I've Had A Good Life from This Perspective

I know that I had a lot of good moments with music. I've enjoyed rock and roll, alternative rock and heavy metal. Learning that I had a good life in Eskasoni with a certain can-do attitude and growth mindset in my life. There was a lot of challenges I've had to overcome. 

And with my stepfather, counselor and everything I've had for support. I had a good life from this perspective. I have a good life now and I'd had a good education from my community-operated school system. I know that greed speaks to my family. I am disabled and have to deal with an over-emotional brother. Death or eschatology isn't taught.

I had a good support system in Eskasoni. Ideal and good but not protective or preventive. They allowed me to learn about the real world. I know that I have faced with schemers, thieves, cowards, bullies, addicts, misers and fiends. They are all enemies of hard-earned stuff. And enemies of my health.

Extortionists, RCMP racists, Indian Act, Indian Residential Schools and being a Indigenous descendants struggling with addictions, historic traumas and losses. How we cope is better serve with understanding what coping is: dealing effectively with difficulties, discriminations and addictions. Staying sober and strong. I know that I did not have any good life in Sydney because of racistic people there. I know that I was learning socially about my situations. I know that people did not wanted me to work out or thrive because of certain people's scheming. I know that I was hated and they wanted me to be put in my place. Learning that these people hated me because of my disabilities, color and other reasons that they were building.

I am not perfect but at least I try to develop and learn from my mistakes. Knowing how much racism is in this country. I know that it's simple to get discriminated against.
I know that I was discriminated against because everyone there was hating on me. 

Trying to make things difficult and hard for me. Ever since I'd experienced racism from Cornawallis street, I had to learn certain things from my reality. It was re-named Legacy Street, I think. I am happy where I'm at. I know that it's the best choices considering my apartment experiences with Legacy Street, with Horseshoe Drive Apartment and Leonard Paul's apartment building. I don't know what it's called now. Hopefully I can build my own arsenal of trade skills. Or demonstrate my skills through Prior Learning Experience at NSCC. I haven't worked professionally in my twenties for a long time. People kept on lying and kept on giving me disinformation.

I know that I hadn't any straight person in my life. Other than Ray and Steve. I know that I am not loved because people feel guilt.

I let them go long ago. I know that I don't rely on anyone. But it seems that certain family members wants me to rely on them. 

Controlling measurably my expectations and aims. Fuck! I have to do better with my physical fitness. I don't want to be trapped at Mawita'mk Society forever. I want to leave on good terms of independence, when I increase my level of education, when I become fully licensed driver and two careers or job experiences. I enjoyed a few jobs back in the day, of my first transplant kidney. I have to impassioned myself with motivation, ambitiousness and determined workethic and personal commitments to my physical fitness.

I know that I had a sex life. I don't know if it was healthy or not. Learning Sex Files on Discovery Channel was something pretty awesome. Having Giselle talk in that sensual voice was something sexy.

But learning how the family dynamics and how there was a Ideal Male Independence: bias where the Male has to be the provider, protector and leader of the younger siblings. 

And there was Ideal Male Obedience where the bias is that you have to blindly obey and not think of anything. True Independence is having knowledge and discussions about my books, eBooks and pdfs. It's talking about the subjects and people's contributions, beliefs and values. Epistemological reality is acknowledging that we truly don't know anything. Yes, we have institutions and people in it. But truthology and ontology should be investigators' skills and education.

To be privileged to have a good, long life and job in Eskasoni and We'koqma'q communities. Ta wake up on my own and use the bathroom. I know that if I had my own place I would be doing my own cooking. 

There's a level, type and range of self-reliance that I have to reach before moving on; fitness, second transplant kidney and full driver's license. 

To be privileged to have a nice long career in Eskasoni, I know that I'm massively hated against. I did not get any jobs and learning that my friends don't have any good long jobs. I know that I was learning that I was physically weak and have to earn my muscles. Mawita'mk Society don't want me to think independently because I would want to leave on really good terms of personal independence, economic resources, social networking and a good deal of family support. I want to have money in the bank and saved up to a good amount. And I don't want anyone to find out I'm working.

