I Might've Needed People in My Life

With everything I've accomplished in We'koqma'q community, I say that I might've shifted towards good appreciative happiness in this home. I say that I might've needed people in my life. But what about my independence? Am I supposed to simply give up and let them do all the work? No! But it would've been easier. I have to carry much of my own weight as possible still but in the context of Mawita'mk Support System. I have to keep working towards my life goals and goals of independence. Hopefully I can work and keep at a life where I could be myself and they expect me to be a provider/protector kind of guy. But for now I have to enjoy the kind of support they are giving. I know that it's not the kind of life I would want. But it's a life and I have to live it.

I know that people with real powers in a relationship don't need me because I don't have any real powers.

Discourse in power is that I don't need powers to make an impact with the right Ideal Support System. I know that I have been learning that discourse in powers in any relationships(May it be: business, religion, culture, history, personal, professional, et cera) is something of a shared responsibilities of relationship powers. You will have to identify these powers and skills, work within the shared realms of the relationship. And have all the books and everything in that. In the context of Mawita'mk Support System I am learning my parameters of my rights in my independence, significance and meanings of my relationship value with Mawita'mk Society.

I've been in Mawita'mk Society for thirteen years and got comfortable with using their Communication bundle and supports. I want to return home with such forces and powers and skills from Mawita'mk Society.

That I have all I need from Mawita'mk Society. 

My memories and skills, knowledge and experience, level of education, erudition and employability. All my portfolios and my driving goals and objectives. And my physical fitness and conditioning. And my second transplant kidney. I know that quality of work performance is something that would mean stronger workethic, better dedication and stronger motivations. Giving your all means that too and it also mean muscular physical fitness. Having pride in your job means quality work performance, quality of work and giving your all. Confidence say that you could keep doing it.

I know that I haven't been giving my all on job sites. But I know that I have to re-invest into my physical fitness health. Apparently I have it good here and my life be like I could do all this in We'koqma'q community. Hopefully I can workout in my bedroom too.

In the context of professional relationships with Mawita'mk Society I have to make my efforts their's because I am disabled Indigenous descendant nerd. I've been physical before and I know that movements can be exercises. I know that I have been learning about fitness knowledge and calisthenics through Internet and verbally. 

Body-weight exercises and how I could get in shape by walking, doing sit-ups, pull-ups, push-ups and other exercises that have types and styles of exercises. In my humble living situation I am growing, learning and expanding my mind, soul and body. Hopefully I can become holistically healthy and through physical fitness.

Never had been a wise man but I could figure sone stuff out. I know that I have to work at my physical fitness health because that dimension is sorely needed. I know that I have been supported by Mawita'mk Society.

I've been supported by Mawita'mk Society, wished by institutions like colleges and Universities, encouraged by family and friends to workout and walk. I know that I've been embracing work as a good thing because of my workethic to make things better. Smelling good and working hard for a good quality of work performance, quality of work and style of employmental behaviors. I know that I want to bring a professional reputation and efficient physical fitness to We'koqma'q community.

What seems evil can be a survival situation. And I know that I've been learning a lot about good and evil in women and men. Cowardice is being afraid of that beast inside and not embracing it to overcome it. Giving it hugs and making love will bring that beast down. I know that I've been through many hells and my beast is a vampire. I know that I am learning more coping skills.

I have lived with shared powers of deduction, in a relationship and with skills. Feeling like I've been shown cooking skills and food preparation from my Grandmother Barbara Sylliboy/Morrison and Jessie Denny. I know that I had my chances to develop, practice and learn new recipes and skills of cooking and baking. But I had shared powers in a relationship and I know when it comes to protecting the house. My family kind of suck at it in ways where nobody sees anything. I haven't a real vacation through my full-time employment because I haven't really enjoyed any benefits, vacations or perks of the job.

Taking pride in working is knowing how important certain promotions are. I know that I had part-time status of a job and I was enjoying it to a degree, professional seriousness of the job takes great pride in certain things. Work in any form could be very beneficial in ways.

A professional reputation and routine can give a steady hourly participation of work, while life skills have the uninterrupted continuance of participation in life. We have to learn how to professionally support each other and make clear all our intents and purposes. I haven't much friends getting married or inviting me to weddings. Which is a good thing because I'm on dialysis. And no I don't get invited to friends' birthday parties because it isn't because I'm not social. I see them every once in a while but I keep a good distance and they respect that. I haven't celebrated my birthday in any way that says sociable.

I have my birthday with Mawita'mk Society for thirteen years and nothing is special. Not many of my family wants to come anyways. And I haven't really enjoyed a social gathering or anything like that. I don't have anyone from my schooling and I don't have any muscles.

Right now I have no rides to go visit friends. 

Even family don't want me at their weddings. 

Lol right? Besides that would be a lot of work. I'm mostly required to go to funerals and stuff like that. But I don't go weddings, birthday parties, social gatherings or anything like that because of bullies, fiends, addicts, schemers. For years I haven't dated, worked professionally for a long time and formally trained in sports. I know that most of my step family didn't want me to play any sports. I've wasted my years living in self pity. And couldn't get out of that rut. My stepfather didn't want to give me the same opportunities my male cousins had.

