Righteous Love, Family Psychology and Addictions

Somtimes things can be disguised as righteous love. Through family psychology and mind games, you become a skilled professional liar. What is a lie and what is maximum intellectual creativity? 

People can discriminate based on family psychology. The truth about family is that they are much important to you as they are in your life. That's what Barbara said. I had no real love and deep attachments of loyalty and mutual respect from this mixed step family. I never was something dateable. I look for truths, facts and love. I know that I don't have any real meanings from marriage, dates, long-term relationship or anything like that. I'm more likely to be alone for the rest of my life because I don't have any attractive desirability or qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height or riches. But my family would strengthen that inner beauty! 

But I have wasted my twenties because I don't have any long-term relationship experience. I know that I wanted to choose from people that wasn't native.

I know that righteous love isn't righteous love. 

I know family psychology and mind games from my life experience. I know that I don't have the best health and fitness. Well actually I am a little overweight and don't have any muscular fitness. I'm no go-getter because I would've had my graduation at a teenage year. Native women wouldn't find me interesting let alone white girls I am interested in. My step parents were so cheap that they didn't want me in any organizations, organized sports, martial arts, social media, music or audio and video. And my appointments were always important because the Morrison family wanted to know everything about me.

I know that there wasn't any boundaries or limits of accessibility that the Morrison had. I know that I did not have any special protection, connection or anything in Eskasoni because of the Morrison.

And I did not have any dates because my step uncles were fucking every eleven years old on the block. I couldn't have any women I wanted because circumstances happened and I'm hated by people from Eskasoni. I know that my cousin Ray has been abused. Or so it seems. I don't know how many times his ass been abused. And I know that I am straight because I don't have any fucked up thing like cocaine. I am still learning about mental health literature because nobody in Eskasoni wanted me to focus on my learning through books. They were so traumatized that they didn't know what they wanted.

Hypersexuality, inhalants, weed or Marijuana, alcohol and gambling. All because I couldn't get a proper date. I did not have any smartphone and financial abuses happened every time I had money. I did not have any checks. I have a fear of commitment and I don't believe in being a soul mate.

Everyone wanted to control me and I know that therapy is just for trauma only. Not anything else. All the wrongs, types of abuse, types of mistreatments and the sneaky ones too. I know that people don't want me to enjoy life because they are fucking crazy. In general, it is a rule not to trust anyone because of my experiences. Simple happiness, simple paradisiacal home. That's what I had with righteous love when my biological mother was alive. I could've worked something out with my mom and I could've made her confess. She was about to and then she died. 

The way she left me wasn't with the righteous love. It was something of a burdens.

My step uncle wanted me to keep the covenant of secret-keeping. That ass hole wanted me humiliated, bullied and discriminated against. I know that nobody looked out for me in Eskasoni.

All those bitches and assholes wanted me to fail as a human being. They'd relished in my defeats, they'd enjoyed my humiliations and barriers, they'd wanted me to suffer because they were troublemakers. All of them seeked ways to control me, to patrol me and to keep me silent. That's why all those people wanted me to fail miserably, at being a human. They all wanted me to suffer because I was way too happy and innocent at first. Until my cousins did something to open me up to changing my emotional/mental heaven into their crooked personal, playground of hell. So they wanted me to suffer because they'd chosen my life to ruin.

I know that here I get free meals, have free communication bundle, have free clothes and shoes, have free rides and support. I know that I've been here for thirteen years and accomplished a lot while I'd stayed here. I just got to work on my fitness.

Losing weight and building muscles. I know fitness knowledge and I know that I'm happy that I'd moved away from Eskasoni. A lot of shit is going down and everyone wants everyone to suffer. It's tense and condense, I don't have any wishes to move back home. I am glad that I got away from all that and in my life now, I am happy that I have a safe and secured place to live at. I just have a lot of support in building my muscles and training for shadow boxing. I know that I have tons of reasons to live here and I have every right to live at Mawita'mk Society. Hopefully I can build a good professional reputation in We'koqma'q community when I do get my second transplant kidney and fitness. 

I know that in Mawita'mk Society I am glad because I got food today. And I got done my dialysis. I don't want any repeats of my past experiences. So I'll stay away from Eskasoni and work out my homesickness somehow. I am done with Eskasoni.

I have a new life. My step uncle has confessed to my stepfather. I have a good life for thirteen years. Drug and alcohol free, educated and Certified in Trades and driving. 

