The Benefits of Having Two Fathers

I know that I had some kind of benefits of two fathers. I know that I had been lucky with two fathers. I know that I wanted to graduate from Eskasoni High School. I wanted to get my driver's license and get a good job. Now I can because I got my ALP diploma and trade. I know that I got my expired Beginner's license and Unama'ki Driving Certificate. I know that I got a few credentials hanging up on my wall. I know that I don't get dates because I am in a group home. The Relationship Quality I had with my real dad and stepfather is totally different. There are a few factors, styles and determinants that both relationships were beneficial.

Financially, emotionally, disciplinarily, economically, spiritually and with core beliefs and values. I have fought through worst hells than what you could imagine. My childhood was tainted with the traumas and experience of an child addict.

It's not a reflection of what my hometown could've done to prevent it. My story is about how addictions are indiscriminate and I have been a victim of my own dimensions of hell. I know that I was ignorant most time when somebody introduced me to inhalant addiction. The world of addictions is a lonely road and I know that I haven't enjoyed the spoils of independence. I know that I couldn't really have my way because I was mentally sick when I was a kid. It was temporary but I knew that I was learning about emotional intelligence from my past enemies.

Feeling like I'd wasted my time I know that I'd welcomed solitary kids. Learning about mental health literature from active workers from my parents' employment. I knew that I was active with other kids when I was a kid. Feelings of rejection, no lovers or friendly smile. I knew that I wanted out and I know that I couldn't really have my life back.

The benefits, powers and influences of having two fathers could come in handy. I know that I have been lucky to have two fathers in my life. But my father Vincent Noel Syliboy just recently passed away. And he had showered me with gifts and plenty of money before he passed. I know that he has loved me so because he wanted me to get a jersey from my favorite NHL hockey team, Toronto Maple Leafs. I know that was the best gesture on his part because he could've gotten me a Boston Bruins jersey. I know that I have a good father and he wanted me to enjoy my jersey, hoodie and hat. Feeling blessed I had him in my life because I think he understood my situation.

He wasn't disabled by his standards. He was able to do a lot in his eyes. Knowing that he set examples and put determination and motivation in his examples. I know that if I put my mind to it I could do something.

I know that I'd suffered as a kid. I'd had medical problems and addictions. That's how cruel Eskasoni bad eggs is. Where I couldn't live sober, innocent and free. I know that I'm happy that I got my ALP diploma, trade and Unama'ki Driving Certificate with an expired Beginner's license. That's the level of my education and employability. I have job experiences and I'd volunteered for certain family doing odd jobs. I know that I had a bunch of good family members to work off of. But I wanted my sanity and path to recovery. It took this long to get here and I'm not about to throw it away.

I know that Mawita'mk Society has a lot of good funding. They are talking with the right people but they need more people to talk to. My father Vincent would want me to stay here because I got no safety on my own. I know there is always a cost or price. And with the inflation of cost of living and everything, I know that people are doing riskier behaviors.

I'm not jealous, I'm more like impressed and experienced in trying to get that dough. I know a thing or two about having skills being taught to me and trying to use them. Feeling like I was an outdoor boy with my old man, older brother Steve before he passed on and my male cousins. Working on sheds, cars and decks, yard and planting and gardening. I know that I had a bunch of good life experiences with my stepmother and stepfather. In my summer I had to work outside and be active, working attitude with work and with cash in my stepfather's banking system. I know that I was set and ready.

I hoped that I could have my own bank account and work minimum wage because I know he would've charged $80. Board and room isn't a legal thing. That's just a scheme to make us feel bad about where we stayed. I know that I want to stay for now.

I know that the mentality is to keep me safe but I know that I want to live my life without a group home. I want to pass all their tests and hopefully get Certified in being a Mawita'mk Member. I know that I have to have the energy, the motivation and determination to live my life. It's all about survival and I know that life skills are the key to living my life independently. I want to eventually move out when I can drive out of here with my second transplant kidney, fitness, walking cardio and my NSCC Bartending and Mixology Certificate program. I was a badass and pocket hulk. I used to get angry at people for bullying and stuff.

What I would do for love now. I mean I have been active since I was a kid but I know that my stepfather and real father didn't know. That's the part of my life I don't dare to explore because I am lovelorn because of addictions.

I know it's old sickness and I know that I don't want to go back there. Yes it's hard to know love because of the potentialities of cheating and the risk of getting my heart broken. I know that I want to be healthy, coping when needed and practice mindfulness and forbearance. I know that I love but do I dare to give my heart to somebody? Nobody has earned my trust and I don't think they are willing to work at it. Having knowing the relationship paradigms and issues with certain hypersexual women and men. There is equal toxicity among the sexes and I know that kind of toxic sickness where one extreme to the other is battling it out.

But I know that I have sex experiences because I know that I'm an experienced Indigenous descendant bachelor who has a past and a good reputation. I feel like I was enrichen with a lot of life experiences in my life. I had life experiences like landscaping.

