Figurin' My Romance Out

I want a woman that is willing to talk with me instead offering me sex as a basis for a good quality relationship. I'm dating and I am learning about women, dating and bidding. Hopefully I can be a good boyfriend or partner and have a lot of good conversations about aesthetics or the philosophy of the value, criteria and standards of beauty. Axiology and other philosophical works, and science and psychology. The aesthetics of women is what they present themselves. I know that through conversations and getting an emotional connection with a good woman. I could learn much about a woman's interests, wants in a man and what she knows about dating.

A lot of women don't know dating etiquette or what a date is. I know what it is, it's going out with a woman or man, depending on who you are. And choosing a shared activity together and learning about each other.

I am an real simple man. I want to have a fulfilling and successful life where I can fulfill my purpose, have extensive knowledge and experience, have erudition, wit and resourceful teaching skills from schools and colleges and Universities. Have my full driver's license and my second transplant kidney. Have my fitness built up and my walking cardio going. A real simple man would self-focus or pay attention to myself and keep working on me. I have walked today and I have eaten properly. I want to be the kind of man who Lara Croft would want to try out. Go on a possible date and have a good life with me if she chooses to. I think abstract, I have abstract thinking that allows me to think freely and independently, intelligently and creatively.

I want to be that educated Tradesman and Certified, sophisticated driver. I want to have all my bills paid and my life together.

I want to live in a sensible way for myself and show that great pride, sense of personal organization and professional neatness. I want my place to represent great self respect, reflect dignity and show gratitude and pride. I want to have a good appreciative happy home where I feel clean, cozy and smelling great every day. I want to have this kind of home that shows my Virgo side and have a good stacked lists ready and a good sense of self-confidence in my home. I want to be able to tell people leave my home without worrying about a fight. I know that I have been learning about life skills education from Mawita'mk Society. Hopefully they can grant credentials to show landlords and family.

I know that I have been working on my life skills, power of habits and discipline, been practicing and trying to get into routine my life skills. I am hoping to have everything that I hope to get out of Mawita'mk Society.

I want confidence in an ever-changing routines on my daily schedule. I want to have a lot of good habits through the power of discipline. And I don't want to be this kid that struggles with routines because I have stinking thinking. I want to be this 37 years old guy who gets everything. Waking up on my own and having social intelligence networking eruditional knowledge. Epistemologically speaking I want to be in the knowing in academic and professional life. I know that certain people want to be this connecting force in my life. But they want to be innocent instead seeing hell and heaven, being evil and transforming into good.

The health psychology of good and intelligent. That's the pinnacle of my own faculties. The experience between hell and heaven. Self-starting is having coffee in my mornings and making my bed. I know that I love and I have trust in my friends and family.

Lara Croft is the ideal standards of what a man should attain. Having a level of education, erudition and employability that have fitness, martial arts and service. I know that a woman like Lara Croft could be the level of wealth and intimacy to attain in self-actualization. I know that I want to be walking fast and build my walking endurance cardio and calisthenics. I want to change my perspective from a lazy bastard to a health-conscious, goal-oriented and career-minded person where I have my fitness and walking goals done for this year. And have lifted weights and do treadmill. Eat renal diet meals and have a good hygiene and healthy habits.

Grow personally accustomed to living like that. And being this street kid that loves street hockey. I know that I've been learning about fitness benefits and images. I want to be the picture of health as soon as I'm done this.

I know that I'm a doer and I know that I want to write my progress, my successes and my small victories. I know that my multi-step progress is something that I have to do for a lifelong, multidimensional, goal-oriented sense of purpose. My purpose is to get better at things I chosen to do. The reason? To see the order of things in a successful world. I could be a good counselor because of my experience. I know that I have reached the bottom of hell and I'm reading to reach back up. Generational ontological perspectives where I have a good deal of knowledge is something I know isn't activated. People older than me can motivate or inspire me to read.

But that kind of self-confidence in my own social intelligence is something that I know is questioned. Feeling like I had a good, simple real life with meaning, significance and love. I know that I needed to find my value.

And through my level of education, erudition and employability I have found a good part-time employment but I cannot do it for some reason. Being a student of food industry and retail industry, I hope that I could pay for my education because I got a few Retail Council of Canada courses I want to do. There is Foodwise Food handlers course, Certified Retail Sales Associate course, Certified First Level Manager course. That'll be $737 for all that training. But there are basics to go over, and that is Retail Training, $359. Retail selling, $170. Customer service, $170 and Retail Leadership course, $127. I know that I could figure something out with my employee's fringe benefits.

