Last Apartment.

My exhortations for doing good have been ignored. I know that I have full control of my own mind. I am extremely independent and I want to be thriving on my own. With the knowledge we possess in our modern times, I know that we are learning the importance of the neurobiology of parent/child loving and caring. With the Myth of Normal I'm learning a way of being in an unconditional loving place. 

How to speak the children's language and learn what they mean. I know that I love my nieces and nephews, I know that I love my siblings and uncles and aunts. I know that family pride in my teachings. A child needs emotional strength from a parent. She or he needs that concreteness of faith and love. To be unconditionally loved, unstressed, strong and from beingness.

My nieces and nephews, I could learn how to emotionally attuned to them. I think I am emotionally attuned to them?

I don't think I'm completely independent. I am looking for truths and facts, the very foundation of knowledge. Epistemologically speaking I'm used of studying, researching and reading articles, books and eBooks. I know that I was on their worrylist like Justin says. I was mentally unstable and I know that I'd suffering mental illness. I know that I need to work on my physical fitness health. But I know that I was mentally unstable, malnourished and hungry, bullied and discriminated, addicted and traumatized. 

Now? I have it made. I'd came far but I want to do so much more. I want to keep living until I can dance in the kitchen under the pale moonlight.

I am emotionally regulating, emotionally attuned and emotionally intelligent. I have experiences in emotions and learning about emotional connectivity. I know that I had my little private world of feelings and thoughts.

Fantasies that would be imaginable in ways where I was day dreaming of space travel in my soul or spacecraft, have oceans on other planets and have falling day dreams. These images are feelings unmet. My falling, my drowning and my space exploration all mean that feelings I've put away long ago. Well actually lightly dreaming. I know that I have put away these thoughts and feelings. I'd accepted my life and made a better shared fate with Mawita'mk Society and family and friends. I know that I was learning how traumas unacknowledged will eventually lead to amounting stress in your life. Will cause diseases and other physical health problems in the future.

I did not have any troubles with getting girls the usual ways. I know that I didn't have any dates in Eskasoni, in Eskasoni they think fucking is dating when it ain't. Dating is taking a girl out and enjoying her company.

I know that it happens a lot online. They go straight for sex and have to deal with emptiness. I know that I'm happy that I got Flat-screen TV in my bedroom, have cable and WiFi, have landlines in the house and have three meals a day here. I don't have to worry about defending my own place, having addicts, fiends, bullies or schemers here. I don't have to worry about anything in my bedroom. Other than my small double, double that Eddie Johnson would take in a second. I have Mawita'mk worries where I worry about the little things. No stressors or distressors.

I am happy because all my stuff is safe. But there are downfalls. Everyone here wants to get rid of my gaming systems and I know that I take good care of my things. Hopefully I can take my things back to Eskasoni where people have changed. I have changed and I am still learning, working on myself and growing.

Hopefully I can work on my understanding and comprehension with my books, eBooks and pdfs I have on my smartphone, with my bookshelves of books, encyclopedias, magazines, comic books and dictionaries. I am changing and thinking about relationships. Sharing my life with someone that won't cheat on me. Invest my life for this person would be something I would want to do. I want that kind of enrichment in my life. Feeling like I would have to be this guy who is an alpha all the time. Despite my many influential strategies and management skills in my life. I know that people want to control everything in my life. That because they want to measurably control my beliefs in manipulations, seductions and management of me.

I don't care if anyone wants to get to know me. I want to keep my world private and secured.

I want to keep everything I have and keep it under wraps. But I've written this far and I know that there is a lot of good in my life. I know that I have Mawita'mk Society in my life. That means I get Support Workers telling me what to do with my life. And I know that I have to deal with Support Workers' moods and feelings. I know that I don't get to get supported in my driving because Mawita'mk Support Workers wants to do that with their families. To them they don't have to support me and I don't have to see them as family. 

Even though Rosie is forcing that influential strategy on me. I know that I've been here for thirteen years and haven't accomplished much as I wanted to.