Confident that I will be able to lose weight with Mawita'mk Society on my side. Happy, appreciative and loving the fact that I get tea and cookies at dialysis. And I get three meals a day, have the best support staff, Ideal and healthy home. Smoke-free since 2013 and have new smartphone and sisters who have been technologically savvy. Loving the fact that I get to go vacation with my family. Having knowing that I get to enjoy their food and Communication bundle. And learning about what my nieces and nephews.

Culturally certified and certified in First Aid. Of course I have to renew all my NSCC Certificates or safety tickets. I know that I could learn a thing or two about working in trades.

And have that classic moment of happiness that'd I've graduated, job satisfaction and pride in my professional quality of work, work performance and workethic. Take pride in my professional reputation and professional assurance and attendance. And have a happy life in We'koqma'q community. I willed myself to sobriety with my first inhalant addiction. 

And that was long ago. I know that nobody wanted me to personally grow, learn and expand my mind. I know that I needed to focus on one thing at a time. And I needed to get my biological mother's confession. I know that I was abused but in what way? Oh how I can count the ways. I know that the legitimacy and reason that I was abused was because my step uncle and biological mother wanted me to keep a secret.

To get the story and experience right, do I have to write about my experiences in my hometown?

I know that I love Mawita'mk Society and I appreciate everything they do. That's why I want to stay here because they've treated me with such kindness, compassion and understanding that they've broke through my walls of defense. I know that I also know the benefits of being independent: sex with women, money(work or odd jobs), family benefits and having coping skills repertoire in use. I know that I had to use everything in my arsenal to cope. I've had people humiliate me in every way. I know that I don't have any woman by my side because I have enemies who disguises themselves as friends in Eskasoni.

I know that addictions and recovery takes the continuance of saying that I'm an addict. I know that gives me reasons to fight on. I am straight but people love to control my destiny. I know what I've been taught by Eskasoni Rehab.

The demon in me wants to get vengeance. I have no muscles or training in any sports like boxing or martial arts, to defend myself. I was completely dominated in Eskasoni and couldn't see the power. I know that I never dominated anyone and I know that I never had any justice or vengeance. These punk bitches think I'm stupid, that I don't know the difference between actual fighting and being man-handled. I know that I don't have any friends willing to train wit me. I had all the necessary things to work out. I know that the good guy in me wants justice and I don't even get that. I'm deprived of vengeance and justice.

That's how controlled I was. My step uncle wouldn't allowed me get Redemption because he wanted me to suffer more. I know that he didn't want to acknowledge the real damages of my emotional weight in the ocean.

My step uncle knows how to get away with certain things. He knows how to get away from punitive experiences. He is anti-authority and wants me to act like him. I know that I hate his guts because he didn't allowed my anger to be directed at him. He and Chuck wanted to ruin my life. I cannot seem to explain why Chuck is a pedophile. They've already said their stuff. And I know that they've controlled, patrolled and managed me every step I took. My stepfather not only held me back, he has allowed pedophiles to guide me in my life. And they've done a shitty job at it. I got people that want to ruin my good name. And I have people that are jealous and envious of my opportunities.

I hadn't the girls I wanted. I hadn't the right life I needed. I never had the right influences in my life. And I never was strong. Having been something of rationalizing in the dark. I don't think I had a good image to begin with.

Righteous love have left me stuck in a Beta state where my step uncles, who were pedophiles, molded me in ways where they got away from justice or vengeance. I know that I don't have any powers or respect because the knowledge I was deprived of. 

And the opportunities I was deprived of from my step family. But my step uncle told my stepfather, not in the way I wanted but I have been unsatisfied. It was a catastrophe right from the beginning and my step uncle beaten me into silence. I know he was my bringer of devastation and I couldn't live a normal kid's life. I know that I wanted to tell my stepfather so badly, of what I'd sawn and witnessed.

I know that I have went through a lot and this, all this blogging isn't half of the history of my disabilities. I know that I want the right to tell my own story in full. And work with therapeutic tools and coping skills to make this kind of intellectual work.

To be culturally and intellectually relevant, I have to learn about every little minutia and detail in my life, in this entire world and in scientific researches and philosophical developments. I have to tell my story in ways that reflect my knowledge, cultural traditions and psycho-spiritual experiences. I know that I love Mawita'mk Society because of religion, culture, customs, spirituality, tradition, heritage and psychology. They've become something relevant in like a family. Simply because they support me and enjoy working for me. I know that I have to tell my story in ways that are relevant to scientific relevance and philosophies that I want to use.

I know with religion, my soul have been tested by a couple of pedophiles like my step uncles. My faith have been tested in ways where I'd learned hatred can serve, the hatred of evil, but I needed to relate with evil because I needed to accept my fate.

