Happy and Attractive

Independent life is taking the bull by the horns and driving it to the finish line. But for years my stepfather had to show tough love and kick me in my ass when I was young. Because I would have stinking thinking and he would use all his fatherly powers and influences to get me out of that kind of funk. I would be responsible for cleaning my own bedroom: sweep, mop and wipe down everything. Make and refreshen my bed, he would say sleep hygiene is a thing. I know that I have been learning about life skills, the significance of it and why it makes me feel much better. 

Smelling nice and good attracts women in my corner. I know that I was a kid who never have any female friends or had any teen romance.

I was a simple man who had his simple happy and attractive qualities in ways of money and candy when I was a kid. I know that I did not have any special lady in my life.

I know that I want to be independent, happy and attractive. I want to be healthy and thriving. I want to be free thinking and strong emotionally, mentally, spiritually and family-wise. I know that if I was attractive or good enough for my female cousins' friends or sisters' friends I would have plenty of options. 

But as usual I'm still stuck with no woman at my side and have to witness certain things. 

Like how people are growing up and dating and things. I know that I did not have a rich life like that. I know that I did not have those kindness, intimacy and tenderness through touch and companionships. That's what I look for, kindness in touch.

I know that I'm rotten to the core and have to survive off of other ways of kindness. I know that I don't have any powers to attract women in my life. But I hope that they pick me and hopefully I can get a good woman. What do I mean by a good woman?

I mean that she has to be cultural no matter what ethnicity she comes from. It could be African Canadian, Irish, Scottish, French, German, Asian, Indians from India or Gaelic or any thing. I'm open to any ethnicity and Intercultural relationship dynamics. I know that I love women and worship them sexually. It's just that I don't think people believe in my possession of my own faculties. I'm on the recovery road from paranoid schizophrenia and trying to get on the second transplant kidney list. I know that I'm on the right path and have a good deal of understanding. Independence is able to do anything, kind of.

A can-do attitude and a good sense of self-confidence. A good day coming and I want to walk more these days. Spring is here and summer is coming. Beautiful weather coming and I know that I'm more happier at Mawita'mk Society. Happy, thriving, independent and working out.

But I want to have my own place that way I could have an independent social networking. I want to get into Eskasoni job market and hopefully work my ass off with a fit body, full driver's license, a car and a good martial arts belt. I hope that I could learn a thing or two about Judo, driving and fitness. I am doing something with my fitness and hopefully I can lift weights again. To balance out my renal diet meals with exercises, I have to keep walking and start to lift weights when I get back.

I know that when I was young I understood addictions. I have experienced it and I know that my first parents were Billy Morrison and my biological mother Diane Mae Morrison. I know that I did a good thing by telling my mother that I was an addict. I was taught to bear the brunt of everything, not to express my masculinity and have no respect for myself enough to say that I'm a father.

As a man I'm told that toxic masculinity is a thing and I have to change for the women. We are simple creatures and we think of nothing. 

We enjoy thinking of nothing and doing stupid stuff. I know that toxic femininity is on the rise. I know that I was taught over the years that I have to take accountability and responsibility for actions that my biological mother has done in front of me and how my stepfather cheated too. I know female toxicity is on the rise and they expect us to roll over and die. There are more male suicide than women. I know that I did not know how to take care of a child because my stepfather and real father never taught me.

I know that nobody wanted me to have a child let alone have a future wife. I know that I want to get in a level of shape where I am showing muscular physical fitness. I want to turn my life around where I have fitness.

I could build upward with Mawita'mk Society. And work within my realm of possibilities and knowledge. Work with working theories of the field and have a good deal of original thinking. 

I know that I want to move back home because it isn't that bad. I hope that I could specialized in Trades or psychology. I know that I have been living here for thirteen years and working on my fitness. I hope to eventually use that sunroom as a fitness room. And then have my muscular physical fitness. Hopefully I can build muscles and a routine where I use my weights, do push-ups(of different kinds) and walk much as I can. The positive can-do attitude and belief in my ability, I could do anything.

This positive growth mindset, this can-do attitude is something I want to use in achieving most of my Mawita'mk goals. I hope that I can do everything I need to do in order to have and exhibit can-do attitude.

