Last Home

I have forgiven my abusers and I put all that to rest. I don't want to deal with that anymore. Anyways personalized leadership versus personal leadership. That's been a topic of discourse in power. I cannot talk about it because I don't want to. I am simple, single and real. I keep my peace by not letting toxic women ruin my peace, harmony and happiness. Of deservingly so I want to thrive and work on myself through books and self help kinds of books. Educational experiences I've had was beneficial in ways where they'd prepared me well for a life I was going to have. Being comfortable with being independent is enjoying the perks, benefits, goals and accomplishments in my life.

I know that I had a good life We'koqma'q community. Feeling like I am not doing what I need to work on is something that I need to get over because I have a whole physical fitness health to work on.

Mike MacInnis is rushing things along and I know that I have need slowly learning. My head hurts with the amount of reading I've done. All of this is deep shit I have to learn about slowly. I know that I need to work on my understanding and comprehension the right way. People think I'm some sort of genius but really I read a lot. I haven't linguistically developed as I hoped to but I have linguistically developed in ways of having a dictionary and building vocabulary. My vocabularistic or vocabulary understanding and paragraph comprehension I need working on.

I know that I have a good few teachers, grandmothers have been guides and cultural support. I know that I have been living here for thirteen years and accomplished a lot while I'd stayed here. I know that I want to work on my whole physical fitness health and my philosophic understanding.

It was a thin layer of hope that everyone would figure out my past. But nobody wants to because I know that I'm hated but they hide it. I know that I need to relax and stay out of my past. My grave is buried and deepen. Nobody is popping that baby open because I am going to die a restless spirit. I know that I don't have any respect because they've would've asked me long fucking time ago about my child addictions. I was learning coping skills from an oppressed and manipulated state. I couldn't really use the coping skills properly. Learning that the discriminations are real and I don't have any attractive desirability or qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height or riches. Hypergamy is something that women practice. Not hypogamy.

I know that I don't want to be a restless spirit. I want to be at peace and make my choices accordingly.

I know that I am being kept close because they want me to spill. But I know that I am gone and I have to move on. Even though I want to learn what I can from these country white women. I know that I'm not loved or valued as a husband or boyfriend. I am the target and I have to work at my Redemptive works of self-forgiveness and self acceptance. I am being snuff out. I don't think I have any intellectual authority to stop them because I know that I'm still learning about relationships, women, types of abuse, types of love and meanings. I know that I don't fit any criteria for being an eligible bachelor. I don't have any powers or extra curricular activities in my past.

I had social abuse, economic abuse, financial abuse, sexual abuses and mistreatments. I know that I don't have any powers because that's been something that my stepfather was trying to accept.

I've been abused all around and I don't have any attractive desirability or qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height or riches. I am just a guy who couldn't succeed in life. Not until I gotten to Mawita'mk Society. Even that kind of celebration was questionable because I have been living at Mawita'mk Society. Not knowing that I have done it on my own. 

Throwing my independence into question because my sanity wasn't there. And I don't think I had any powers to use my words. 

There is equal toxicity on both sexes and the balance of powers is that mental health literature needs more research. The investigations into these toxic people and have the narcissistic and sociopathic CEOs or high status into questions.

Their only powers is to suggest, not tell me anything. I know that women have been living in Unama'ki and not embracing the culture.

If they want to work here they only have the powers to suggest here. Not tell me what to do. And certain workers don't respect that. I know that I haven't been able to control myself in these environments. Learning that certain white people don't have that kind of sensitivity or respect. I am reading shit like The Myth of Normal, In the Realm of Hungry Ghost, The Men's Guide to Women and The Rationale Male. Letting people know that I read these kinds of books brings a whole new substance, sensitivity and empathy from women, dating and bidding. I want to be well read like George Stroumboulopoulos. I know that I want to be well versed in the vocabulary of the World Bibliography of Sherlock Holmes and Watson, Gnostic religion and other books.

I want to revive the ideas of interesting books in Bookstores. What should be in print and what I should have for my personal library.

I want to be well read with my personal collection of books, encyclopedias and other books. I want to make my personal collection of books here. I am investing into my bedroom. I am making it smell good, look organized and put away. I'm buying stuff for it to spend more time into my bedroom. I am still learning about certain books. I know that I don't have any women with me so I might as well spend my money on me. Invest into my bedroom and make it the number one thing I'll go to when I run away in my mind. I know that no woman is interested in me and I know that I have been living here for thirteen years. So I might as well invest into this bedroom.

Hopefully, I could get something going for myself. Start a good walking regimen and have a bunch of good reasons to stay in my bedroom. Playstation 4 console and video games, radio and smartphone. Computer and laptop and tablet.

Have all my video games put away. And taken out when I can play them. I want that kind of power in my life, over my video game collection. Hopefully I can get my own place and second TV for personal use in my livingroom. I know that I want to grow my gaming experience in my own place. 