Nobody wants to handle my hypersexuality. I know that I don't want to be discriminated. But sex is such a taboo thing in Cape Breton. I don't think that nobody wants me to remember my influences. Analysis of my influences and power struggles could be useful.

For years I was hated on, controlled, patrolled and managed where I couldn't expose the step family of how violent they've treated me. 

All my life I was never freed, safe or peaceful. 

I couldn't be entertained or have privilege to work in Eskasoni. But I did not let any of those cowards stop me from reaching my goals. They've intimidated me for years and beaten me. Now? I cannot get any dates or have different women every night. My sex life have been determined by a bunch of people that wanted to control everything of me. For years I've kept secrets and my step uncle was the one who controlled through violence my silence. He wanted me to figure out his problems.

My mother taught me coping skills to cover her ass. I know that I used emotional intelligence to figure out the situation and significance of it. I had mindfulness and distress tolerance to stop the secret.

I had interpersonal effectiveness to handle my own relationships' dysfunctionality and I was learning power imbalanced balancing. I know that I had to embrace the Ideal Male Independence and when they were on something, I had to embrace the Ideal Male Obedience. Two biases that have saved my life from certain people. Learning that I was supposed to tell the truth I know that I wasn't doing my part. That's the same in Mawita'mk Society, I've lost sustained motivation and ambitious, maintained and focused determination. I don't have a consciously and effortful, consistent habits and disciplined routines. I want to put all that into my fitness regimen and get used of taking care of myself after a good session of physical workout. I had that kind of simplistic lifestyle in my hometown before I was home invaded.

I know it took great hatred to keep things a secret and hide from me.

To lie about how much they've hated me: the fiends, addicts, bullies, schemers, extortionists, RCMP racists and others that wanted me homeless and harmed. I have disabilities and they don't have any problems I have. Vickie Pierro is a bully that is a miserable chronic, toxic downer. And I know that I was dealing with that. Mawita'mk Society couldn't do much because she had all the power. And everywhere she went she made people miserable. So that's my beef with her, she gotten away with a lot. I know that I was trying to live my life in We'koqma'q until I get my fitness, my second transplant kidney and full driver's license.

I could see the ideas that KJ Francis has, he wants his kids to go into my place just to have an excuse to steal my stuff. Forced sharing was his specialty. I always had a treatment counselor for a mother and he had nothing. So he would steal and lie his ass off.

He is a dysfunctional friend but he is toxic. I have to stay away from Eskasoni because they don't look out for my best interests. Yeah it's my hometown and they seriously wanted me to fail so that way they could hate me, to treat me bad. I wasn't really liked because I was learning that everyone wanted me dead. 

Nobody looked out for my best interest because everyone was lying and cheating, stealing and beating me. I am an Xennial philomathean polymathic student of life. I have to learn the hard way because Eskasoni wants to take credit for what good I've done with my life. Rob has cheated me out of my blood, my food and of my good credit with a store. And my sister Katt hadn't been fiscally responsible with a bill she created.

I know that my trust in a good credit is ruined. And learning that putting someone under my name won't reflect my sister Katt's name. I have to take frugal precautions.

I know that Rob wasn't responsible or he would've been taking responsibility for breaking down my door and would've stopped stealing from me too. I want to have a good life where I have a good business in We'koqma'q or Membertou, doing landscaping in We'koqma'q community first.  

Getting my Red Seal in landscaping and have my professional reputation proceeding me in We'koqma'q community. Full Clean-up fundraising and at summer time see who will win the rewards of First Nation Cleaner: First Place then Second Place, Third Place and Fourth Place. And then fundraise some more for Safest First Nation Cleaner: First, Second, Third and Fourth places.

Then have a good career in cooking and baking during the day in Membertou, then the weekends have bartending job. That'll be my 25-year retirement plan. Live in Membertou. But I know that I don't have any car yet.