I know there is self-efficacy which is the belief in my capacity to do certain behaviors and habits where I could reach my goals. It's the exhibit of self-confidence, can-do attitude and beauty in my life. I know that I have a belief in my ability to achieve certain  goals because I got a proven track record. I know that I was learning how to publish in today's society. I needed a computer and other things to have my life in Eskasoni. I know that people question my mind and sexuality in Eskasoni. 

But I'm a heterosexual who is something of a studious student of life skills like finance, grocery-shopping list, cleaning supplies and cleaning tools-shopping list. Building and painting. 

Making a good deal of recycling labor and psychological insights in my books.

I hope that I could learn ad much as I can with certain individuals, books, eBooks, pdfs, magazines, audiobooks and podcasts. I know that I have been living here for thirteen years.

And having to work on myself mentally, spiritually, culturally, psychologically, physically and emotionally. I know that I want to live here until I become the physically conditioned body of fitness and exercises. I want to grow accustomed to living like this at Mawita'mk Society. The physical has to come first now. I have already mentally recuperated from paranoid schizophrenia. I just need to work on my physicality. I know that my physical body is something I should appreciate and work on at the same time. I know that I have a Can-do attitude and self-efficacy where I believe both my capacity and ability in doing what I need to do. The way my mind works I need to focus on one thing at a time.

I'd never partied or had any wifey at my side. I did not have hot bitches or lady-friends at my side. I know that I couldn't love because I was traumatized and hurting back then.

I know that I wanted to enjoy a wonderful life in my hometown community apartment. I wanted to have the holidays in my hometown community. I cannot trust KJ Francis when it comes to safety. I know that I've been through hell and build resilience and a heaven at Mawita'mk Society. I know that I've never been in adult relationships. But I know that people with their toxicity is bringing me down. 

I cannot get one date without setting off something. They've gotten used of no critical minds. They never seen it on the male perspective of things. They assumed which makes them superbitches. I know that I have seen female toxicity through acts and behaviors.

I know that I don't have any attractive desirability because I am not tall, dark and handsome. I am not rich or have a professional schedule. I know that I don't have any respect or powers to stop people.

Women cheat more than men, they don't get caught because they have that intuition. Even though there isn't any morality guiding this intuition. I know that I have to work within my means to balance out my beliefs in women's rights and Father's Rights. I know that they should be working with each other and politically aligning the Parental Rights(Male and Female Rights). This sobering books I got is something that I could learn from. 

Alexithymic profundity of seeing the myths of normalcy. I know that I have been trying to think correctly and rightly at Mawita'mk Society.

I know that through my life I've been taught boundaries with women. I was a kid learning boundaries and work within my realm of possibilities and experience. I knew enough to live my life without addictions and stay sober. I know that I never was taught to go after women as a teen or how to take care.

I know that I wasn't taught driving, taking care of a baby or to have my own fitness. I wasn't motivated the right way. Everyone holding me down and so was dysfunctional friends. I know that I couldn't really enjoy my time with fitness and other things. Everyone(including my fathers) wanted everything to be hard for me after it was super-easy to fo stuff. I know that I did not have any chicks or a smartphone or anything. I know that I couldn't really rely on childhood friends because they were dysfunctional. I knew that I could rely in family because they were assuming too much.

I know that there is dysfunctionality in this world. There is too much toxicity I'm the culture to respect decency. People are broken-hearted and have no respect for the heart. I know when it comes to the matters of the heart I'm no expert. I know things but I am no expert.

I have no expertise or professional serious knowledge and professional experience in counseling relationships. I am that beginner who never was in any relationship experiences. I have no red flag or have any proof that women want me. Feeling unattractive and used I know that I'm nothing to the outside ladies of Eskasoni. I don't hold any influences over the surrounding areas of Eskasoni. I have no powers in We'koqma'q community because I don't have any attractive desirability or attractive qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height to attract women into my life. I haven't been on any dates but I never had sex in thirteen years because I'm singled out and unattractive.

I know that people don't care for what I'm going through because I'm not going to meet the love of my life by waiting. I cannot date at Mawita'mk Society because of safety issues.

I know that I don't pose as any good man or have any track records for being a good boyfriend. I have no reasons to be this life partner or have any type of partnership in my life. A pair of beings paired up for a lifelong multidimensional bond is a scary thing. I don't want to cheat myself by doing what parents have done. I know that I don't have any special reading the situation kind of thing. I think I don't but I know that I know when people are gonna do it. It torments me and I hate cheaters. They are ignorant of relationship books, they count on their experiences instead of learning. The Mawita'mk Society is a compliment on my life, not a necessity. And I know that in truth they are a complimentary help(if not a possible support) in my goals accomplished.

