Relaxed, Accomplished and Have Everything

I know that I want to be in my old apartment. Relaxed on my computer, accomplished with what I wanted to in my life and have everything organized, neat and clean. In my 74th street apartment, relaxed, accomplished and having everything I ever wanted in my life so I'd imagined. 

That's how I want to live my life. With a relaxed disposition on my computer, wondering what I could do next in my life. And posting pictures of my life through my smartphone, computer camera, laptop and Samsung Tablet. I want to be able to pay for my electronics and my Playstation consoles. 

And my WiFi capabilities and my Eskasoni Communication bundle on my Horseshoe Drive Apartment.

These are the reasons I want to get my fitness. To have money in my bank, to have my fitness, to get my car, to get my second transplant kidney and to graduate a few times from different programs.

I know that I have been living in a good way where I had to develop routines and build habits. I have books to help me out in every aspect of my mind, physical, and holistically. I want to chill out either with a chick chilling out on my bed after a good meal, a good sex session and a good music time. Or with family chilling out to my cabled and Netflix. I know that I want to make that little apartment a good hometown home where I have technology. I know that I want to listen to music either way. Me babysitting or me with a lady friend. I want to be happy in Eskasoni and have that kind of rich, full contentment and meaning in my life where I have side chicks at my apartment, have food and online accounts living in Eskasoni.

I want my Red Seal either in plumbing and Carpentry. That way I could have two careers and advise my apprentices big times. If I do get bored I would go back to school.

But learning about plumbing in NSCC Construction Trades Labor program at Wagmatcook Learning Center. I had to say it was something pretty interesting. I wouldn't mind having two Red Seal diplomas and have my Eskasoni Housing Department Professional Schedule. But how I spend my days in We'koqma'q, having a productive week after another, and having a good time at outings. I wish I could get a good car and drive myself back home. I know that I have a good group home and I want to leave on really good terms where I could pay my bills. Trades are becoming more reliable in ways where I could sustain myself through carpentry and plumbing. I know that tradespeople are going to get paid more because they are concrete jobs.

I could do two jobs and learn what I need to from my NSCC Construction Trades Labor past school work for now.

Hopefully I can get myself into shape and build a good life in Eskasoni is hopefully my future. I know that I have been held back so many ways in my life. I know that certain people don't want me learning anything. I don't want to be anyone's toy, tool, minion. I have but a paltry of my capacity, capabilities, skills, talents and abilities that can produce a results in my life. I know that I have been working on my fitness. Today I say let my mind grow and learn. I say that I enjoy writing, reading and listening. I do have a Growth Mindset. I thrive off of challenges and have an abstract thinking. In my old apartment I want to have all my stuff in my old apartment. 

Relaxed, accomplished and thriving in Eskasoni where I can develop a Growth Mindset.

I know that I have some indulgence but not a whole lot. It's like I don't need to be because my stepfather wanted me less, sheltered.

I know that I had to work towards self betterment. I want to be enlightened and have that kind of level of education and employability. I want to specialize in making my version of what a cozy, warm and rich atmosphere is like in my hometown apartment. I don't want any addict coming to my home and making me worry about my stuff. Most of Eskasoni is bad asses and in Eskasoni I know the thieves, cowards, addicts and bullies. So that's mostly half of 74th street. But I know that I don't have to invite anyone into my place anymore. The more I was socializing, the more unsafe it became.

I know that I want a growth mindset and thrive off of challenges. But I have a Work Mindset and I know that I have to a workloads in my way of getting fit. I know that I have a positive can-do attitude but I can see things as a challenge. A workload to be done.

Growth mindset versus can-do attitude is that mindset is how I see the world around me. 

And attitude is how I interact. People that control my mindset is people that have be sexually satisfied. Ladies! It's easier for ladies to become sexually active because of their beauty. Men are real simple and I know that I don't have that kind of sexohistory in Cape Breton. I know that people love controlling me but don't have no clue how to motivate me the right way. People don't want me to have an can-do attitude and a sexual growth mindset. 

It's an intersexual dynamic prohibitive power tactic. That's because there is meaning behind that act. No boundaries or no respect means no professionalism between the two. Me and you.

I know that I don't have any respect like I am an grown adult. But too I have to be reminded this is a team player kind of place. And I have to be a team player.

I know that I love and I don't get to be loved unconditionally because I always have to provide something. I don't make big impacts like some people. Me? I always be stagnant and quiescent in my life because I am on dialysis. I am not active in professional serving but I know that I don't deserve any vacations I want. I know this because I was taught that a man serves and women, children and dogs are loved unconditionally. I was taught to be humble and accept many roles that I'm given. Maybe I might end up having sex. But this group home is where I have to wait until I can get my fitness.

But I know that I was taught that a Disposable Man is better to serve by being the servant to the cog in the machine. I am a disposable soldier and I have to be that kind of security guard. Hopefully I can get muscles and put efforts into my fitness. I know thati did walking.

And I want to do walking for couple months to see what results I could get. I have to start putting efforts into my walking more. Like walk three times a day when my dialysis day is off. I know that I don't get laid constantly. 

I've been sexless for thirteen years. Drug and alcohol free for thirteen years. And I had been meeting women that don't want to make any connections because I am that kind of nerd. Repellent for mothers' daughters because I don't have a car or anything successful. Yeah I have a Growth Mindset and a Can-Do attitude but I never had any good fucks. I know that I'm no evolutionary psychologist who knows intersexual dynamics these days. 

I know that walking is just simply walking. 