For years I've been living in solitude. And I want to continue that because I've experienced the addicts', bullies', fiends' and schemers' life. I never had any good reputation for all that. I seem like I'm not a High Value man because I'm not famous.

I am not working or have a career in movies. I don't have any wealth amass over the years. I am not into counseling, I don't have any careers worth noting. I know that I don't got any skills worth practicing. I know that I'm not worth investing in. My stepfather has made that perfectly clear when he forbidden me to do any sports. I'd struggled with addictions and discriminations for years because that's the same Old battle. I have to think right because there is no powers in my head. 

Everyone wants me to be a mental invalid because they would feel better about themselves. I cannot show any shred of independence. Conditioned to fear my own powers and to keep secrets. I find it hard to tell the truth. I was so trained to hide from the world.

I know that I was left out to the wolves because there is a whole traumatic world in me where my stepfather neglected.

I know that I had accomplished two graduations, formally in Port Hawkesbury. But I had community graduations of programs snd trainings in We'koqma'q community. I know that I am culturally certified in a few things. I have here a rich online presence but I know that I want to show much on my life. In this contextuality of Mawita'mk Society I live a very rich life where I could develop, workout and grow physically, emotionally and intelligently grow and learn. And put to good use my life skills and skills at Mawita'mk Society. Deep secured attachments, mutual deep respect and shared appreciation of women in male bonding, is what I had with my older brother. Which I don't know his darken story.

Our early childhood memories make up lessons to learn from. With family I have learned to appreciate the good in my life because I know that I was hungry, bullied.

What felt knowledge I have or emotional intelligence have I experienced in my life? I had church, religion. I had culture and tradition, customs and spirituality. I had family and native communities. My experience with First Nation communities was coming from understanding. Emotional independence and standards of living is what I'm used of. I've come from broken homes and lies. Hypersexuality affected me in ways of pedophiles and girls. I was molested and nobody wanted to learn about that. Definitive explanation of my life would diagnose me with past emotional upheavals where my step uncles took advantage of me and ruined me in some fashion.

I couldn't read books about sexuality in my teen years because it wasn't healthy in my stepmother's eyes. She thought oppressing me was the right thing to do. Intellectual truth wasn't her strong suit.

She wanted control over my life and emasculated me in sexuality, intelligently and creatively. She wanted that kind of control over my life because she believed in my incorrigibility. I was corrupted because I was a male. I couldn't really enjoy my range, depth, scope and calibre of my personal writings and linguistic developments. People didn't believe what my biological mother believed. I was sexual intelligently and I wanted my independence to exposed Curly for being such a oppressor in my life. I couldn't learn about language I'm doctors' styles and publications. There had to be, always something wrong with me. Her anxiety was blocking me from being truly an intellectual authority.

Everyone didn't want me to explore doctors' intellectual works and insights in books because they didn't want me to surpass them. Caregivers only do the bare minimum.

But they don't care whether I can ask for my own collection of books at a teen years. I could've laid the intellectual foundation of my reading selections by choosing doctors that had talked about sexuality, body, mind, questions of consciousness and metaphysics. Intellectual truths should be free and stupidity-free. Because my step parents didn't have any interest in my works. 

They wanted me to be controlled or patrolled by them because my writings was aiming for my emancipation of their political, social and cultural and economic influences. I did not want to become another brick in the wall. Their influences only reached to their family control methods and influential strategies.

They emotionally reach me because they didn't want me to have any thoughts on my own. But I had thoughts and felt knowledge to have my emancipation from them. I wanted to have my life together without them.

That don't mean I wanted fiends, addicts, bullies, schemers in my life. Of course I was busy building my life up. Generational ontological causes and curses have left me in the dark. I couldn't remember what I did because I had trauma in my life. They knew what I was aiming for and intimidated and disabled me in ways where I couldn't cook and have my own routine. They wanted me to cherish their fuck up-ness. And learn what they have learnt. I couldn't become an emancipated teen because I had enemies in my life. I knew the necessity to use my life skills and practice what I've been taught on my own.

It seems like my stepparents don't want me to appreciate my own cooking and happy home. I know that I had to use my life skills because it was a necessity. But I needed an online account with Amazon and RBC. I needed to work on a few areas of my life.

I'm fucked up and I don't have it in me to live my life. I know that people don't want me to live my life because they wanted convenience for them. But in the context of Mawita'mk Support System I'm happy, educated and on pretty good terms of independence with Mawita'mk Society. Of course I miss my old places because I had freedom, independence but no level of education and employability. I have that now and I want to move back home after living in We'koqma'q community, after I get my fitness and second transplant kidney. 

But with Mawita'mk I do because they've treated good all those thirteen years. My reasons to stay here is piling and compiling. I have it good here and so think the blood family. Simply because I have too many disabilities to handle on my own. 

The reasons why I needed people in my life like Mawita'mk Society, NSCC and We'koqma'q, is because I needed that kind of love and appreciation. I needed to be comfortable and safe and secured. So here I'm pretty fucking comfortable, safe and secured here. I have three meals a day and a good sleep during the night. I don't have to worry about anything here. 

Have to be professionally honest because I don't have my own life in We'koqma'q community. I'm still learning about the We'koqma'q community members and who has accomplished, who is bad and who is responsible.