And then there is ServSafe course and Supervisor course with We'koqma'q Tim Hortons. But because I have to work at Mawita'mk Work Center. I know that I have a good job.

That's because I have a walking two walking reasons: We'koqma'q Tim Hortons and my job. But figuring my romance out is proving to be difficult. Because I want to learn new dating strategies and tips from Dr. John Gottman. I know that I don't have any romance in my life. Figuring out what's compatible with me is proving to be a difficult thing. The want of a woman versus the compatability? Like-mindedness and the idea that I have Mawita'mk influences. I hope that I could find someone with a good understanding of R.I.S.E compatibility list. R-Recreational intimacy, I-Intellectual intimacy, S-Spirutual intimacy and E-Emotional intimacy.

I know that my fitness will eventually come. My weight is coming down and I know that I believe in Compatibility list of R.I.S.E and I hope that I could find my intimacy. I started out at the age of 14 when it came to reading.

I started out as a late bloomer because my stepfather wanted to connect like that. Have that kind of dyslexia connection with his stepson and protect him much as he can. Yes, I'd learned verbally and yes, I'd had to deal with an overprotective stepfather. Dealing with child addicts and teen bastards, I know that I had to protect certain people. In my family I haven't earned the stamp of Intellectual Authority in my world. I know that I needed to read and figure some stuff out on my own.

The book "The Myth of Normal" talks about Authencity v. Attachment. Got me thinking of my own childhood with my family. How certain repeated feelings have came around and how I was put into situations where my uncles and friends and cousins knew that it was tempting for me. They've opened my mind to the self-abnegation, indiscriminate and toxic world of addictions.

I know that I was taught to think "hypersexuality" ways. Legitimate concerns was that the Morrison family wasn't good for me. Situational psychology and a deeper look at emotions and what I was taught is what my step uncles wanted: self-destructive patterns from hypersexuality. What's the truth about a well-earned lessons in life, school and job? 

What are the values and beliefs? Am I on the right path for self-regulation, emotional intelligence or emotional literacy? What about anger management? All I've been taught to cope, what if I was taught something wrong back then? Suppression from my step uncles? I was taught self-abnegation and self-repression from my family dynamics. Not coping healthily and having emotional awareness.

That emotional connection I was hoping for have gotten a little more complicated. The criminals that have been denying the youths.

That have been my greatest concern. But I know that they are truth-immune from me. So I hope that I could become powerful enough to get to thr truths and facts of my life because the generational powers of suppression and oppression have been disguised as protecting as sheltering me. I know that people want the truths and facts. I know that I've been overprotected because they were trying to make me see certain things. Hopefully when I do ameliorate my own facilitation to the idea of my uncles being perverts and criminals. I sure hope that I have a good deal of coping skills and healthy habits. Mawita'mk Society is trying to reach out and I have this Alexithymic wall where I don't want my health.

I was trained by certain people to think in a certain way. I know that truths and facts like my level of education, erudition and employability I could explain.

But my abusers got away and I know that I have to work at my own mental wellness, healing, recovery and building a good, real heaven. Self-starting is getting up and making my bed. And walking to We'koqma'q Tim Hortons and getting my small double, double coffee. I know that I want to drive on my own and that's why I'm still here. Because the goals are to get in shape and develop my muscles. And hopefully for health reasons to get my own wife and protect her. I never was vengeful and I know that I don't have a loyal woman in my life. That's because I've been a player most of my early life.

Lara Croft is the ideal living which I hope to accomplish in my own life where I could reach a certain level of education, erudition and employability in my life where I have this significant period of my life with a good career. I want to be this guy who has his fitness, Special Judo Referee Certificate, many credentials and licenses. And have a good workethic and study habits. I hope that I could get a good thing going for myself. 

Have plenty of credentials hanging in his old apartment where Rosie Basque's apartment is. And have my own place and full driver's license. So many reasons and motives to work on myself now and to study my collection of books, eBooks and pdfs. 

Hopefully I could work on myself with what I got. Everyone at Mawita'mk Society is rooting and supporting me the best they can. And I have to work on my own weight and muscles. 

I have to put the efforts in and suffer the pains and keep moving. I'd lost muscle mass because I was malnourished and have to survive. So I'd moved to We'koqma'q community to learn what I could.

