Positions and Personal Leadership

Personal powers or personal leadership is where you manage your position on the shit test. I know that I haven't been doing my part because I know that I don't fit into the ideals and principles of Mawita'mk Society. I know that I want my own ideals and principles of personal independence and standards of leadership. Feeling like I have to take my pride and joy in my current family situation. I know that situational awareness can have its affect on me. Being that knowledgeable and not embracing how this place is, I know that it's part of me now and I have to embrace that side because I don't have any choices. Having my own personal independence and standards of personal leadership would have me cornered like a little runt.

My position on my own innocence is that I'm not innocent because I have my own hometown. I know that they know and I know that I'm stuck where I'm at.

Wondering how my life would be like if I'd stayed in Eskasoni? Wondering what my life would be like in Eskasoni with my level of education and employability that I have now? I know that in Eskasoni I have been living in survival modes. I know that I haven't been on the bestest terms with certain people. And I know that I was struggling with my situational morality. Feeling like I haven't been able to do too much in my life. My positions and personal growth attributes my mind to a good accessibility to women. The more I'd learn, the more I get to understand women. And the more I get a good chance at them. Women aren't that complicated because they make it out to be complicated with them. They just needs some understanding.

I know that I'm loved, valued and appreciated where I can do the jobs that Mawita'mk Society gives me. But I want to do all this job hunting on my own.

I know that I have been learning about employability, full-time employment fringe benefits and job skills. I could be ideally enjoying my old job with We'koqma'q One Stop. I could be ideally enjoying myself and taking pride in my job(job satisfaction). 

Employability skills are what I have with transferable skills. They are both the same things in ways. I know that Employability skills are the reasons why I gotten any job in We'koqma'q community. I know that I've been through many jobs in Eskasoni. But I know that I have to develop and grow into somebody that is accustomed physically and professionally to hard work.

Feeling proud and happy that I've made it this far in my life. I know that I want to continue with my education and training. A regular full-time employment is always a good thing in my life. I know that I haven't reached that far in my life but I want to because of fringe benefits.

Happy that I've made it this far in my life. I know that I have it good here. I know that all my things here is safe. I don't have to worry about anything. I know that my personal leadership is taking a break. I want to invest my time into a monogamous relationship where I could have a good deal of loving and caring. I want to have that kind of emotional maturity where I have a good deal of relationship emotional intelligence, emotional literacy and other coping skills. I know that I want to have this kind of life with full-time employments, side business and personal growth. I want to have a good deal of physical fitness health growth and a good deal of self discipline and self control in my life with the relationship with Food and Drinks.

Sitting at my computer late at night, excited about the women in my life. That's the kind of life I would want because I know that I'm straight. I know that I'm not dumb or stupid.

Here I get GST taxes worked on. Here I get my Christmas bonus sent to me. Here I get to receive help from the Mawita'mk Support Workers. Here I get three meals a day and I'd used to think that was an luxury. Here I get to have my poems worked on, typed up and saved on a Flash drive. Here I have my Virtual Visa Debit sent to me every time I need to change it. My pride and joy would be my things, electronics and clothes. I know that I have a collection of books that I cherished with all my heart. And I know that I have a good home to live in even though it's a group home. Feeling proud of my collection I know that I could save money up at Mawita'mk Society. I have subscriptions and pay-as-you-go payments with Public Mobile.

All the knowledge I've read about while my step sister Edna have been watching my back. Learning about Rastafarian's philosophy and learning about what I can.

What I can about Mi'kmaq beliefs, wisdom, values, ideologies, philosophies and traditions. Mi'kmaq have ways of believing and doing, a living language that have been part of its philosophies, ideologies, values l, wisdom and beliefs. Women with power don't know what they are doing. Nobody knows my story and I'll keep it that way. I don't want to be vulnerable because I'm still heart-broken. I know that for the longest time I was fucked up and taught about hypersexuality, addictions and discriminations. How to make my enemies not trust me. Now my enemies know my story and I cannot escape this weightiness in this ocean.

I'm on my own, no home can hold me down. I know that I don't want to make my home in this group home. I want to live long enough to make my way into this world. I went through my changes and I never got justice or vengeance. I never had any bitches.

Or side chicks. I never had any good luck with women because I was that Indigenous descendant nerd who couldn't really protect myself. People keep messing with me psychologically and they don't want to let up. I know that I don't have any prospects or women in my corner. I don't have any respect or income to provide for myself. Enormity or evil is the treatments and situational forces of my life. My step uncles want my past to connect when they expose me. I know that evil is doing and lying. People that hate me only want me to focus on what truths they want. Not the whole story. I have to rely on Mawita'mk Society for rides to dialysis. I hate the fact that Mawita'mk Society's psychological treatment is holding me back. They want credits so badly that they are willing to enervate, discriminate and stereotype. I've been strong and I have been keeping secrets from day one. My stepfather wouldn't want to know.

Know the fact he has failed me in so many ways. I know that I don't have any real powers over my life because my stepfather don't respect me. I know that certain workers don't know the whole story and some of my abusers have passed. I know that I have every reasons to stop being so conformative. I know that I've been here for thirteen years and went through the system. Taking pride in what I have accomplished, I know that I am insane and mentally ill. I have to acknowledge that because that's a bitter pill to swallow. I know that now a woman won't give me a first look let alone a second look. So I have to work at my physical fitness health and have my level of fitness increased. Level up kind of talk.

I know that I have been reading The Myth of Normal, Dr. John Gottman's work Men's Guide to Women and other works. I know that I have been living at Mawita'mk Society.

