Strugglin' With A Lot Of Discriminations

Before I went mentally unstable a little. Before I went back to my old addictions. I was sobering up and smoking cigars and cigarettes. I know that I didn't need to back in 2005 be this kid who needed much to grow. I know how to cook and build. I just didn't remember because my step uncle was hiding. 

I was living in Sydney, Cornallis Street where the most racist people lived. Schemers and Liars. I know that I did not needed to get back home. I know that certain people tried to rip me off and I did not have any respect to work, live and use my skills. Feeling like I was trapped in a world where nobody was proud of me, not even my family. They were jealous and wanted me to suffer. Certain family members.

I've been struggling with work discriminations from landlords and the people who wanted me to stop doing what I needed to do. I know that I've been learning about psychology.

And learning about how discriminations works within the organizations. Ableism, sexism, classism, hypergamy, colorism. Just to name off a few and how marriage works within a community. Nobody believed in my abilities to take good care of myself. That's a form of ableism and opinions that keep me down. I have a book called The Psychology of Prejudice and Discrimination. But I am working on Dr. Gabor Matè's work and Dr. Rollo Tomassi's work. And Dr. John Gottman's work. I want to be knowledgeable in every psychological works I could possibly get my hands on. I know that the intellectual works have been enlightening and educational in ways of words and insights. They've put words together that I haven't yet figure.

I know that I'm surrounded by Mawita'mk staff, growing my friends' circle and learning how people work. Well networking.

I know that I have friends on my list of people on my Facebook, LinkedIn, Tumblr and other online accounts. But in We'koqma'q community they really want me to stay. Fear can be a powerful motivator to stay. I know that I've been through many hells and I know that I never had once a rest from abuses, mistreatments and blames. But I could take jokes and I could be picked on in ways. 

Legitimate concerns I used to have was food security, cleaning supplies security and safety. If I do move those legitimate concerns would come back. I know that Eskasoni hadn't changed for anything. I know that I am loved and valued by family. Feeling like I've never had a happy home.

A happy home is where I could cook meals, bake and clean. A happy home is secured and safe. It's where I have my sanctuary to keep things in my hometown home. It's where I invest my money the most.

And it's where I store my food, video games, board games, pictures, credentials. It's where I could take showers and baths. It's where I could pay for Eskasoni Communication bundle. And it's where I could rest when I have all my chores done. Personal leadership is taking this happy home and making it my own. I know that I want to develop, grow and learn in my happy home. And rest, relax and chill in my happy home. I clean my messes and I know that nobody bosses me around in my home. Nobody! Rob Shipley have broke into my home many times during my time in Eskasoni. And Rob have been sneaking into my apartment when I'm not home.

Al and my stepfather has proven over and over again that he was breaking in. And I think he is patrolling me on my Facebook. I know that I had sleepless nights because I felt so unsafe. And I know that I did not have anything secured and safe in my own home.

People wants me disempowered to live my life. They all want me disabled so badly that I become reliant and an invalid for the rest of my life. My stepfather isn't going well with being the father of the year. And learning all these life skills from a book. I know that I needed a good loyal friend. Rob Googoo was that friend who told me things. I am weaken and disabled to the point where I cannot defend myself. I have good friends who was telling me that Rob Shipley was bad news. I should ditch him and his psycho girlfriend. I know that I was beaten and taken advantage of. There was no essential needs met and there wasn't any choices to begin with.

I'd tried to be friends with a person that have taken full advantage of me. Humiliations after humiliations and break-ins. I felt like everyone in Eskasoni wanted me to suffer. I was beaten many times and I couldn't really enjoy myself in my own hometown home.

They've taken full advantages of everything. As soon as I was alone they taken advantage. Larcenies, thefts, traumas, periods of malnourishment, barriers, rejections, pains, heartaches, addictions, discriminations and homosexual abuses. I know that in Eskasoni I wasn't treated any good. My childhood and teen years have been riddled with addictions and I reached a point in my life where Eskasoni is home, sweet home but I don't have any respect, prowess, powers, skills, talents, sports skills, billiard skills. I didn't have anything attractive or accomplished because Eskasoni was full of bullies. RCMP  didn't want to help me. Nor did Chief and Council.

I know that family did not want me living on my own. And everyone didn't want to leave me alone. I know that people didn't want me to have a happy home. So after thirteen years in consideration of going back.

I don't think I would be fit to go back because I haven't recovered from mental illness and didn't get my fitness. I am accomplished now, I have a level of education, erudition and employability. But Eskasoni has blacken my vision to live in Eskasoni that I don't have any desire to move back. They've wanted me to fail as a human being so that way they could beat and mistreat me and abuse me in every way. I don't have any muscles to defend myself. I don't have any motivation from my so called friends to exercise. I don't have any advises like that because it's difficult to motivate people in Eskasoni. I know that I don't have any love from certain people. It's been thirteen years and still people have their opinions about me.