I know that I'm not that attractive because I don't fit the criteria or checklist of anyone. I'm not working, don't have a house, don't have a car, don't have any wife or anything else. But I get to enjoy my video games, I get to study books on how to get women to trust me. I know that I have been living with Mawita'mk Society and they have a few staff. I know that certain workers here are less interested in trying to figure me out. Feeling like I don't have anything interesting to say because everyone knows my story. It doesn't mean I should give up.

It means that I keep living and working. I want to get paid for my fitness training. I'd watched women have a lusful look. I'd watched women reject me and put me in the friend zone. I'd watched women float away and live their lives after I was done with them. Feeling like I was behind and have to work at my Goals for Independence.

I was a bad ass at one point. I'm still that bad ass. I feel that I have to reclaim my rights and thinking through violent vengeance. That level of violence means I have to hate, be determined and motivated to hurt somebody. I could be ideally happy with one woman instead of feeling like chopped liver. And I hate liver. I know that I have been experienced with the newest rock. I know that was exciting to get. Compact discs which where called CD. I have a collection of CD and a CD player. I still get excited about a new CD I bought.

But my statement is true, I never been on a date. And I know that nobody wants me to be this skilled dater. I know that women have been a complicated creature. But the fair shares I had was something else. I know that I had sex partners but no woman. I'd grew tired of casual sex. Feeling like I've never been relationship material.

I know that I have to earn my knowledge and skills to be in a good relationship. The relationship quality is based on knowledge and traditional practices. I know that I have been learning about video games, music, books and relationships. Hopefully I can get into relationship pdfs, eBooks about relationships and romance. And a good deal of non-judgmentalism. That is neutralism in the story. Mawita'mk control tactics and patrol strategies are what I know. Feeling like I've been loved, valued and appreciated in ways of having Mawita'mk Society in my life. The significance of having my own place with my sisters is the question.

A few questions actually. Would my sisters move in with me? Could I reclaim my mother's house? Will Chief and Council see my sister's email? Will I ever move back with all my things, level of education and employability?

I hope that I could use and do the routines that Mawita'mk Society has taught me. I know that I want to live in Eskasoni safely and securedly. I know that people will try to take advantage of my disabilities, mental health and nourishment. Home has been a cozy place where I could replenish my health, rest my feet. A place of hygiene and nourishment. 

A soulful place of such happy hominess that I could stay in Eskasoni. I want to have a happy home with a good disability and welfare with Eskasoni. I want to use everything I can with certain services. I want to continue to be a Mawita'mk Member, just have to enjoy meetings and Mawita'mk Society has to volunteer for vouching on LinkedIn account or Facebook. Not too sure.

I know that I want to be freed, independently thinking for myself and having a place of my own. I know that I have enjoyed my independence and freedom before.

I had causal sex and I had work with Eskasoni. I was just angry, grieving and frustrated I have to start at the bottom again. 

This time I have experience in this fitness (weight training and equipment training), walking cardio and calisthenics. I know that I want to be able to live by myself. Originally from Eskasoni I know a thing or two about Eskasoni services. Hopefully I can keep using Mawita'mk accountant for my GST and other government stuff I hope to get. The transitional points of my life and the old psychology I used to have was all about independence and roughing it out. Now? I don't know how my life will be on my own.

The milestones I had, the training I had, the accomplishments I had. I know that I had a good life in We'koqma'q community. I know that I cannot be emotionally comfortable with dating because no woman would emotionally trust me.

That's because I cannot emotionally trust them. I know that I have to display some sort of emotional safety and physical safety. I know that I have to be a confident leader in my own life. Feeling like I've valued, loved and appreciated my time in Eskasoni because I was independent and getting adjusted to single life. I know that I want to personally grow accustomed to living in Eskasoni. I want to thrive and walk in Eskasoni because it's my hometown. I know that I haven't found any special lady here and I know that I have to look elsewhere. I have to create safety in conversations by being a good listener.

Which if I was to listen to a woman I hope that I could get a rocker chick. I am naturally curious about women because I know that I have to ask open-ended questions which my stepfather demonstrated before. I know that I'm learning about relationships because I want to be relationship material.

The benefits of having a stepfather is that he will always be a father to me. Feeling like I'd been enrichen with life experiences and a good understanding of my misapprehensions and mistakes. I know that hypersexuality is something of an addiction disorder and I know that I had out-of-control sexual behavior. That's because everyone made a big deal out of me not having any. I'm grieving and angry because I'd lost my uncle Alex 2020, I'd lost three grandmothers in 2022 and had a shitty start with the loss of my real father in 2023. But if I told him everything I would've been empowered with mental health literature and have my fitness no problem with my stepfather and real father.

My real dad was a social creature and a social butterfly. He was tough but fair sometimes. He was kind but stubborn and sassy. I know that he was tough because he'd was something of a good father. I know that I love both of my fathers and I know that I have to be patient, calm and strong. I know that I have to look and keep faith in looking. I know that I have to ask the dates. 

My stepfather respects my independence and has been a guiding force in my life. I know he has been guiding me to accept my real father and have no resentment towards him. Feeling like I was blessed with two strong fathers, I know that I have a lot of good reasons to live. I'm not afraid to be found out, my fears are that I might get hurt and this time not survive it.