I have great supporters and motivators. I know that I have to acknowledge and be emotionally aware of myself because I know that motivation and determination is something that has been taken away in a way. I have to learn self-starting my own days.

I know that relationships takes hard work and dedication. Am I ready for a good relationship or do I still want one-night standers? Hopefully I can get a girl to clear my head. My baby brother is right, women can be a headache. And I now know how certain authorities on the relationship subject feel. Women think of themselves as perfect and that's an ego-trip. I know that I want a woman that brings something to the table. What that something or things are isn't that defined. 

Yes I want sex but what else. I haven't been in any relationship at all. I was introduced to insatiates that didn't want to learn about their hypersexuality. And want to keep fucking up. Generational ontological causes and mysteries of my past is because I hate the bastards and I wanted them dead. That was the old anger and I think more like I'm not done learning about alexithymia. Hopefully I can get something going with myself when I do get my fitness. 

I haven't gotten that many women in my life from dating. I know that it was straight to sex and I couldn't really get a word edge-wise. I know that I don't have any attractive desirability, attractive qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height. But I know that I was sheltered and overly protected from life to enjoy. I couldn't really figure out my own sports let alone figurin' out my own romance. 

My stepfather didn't know what to do with me. Torments of my past have been like this for years. And I know that I wanted to think analytically, cerebrate intellectually and contemplate carefully. Hopefully I can think progressively and analytically, cerebrate intellectually and dynamically, and contemplate carefully and holistically. I know that I've been learning thinking skills and coping skills. How to flip my thought and see the other side of it. 

In this book called Games People Play they talk about being stimulated and overstimulation like it's hunger or gluttony. The idea that a child needs stimulation from his parents and the fact that Alexithymia is a good deal of walls to work through. I know that I'm still learning. The marasmus I've suffered was because I was a child addict. I know that I needed sports or something to get into after school. I needed social stimulus but my stepfather socially abused me, financially abused me, economically abused me and stole moments from me. 

Yeah I've suffered malnourishment but that's because my stepfather didn't want to teach me cooking or any life skills at the time. I couldn't really build up muscles or food or nourishments or stimulus. I know that in my life I've been running from my stepfather because, well mostly because he has overly protected me. I had to be the paragon of responsible addicts and work. I had to become a functional teen addict. 

So how could I get love and respect like some other teenagers. Through addictions and writings. My step parents didn't take me seriously and I knew that I had too many issues in my life to think of. Clear-minded took a new meaning from my step parents. Ignoring my issues and not writing a journal. I know that I did not have any respect like some sports teen and coach. I knew that I wasn't going to get it either. 

My stepfather had prepared for such excuses and explanations. He had his twisted logic or creative critical thinking and used it to defend my position in my life. That I was a dialysis patient at first and sickness took over my life. That I couldn't participate in any sports because of so many issues. I had a sensitive body issue and it wasn't going away. I had to be careful with my own body because I had a transplant kidney in my life. My first transplant kidney in my life from IWK. 

I couldn't really get a job because I did not graduate. And I couldn't really enjoy sex because nobody wanted me when I'd turned twenty. I know that I had my player's past and I know that I did not have any reasons to work anywhere. Everyone was against me and I had to get used of that. I couldn't really get books because nobody wanted me to know which books I needed. 

Psychologists look for truths of society or families. Psychology started out like any science as a field of experimental study that have began in 1854 in Leipzig, Germany. My icon of psychological works is Dr. Sigmund Freud who have been discredited but some stuff still have merits. When Gustav Fechner created the first theory of how judgments about sensory experiences are made and how to experiment on them. Psychology is defined as "the scientific study of behavior and mental processes". Philosophical interests in the human mind and behaviors dates back to ancient civilizations like Egypt, Persia, Greece, China and India. 

People like Wilhelm Wundt, Ferdinand Ueberwasser, Hermann Ebbinghaus( poineer in memory), William James(Father of pragmatism) and Ivan Pavlov who was the father in Classical conditioning. Have been great students and doctors and philosophers in their own rights. Than you have G. Stanley Hall who brought psychological pedagogy to America in 1880s. Than John Dewey's educational theory, Hugo Mûnsterberg's psychological applications to industry, law and other fields. Lightner Witmer who opened the first psychological clinic.

James McKeen Cattell adapted Francis Galton's anthropometric methods for a program for mental testing. And than at last, in Vienna, the legend, the Myth and the icon. Dr. Sigmund Freud who was the father of psychoanalysis. The history of psychological works keeps going. There will be generations of people who will have said that he is a brave genius. But these are but people who have contributed to the long history of psychological developments, works, insights and contents. 