I needed a ride to NSCC Port Hawkesbury. And they provided it. I needed a place to stay and they provided. I needed food.

I needed food and a warm bed, they've provided. I needed prescription glasses and they provided. I needed dental work and a hair cut, they've provided. I needed to shave and brush my teeth. They've provided. But all this I could've gotten on my own but it's good for complimentary support. It's not a bad thing, it's really refreshing to have everything provided and safety created. I know that I don't care for their sex lives but at least keep it away from me. I don't care if certain people have to be separated as long as I can have a comfortable home. I know that Mawita'mk group home is a professional environment and there are risks of cheaters' ignorance.

They believe in a way of cheaters' paradise. I know that I wasn't really loved or cherished. So I had to give up my hometown apartment because I wasn't being treated fairly there. I couldn't arranged a ride to Sydney because of the amounting favoritism growing.

The wisdom there and how to cheat the system. Taking pride in love and having attached yourself to some kind of sense of purpose in name of love. That takes a lot of good deal of healthy, sober mind and work. 

Feeling like books have some answers and the temptation will be there. Women have toxicity too. And if it isn't for love making love then there isn't any real reason to be together. Love is more than lust, it's a multidimensional bond through timeless appreciation, love and care. Leaving that I haven't really experienced a good relationship because people wanted to remain ignorant sexually.

I know that family love have been the core beliefs and values of these researches and keeping love is difficult. Making love last is something scientific intersubjectiely. It has to make for a good deal of conscious efforts and energy. The acts of attritions is a war on your romance.

I know that I'm happy I'm back out and sadden a little the way my life has turned out. I wanted to be a practitioner of slight of hands and magic. I wanted to build stuff which I did. 

I was kind of enjoying it at the start. I know that Curly held me back in ways because she did not want me to earn a living. She was counter-productive and against me because I couldn't really earn anything in that woman's eyes. She wanted me ignorant, languishing and un-economically aware. I know that she didn't want me to have money when I was a kid. Didn't want me to have money when I was a teenager. Didn't want me to have money at all. I'm happy that we are back out and enjoying the outings.

I want this Mawita'mk lifestyle where I splurge on Fridays. And stay self strict on my renal diet for Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays. The weekend don't think of nothing sometimes.

Read when I can and walk to my Sanitationary full-time jobs. Like cooking and communications. And do periodically plumbing and landscaping. And on the weekends do recycling labors and cleaning. I'll get in shape no time if I had a professional schedule like this. I'll have online bidding with who will pay more for my service for plumbing and landscaping. I want my Red Seal in carpentry for a side hustle building sheds, gazebos, and other constructs of a community. Growing personally accustomed to this kind of lifestyle I know that I could do Handyman and Carpentry side hustle online bidding wars for a second online bidding. Go do the most expensive and than do downward. Until there is another high bidder for that weekday.

I love Mawita'mk Society when I get to go out and do stuff like movies, pool halls or other activities. I'll move when I'm good and ready.

I want to move when I have my first professional schedule in We'koqma'q community. I want to be a motivated, energized, loving and determined doer in my life where I have a can-do attitude and belief in my capacity to do certain behaviors. I want to start my professional schedule with We'koqma'q community. Have shifts in my little business in my hometown community where I could have Red Seal people working under my name. I know that I want to work where I could get vacations but I spend them with my father that has been in my life since I was a baby. Billy Morrison.

I know that I could take a break from building and plumbing. But first I need to lay down the foundational strengths for physical fitness. Figure something out with my Google calendar and online Chat rooms. I know that I have been learning about opportunities in the near-future where I could work in Eskasoni.

I know from my experience ladies want to have that kind of command where they could tell a man what to do with the power of pussy. 

I know this because toxic people don't want any nice guys. They don't want them too nice but a guy don't want violence. The badder they are, the sadder they are. I want to be healthy, fitter and have more overall physical endurance and energy. I hope that I could get something going for myself at Mawita'mk Society. I know that I'm walking more, I am bathing and brushing my teeth. I know that I just need to add fitness to my walkings.