Or fitness. I have to work towards living at We'koqma'q community more fully, more richly and more ideally. I know that I have a lot of good things in We'koqma'q community and I appreciate all the goodness in We'koqma'q community. Feeling proud from coming as far as I did with my level of education and employability. I know that certain dysfunctional friends have held me back. But now I know that I have a good life in We'koqma'q community with Mawita'mk Society. I could fully, richly and ideally live here with a holistic health.

Holistic is characterized by the belief that parts of something are interconnected and can be explained only by reference to the whole. Or in medicine it's characterized by the treatment of the whole person, taking into account mental and social factors, rather than just the symptoms of an illness. It's dealing with complete biological systems.

I know that I've been hunting for a good woman but I am unable to find one. I know there are plenty of pretty young ladies but I don't think I am attractive enough to attract them to me. Especially with boundaries and independence. I know that standards of personal leadership is standards of independence. These are protective standards of personal leadership. If a woman ask about your standards of personal leadership you will have to take certain precautions by letting her prove her worth.

But if she is a one night stand than she's just that. Nobody wants to deal and teach hypersexuals how to cope and deal with their issues of sexual addiction. That's why there is so much drug uses and drinking because of shamefulness around hypersexuality. Being alone and sex-free and protecting my sobriety and independence is protecting my sanity, physical health and self love.

I know that standards of personal leadership is the personal successes I got in We'koqma'q community. And at Mawita'mk Society because I have my things safe. I don't have to get rid of anything. More reasons to stay single and having one night stands. I know that I have Sexology: the basics and learning a lot from my books. I know that my understanding and comprehension of my own knowledge in books have a good deal of Game-awareness. 

I know that social paradigms of social interactional awareness is also emotionally  intelligent awareness. There is Dual Mating Strategy which is in short-term mating contexts, females should forgo paternal investment qualities in favor of mates, with well-developed secondary sexual characteristics and dominant behavioral displays. I know that there is no chance for me because I am a disabled Indigenous descendant nerd bachelor who never takes chances online.

I know that my body count became halted because I am hated. I know that because I'm at Mawita'mk Society it makes me an automatic incel and ideally living here I have to work on my physical fitness health while working on my cooking skills. 

I know that I haven't lived a rich life of careers and vacations. I know that I've been cheated out of that because everyone has discriminated against me. There are work discriminations I couldn't really defend myself against. I know that I'm nothing to the hot ladies in Eskasoni because I have been held back from people. Growing up in Eskasoni I never had a perfect sex life. I had plenty but not perfect sex life. Nobody has a perfect sex life. There is always cheating, lying and manipulating. 

I know that I couldn't come up with a reason for me to work in Eskasoni. They didn't know where I was going to be in 20 years. I know that I am not that well liked to work, fuck and other things. I know that I'm something of a loser because I was neglected, forbidden and controlled in every aspect of my life. Feeling like I was excluded because I was discriminated against and hated on. My family has gotten to people that I couldn't really enjoy my life. Yeah my sex life may have sucked but I had pornography which is fantasy I could work with ideally. 

Women from pornography is different from women in reality. I made that distinction long ago but to make it workable I had to embrace the fantasy and get my needs met. And than move on. In 20 years time who knows where I will be. I have to make the best out of my current situation with physical fitness health. Through exercises and renal diet. 

I know that I was simplistic and living ideally in Eskasoni at first. Getting my pop bottles until Eskasoni Welfare or keeping occupied until Eskasoni Welfare. I know that Rob Shipley didn't want me to get money at first because he wanted control over my finances. Learning how Mari K. Joe works I know that I've been learning my own purpose and role to the community. 

I know that I couldn't keep anything nice because of dysfunctional friends like Mari K and others. Learning that I don't have family matters is just something that holds me back. I know that family hasn't really made the best choices for my independence. When I'd turned 19 I would've had an apartment already. 

I know that addictions kills and I know that I don't have any respect for people that want to get drunk. Learning how I was beaten all those years and how I was the focal target of financial abuses, social abuses, beatdowns, repeated malnourishment periods, barriers and other mistreatments. I know that I couldn't save up my money because I don't have any real power to fight back. Mawita'mk Society and Eskasoni has disenfranchised me in ways of powers over my own life. 