Yeah I'll admit it, there is a closeness to this lifestyle that grants that kind of family-like mentality. But that's all it is, psychology. 

Nothing more, no blood or genetics. I know that the neurobiology of this relationship is...

Somewhat good. Time and time again I've had to defend my stuff. And time and time again I want my apartment. I hear that it's the last time I'll ever get an apartment. I want my own place and incomes. I want my car in my driveway and I want to pay rent, groceries, Eskasoni Communication bundle and clothes and shoes and boots and everything I need with three different jobs. I know that I want to make money and build my professional reputation, quality touch and a good sensible spending on my part of my money. What others say or do is a projection of their reality. 

If they are doing two to three jobs, that mass inflation rates.

Darren knows that I would be taken a-back and shock at the prices these days. I have to prepare for an expensive standard of living or cost of living. Working on my physical fitness health I know that I have to take full advantage of my time in Mawita'mk Society.

I know that the inflation I need to check out on my own. Well I could check out the prices in Whycocomagh Co-op. I know that online grocery shopping, going to the Food Bank and going to Eskasoni Supermarket will do. It's good that I learn my boundaries with the Workers. But I know that means powers and a level of respectability. Darren have been doing this for years and respecting me to choose when I say when I should allow boundaries. But I know that I don't want to hear anything gross. In this line of work there is job descriptions that won't be mentioned but verbally taught. I know that I haven't really reached a comfortable state where I could be myself.

They don't care about anything but the damn truths of criminality. They want that bad man to become a sad man. They think I'm some sort of foolish boy. I have metacognitive abilities in my arsenal.

I know truths about women. I have Tik Tok, books and other things I know that would make sense in the long run. There isn't any powers in men's favors because rape is an option. I know that women don't have respect for feelings and thoughts of men. Cowardice of responsibilities and accountability, obligations and duties are a waste of good women. Derelictions because of unhappiness isn't an excuse. Women aren't practical but rather delusional and delirious. I am starting to see a pattern of re-inforcers of why women wants no boundaries.

I know that my sisterial powers are to have boundaries and being from a loving place. I know that I don't have the kind of right can-do attitude, growth mindset, being and spirituality of my sisterial goals of taking care of my nieces and nephews. They want to break the generational/ontological curses and hopefully build a better family.

The emotional intelligence I should have is the language of the kids. How they want to be. Apparently I have to come from a loving place to discipline(train and teach) the kids. I am a nobody and I don't have any bands or anything extra in my life. I am absolutely stagnant, professionally quiescent and stuck where I'm at because I don't want to work on my physical fitness health. Vickie and these white people don't want me to be tough. 

Because they want me to be dominated and oppressed. I know that people don't do what I want them to do. They practice ableism and discriminations through opinions and words. I know that I cannot trust anyone because they don't want me to get it right.

Like most of these white people have concrete thinking while I have abstract thinking as a Virgo. I know that I don't have any powers to get a job without We'koqma'q Tim Hortons.

I want to grow accustomed physically and professionally to three jobs on the schedule of my smartphone. I want to have Google schedule and planner app. Hopefully I can bring sone fitness to my life. Google calendar would help out greatly. I know that I want to have my own place. Hopefully I can pay rent, groceries, Eskasoni Communication bundle and clothes, shoes, car and everything I want and need on my own through three different jobs. But it's not worth being on my own because there are a lot of reasons to stay away from Eskasoni than to move back.

Why? Because I miss my independence and freedom? The standards of living wasn't enough. I have to learn about the cost of living in today's society. And I know that people don't know me as hard working. They don't want me to have any sense of service or volunteerism. That's what I'm doing with Mawita'mk Society, volunteering.

