Word Up!

Before I can get my own place I need a plan or scheme(a viable plan of work and employment). I know that a hustle could be something viable, workable and employable. I know that I have been able to put certain people under my wing. Feeling like I've been cheated out of youth opportunities, stuck with my stepfather, stuck with Mawita'mk Society. And trapped here because I did not proven myself in ways. I needed support at first but soon realized the importance of having a smartphone, a routine and discipline.

They would put me in the looney bin and leave me there until I can pay my way out of there. I don't get Eskasoni Welfare because everything is taken care of. I have been living in Eskasoni since I was 25 years old. I had good moments where I'd enjoyed Rob Shipley's video gaming entertainment. I know that if I had a good mind in the history of technology I would've saved up for a one.

Of course Rob Shipley wouldn't allowed money to be saved like that. He has to be mindful of it and get savings account going. I know that I had my pop bottles given to me because I did chores around the house. The reason why I called life skills Job-related is because that could be a good Custodial Technician Training Certificate business. Learning what cleans a house could be a Caretaker's way of making money while on Eskasoni Welfare. But I know that certain employment contracts has to be signed. I know that I have a workethic, commitment and work performance to use from my professional and formal training and education.

I want to hustle and work. Hustle meaning work busily and have odd jobs and other things. I know that I could learn to do pop bottle business, skilled trades and painting business, I could do Handyman business.
I know that in Eskasoni I could get something going for myself in Eskasoni Band Office. 

Write up something like a business letter for Residential Cleaning and Skilled Laboring professional services in Eskasoni. I could do Handyman business to small repair or small installment of plumbing or wall or electrical. I could do small installing, building or Handyman's repair jobs. I know that I could do minor renovation like fixing a hole, painting, building a shed, gazebos or small decks. I know enough with carpentry but I could use the refreshment of my trade skills in building sheds.

The craftsmanship of woodmaking in Eskasoni I could learn from certain people. I know that I have negotiational skills and professional experience. I could do a lot of stuff in my hometown if I could get that ISSA-CANADA Cleaning Management Institute courses over the years.

I could do landscaping and skilled laboring. I know that I could do Residential, Commercial and Industrial Landscaping and Skilled Laboring professional services. I know that I have been through many educational programs. My life could be good if I was working with a second transplant kidney. I know that Eskasoni is a bigger community and I know that I want and need my own place in Eskasoni. Feeling like I don't have any choices because I know that I want to live my life in Eskasoni. I know that life skills, routine and discipline is what its all about. Nobody can control me, I would look at everything like a chore. I know that I have been in that miserable state before.

Now when I see a workload I take a breath and continue on my way. If I was truly free and independent at Mawita'mk Society I wouldn't be tormented like this. I know that I did not have any special connections.

Well Shauna and Candice. Connie Peck and others that understood me. Eskasoni is a good place if you want hyper-independence and hyper-violence. But the men that go through that and getting used of doing life like that. Violence begets violence and that kind of meaning that violence promotes violence. Violence is a feeling and something associated with anger. Eskasoni has a good business central highways. And I know that I have faced a few things in Eskasoni alone. But with Shauna and others I know this place is such a good place. Shauna laid the groundwork and Shauna believes in her support job. She knows that she is here for us and not the paycheck.

None of these people want to be here because they don't want to start a conversation or make leeway or efforts into planting seeds. I know that I don't have any luck with women. Candice called me a few.

I know that I did not have any smartphone or cellphone or flipphone. But she knocked on my door, made that effort to see me and make that connection. All Darren does is sit down and talk or watch. I know that, bless her heart, Candice has that Recreational Therapy. 

Her creativity and intelligence of conversations I know that if I do need to talk Shauna would be sensitive to that need. And figure out conversational topics that would make me comfortable. I know that counselor's mentality, style of parlance and terminologies. And a good conversationalist which Darren isn't.

He is working with Shauna and doesn't know how to talk with me or don't want to. Which is fine, it has been like that for years and whenever I needed his logic. Or when he needed to pay attention, I know that he doesn't because he is such a spoiled child who has everything.

He does the bare minimum and that's all fine and everything and Candice believed in Mawita'mk Society. Those that learn from their past are to survive. I know that I don't think I'm handsome because I would've had that kind of body counts where I could've gotten ladies here for thirteen years. It was nothing but pity sex and no real attractive qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height. I know that I don't have any powers to attract a woman because it's all up to them. They allowed me to have sex with them. Learning about toxic femininity now I know that women don't care about a healthy mind of a man. They don't care if he is struggling to get a date. I know that and have to be aware of toxicity in the culture.

I know that love can be a weapon and I know that I had my heart broken from a female. I know that they are cold-hearted out there and I know that they are toxic.

