Could've Been My Greatest Triumphant Recovery

I know that in Eskasoni I wanted to stay in that apartment in 74 street. I know that could've been my greatest triumphant recovery where I was settling for that apartment. I know that I could've made that home my own and build a life there with all this Taxi Service and schooling. I know that I could've been easily convinced I couldn't do it because of Norma Gould, Mike MacInnis and my family saying I couldn't do it. I could've made that apartment my greatest success. I know that I never was changed in any way because I had too many enemies in Eskasoni that wanted me to suffer.

I had to endure because there was no meaning for love. Nobody wanted me to succeed or thrive because they wanted me to have a family so that way everyone could cheat with each other. I did not want that for myself. I wanted to develop, grow and thrive in my own hometown apartment.

I wanted to learn much as I can with books I've purchased and bought. But Rosie Basque would control my purchases and what I could do with the apartment. I know that I couldn't do much because I did nor have enough money saved up for a car or garage-like shed. I know that I wanted to have something like that at that apartment. I know that I'd let people walk all over me and I did not have any will to fight back because they wanted my food and money more. I got malnourished, unsafe and couldn't accomplish anything in Eskasoni. I know that I was stuck in stagnation because of certain employers wouldn't allow for me to work.

Now I want to wait until I do used all my avenues up here and I have a new fitness, new transplant kidney, full driver's license, careers and accomplishments, milestones and landmarks, achievements and licenses. I want to have my life like that.

Usually I write things down before I do them. But this time because of certain cultural ageism affecting me. I have to settle for what I have now because of certain factors that is stopping me. I know that people want to find me out but I don't want to be found out. I want to keep my privacy and live my life how I see fit. Eventually I will find a woman that respects that and want to have a good relationship with me. I want to wait for the right woman to cross my path and have her explore what I already know.

It's alright once I have my car I would drive on out of here and move to Halifax or Dartmouth. My sister lives there, maybe I could be her neighbor. I know that I'm still working on aspects of my independence. And hopefully I can get a renewed second life. I know that I want a more permanent place in New York. But I have people telling me that I would be torn apart there.

I know that I wanted to spend my twenties in colleges and universities. And have stepping jobs. But I was at a time when Eskasoni didn't have any Eskasoni Communications company or anything. I know that I want to live my life in a place where I could thrive. And I know that I want to start several businesses that way I could have connections and network through Facebook, LinkedIn, Tumblr, Twitter, Snapchat, Tik Tok commercials and other social medias.

I want to have professional experiences where I have jobs in We'koqma'q and Membertou. Where I have credentials and licenses in my possession. I know that I have a good group home but I want to test my knowledge with certain programs. I know that I want to do so much in my time in We'koqma'q community. Growing personally in We'koqma'q I have relearned that I need a job and credentials.

I want to test my knowledge of cars in NSCC Automobile Service and Repair Certificate program, I want to test my knowledge in Pipe systems in NSCC Plumbing Certificate program. I want to test my knowledge in landscaping laboring in NSCC Horticulture and Landscape Technology diploma program. I know that Eskasoni is looking good because of the services and companies that are being built there. Eskasoni is growing into a more self-sustainable, First Nation infrastructural/cultural community where we are ever-expanding and building businesses in this community. And services and buildings.

I want to move back because they have a Eskasoni Public Transits Service, Medical Taxi, Bus services and family there. I know that I could rely on Eskasoni for rides but I don't want to be stuck. I want to get my full driver's license.

I know that I have been trying to find the motives to exercise in a healthy way. I know that I was discriminated as an addict and hated nerd. I know that I didn't make the cut for some people. I know that I hadn't fought in years and yeah, I might've lost some edge to my personal development because I was a transplant kidney patient. I know that certain battles mean that this life is over and in that I would carry myself with heavy regrets. I know that I want to live a life where I'm left alone and enjoying myself. I don't want to fight because I would be going back to the cycle of abuse, vengeance and quite possibly death.

I have been an addict and I know that now I have enemies that would see me coming. But I know that I wouldn't have a chance unless I train in vengeance. Abusive, tirading and hateful. I would be able to take a life if I go back. I know that a community reaction would be against me.

And in that I would be defending myself against families and friends. I know how my hometown works. And I know how I have to train for their hatred and animosity. I know that is why I rather peace because it's harder to get vengeance while you have a large family. I know that I would get the reactions of family, friends and enemies. A community would be against me and I know that I would have to protect my nieces and nephews. But I think that learning coping skills have changed my perspective on vengeance. And in that i have been learning to apply it to my life.

I know the kind of reactions I would get out of people would be abhorrence. I see that I would torture and beat but that is a preferred fantasy. I know that I was picked on and traumatized while I lived by myself. I know that to settle my vengeance I would have to do something that would make me a monster.

Death isn't the only answer, there are many coping skills, strategies and tips to combat that anger and frustration. I know DBT Skills Training Manual is mine and I know that I could pick up several techniques from other books I have. Building on my life skills, coping skills and trade skills. I know that I would be able to endure and suffer the consequences of these words. I know that I would be rather afraid to harm then to embrace that anger, rage and animosity. I know that I want to be the good guy and live my life accordingly to the bibles of my life.

I know that I am coping and dealing with certain people in my life because they've helped me through malnourishments  addictions, discriminations, traumas, losses, hypersexuality and abuses. I know that I owe my thanks to Mawita'mk Society and learning that nobody wants me to defeat them. I know that I would have to train harder.

Eskasoni could've been my greatest triumphant recovery. And I could've enjoy learning all the necessary skills I needed to make the cut. I know that I didn't have these kinds of books, eBooks, magazines, comic books, encyclopedias, PDFs and dictionaries. I did not have these kinds of learning apps. I know that those that hate me wants me to give up and stop living. I know that I have been a toss up and I know that I'm a loser but motivate me the right way  you would have to do something ambitiously extreme before I get angry.

There are solutions to life that I know would take time and patience to work at. Like therapy and exercises. I know that I want to enjoy my nieces and nephews. But I know that they have to figure out life on their own. I know that I will be there to guide them. But I know if they do pass on by your hands or doing, I would slowly get to you.

I would gain my muscles to defend everyone that is protecting you. I would destroy anyone and hide them away for later torture. And I would put an end to your life slowly, carefully and with such maliciousness that I think I would enjoy it. But I rather be the guy who endures and suffers it out instead of that. I know there are types of coping skills that I could do. I know that I don't want my words to have any impacts and malicious intents. I want to learn love in so many ways, methods, skills and techniques. That I know that I would enjoy my nieces and nephews with glee.

Eskasoni is a place where I cannot really enjoy myself there. I know that I have enemies who are bullies, fiends and addicts. I know that I haven't been able to enjoy my life in Eskasoni. And I know that I would train for anything if I was motivated the right way. I know that I am the good guy.

I'm kind of settling into the good guy persona and I know that I don't get to choose my ladies here. But I know that I get to have three meals a day as a treatments to my past malnourishment. I am comfortable with this group home and I know that I want to develop, grow and thrive independently. But I know that I want to enjoy this place because it is fit for a disabled king.