I know that I had been something of rationalizing in the dark and trying to accept certain things because my step uncles made my physical life, my mental and emotional life a hell to remember in Eskasoni. I know that I did not enjoy my life the way I wanted to fully because my step uncle wanted control over my life. So did my step parents because I did not have any desires in their eyes. I couldn't get laid in my teen years. And all of my male cousins took everything and ran with it. 

Nobody could help me because I was older than them. I did not have any self respect to fight back against my step parents, my step uncles and everyone that wouldn't let me have my life in independent liberty.

In Eskasoni I have enemies that are close to me, have dysfunctional relationships and have common dysregulated minds of friends. I know that I don't have any attractive qualities or characteristics or traits.

My native beauty isn't up to standard. I know that I don't have any attractive desirability or qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height. I know that I'm unworthy of beautiful ladies and dating. I know that people think that dating is sex but it isn't, there is a whole tradition and etiquette behind dating. Dating is taking a woman out and enjoying the sceneries, making moments and memories. And moments are special but not as much as memories. Dating is a checking of compatibility and other things. Could you live with this person? What's the likeability or likelihood of living with this person? Do you see marriage or long-term relationship with this person? Could you tell your vision of your shared future?

Dating is making moments to remember. And to create shared memories to test how you see your shared future with that person. Hand-holding, sharing a shake or watching the sceneries or natural beauty or movies. I know that I have been learning from Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Rollo Tomassi. And learnt that there is a Dr. John Gottman type of relationship or Dr. Rollo Tomassi type of relationship. You either share your life with someone or you keep on searching for hook-ups, one night stands, booty calls and side chicks. 

Me? I don't have any of that because I never had any real smartphone or cellphone or flipphone or iPhone in my twenties. There is an element of risk and stress in paying bills. And my half-blooded sister said she would pay: Katt would. I know that I've made mistakes and had misapprehensions in my past which my baby sister have used before. 

Dating is much like going dancing in a studio, going to do shared activities with each other. And enjoying sex after a good night. There are books out there for getting women into bed, then there is books for relationship quality and love. Yes, there is an element of risk to run but you have to make clear your intentions and motivations. 

I know that I'd missed my opportunities in my twenties because I was not a high value man. People driven me insane with all the abuses, mistreatments, sufferings I had to do. And suffering is enduring the difficulties, tough decisions and abuses that I had to go through. It's common for dysfunctional relationships in life and that's why Eskasoni people are do toxic. That's why in this hateful, competitive, indiscriminate and toxic world of addictions and discriminations and hypersexuality is so cold. The cruelties are unfathomable. 

I know that I was humiliatingly man-handled more than once. And I know that all those guys that have man-handled me wanted me in my weakest form instead of getting exercising equipments and start training with me. All those guys were cowards and punk ass bitches because I did not possess the motivations to work put consciously, intently and seriously. I know that most of those guys think that they are bad asses when most of them did crimes and done things that would make the devil come out. 

All these bad asses know how to weasel out of responsibility and accountability. They get me a little drunk to motivate me. And I know that they wouldn't of faced me in peak, strong conditional physique. And well trained and experienced in sparring. I know that they wanted to be cowards because they would mess with me: a disabled, poor man, Indigenous descendant, bachelor nerd who don't have much sexual experiences as they have. 

I did not have the same opportunities like most kids because my stepfather was cheap, holding me back for very good reasons. One I am disabled Indigenous descendant nerd who nobody wants. I know that I'm nor we'll known by these country girls or native women. Secondly, I am a nerd. The poorest kind of nerd who my step parents trained and worked at for years. They've trained me to be a Beta male follower. 

Now they have reasons behind that kind of training. I am diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic and I have plenty other reasons why I cannot dominate my foes. I cannot train because I got no Space in Johnny's Gym or any gym. I'm the guy who everyone wants to keep ignorant, inexperienced and damaged goods. They all want to control, patrol and manage my life to their convenience. I never experienced my own personal powers over my own life. 

Learning about DPA, Diffuse Physiological Arousal. A man thing that have been with the evolution of man. When a man gets flooded, their response to it is a primary problem-solving. And works things out. To figure things. But that's not what you do with a woman you're I'm a long-term relationship with. You listen and if she gets you riled up, you have to communicate by saying "Look I cannot talk with ya right now, I need to go calm down". 

Management skills through family psychology is a set of life skills and coping skills. I either arise and overcome this or either remain stuck with it. I have two choices when it comes to letting the past go. And I do have a pretty awesome present moments. I get right happy every time the workers bring me out of that rut.