Tough and Independent

You could say that I was tough and independent for keeping at pop bottles and jobs around the community. I did not say that I was tired once even though I was. But I know now I could try to get a good job. There isn't any guarantee that I would get a job. I know that I'm still trying to develop personally and independently. I feel that I have been trying to walk more but my right leg is bothering me. I'd broke it and have to keep working at it.

But I know the hyper-reality of hypersexuality. I know that hypergamy is the social reality. I know that I don't have any respect or love from anyone in Eskasoni. I feel that I wanted one girl but apparently I don't have any choices in that matter. I know for the most parts of my life I have choices and willpower. I know that I wouldn't make it out alive in the real world because Mawita'mk Society is languishing me.

I know that I just have love from family and dysfunctional friends. I know that I want to gather up enough business knowledge in order to get into deeper business understanding. Hopefully, I can talk professionally and hopefully I can do business professionally. I want that business professionalism and entrepreneurship of a good business leader. I want to build JP Crew Love Lounge Bar at Membertou. Learn from the best and get a good understanding of business professionalism and business management from Cape Breton University. I want to have all that knowledge business wise. A gaming and gambling place with fantasy bar and little fantasy and family restaurant areas across a good portion of the lounge.

A pool tables and pinball machines with slot machines, rooms for prize cash competition. And a betting circle on sports.

My sister Katt has a good understanding of drinks. And I know that I could read about the essence of entrepreneurship and market behavior. I could get some inkling of business. But I know that I need CBU's BACS program in business major. But that is fantasy and I have books to read. I know that I have been learning about trauma and addictions. Not that I don't have experiences in all that. I know that alongside my grieving and losses I've lost my goals and driving goals. I know that I don't have any respect in that matter.

I know that Ray is supposed to be my first cousin. I have plenty of First Cousins. I have aunties and uncles that are not bullies. They protect and love. But Ray is my first cousin who has known me for years closely. I feel that I never had any connections to work. I know that I don't have any respect or real connections to work in Eskasoni.

I used to be tough and independent. I used to want to do everything by myself. I think I'm still tough and independent but I want to be smart about it. I know that Eskasoni isn't such a good place for me because I have enemies there. I know that my stuff would be stolen, broken or damaged in some fashion or way in Eskasoni. I know that my stuff wouldn't be safe or secured in Eskasoni. I know that I am not formidable in any way because I was held back from so much. Feeling that I couldn't really enjoy myself in Eskasoni I feel that I wouldn't be able to have a decent life there.

I know that I could do a lot inmy day in Eskasoni when I was in my older teen years to my twenties. I was on my own for 7 years, 2003 from 2010. I would've proven myself by doing and earning. Doing schoolings and earning through work. And prove myself by doing and earning.

What does Mawita'mk Society mean to me? A more responsible, respectful and meaningful support system and a real connections to jobs and education. The idea behind Mawita'mk is to support them as much as they can with individual goals, not to hold back us. Mawita'mk Society is my access to the outside outings, Internet, cable and phones. Mawita'mk Society means I could have a comfortable home with food and transportation. Have a good life at Ni'kinen house and still be independent. I just got to work with them for a good amount of time and deal with them on their level of life skills competencies.

It means that I'm recognized as a human being in their eyes. And have needs and wants for independent living. I want to move out of Mawita'mk Society's care once I have all I need in order. I want my fitness and my second transplant kidney.

Being tough, smart, brave and independent means that I could get everything I need for independent living here and work on my fitness, second transplant kidney, full driver's license, job, degrees and Certificates. I want to have everything I can possibly get with the kind of support at Mawita'mk Society. I want to be self-reliant in ways of having my own car, job and full driver's license. I want to be thoroughly trained to drive. I want to have all these driving credentials and licenses where I have been  through a good deal of training for driving. I want to have that much education and training in driving that I have a lot of driving school Certificates and licenses for Chaffeur, taxi, delivery and transport.

I know that I want to have a trade to fall back on. Or use as another income like a side business. I know that I want to start with Nova Scotia Graduated Driver's Licensing Program.

I'm revidescent, unremarkable and terribly plain. I have no level of employability or sports. I know that in We'koqma'q community I'm unremarkable. And in Eskasoni I'm still unremarkable because I know that I don't have any sports skills or career in anything. I was left out of the equation and nobody wanted me to remember succeess. I never had any real connections to jobs or anything in Eskasoni. Still in We'koqma'q community I don't think I'm employable. I had people tell me that I don't have what it takes to be part of their organization. I know there is a job discriminations happening in my life.

I know under the oppressive regime of the Morrison I was left to my own loneliness and addictions. I never had any women after me and I did not have any smartphone. Resilience to live my life has been a constant reminder. I know that I did not get thr benefits of a parent because I had to earn my way.