My step uncle wanted me to accept him as a father figure when he couldn't be a father to his own children. I know that I was being used because he wanted to ruined my psyche. My life force was diminishing and I was languishing with him in charge. I needed my stepfather to be a real father to break the spell of hell. I know that nobody wanted me to have a good life. A good life is having my own ability to work in an independent capacity, in a full-time position where I could go on vacations. 

I've wasted my life with simple things and enjoyed ideally what it's like to not have any vacation time. The heaviest weight of work discriminations has been a big part of my life. Feeling like people didn't want me to succeed. I know that I was left in the dark because my stepfather wanted total despotic control over my life. And did not want me to learn the Corporate world. Learning that I was heart broken and he didn't want me to get professionally tough. I know that people didn't want me because of my stepfather. 

Not a lot of people at Mawita'mk Society don't want me to successfully think right about my situation. It's just that I'm still wanting to move back home because I have a level of education and employability. Not when I was twenty but I evolved and progressed into this Certified Skilled Tradesman. 

With that old apartment in Horseshoe Drive I would invest in soundproofing that apartment because I want to play music, have sex and live my life fully, richly and ideally. Women from pornography could come by and prostitute themselves to me. But that's if I do get muscular and fit. 

Suffering and medical problems have been a big part of my life. Nobody wanted me safe and secured to feel happy. I know that I was learning the truest family values and beliefs. I know that this life is fucked up and I know that I don't have any lovers nut sex partners. I, now don't have that. 

Suffering, addictions and medical problems have been a big part of my life. People actually expects me to give up and stop searching for love or friendships. In native land there are good people and then there are addicts, fiends, bullies, schemers, extortionists and other people that can ruin your life. Learning that I don't like gossip because people like to entrap me in humiliations. I know that certain people forces the situation because I don't have any family backing me up in We'koqma'q community. 

I know that I've had humiliations and rejections in We'koqma'q community. I am tired of the games and I don't want to play. I'll ask once and if you humiliate me I won't ask again. A good woman means a woman that would take the chance but I know that people have their opinions about me. They would argue endlessly because they don't have any respect for me. And this is why I stay away from social events like Pow Wows, Mawiomi and other things. 

It lessens my chances with getting dates and other people. Growing up in Eskasoni I've experienced mind games, manipulations, secrets and other negative things. I wasn't very popular in Eskasoni and I couldn't really enjoy myself in any social gatherings. I am forced with Mawita'mk Society because I don't have any choices. I am paranoid schizophrenic. 

In Eskasoni I did not live up to my fullest potential and I couldn't really escape the Poverty-Line which was the basic essentials of living. Working odd jobs and having pop bottle money wasn't a career. There wasn't any real impact I could do in Eskasoni because I was supposed to lose homes. There wasn't any golden standard of living and sobering up. There wasn't any choices in my younger years to work towards any goals or career milestones in Eskasoni. 

My step uncle Dodo and Rob Shipley wanted me to live ideally on welfare instead of evolving and progressing and thriving. My step uncle had all the benefits of work and wasted it with addictions and traumas. I've suffered mostly in my life and nobody wants to acknowledge that. 

People holding me back because they've hated me. I did not have any muscles and I've  suffered muscle losses, periods of malnourishment and abuses. I did not have any good life in Eskasoni because my stepfather didn't want to put in the work of keeping his brothers away. 

I couldn't get the motivations and determination to work professionally on yards or retail. My stepfather didn't want me to have any money when I was a teenager. I know that I couldn't have my own place because my stepfather wanted me financially abused when I got Eskasoni Welfare. 

I've lived in Eskasoni for 7 years on my own. And in those 7 years I've made considerable progress in attaining a job in Eskasoni. I know that I don't have any professional reputation proceeding me in We'koqma'q. But I know that I have to work at my physical fitness in order to get my second transplant kidney. I've had my first transplant kidney for 21 years and I was on my own for 7 years without Mawita'mk Society's care. 

Since 2003 up until 2010 when I'd moved out of Leonard Paul's apartment building. Learning that people did not want me to have considerable success, Dodo was at the helm and guiding me to a slow death. The Rob Shipley stole groceries from me and others. Whenever I had people in my place they've stile something. That was my past with Eskasoni. 

