As Long As I Could Progress, Thrive and Outgrow Mawita'mk Society

Nobody wants to go against anyone because everyone here is peaceful. I know that I am accustomed to some earnings in personal wars. But I have to remember my strengths and powers of these wars. I know that at We'koqma'q community it is peacetime. But I know that Eskasoni inspires me to do stuff. 

As long as I could progress, thrive and outgrow Mawita'mk Society I could feel comfortable with the option to move back home. I know how good I have it here, I just want to live my life how I see fit. But my real father doesn't believe in my independence nor does my stepfather. I'm against my fathers because I don't want to call this my "Forever Home".

It's a temporary set back that has lasted for twelve years. I want to move back to my old hometown apartment. I want to live my life without my fathers. And I want to have my own incomes, full driver's license and job.
I want to have everything and I'm pretty close to my goals. I just got to renew my Beginner's license and keep working on my driving goals. 

My stepfather and father may want me trapped but I know that I'm fighting for my independence. But I know that I have to focus on my fitness, health and self care. I don't want to but I have to because Rosie is making me. I want to enjoy driving without distractions, pressures and other things that have caught my attention. I know that I don't have enough practice in driving. I want to work on my fitness to make a picture healthy body. And to balance out my body with all this nourishment and nutrition.

Mawita'mk Society has been a good sport about letting me try to come up with constructive criticism, analytical critiques and a good reflective analysis. I know that Mawita'mk Society cares and probably loves me. But that is professional care.

It's professional companionship and love. I know that I have to trust my family's process of learning to trust me again. I know that I want to live my life in outgrowing Mawita'mk Society. And living my own life back in Eskasoni. I know that I could build a good life there and have two credentials hanging on my wall. I know that I have been blessed with going to movie theater, bowling alleys and pool halls over the years. Picking pop bottles seems quaint.

I know that some ladies don't go out on dates and they assume that I have to be in a relationship with them. This online crap where I don't have that form of trust through dating is not there. That exciting feeling where you feel nervous isn't there. And I don't think these young ladies don't know what dating is. There are books on dating, relationships and romance. These online chicks think that talking is a relationship.

I could be homeless and these obsessive chicks want a relationship for monetary reasons? I know that I don't want to be this stuck with crazy chicks. I know that I go out on dates and everything. I don't know what they believe but they have unrealistic expectations. Creatively free to do what I want and able to write what I want. I even think that these chicks want colonial standards of love and life. The anti-colonial works of natives are great. It's just that I could write a psycho-spiritual works of anti-colonialism in relationships. How First Nation communities could have relationships now through hypergamy/hypogamy and other factors to deal with this socioeconomic reality and First Nation love.

The predatory greed that we have to face in romance. Living without troubles mean you haven't done anything. But everyone wants to be part of your life.

My female cousins and sisters have no idea where this predatory greed could hurt. I hope that they haven't experienced that kind of beatdown and rape. I know that I don't have any physical strengths to a degree but I do have a level of fitness and I hope that I could get something going. I think I've faced those predatory greed. I know that I want to write or research anti-colonialism in Indigenous descendant relationships. I know that I have been living at Mawita'mk Society and learning everything about anti-colonialism in relationships is something First Nations people want.

I know that I love my family, I have family values, beliefs and traditions. I know that I have a good life in We'koqma'q community. And since I'd learned that word from Dr. Pam Palmater. I know that I have been looking up to her lately. And when I heard her I was learning her books, her social media.

They treat me differently because I don't show workethic or dedication to Mawita'mk Society. I always thought that I would have my degree and move back home. I know that certain workers don't respect my sense of humor. Or don't respect my independence nor choices. So I have to bear and grin at it until I can get my fitness. These workers are spoiled here and used of getting away with stuff. Hopefully I can move back home and forget everyone here. I don't want to be caught up with negativity and the blamers of Mawita'mk Society. Because of the bullies of Mawita'mk Society.

I know that I faced the users, the blamers, the complainers, the competitors, but no abusers. I know that I had to deal with certain people who don't want to take up hard work. I've worked in my twenties like I was productive and getting stuff done. I did not have any smartphone back then.