Hopefully I can get my friend Rob Shipley to take good care of my games. Hopefully I can get my Playstation consoles and get them to Rob Shipley's place where he can keep them safe and sound. I had online dating before and I know that I have been sexed but not loved. I know that Mawita'mk Society has been respecting me in many ways. Relaxed and listening to music while typing on my phone.

I know that I'm loved and valued here. Mawita'mk Society has been respecting my wishes for independence.

I know that Mawita'mk Society gives me reasons to stay here. They respect my independence and freedom. I know that I have to live my life with Mawita'mk Society because they've been instrumental, integral and simply there for supporting me in my goals of education and jobs. I know that I had to wake up at a certain time frame and I know that I was helped in that area. Get up, make my bed, take a shower and brush my teeth. 

Have breakfast and grab my lunch. They would help me in areas where I did not have to pack for lunch. They would support me like that. I had a roof over my head, three meals a day, good music and good company.

I know that I want to ideally enjoy my solitude but I think I want to go out exploring. Hopefully meet some people along the way. 

My stepfather has been teaching me so many things over the years. I know that he had his reasons to keep me away from certain things.

I did not have the beat health and nobody wanted me salsa dancing or anything. My stepfather taught me about the history of video games, TV, generational differences and all the building I needed back in 74th street. He was the one who wanted me to become a skilled landscaper, Carpenter(Builder) and cook. He let his mother teach me some cooking recipes and ingredients. What makes a difference in a good meal. She only taught me so much that I needed to study her recipe books. She loved cooking and wanted to pass that down. I'd enjoyed playing video games and listening to music.

I know that women online are either long distant or want money. I want to enjoy myself where I don't have to talk too much. I don't enjoy talking because I cannot seem to get the words out. Personalized leadership is worth my while.

Mawita'mk Society has been working towards personalized leadership where my personal leadership is respected and valued. I know that I am struggling with my fluid intake and being on my renal diet. I know that I don't fit the criteria of being independent. Belies the dangers of being on my own, I know that I need Mawita'mk Society to help me out. I know that it's culturally appropriate and right. 

Feeling like I have been living here for thirteen years and have accomplished so much. I know that I've been through many houses and apartments. I know that I want my last home to be my homey palliative care home. I know that I've experienced traumas and toxicity and addictions.

I don't want a bad reputation with my professionalism. What culture I was taught wasn't saving me. I know that they wanted me to ignore my past and stop with the accusations. I don't have justice.

And I cannot get any vengeance. Simply put it I'm royally screwed up while I'd lived in Eskasoni. There are people that want me to not accuse or blame. But they would rather me let go because they'd hoped that I'd forgotten. My mind don't work like that when there is truths to be known. I never had to move in with my step parents for a career change or anything. Thankfully I had my own places and I could say that'd I'd did pretty good. I know that I'm still trying to get another place in Eskasoni. Maybe my old place? 

Maybe I won't find any place? Maybe I'll just live here? I know that I'm at Mawita'mk Society and throughout my life I never was something to get a job. In Sydney they are all crooks and thieves.

I'd invested time and money to my little Nerdvana bedroom. Hopefully I can get something going with certain fitness gyms. I know that I love my bedroom smelling good.

Wondering how my life would be like with my level of education and employability in Eskasoni now? Wonder if I did have my physical fitness health and second transplant kidney, I wonder how'd my life would be like in Eskasoni? I know that I'm happy when my bedroom is freshly cleaned, organized and ready for guests. I know that with Tracy Russell I used to be relaxing in a clean bedroom, neat, organized and tidy. I think I got some abandonment issues and fear of commitment issues. The idea is that I have been heart broken and lost on a barren space land, on a planet where I couldn't make it back. I know that love is so close to me there and in this planet, I am a hollow shell of a body. Rich with hypersexuality, addictions and discriminations.

I know that I don't have any self respect because I've lost it when abusers took my innocence.

I want to come back to earth and make earth my home planet where I have a good deal of cultures, traditions and psycho-spiritual experiences. I know that I have been drowning in space oceans and I know that there are creatures there. Feeling like I needed to be on another planet. Hopefully I can travel in space and have my heart mended. I know that an female abuser gotten me and I know that I had to learn coping skills. I have to learn to live again but without my biological parents. I know that I haven't seen the courage to come up and tell my stepfather anything. I know that I never had any justice but too, good relationships.

They were mostly toxic and indiscriminate. They wanted me confused and stuck just right where I am at. Mawita'mk Society hasn't changed much over the years other than her structures and how they receive workers. Now I know that there is a bridging between.

Between white and native cultures. Now I could say there is an Intercultural relationship dynamics and in that we have been learning about Indian Residential Schools, Indian Act and other racist things in our ultimate life. It's a ongoing struggle of learning and doing. 

