books because I knew that I needed information and the real knowledge instead of opinions. I know that I have something of a cultural knowledge, Indigenous nerd life experiences and trade skills. That's what I always had because I know that I had variety of knowledge in my life to have trade skills, CBU BA degree level of knowledge and deep philosophy level of happiness and appreciation. I always had a passions for my own muscles, books and writing.

With addictions I've been struggling lately with wanting to go back to the old ways. I want to improve the purpose and workethic so that way I could have a sense of purpose in groceries, clothes, shoes, slippers, steel toe boots, coats and jackets, cleaning supplies.

I know that I hadn't went shopping since I got my online accounts with Amazon, Indigo and other social media networks accounts. That tool of emotions they created in me is something based on ageism. I cannot have personal powers to pursue the truth because they've taken away my ability to use my skills. I know that I don't like it when everyone is against me. I feel disrespected in ways because I know that they want control. They mention certain things like not talking or having an attitude problem. And work it into their control or range of influence.

I know that I don't need anyone telling me things. They could leave it alone but some women cannot like some men cannot. I know that I'm not really respected in any way because I know that I cannot joke around or have any bad day. I cannot be free here because I know that they won't allow any negative inherent bias in my life.

Or let things be because their need to control, influence and patrol. I know that if I have any active mind, things would seem immersive and interesting. Holding my attention in the book. I know that I don't get to talk about psychological literature or works. I know that most people wouldn't be interested in psychological works of doctors. When I can I would try to develop an conversation that has interesting facts about the psychological works of doctors. But I know that I'm still learning certain works and literature.

Blind belief in authority is the enemy of truth. I know that I have been a critic for Mawita'mk Society. Some things I don't have to accept but figure out how to explain it. There are plenty of ways to consider a critique that is fairly constructive, constructed and built on truth. I know there are bullying at Mawita'mk Society. And I know that I don't trust it that much.

But I'm surely growing accustomed to Mawita'mk life. I could come up with a critique of their styles and philosophy in ways of having Mawita'mk run. I know that she has been generous with certain things. I know that I'm still a client and in that I have to obey certain rules and regulations. But that saying "Blind belief in authority is the enemy of truth" is my worry because I feel that's what they want. They don't want me to think on my feet or work my brain. They joke in bullying to feel good. That means they aren't comfortable around me. I know that I'm still learning about my residency or rights I should have in my residency. The fact that I'm living at this place is my residency and I know that the conditions that I live in is wonderful.

But I think I have to keep them supported much as they support me. I know that there are stages of acceptance in learning about this place. I accept the conditions.

I accept the staff and environment. Mutually beneficial I know that I could support if I know how to work it into a good relationship. If it isn't mutually beneficial than you could say that you are cheating the person out of certain factors. Giving a good understanding of your personal resources and finances. I know that the truth no matter where it is, is such a brilliant idea of solid relationships. An idea is bleedless, an idea can survive book burning and anything that the people and weather throw at it. I know that an idea can weather through any storms or conditions.

I know that I cannot rely on anybody for something interesting as psychology. I feel that people have no interest in learning anything but their own gossips and potential cheating partner. I know that I'm not really happy with where I'm at because there is much patrolling. I know that I cannot bring a girl after a girl into my bedroom.

I know that I want dates. I want to go out with somebody, practice courtship and woe slowly. But everything I know about online dating, I know that I want to have a good couple of dates. Feeling that I could have a couple good dates with the apps I have. Building on that I could learn about relationships through Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Tian Dayton. Learning about coping skills and other books, I know that I could repeat once done. Throughout my life I've been independent, not relying on elders for cash or anything. I've earned my first radio and Walkman by doing my summer job as a Recycling laborer.

But I know that I had a lot good influences outside of my home. I know all the life skills I need. I know all the benefits of living here. But I want to earn my own cost of living with a good job. I know that I need to move back home.

But I know that I would be bombarded with everything. The addicts, the fiends, the thieves and bullies. Targeting me is a good thing for these kinds of people. I know when I'm getting targeted and it feels like I cannot think of anything. Every forced opportunities I had was caused by someone bigger than me or better than me. I know that I did not have any chances to survive the beatdowns they would engendered. I know that I don't have any formidable strengths and powers. I know that the research is against me, I know that my fathers cannot be trusted, I know that my family are dysfunctional. And I know that I don't have anything special like Basketball or baseball or hockey.

I am nobody in the women's eyes. I know that no dating apps will help out. All the missed opportunities I had with women and the love isn't enough scenarios. I know that I don't have any lovin'. I'm lovable because I don't have any toughness proven. I know that I'm not the formidable one. I'd faced humiliation on a daily. 

Well almost every time I have to rely on somebody. I know that I don't want to be comfortably thriving while relying on certain workers here. I know the rules and regulations. I just don't want to follow it. I know that I had enough of this place and in that I know that I want to have a independent life of my own. I know that they've made me timid and meek. I feel that they don't want me thriving because they want to take every opportunity and take away from me. That's what I feel.