I know when I'd waited for so long for my mother's grave visit. I was so happy and want to live my life in Eskasoni again. I know that I have been living here for thirteen years and accomplished a few things in my life. I know that I love, value and appreciate the significance of Mawita'mk Society in my life.

They've changed my perspective in life skills, education, types of jobs and the job market in Nova Scotia. Those that are working are living their best lives. I want to work Construction Trades Labor jobs. Social life can have affect on the body through telomeres. I know that I haven't been able to grieve properly and I know there isn't any Five Stages of Grief, its Five Stages of Death. They've showed the significance of having life skills, education and training. The usefulness of having life skills, routine and discipline. I know that if I was very disciplined and very practiced I would be responsible and flexible to do extra stuff with my time. I know that Mawita'mk Society has taught me to live an organized life where I can go places once my appointments are done.

I know that Mawita'mk Society advocates for my appointments when I have work. They know that I have a good work performance.
They've showed me the usefulness of a car and how important it is to have it in my life. 

But also teaching financial perspective on being responsible for a car and driving. I know that I have been living at Mawita'mk Society for thirteen years and seeing family approve of Mawita'mk Society. Because there could be group home abuses. I'm lucky enough to have such a safe group home. And I know that I have been learning my financial responsibilities with family. I know that I have been learning to save my money up for financial reasons for family's car gas. And to go gambling. The badder they are, the more secretive they are, the more fearlessness they have to become with guilt, the more sadder they are.

I know the insanities of guilt, rage, misery, sadness and pain, shame and hurt. The more angrier I got, the worst it gotten. I know that fact because I have been learning about mental health!

At a young age I was taught the tools and how to recognize them. The tools of a janitor, house-cleaner, carpenter, electrician, cook, baker, landscaper, recycling Laborer, builder, Handyman, plumber and other Trades of the house and yard. I wasn't taught driving at the age of 16 because that was my opportunities to show my knowledge, demonstrate skills and exhibit can-do attitude. 

I know that I had inner beauty strength and core family values and beliefs. I know that people have been cheated out of their literacy and math. They cannot just do it, they haven't the intellectual confidence to pull things off. I know that I have been learning about opportunities in Eskasoni. 

I am a simple man who enjoys simplicity of feelings. There isn't any Alexithymic profundity of anything when I'm with my family. I know what I feel and I know what what I know. Every time I'm with my family I feel a brave self-confidence and can-do attitude. I enjoy the kids, even though they cry. I enjoy the little things my stepfather does for me. And the light teasing my stepmother does to me. 

I know that I have a tough mentality for my family. I have a can-do attitude, brave intellectual authority and a good sense of personal leadership. I know that people wanted me to fail because they don't want to lift me up. Generational ontological perspectives is that we are supposed to suffer and be addicted. We are supposed to be tough and not smart. 

I understand that I'm oscillating between moving out and enjoying Mawita'mk Society. Eventually I'll move out when I'm good and ready. I know that I want to drive on out of here because I know that I want to earn a good living. I want to prove that I'm independent, happy and enjoy doing independent stuff. 

I know that I have enjoyed living at Mawita'mk Society for thirteen years. Eventually I will move out because I want to drive out of there. I know that I have a good life experience with Mawita'mk Society, family and NSCC and Unama'ki Driving School. 

Relationships are about emotional connection instead of sex. Feeling like I've learned that lessons at a young age. I know that Dr. John Gottman's type of relationship was something that I was taught at a young age. I was given the best damn relationships I could imagine. I was a badass and I had to learn to be a good boy in a toxic human society. 

I had a lot of good relationships that was workable in building an emotional connection. But my cousin told me that a relationship is a relationship. Sex was the first thing on their minds and I did not want that. I knew that I wanted a deeper connection. I wanted to share my culture with an non-native. Black, Scottish, French, German, Asian, Indians, Chinese, Irish, Gaelic and Russian. I could've done something with that. 

I guess Eskasoni has affected me in ways where I've forgotten about those key concepts and cultural principles to establish myself as something serious. I fergot that I wanted to share those resources with Mawita'mk Society. In this toxic human culture in this world of addictions, disabilities and violence. I have it made. But I had a lot of good relationships and understanding people in my life. I had had that emotional connection with my family and friends. And I have a lot of friends and family.