And I know that these women in We'koqma'q community don't have any interest. I want a young fine thing but I know that I'll be getting an old raggedy person. I'm stuck where I'm at until I can get my second transplant kidney. I know that I need walking endurance.

How I spend my time here will make it worth living. I know that I want to practice a few punches and jog. I know that measured control methods is a professional skill. And in all that I have to work at my muscles and walking conditioning. I want to build a good muscular body up and build resilience and a growth mindset. I hope that I could have a Growth Mindset, Can-do attitude and self-efficacy. And a good workethic at my own fitness. The hard work I put in will be is own reward because I am working on my body. 

The hard work I have in my past is how I know that fitness is worth it. The feeling of walking long distance and growing physically accustomed to that.

I know that Eskasoni is a breeding grounds for fitness. And the distances I could cover with all my technology. I know that I could live very comfortably in Eskasoni. Feeling proud that I've came this far in my life.

And how I'd spent my days with Mawita'mk Society. I know that I want to develop and grow physically to walk the distances of Inverness, Eskasoni and Wagmatcook from We'koqma'q community. Growing personally accustomed and physically conditioned to do that I know that I would be fit to live my life in We'koqma'q community. Suffering my feet to build walking endurance cardio and building up my muscles by lifting weights. I know that the physical toning and lean muscular fitness could have a good deal of positive feelings. 

That'll would be distances and muscles I've worked on and accomplished. I'm 37 years old and in that I'm getting lazier and less worried about what other people think about me.

I know that I just need distances to cover and I could feel that kind of goals. The positive feelings of getting stuff done and having my walks back and forth is a positive feelings.

I've lived a good life in We'koqma'q community but I want to build my life in Eskasoni. That's my hometown and I know that I am educated, accomplished and thriving in We'koqma'q community. Making my life good with certain accomplishments and achievements. I know that I want to move back to my old apartment in back of 74th street at Horseshoe Drive Apartment because now I got my own smartphone. I know that women only care for me under the premise that I provide something for them. I love idealistically and that's been my fatal flaw. I know that I'm used financially by my family. People don't want love, they want material things.

So I just got to do me and rest my life in Eskasoni. Feeling like I've been shown to be my step parents' example of what abusive old school is like. I was malnourished and sicken with their treatments towards me.

I hate being toyed with and bullied in ways. Disabused me quickly because certain people are cowards of responsibilities. I'd changed my life and I never was invited to any birthday party. I know that if I wasn't here and birthday parties came. I would've been ignored because people never knew me. I know that people wants me to make my life available for them. I was used by certain people. And I couldn't really protect myself because everyone took advantage of me. Lala was one of them. She wanted to use my place and so did Kevin Jerome Johnson. I'm scared that if I do move back the same Old addicts would come around disrupting my life.

I enjoyed my life in solitude. It was simple and my desires were not bothering me. But everyone wants me to not cope or have some kind of melt down. I remember a lot of bad experiences with these people. I know that I don't get justice, vengeance or protection.
I know that women don't like me in general. 

And I know this because I never went out on any dates, never had any one night standers, never had any bitches or side chicks. And not once I ever had ant multiple female sex partners in my life because everyone loves fucking with me. Torments of my past is that there isn't any real friends because everyone keeps scores. And expects me to deliver, be generous or rich. In Eskasoni I don't think I'll ever get that cozy home I wanted from my perspective. I wanted my own place so that way I could start collecting electronics and books. And start working in my hometown.

I know that I love my hometown community and I had a few good moments in Eskasoni. Hope that kept on dragging me along with other people's schemes. I know that I had my level of education and employability goals. I was hoping to develop routines in my home and make it cozy with food, warmness.

Vickie Pierro has worked on me since I got here because she didn't want me to learn. 

She's bipolar, self-righteous and presumptuous woman who kept on assuming what I needed. My abstract thinking wasn't her's to explore. And me thinking that I'm special was a family thing. She wasn't family and she had no rights involving her ass into my life. I know that I don't have any respect from her and Clyde in the past. She is arrogant and a bully. She wasn't that important in my life and I don't think she respected my boundaries. She had boundaries and there was a power imbalance in my life. I couldn't really take control over my life. I hate Clyde because he financially abuses me. And I hate Vickie because she bullies me. It seems that I cannot think how I was taught because of her self-abnegations of her self-righteousness, arrogance and bullying. I don't care about her struggles, leave me alone. 

But she isn't here and I have to digress. I know that I want to pay for everything I have in my bedroom. I don't mind living in this bedroom. I just have to have a good deal of fitness going. A growth mindset versus can-do attitude is a philosophical works of how I can use both of them through Two-Eye Seeing philosophy. And work on myself. Originally from Eskasoni I know how addicts scheme. I work and couldn't really work because I was malnourished. 

I know that I don't have any respect for privacy at Mawita'mk Society with Clyde but he expects me to respect him? When he is financially abusing me? Yeah I could see how poor and stupid he is. But I don't think he wants to keep trying. Then again he is probably dying or something. I gave him the benefit of doubt, I gave him time to pay me back and I gave him coffee. Thinking that would sweeten him up.

But I digress. I don't have any attractive desirability because I am learning how addicts uses. And don't pay back. I know that I need income in my life. And I know that Rosie is holding me back. My words don't have any heavy weight to them because my family don't want to get involved. 

I have a good life in We'koqma'q community. I just have to have a Growth Mindset and a Can-Do attitude to make it better. I know that I just have to make it worth living here for now. And I think I have because I got my NSCC ALP diploma and trade credential, and driving credential.