It's a protector/provider kind of thing. I want to thrive for myself because I want to provide and protect myself. I want my independence and freedom to be respected and valued. I know that a false sense of relevance or fallacies of relevance have been issued. Why should I take it on their inadequate reasoning and assessing their legitimacy of argumentation in being here. Let's say that staying here would have to be the better argumentation. The philosophical assertion of adequate reasons, discourse in powers and psychological works in discriminations and prejudice! Let's say that they read works of Western philosophy and off the Internet. And psychological works like Dr. Tian Dayton and the textbook The Psychology of Prejudice and Discrimination. Let's say that they've made that kind of psycho-epistemological/ontological/metaphysical kind of argumentation. This would be an rich conversation with Rosie.

But anyways. I would have to correct for the observational bias and confirmation bias. And make my adequate reasoning why independence is way much better. There is perks, benefits and joys of being independent and alone. Not the feeling of being alone but rather enjoying myself in solitude ideally because I got the right attitude about life skills, lifelong duties and a good sensible, mature and experienced mind about my cultural hometown. Safety and security, stability of routines and habits, mental health and giving certain people a second chance. 

Not for beating me but for accepting their acts and feelings about it.

I want to have an empathically, sensitively understanding and have a comprehension of them, but I don't want to be anyone's fool. I know that I would be if I do move back to my old apartment. Eskasoni hasn't changed and my bullies haven't either.

I know that I don't have any special skills like boxing or martial arts. But I know that I have to hear from certain people why Eskasoni have changed. And how they've changed. 

There have to be emotional literacy education and training. I was taught to exercise and people would use their special skills. I know that I want to move out and get a good job in Eskasoni. I don't want to be where I'm not really welcomed at. I know that for certain workers they want me gone. So when I do start working on my physical fitness health I hope that I could become more muscular and better. I want to feel better about myself and keep living a lifelong fitness lifestyle. I just need one or two good jobs.

I know that I can't make anyone like me. So I might as well invest in my future for a lifelong multidimensional fitness. Happiness in the misery of poverty was daily actions, weekly activities and rest on Weekends.

I want to drive myself back to my old apartment, with a new level of education and employability, job experience and money for First Month rent, Last month rent and security deposit. I know that I've been through hell and I know that I want to have a good life in Eskasoni. I want a happy home in Eskasoni. I know now I have online accounts like Amazon and RBC Royal Bank account. I know that I have to get a civic address and get my mail by mail. Hoping that I could have a car when I drive on out of here. I know that Eskasoni has a lot of good jobs in trades. I hope that I could get three jobs in We'koqma'q community. I know that people don't have faith in my ability, work endurance and professionalism, workethic and dedication to a job.

I know that I want to have money in my bank to build a garage in my old apartment on Horseshoe Drive. I know that I want to build a life but where is the question? I miss my hometown apartment but I don't want any repeats. I know that Rosie Basque is a good landlord but she isn't that influential. She cannot protect me and my things. 

But Mawita'mk apartment is much better because I could have a bunch of good safety, security and reasons to stay here. If I do get a car and three jobs, I hope that I could take znother whack at it and have my attitude about a lifelong duties called life skills, routine-building skills and habits. I know that I have to participate in a lifelong duties of my apartment. And build a good happy home in We'koqma'q community. 

I could ideally live here with Mawita'mk Society. Hopefully I can get my physical fitness health and have my second transplant kidney put in me. I don't know what the ideal weight is, that's why it's so hard. I need it on paper and I need it to be scaleable, easy to understand and comprehend. I know that I'd tolerated and endure many things. I know that I've been through many jobs in my time. In many poor economic positions and had to learn about personal leadership (Independence). 

I know that I need my physical fitness health for jobs, to feel better about myself, to look good, better stress management, better moods, perks of fitness is that I can be coordinated, balanced, healthy, agile and strong and flexible. I know that stretching can be something of a warm-up. I'll have energy to do my warm-ups and stretches in the morning. And have a more structured routine in We'koqma'q community where my fitness is part of my evening routines. 

I know that women don't want me because I am ugly, fat and have no incomes or anything. Thankfully I know that I have to work on my physical fitness health to feel better about myself, to feel more attractive and desirable. I want to work on my physical fitness health because I know that mastering my emotions and using the power of discipline will help out.