I know that they always want me believing in their innocence. They always want me learning about their history of doing good deeds. I know that people have held me back.

People in Eskasoni have held me back in ways that deprived me of certain rights. I know that nobody in Eskasoni would be accountable and responsible. I know that I've had many losses. I know that I needed to relax in my own home after work. I know that if it was just me it would've been cleaned, neat and organized. But I know that people have been my biggest critic and I know too, Mawita'mk Society has been my biggest critic. In Connie Peck's eyes I haven't proven myself. In couple worker's eyes I haven't proven myself. And by the feel of it they don't want me to, too.

Constructed criticism is a good thing. But I want to use my life skills and what I have for my own place without Mawita'mk Society. I want to move out and enjoy my own home. I know it has been thirteen years in We'koqma'q community. And nobody confessed to anything.

But I want to earn a good reputation in We'koqma'q community. I want to earn a good professional reputation in We'koqma'q and have everything I need, to work and earn a living. I hope that I could get used of a job in ways of efficiency. I want to grow accustomed physically to professional efficiency. First I have to get my fitness and walking conditioning. Hopefully I can grow physically conditioned to professional efficiency and schedule. I know that I did gotten used of being on company's time. I'd worked for Eskasoni Public Works(Six weeks of paid internship), Allsteel Coatings Company, Eskasoni Housing Department and We'koqma'q One Stop.

Now I'm working for Mawita'mk Work Program. Hopefully I can make my life available for fitness and other things.i know that I have something charming. But what is it? I don't know because women are different.

Every personalities I meet up with has  different perspectives. I know that I have been learning there are commonality in their perspectives. I know that I have been here for thirteen years and accomplished a lot while I was here. I love Mawita'mk Society because they know how to make me happy. Get me out of my mind and enjoy a good movie. I know that I've accomplished a lot during my time in We'koqma'q community but it depends on what I earn in education and work. Feeling proud where I come from I know that I'm happy where I'm at. My hometown is tough to live in but I don't have any strengths to protect myself. Strugglin' with work discriminations in my past. I know that I have to write about it.

I know that I'm accomplished with a level of education, erudition and employability. I have a good collection of books in my room and in the Mawita'mk den.

I know that I could use my level of education and employability in Eskasoni. But I want to earn more things here than ever. I have a level of education, erudition and employability in We'koqma'q community. And I know that I'm wanted back in We'koqma'q One Stop. I feel that I have a good life in We'koqma'q community. I won't have this kind of good life in Eskasoni because there isn't any society like Mawita'mk Society. And there isn't any group home like Mawita'mk Society. I am glad that I'm part of this Mawita'mk lifestyle and Member, client and resident at Mawita'mk Society. Hopefully I can pass this stage of my life by doing a lifting fitness and multiple exercises in my life.

I know that my responsibilities are in Mawita'mk Society but the life skills book I have isn't gonna do. I know that I cannot even purchase a car because of my disabilities. I know that I don't have any rights in buying.

I don't have any important aspects in my life other than my health. I don't have any car payments, I wasn't taught financial literacy and grocery list, I wasn't taught sports or how to measure. I couldn't do any cool science fair project. And I couldn't properly attend school because my step uncles wanted me out of school. They've taken my childhood and ruined it by introducing me to weed, cigarettes and alcohol. I couldn't really enjoy my own life because I knew that my step uncles wanted to ruin my childhood and teen years. I took pride in my first job with Eskasoni Public Works at Gabriel Center.

I had six weeks there and I know that I had to move out of that place. Nobody respected me in any way and I couldn't really enjoy myself because everyone bullied me. I know that certain people didn't like the fact that they were apart of my humiliations.

I know that I don't have any protection because Rob Shipley and John Robert distracted me from being educated. The philosophy they go by is that I don't get anything accomplished the more I'll give. I know that I don't have any respect from them because they don't know how to respect me. And I know that I want to hold them accountable and responsible for all the problems that have happened in my life. 

The more attractive they've made my place. The more I was dealing with addicts who wanted my place. I know that I don't have any respect of privacy and solitude. I would rather be alone instead of dealing with an indiscriminate, hateful and toxic world of addictions and discriminations and hypersexuality where I cannot get a moments rest. 

I know that now with my level of education and employability I could get a good job in Eskasoni. I know that I have to stay here because I've never really recovered from mental illness yet. And I know that because I am disabled Indigenous descendant nerd who cannot purchase my first car. Racism and ableism runs rampant in my life and because certain disability won't allow certain purchases. I know that I don't want any addict coming around bothering me.