My Old Routines

Before I went insane or moved to Leonard Paul's apartment building. I'd moved to Eskasoni, Horseshoe Drive Apartment 50. I had a good simple life because I did not needed anyone in it. I know that I had been meeting people who wanted to ruin my life. 

Rob Shipley kept on breaking into my place to steal certain groceries because I did not eat(so he claims). It wasn't my problem that he had to pay Eskasoni Welfare for his schemes. I know that I did not have any happy home with him. It was desolate every time he left. I couldn't have a secured and safe apartment because I never experienced that. I know that people kept on sneaking in while I went on a job.

People did not wanted me to get ahead. They wanted my place to be under my name and them playing around with my place. My place was unsafe, unsecured and dangerous to live in. I didn't have any friends to back me up or had security cameras from friends.

But before that I would cook, clean and keep my place organized and ready. I know that I didn't have any stable routines or safe or secured places. I know that before I let people in I was busy with pop bottles and shaving. Brushing my teeth and showering. And enjoying my place full of groceries. I collected pop bottles and did land-maintenance jobs around my family's places. I knew that I did not need anyone. I just had to make my home happy and cozy and warm by winter. And nice and cool during the summer. I know that I did not needed anyone's schemes or thefts. Or bossy demands telling me that I have to turn my radio down.

It wasn't their business. And I'd loved and valued that apartment. I loved, valued and appreciated that apartment. I know that I've had many losses and pains in my life. It was a managerial game of losses and pains.
I remembered that I had to pick pop bottles and glass bottles, cans and beer bottles. 

Clean'em, Count'em, sort'em and bag'em. I had a real good simple life. Wake up and make pour cereal or cook breakfast. Make coffee for the day and discover a story with my books. I had choices though, listen to radio or read a book. Which I knew that I could've defended my own place. I did odd jobs and other money-makers to supplement my Eskasoni Welfare. Small monies and I was a single guy who did not have any outstanding bills to my name. No troubles or no schemers, addicts, bullies or bullying schemers.

I did not have any experience with inviting people over. And the biggest critics are the biggest blamers who are responsible and accountable for the biggest crimes in my life. I know that I did not have any hells when I'd first moved to Eskasoni. Mari Kathryn Joe.

Mari Kathryn Joe and Rob Shipley wanted me to supplement their groceries for fair treatments and quality of life. That's been tempting to harm them. They are the biggest schemers who don't work. If they put much efforts into working instead of scheming. I know that they've would've had a good financial system. Of course they would deny me this because Rob Shipley didn't break my door down. He would deny it and lie about it.

But before all that I had a real simple life. I had Vincent Marshall senior in my life who wanted the best for me. And I know that I had a lot of people tell me that Rob was a bad guy. But I only seen him broke my door down once. And I had my door broken into many times. 

Now? I have experienced Eskasoni in the Darkest ways. Legitimate concerns were about food security and physical safety. And I was on survival mode. I did not have any good loyal friends.

They've been shunning me and I know that I couldn't really visit them because I did not have any reasons to. I was on Eskasoni Welfare and my supplementations were pop bottles, small jobs, odd jobs, yard work and house work. And jobs that required a chainsaw or tools. I could've been working with William Young but my step uncle wanted control over that. And say that I don't have any rights to use my skills. I could've worked in Eskasoni Public Works being a Skilled General Laborer. Or Eskasoni Housing Department as a First Year Carpenter and Skilled Laborer. My highest level of education is trade school: NSCC Construction Trades Labor program. I got my First Year Carpenter but I need a refresher course in Carpentry Certificate program. It's a year program.

I don't have any good friends to help me out when it comes to jobs. And I don't like people that want to control my life.

I know that I want to get all new tools and measuring tape. I want to get the latest technological tools in carpentry and hopefully learn what I need to, to succeed in carpentry. 

Carpentry is a simple nail-hammering kind of woodwork. Nobody wanted to teach me anything because my stepfather cheated me out of my lessons. So did my step uncle. 

Hopefully I can get something going for myself in Eskasoni. Hopefully I can get a NSCC Carpentry Diploma program and use my training for tge Certificate program. I mean practice makes perfect and I haven't really accomplished, done or worked a job, fitness and schooling.

Framing with my stepfather was pretty cool. At first we had a bunch of help. Ray and Dodo and dad and me. I had a good bonding experience with him. I know that my step uncle Dodo wanted me to make a mistake. Yeah he wanted control over my mind.

And tell his version of things. I know that I don't have any powers over my own mind to get to the truths and facts of my life. Every once of energy he'd spent was in his mind game. He wouldn't find my abusers because they'd all was accounted because of his cheating with my biological mother. They all hid in that dirty little corner of my mind and there they will stay. I don't want him winning this argument. I hate him for controlling, patrolling and managing my mind. I wanted to see him tortured and tormented. He has brought me hell through his heaven. But I know that he wanted me lying.