I know that I'm still learning about all this. Women don't want to hear that I've learned about them through books and other things. I know that women have impacted my life in ways where I couldn't really enjoy myself in my twenties. My game came to a halt when I'd moved here. So that's one reason why I want to move. The other is that I want my independence back and sense of freedom. I know that I'm secretly hated by certain people and I cannot stop them. But I could tolerate and endure. I know that forbearance is something that my step uncle wanted to destroy. Any innocence I had he wanted to destroy. My stepfather didn't really want me to develop mathematically or anything.

All my life I've been the damaged one. I know that I wouldn't want to admit anything to my step family because they've abused me in so many ways. I know that I'm unwanted because I never had sex foe thirteen years.
They've already made me out to be an incel. 

And I couldn't really enjoy the views. I know that women that denies me sex is loving the fact that they hate me. With all the knowledge and experience I have with women, still I haven't really explored my options because of such hyper sensitivity and hypergamy. I know that I don't have any attractive desirability or qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height or riches or extra curricular activities. I know that I have been denied everything because my step family didn't want to help out with being comfortable with my choices. They wanted me to feel terrible about my options because I don't have any muscles or strengths.

My positions on my personal leadership is that I suck at trying to get what I need and want. My stepfather never really taught me to stand up for myself. Or supported me in any way.

I know that I'm hated because I am a Indigenous descendant nerd. White women wouldn't give me a chance and native women? Yeah what native women? My stepfather had all the women he wanted. I know that I did not have any woman. Anything that I've had was something of a burden. I am unworthy of anything because my stepfather deemed me so. So did my step mother and others. I cannot remember how to build a professional shed because I don't have that kind of memory system. I know that I'm controlled, managed and monitored. I know that people see me and don't expect nothing from me. I know that I never had any justice or vengeance.

I know that I was that powerless in my life where I couldn't make any decisions. Like doing fitness, being sober or anything like that. I know that people wanted me to fail as a human being so miserably.

That way I could be relatable. I am a nice guy but not innocent. I've learned from my mistakes and wrongs. My story is not worth the time of other people. And since they are going to treat me evil, I might as well be evil. I got no reasons to keep them in my life. I think I've mastered emotional detachment, I think have to become financially independent and live in solitude ideally. I know that I'm unwelcomed because I know that I have to work professionally. I don't want any friends because that'll mean I have to celebrate birthdays, pay more crap for less appreciation. And have more bills.

Nobody had gotten me a good chick. And no, I don't have any chick in We'koqma'q community. It's just that I had insanity hit me and I couldn't fight the system. I know that I wasn't okay snd I couldn't really nourished my mind because people kept on stealing my groceries, cleaning tools and supplies.

I know that I did not have the bestest health. 

And when I gotten my first transplant kidney my stepfather had 21 years to figure out that I did not need hid supervision anymore. Well 23 years of my first transplant kidney. But I was held back in so many ways that I couldn't stop being an addict. Destroying myself helped with the anger of being oppressed. I have many angry things in my past life. And one of them is hypersexuality. I couldn't really enjoy myself in any ways because people wanted me to fail miserably as a human being. I know that I did not have any smartphone or anything in my twenties.

Sitting on my computer chair, on my computer late at night. Researching and fixing up my pictures and Microsoft identity. I know that I have a good life in We'koqma'q community and I don't think I'm Eskasoni material. Well I am, I just don't want to think about it.

I know that I am enjoying life in We'koqma'q community because I imagine having all my stuff, books and electronics in Eskasoni. Hopefully I can work something out with Rosie Basque. But I was born in Grace Maternity hospital and I was raised in Eskasoni. I know that I'd loved my parents and I'd really wanted them together. I wanted my real dad to learn that I was independent and an adult. I know that I was raised in two toughest First Nation communities. 

Sipekne'katik and Eskasoni. Feeling proud that I come from the two toughest communities. And feeling proud that I'd worked through my pains.

I know that same Old story of addictions. But mine was about essentially child addictions in Eskasoni. They've been making me suffer since day I was a kid. Violence, toxicity, discriminations, hypersexuality, addictions. That's been my life in Eskasoni.

It could happened to any kid, addictions. I know that's been my story. Child addictions and discriminations. I was hated and manipulated all those years. I couldn't fight or battle my way through. Too many people hating on me. The bad apples that is. I know that women have met up with overpowering odds and surpassed it. Now women have on records men that have been wronging women in so many ways. Relaxed on my smartphone and typing shit up. Wanting to be in Eskasoni apartment on my computer relaxed and happy that I have all this.

But I could be relaxed and on my computer at Mawita'mk Society. Hoping to figure out parental block. I know that I am happy that I have this kind of life in We'koqma'q community. I know that I wouldn't mind living in Eskasoni again. This time I might be able to work. Mawita'mk Society will always be here.

My positions and personal leadership is being disempowered here. I have to move because I have to live my life when I get my fitness, second transplant kidney and full driver's license. Hopefully I can get something going for myself and work towards many small victories and accomplishments. 

I'm going to buy Playstation 5, Playstation 3 and Playstation 2. That's all I need for this year. I know that I want more for the start and hopefully I can get something out of my own bank account. I know that I have spent wisely on what I want. Not what others think is a good investment. My investments is electronics and I know that I have a good life in We'koqma'q community if I could buy nice things like PS4 and PS5, spend my money on all that and get a good gaming environment. 

Women don't value men as much as they should. We don't speak, of masculine values and beliefs. How we prepare men isn't working anymore. Women wants more delusional standards than men have practical ones. We should be talking about these manly rituals, tradition, beliefs and values. The heritage of men is that we have been largely part of the infrastructure. And what makes up society's jobs in the infrastructure, women don't want to do. 

But too, there are men that have abused this privilege of dating women. My sisters' horror stories about dating and bidding is something that they know that they need escape from. Their jerks of boyfriends haven't been marriage-proof. They have been toxic and abusive where they kept on beating on these women. I know that I haven't reached out to my female cousins because I don't talk with them.