People I want to read about and people who have knowledge and erudition in their own works. I hope to collect much books about these kinds of Renaissance people. I have Dr. John Gottman's works and Dr. Carl Gustav Jung's work. I have Dr. Marsha Linehan's work, autobiography and paperwork. I have Dr. Philip Zimbardo's works, I have Dr. Daniel Goleman's work and Dr. Tara Bennett-Goleman's Emotional Alchemy. 

I know that I have mentioned a few books in my writing. And I know that certain women have to be compatible with me through R.I.S.E compatibility list. R-Recreational intimacy, I-Intellectual intimacy, S-Spirutual intimacy and E-Emotional intimacy. Hopefully I could gather more compatibility tests and lists. 

Hopefully I can get a few books on pdychosexology. And on that kind of subject learn the art of seduction. I know that sexology could be an intriguing idea to research. And to learn much as I can. I know Dr. Eric Berne and I know Dr. Tian Dayton's work. I hope that I could get my own spacious place because of the books I want to get. Or get my old place in Eskasoni, behind 74th street and build a shed-like garage and have my Spacemaker Washer and Dryer in there. 

And a few other things in that garage too. I hope that I could put all my things in that little apartment. I know it's tiny and enough for one guy. Hopefully I can get far in my life where I have my muscular fitness and walking conditioning. And get my second transplant kidney in my life. 

I want that second transplant kidney because I want to get more credentials, get copyrighted with all my Ready poetry books and publish. And start writing for an autobiography and hopefully a novel series. I know that I want to have those kinds of hobbies when I do get my own place. And I want to be accomplished, healthy and published. I want work but I want a few supplementations to my income. Non-taxables is what I call them. 

I know that I could get a good job in Eskasoni but that's not my concern. My legitimate concern is the safety and security issues I would have in Eskasoni. I know that I want to have cameras in my own apartment. And pay for my own way. I know that I want to move back home because I feel more creative juices there. I could write about happiness and nostalgic feelings for having that kind of opportunity to make a good home out of that apartment. But I don't think my family would want me to enjoy that apartment because it's unsafe and unsecured. 

I am a native Virgo nerd who is a Certified Skilled Tradesman. And is on dialysis and have been losing weight these pass couple weeks. I know that I have a level of education, erudition and employability that could help me get a good job in Eskasoni, Membertou, Wagmatcook or any where else in my life where I could be employable. I know that I'm looking into psychological works of self-forgiveness, relationships, dating, courtship, acceptance and mindfulness and coping skills. I'm learning life skills in my books. 

In my younger years I knew what sex looked like and what porn was. I knew the distinction between porn and sexual reality. I knew that I did not have any good relationships and in that I have to work towards self-betterments and self-edification. Hopefully I could become enlightened with erudition, educated from colleges and Universities, and edified in my own personal journey of reading. 

Yeah I'd started out as a child addict who got molested. But I want to say that I've re-hashed my issues through culture, tradition and religion. I know that I have to keep working towards a good self-betterment in progress of a goal-oriented attitude and career-minded workethic where I figure out my goals of life, my goals of independence and my lifelong duties and obligations. 

With professional authority, roles and responsibilities I find that the influential strategies isn't what I wanted. There is a lot of mental health literature in the history of psychology. And I have a few books I would love to start. But I am on The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness and Healing in a Toxic Culture. I'm at Part 2 in this book. 

I know that I'd lost both parents and feeling like an lost orphan, I know that my multi-step progress is a lifelong progress. I know that Mawita'mk Society is with me and so is my step family. Well I felt like an orphan but when I think about it, I have a enriched life and a lot of associates, acquaintances, friends, teachers, instructors, guides and family. I have the ideal support system but I could have a bad day. 

There is a lot of psychological works in the history of psychology. And I know that if people wasn't curious about the human mind. We wouldn't have great philosophical works from Ancient Civilizations. 

My stepfather held me back from getting my driver's license. There was no excuse and I know that I could've been a practiced driver when I turned 16. But because I was someone else's kid he wanted to hold me back much as my stepmother did. I could've had romance in my own car and had a real reason for a after-school job. 

There is a lot of distances I could've crossed. And I could've been the one with financial knowledge of cars, smartphones and other things. But my mind only comprehend from experience.