I know that old darkness. It's addictive and sticky. I cannot seem to escape my own doom while I lived in Eskasoni. I just let people in and couldn't shut the door. My family is welcome and sober friends. Now? I have an accomplished past in We'koqma'q community.

I have a formal level of education, erudition and employability to make my life good. Transferable skills(Employability skills) are a good thing. I have transferable skills, qualifications, level of education, erudition and employability. To make my own case to work in Eskasoni. But I think I will earn a professional reputation in We'koqma'q community. And have my second transplant kidney here because you'll never know when you'll need support. I don't trust myself starving myself. I know that I have to make my own profile in We'koqma'q community. But I am such a liability that I couldn't provide for myself.

My struggle with being independent is because Mawita'mk Society wants me to rely on them. I don't want that kind of lifestyle in my life. Yes, my quality of life has improved greatly. Yes, I have better safety and security. But I want to provide for myself.

I know that Eskasoni isn't a safe place because of the murders and beatings I'd received from Eskasoni members. I know that they don't regret anything and in that they would do it again. Me? I couldn't get justice or vengeance because everyone have controlled everything. They didn't want to let go because they'd hoped for something. Like deaths in a family and me left exposed to them. I know that I couldn't live my life how I'd seen fit because I couldn't really enjoy myself. I know that my hometown home was a battleground. 

And everyone have invited themselves to my place.

Broke things and had the nerve to say "oops". Like they are fucking faggots. I hate the fact that everyone let themselves in and ruin my sense of peace and simplicity. I hate the fact that I didn't have any powers to stop people from ruining my life in Eskasoni. And telling me that I deserved all that.

I know that they didn't care for me. Much like my step uncle did. I know that I was suffering bullying schemers and professional liars. I know that I didn't mean to do certain things in my life like go Rob Shipley's place. I know that I did not have any support to get my full driver's license. And I didn't have any support in getting a job. People kept on bullying me and where was my stepfather in all this? 

Eating a big Mac on my bed. People are lucky that I didn't train for boxing or martial arts. I would've fought back and defended myself but I did not have any muscles. And I'm close to being 40. I'm 37 years old and still don't have any fitness I want.

I know that I'd spent most of my twenties picking pop bottles and working odd jobs. But I moved at the half way point of my twenties. When I was 25 and went back to school. I'd faced discriminations and celibacy. But I was becoming sober.

Rob Shipley didn't know what to do. And my step uncle was beating all through my life. I still don't get any justice or vengeance. I didn't have any level of education, erudition and employability in my early twenties. But as soon as I got my graduation I wanted my full driver's license and full-time employment. I had to become a Skilled General Laborer. As I was learning Trades I had appreciated the value and importance of a good physical fitness. My next step in my life was to become physically healthy. And build my life with Mawita'mk Society. Hopefully to build a physical fitness where I could do backflips and front flips. Hopefully I can become muscularly physically fit.

I want to become physically coordinated, balanced and flexible. I want to become agile and versatile with my own body. I want to be able to do calisthenics and gymnastics and weight training in a long time. That's the goal.

To get a muscular physical fitness and a six pack. And be physically conditioned and coordinated. I know that this place is home, sweet home. And I know what it's like to be defenseless against bullies, addicts, fiends and bullying schemers. That's the demographics I've faced in Eskasoni. I did not have any peaceful experience. Home, sweet home is Eskasoni but I know that I'm changing my perspective on how good Eskasoni could be. I know that I did not have any friends in Eskasoni that would make it worthwhile to live in Eskasoni. Sometimes I feel trapped and stagnant. A type of quiescent where I cannot escape the dormancy.

I know that I have a level of education, erudition and employability and, qualifications for jobs in entry-level employments. But I don't think I could without my fitness. I know that I'll need to work on it.

But I do wonder if I had my WiFi and Communication bundle in my own apartment, would I lived a better life in Eskasoni. I know that people don't want me to get in touch with cops because they wanted me to call up the numbers they thought would make my life more miserable. I know that I had enemies and in that they came by the drones of addicts, bullies, fiends and bullying schemers. Except certain elders and friends and family members. 

I was in serious dangers and I couldn't trust anyone because Rob Shipley took me down the rabbit hole. He doesn't face much reality in his life with mental health literature. He would rather use my books to cheat me out of my comfort with my books. I know that I didn't have any friends to help out in real meaningful way. I couldn't really get justice or vengeance or become formidable in any way because they would come after me. 

Dodo is a motherfucking incestuous pedophile and don't want that kind of responsibility and accountability in his name. He wants to convince the world he is clean, sober and innocent. I don't think I could control my own kind because Dodo have been for years. I could feel his powers of persuasion and how he disarms me. He has been financially, economically, socially, personally and culturally dominating me in every way. 

I didn't have any powers because he was hiding extremely and he knows he has this in a bag. He knows he is hiding my abusers and getting away with it too. I know that I don't have anyone to stick up for me because my family is getting old. And I don't have any fitness, martial or boxing experience, or anything that would promote muscles.