Always earning minimum wage and not getting enough. I know that I don't have my full driver's license yet because my stepfather deems it not fit to have all this online. But I know that he cares and wants the best out of my life. But he hasn't proven that in terms of work and driving. I know that I'm struggling with weight and self-esteem these days but I am confident and happy here. Now I have opportunities here that wouldn't be in Eskasoni. I am taking full advantage of Mawita'mk Society's care and support, using it to get my full driver's license and fitness. And have my body well exercised for a good healthy lifestyle.

Having fitness as a recreational activities is a good thing. I know that I could work on my body weight training today for calisthenics and forms of exercises. I hope that I could condition my body for a good flexible muscular fitness lifestyle.

I want to condition my body through regular fitness and forms of exercises to a muscular physical fitness. I want to be a picture of health and happiness. I know that I don't get to participate in this community unless I change my band status. I know that I'm still wanting to move back home and do everything I want to since Eskasoni Public Transits Service is in place. I know that I could get a mailbox I hope and a civic address. If I was to move back to one of my old apartments I hope that I could work something out. I know that now isn't the time for change. And I know that people would keep making excuses up for me not to live in Eskasoni.

God I wish I could get my old apartment on 74th street. I do miss living there because I used to do pop bottles. I know that those days were my last days of sanity. I know that I wouldn't be able to live in Eskasoni.

A guy like me is a nerdy little nobody that never had any real connections or respect from anything. I know that I was held back from everything. And I know that nobody cared for me in any sense other than what made them look good. That's all they were interested in because I did not know any techniques or sports. My uncle could put me in a good headset. I know that I've been taught by him and my stepfather's family. I feel that I want to have everything I need to live an independent life outside.

I know that I want to start my day early in the morning. Start a good walk at 6 am to We'koqma'q Tim Hortons and walk back. Have a good breakfast there and have my coffee in hand. Today is such a good day. I feel rich with good feelings, good health and a good meal. I know that I have to be patient because I don't have my full driver's license yet.

I'm happy that I got a good meal at We'koqma'q Tim Hortons. I show a work ethic but nobody commends me on a good job in the professional world. I know that I don't have the right sense of purpose, job satisfaction, workethic and dedication and pride in my job to have a good work performance and quality of work. Obviously I never had any real connections to jobs or never had any chances to get a good job. I know that I was discriminated against because I was properly involved or supported.

But I don't do it because I want praise. I want to have a real good strong sense of purpose, workethic, pride in my job, dedication and job satisfaction. The level of happiness I would have with having a job. Simple appreciation and being glad because I got a good job, a good home and a secured good food. I don't have to worry about anyone stealing anything.

I know that I'm still not getting enough deep sleep because I don't do anything during the day I am here. I get sleep but not that well deep sleep because I want to do stuff during my days here. I know that in my twenties I used to do stuff. I used to work harder each day and have my life active during the day. I know that I'm still wondering if I should move because of so many good things in Eskasoni. I know that I'm still Eskasoni proud and I hope for the best for my hometown community.

I know that I believe in my hometown because I've had a good upbringing in ways of knowledge and music. I know that I have been living at Mawita'mk Society for twelve years but I feel like I could thrive in my hometown. I know that I want to move back when I do get my own car, job and place in Eskasoni. It seems though my life is coming together even better each year here.

The more I stay here the more it keeps getting better every year. And I hope that I could get a good woman because I am lonely. I know that I want to take them out on couple dates. And I know that I want to personally develop my fitness conditioning to a muscular physical fitness of my body. I want to have a job here, a car and a full driver's license after I get my second transplant kidney.

I have to keep showing up to dialysis and keep working on my weight. I hope that I could invest in myself in conditioning my body to a better physical health. Toughness is being strong enough to go through walking long and fitness regimen to gain muscles and to go through adverse conditions and roughness to gain some fitness. I know that I need a job because I've been through a lot. I don't want to give up my smartphone. But I hope that I have options for payments.

I got a letter from the credit company and I know that my sister says she's going to do something. I hope that she gets stuff done because I want this bill eradicated. I want it to be paid and done. I know that this phone bill will be something terrible experience, of credit and my name. I hope that I could get a good enough job and have this bill paid. I know that I don't have any job prospects yet. I hope that I could get a good job  like We'koqma'q Tim Hortons. And get a good pay from the best. I know that I don't have any help with this phone bill.

I have no job and my sisters are using my name for their phones. I feel that they've taken everything that is mine. A good name and a good paying job. Well they haven't taken that but I know that I want to enjoy my smartphone. Right now I cannot because of this bill. I know that I have to keep faith in my sisters.

I'm on dialysis and don't have any job. I know that I'm not in the perfect health to earn a good living. Most of my time is spent doing Dialysis.