Now there is an inherent negative bias and a status quo bias. People could be happy complaining because they love to take my peace away. My stepfather learned not to complain at home now. But he used to complain all the time. My stepfather would yell, bitch and complain. I know that my family did not have any mercy with me or my stepfather when it came to food. But I know that I don't want to tell all my story.

I feel that I am an experienced bachelor who had his fair shares of women. I know that I did not want any romance and jealousy in my life because I've experienced life already. I know that I did not have any prom night but at least I was experienced. I know the difference between petty jealousy and romantic jealousy. I usually have petty jealousy and I usually win. People make fun of my body and don't apologize for it. But I am happy here and I know that I will work at it.

My fitness is important because people don't want me healthy. Certain people that love me weak and useless. I know that I have been working at my level of fitness, education and employability. I know that this September 13 I will turn 37. And hopefully I can keep at my fitness. I know that I have Playstation consoles and an Xbox 360. I need a Smart TV. And I hope that I could get my second transplant kidney. So that way I could be a transplant patient. I know that I don't have anyone on my side.

I know that the benefits of independence is having choices, able to choose who comes into my place, having choices over my groceries. Having choices to go for a course or work. Having choices is something that has been integral part of my life. Nobody controlled, patrolled or managed until I came to Mawita'mk Society. I never had any choices in the beginning.

Choices are what makes this great country free, independent and thriving. I know that if I had choices I would be enjoying sex, work, driving and living in my own place. Choices are a central theme in my life. If there isn't any freedom, choices or independence, I don't think that I would have any problem. I've learned my disabilities, I am well aware of my disabilities and limitations. I know that in some ways I'm hated. I could say that because I know certain people avoid me. And I know that I never had any choices or respect enough to live my life.

I did not want dysfunctional friends but I have them. And I have Non-natives who are trying to understand my culture. I don't like the fact that I'm growing to be accustomed to living here because comfort languish me. Peace has defeated me because I never had any choices. I know that it could be worst than what it is.

But I know that I have a good life in ways. And I know that in some ways it isn't perfect. I know that choices are what makes me feel free, independent, intelligent and self-reliant. The benefits of independence are choices and self-control. A life skill that nobody wants to learn. Everyone is lacking self-discipline because I know that self-reliance is something that nobody wants. The choices I have are limited considering that I live at a group home with nothing but women. I know that I don't enjoy my life how I used to. But everyone already made choices for me and made me out to be incompetent. I cannot choose what I want because I have to focus on my health.

I used to enjoy my choices and I had a lot of them. I had everything I needed in Eskasoni, I just needed to use my self-discipline. A life skill that I could've used while I found my old apartment.

As long as I could enjoy the benefits of my independence I could stay here. But We'koqma'q community isn't my hometown and I know that I want to move out because I never had any real connections or choices here. I know that since I was diagnosed paranoid schizophrenia I was given no choices. We'koqma'q community isn't my hometown and that means I have little job prospects in We'koqma'q community and Whycocomagh because I'm not from here. My networking connections isn't real because I am not in my hometown.

I know that I'm experienced in jobs, sexuality, driving and having apartments. I know that I could learn from my mistakes and get used of living on my own when I do get my fitness. I know that I have every reason to be fit and ready to be attractive. I feel enrichen with my life experiences in Eskasoni, We'koqma'q, Wagmatcook, Paq'tnkek and Chapel Island.

I know that I want to take progressive baby steps with Mawita'mk Society until I outgrow and thrive on my own. I hope that I could do that because I know that Rosie is all about choices. And I know that I have to learn to make self-discipline a part of my life skills set. I know that I want to learn routine-making books and psychology. I feel like I have a good rich life in We'koqma'q community but I need to improve on my physical fitness. 

I want to leave on really great terms of independence, physical fitness and movements. I want to enjoy driving with Rosie and have my own car eventually. My future with Mawita'mk Society and We'koqma'q community depends on how I survive this dialysis and fitness. Accepting myself as a experienced bachelor with romantic tricks and gestures. I know that I've been switched to We'koqma'q community for the time being.