There is a equal toxicity in both cultures. And the women I'm looking for is experienced. Even that is a little iffy because I know that I don't suit their needs, they are gonna leave me. The fearlessness of a bad boy paradox is what attracts all these young ladies. Not being myself, not having any meaning or significance. Not having any accomplishments or being a safe bet. Women need boundaries and I'm not that. If I adore these women then I have to let them make their choices with me. I have to wait with what I could.

And there is nothing I can do because I have no real attractive qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height. I have no place of my own, I have no car or job. I have no socioeconomic resources or have any way to attract a mate. I don't have any sportsman experiences or martial arts or boxing. I have nothing but looks.

Even that is questionable because I haven't attracted any women in my life in the thirteen years living here. I know that I'm no catch but I'll try my damnest. I know that equal toxicity in both male and female cultures. I know that they are there and I have to deal with that. 

When I needed loving, certain people gave me distance. I know that in lonely and in need of a good woman. Being an experienced Indigenous descendant bachelor who has accomplished past in We'koqma'q community I should move back home and see how I do with everything. I didn't do anything to get a good woman. I know that I was that kind of reject with young lovers. I know that I don't have any level of physical fitness because I used to view it as my own.

Not as a shared phenomenon. I know that I would lose weight by exercising with a buddy. I haven't tested my ability in sports because my stepfather has held me back.

My mental health is steady, stable and strong. 

I know that I have been living in We'koqma'q community for thirteen years and no woman would want me. Feeling like there is toxic people out there. I know that chances and choices are very slim. Without mental health and a new hope for another day. I know that mental health creates those supports and pillars of community. My parents were social creatures and I know that I cannot top sexuality of my biological mother because I was born with a nerdy disposition. My entire nerdy little self repels women and teen girls. I don't have any attractive qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height. I am that little nerdy guy who never got any hot experiences in my life from a teen girl or a woman.

It was all dependent on me and I know that the women I've had was really not enjoying me.

But without technology I got laid because I was lucky. I only got a few women in my life and I know that I never really enjoyed my twenties. I had to go somewhere else because I did not have any woman at home. People find people every day but me? Yeah like I could find something in this world. Something decent and nice. Beauty is overrated and I know that because I don't have any outer beauty. I know that I'm beautiful in a family way but outside the world I know that I'm ugly. Yeah I had ladies before but I know that wasn't really what I wanted.

I'm forced for hypergamic good boy attitude. I have to have a good job or jobs. I have to live my life according to Mawita'mk management and family. I know that I want my truck in my future and I want to move out when I can. I don't think anyone wants me to because of a God damn paycheck.

I've been myself for the longest time. And yet I get no hot chicks on my smartphone? Why? Because my sisters deem so? I cannot date their friends because they are on a crusade? I know that I've been through many hells and heavens. The change is the only constant and nobody can predict when a change will occur. Darren don't really care for me, it's just a paycheck to him. The bare minimum is his best choice. Besides he isn't the type to knock on my door for a good conversation. Nor is anyone else here. Candice was the best damn support worker here and Shauna has her style. They both believed in this Mawita'mk Society.

I don't think I'm giving this Tinder a good chance. I have to save up in order to get a good chance. I know that I have to wait and get my own romance going. Being on Tinder I feel rejuvenated, invigorated and hopeful. I know that I could get something going.

My stepfather has held me back from discovering my own world. From having something I truly want to having no desires, languishing and enervated and depressed. I know that my stepfather didn't want any risks and I know that I couldn't do any sports, even though he coached and was proud of that. I did not have any support because he was like an demonic assassin. I couldn't control myself around him and I was denied any romantic relationship experience. Even though my stepfather was fucking every woman around. 

I am cheated, deprived and stagnant. I know that I don't have any ways to get good chicks. Feeling like I've never been relationship material I know that most women have had some kind of relationship before me. Me? I wasn't that attractive to bring home to mommy or daddy. 

I know that I had opportunities before but they weren't what I wanted. The right woman would come by. I know that I'll never be their runner-up or nominee for a partner. I know that people have goals and I cannot live my life richly as some people because I'm in a group home. I'm stuck with the fact that I have to live my life without Mawita'mk Society's care. That's a fear they've taught because I know the workload. I can manage my own life. 

Mawita'mk Society hasn't accounted for loneliness, boredom and homesickness. Feeling like I had a bunch of exciting things in Eskasoni. I know that I could've used the peace in Eskasoni. Feeling like nobody in Eskasoni wanted me to live comfortably with myself as much as possible. I know that addicts make things complicated. 

I know that I could vouch for certain people in my hometown. I should have the freedom and independence to decide who gets to come in. And I should be cautious of who I let in. I know people want to dominate me. I know that I don't got any respect in Eskasoni because I have too many man-child friends and family. I don't have any powers to overcome them. Feeling trapped and stuck because I cannot defend myself. My stepfather wanted it like that. Me to live the rest of my life without progressing to the next stage of my life.