Hoping there will be momentum and direction in our shared reconciling of past events and our ultimate goal of Indigenous survival and sovereignty. Hopefully we can bring about knowledgeable people and share them with our workers. Hopefully there is productivity, shared reconciling, drinks and Intercultural discussions and relationships. Hopefully I can answer some of the questions they have.

I know that I've been seeking answers about publications and copyrights. I know that I want to have my poems copyrighted and published. Hopefully it tells a story and hopefully I can bring out a history of publishing my intellectual works.

I know that I have been learning about employability and training. I know that I've experienced employments, jobs, field of works and other things. I know that I did not have any respect for certain people because they wanted me to suffer. I know that I couldn't really enjoy my life fully because I don't have any full driver's license. Well I don't have my fitness and all the reasons and motives I have for doing fitness. 

It has been two years since I gotten on dialysis and 2021 was my biggest investment into dialysis and my bedroom. Hopefully I can exercise and workout. My last home was Leonard Paul's apartment building, when I was on my own. I know that I had that Apartment D on the end there. And I know that I want my last home to be a house where I can build a happy home, surrounded by my loved ones. 

Tonight I'd worked out and I'd lasted a minute. I know that I got my stationary bike and bench to work out on. Hopefully Rosie doesn't get rid of them, it cost me money. But I don't want this group home to be my last home. I want to get well and become successful, accomplished and thriving in my hometown. I want to drive myself around and have a bunch of good reasons to stay in Eskasoni, or New York bartending. I want to owe my own restaurant and lounge in New York. I want to earn all the financial knowledge and accounting on my own. 

I know that Mawita'mk Society wants me to stay here but I want to be on my own. With a level of education, a list of credentials and licenses. And have my professionalism in so many jobs. I want to be this guy who does 25-year careers in New York and have RBC Royal Bank there. Hopefully. I want an online professional schedule for my summer jobs, to my winter and fall jobs. I want to fuck again and have cigars and cigarettes. 

I want to cook and part-time bartend in my own restaurant and lounge. I know that I need to figure out certain people and have a bunch of drinks and menus. I don't know the land and hopefully I can get somebody to help out with New York. I want to be in the states and in Canada. I want to be sophisticated, educated and taught. 

I want to be advanced, worldly and having a degree of set of achievements, skills, milestones and licenses. At the beginning I suspect I will be working really hard. A couple of jobs I hope that I could master. Like driving professionally, bartending in New York and cooking there too. Having knowing my customers and bringing out the best through coping skills. 

I want to take pictures of my jobs I do. I want to have a good judgment of character and have my keen mind in this world. I need to work at learning the thieves and other con artists. I got to be dominant in my own life where I have powers to protect myself. Where my defenses are up when I feel naturally the wrongs guy. Me? I'm trying to understand my positions and personal leadership in ways of being sensible, hard working anc motivated during my days here. I want to progress in my life because I want a level of education, a list of credentials and jobs I'd tried in my hometown. 

Living a way of being independent, sensible, mature, responsible and accountable in my life means I have to take my secrets to the grave. I know that people want me to divulge my secrets and everyone is talking behind my back. Learning that I don't have any powers to defend myself against white and native influences. I know that I have to deal with certain people because Mawita'mk Society. 

I want my own place and my own car. I want to be paying my way because I've done it before. But crooks don't explain themselves. I know that I don't have any attractive desirability or qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height or riches. But I could live my life ideally because I have everything I need. Eskasoni is typical of forcing sharing on to me. Typical of Eskasonians is that they don't show any respect or decency. 

I know that I don't have any attractive desirability or qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height or riches. But I know that I could live my life ideally with WiFi or Eskasoni Communication bundle. I just got to get my physical fitness health and work harder on my fitness. Losing weight and gaining muscles. 

With Eskasoni I don't know if it's being egotistical to destroy my abilities to make money? I want to keep doing what I do in my work life. I know that I have to have professional developments and level of education. I know that my last home I want to be in Eskasoni. My first apartment was in Sydney and my second apartment was in Eskasoni. I want my first cultural hometown apartment to be ready for rent. 

My stepfather didn't want me to be too far. For the longest time I was socially abused, economically abused and financially abused in ways where he'd controlled where I could go, what I can spend my money on and what I could do with my life. I know that I never went New York or Las Vegas or anything like that. My sister Billie Jean got to go out exploring and sightseeing. She got to have her license, job and education. I did not have any opportunities with my stepfather like that. 

Toxic chronic downers are always looking for ways to keep me down. Feeling better that I might have a good deal of physical fitness health, I hope that I could work on it some more. I know that I want a woman with boundaries, respect for my independence and standards of living. I want to have a good life in Eskasoni and live my life where I could pay my way in this life. Figuring out what I want to do with the level of income I want to get. 

I know that it'll be small monies and I know that I don't have any professional reputation, respectability and schedules. I want to earn my way because I know that I want to learn much as I can. I know that I'm still learning about Canadian economics and American economics.