Bur now I had made considerable successes and career milestones in We'koqma'q community. I know that's the reason I want to lose weight is to wake up every morning to work. I want to make more considerable successes in We'koqma'q, up until I get my fitness, second transplant kidney and full driver's license and other professional credentials I want to get. 

I've made impacts in We'koqma'q community and living in Mawita'mk Society I know it's a simple paradise. I want to stay until I can get muscular physical fitness, nutritional renal diet recipes binder for single guys. And a good deal of accomplishments and achievements in We'koqma'q community for graduating from Nova Scotia Firefighter School courses, Retail Council of Canada courses, ISSA-CANADA Cleaning Management Institute courses and get Certificates at We'koqma'q Tim Hortons or Eskasoni. I want to be skilled worker, knowledgeable and professional. 

With my second batch of graduations I want First Responder Certificate, Judo Special Referee Certificate, NSCC Bartending course, NSCC Culinary Skills Certificate and Certified in Dialectal Behavioral Therapy. Hopefully I can get a good foundational knowledge of counseling from my books and get into sexology. I want to start a restaurant for tourists with my NSCC Certificates in Bartending and Mixology, and NSCC Baking and Pastry Arts, and NSCC Culinary Skills Certificate and diploma program with NSCC Culinary Management. 

I know that I'm not sexy because no woman in their right mind would cross that boundary of anti-franternization policies in their organization, place of business and services. I know that I'm nothing to these ladies because I'm a humiliatory kind of person. I am an embarrassing person to them. I don't play games and it seems that every woman I meet up with has some kind of sexistic prejudicial treatments towards me. I am a Indigenous descendant nerd bachelor who doesn't have any woman interested. 

Because I got no attractive desirability or qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height or riches or extra curricular activities in my life. I am nothing to every woman I meet. I have absolutely nothing and I'm insane. No matter what accomplishments I have, it seems that I'm not even attractive because I am helpless. I have no fighting prowess or have privilege to work. Mawita'mk Society has every intention to control me and I don't have any high body counts(sex partners). 

I've been sex-free for thirteen years. And sober and clean. I have go through elaborate labyrinth of games and social manipulations for sex I cannot figure out. I have no social graces or a social brain. I don't think I was properly given a chance in life. Most of my life have been about suffering, addictions, discriminations and barriers. Hypersexual insecurities, doubts and concerns. I don't have a perfect sex life because when I did moved here I became an automatic incel. 

No matter what I've done in my life no woman wants me. I was on a college campus and still nothing. Ideally I've lived a simplistic lifestyle where I did not have to worry about home invaders, addicts, bullies, schemers, thieves, cowards, extortionists and enemies. An enemy is against my dignity, self respect, self esteem, holistic health, independence and rights. 

I've faced forms of sexism and rapes from other guys. An enemy doesn't want me to think right about my situations and past. I am not formidable but I don't give up on my goals. I don't have any sexual goals because people have forced the situations. And made me an incel because everyone loves mind games. 

When I use Game-awareness I mean mind games and head games. The dark psychology of manipulation and seduction. If there was any. I know that I don't have any attractive desirability or qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height or riches or extra curricular activities. No matter what I do a woman won't want me. Or women. Even female teenagers don't want me. 

It's proven that psychology knows how treatments of others if beautiful will be more favorable. But if you have an ugliness to you, you won't have that special treatments. I know that I'm not beautiful because women would've naturally wanted me. It's been thirteen years of being sex-free and I know that I'm controlled by a bunch of old Mi'kmaq ladies and white women who don't want me to have dates. 

I could feel the repulsion of women when they do try to show me that I'm pretty. It's just feelings because I got no woman or have any type. I know it's been thirteen years and accomplished a few things in my life. Feeling like I've always suffered, went down hill and gain weight. I've wasted my life in Eskasoni and couldn't really enjoy a perfect sex life. It's not even active at Mawita'mk Society because everyone wanted me to live alone. 

An enemy holds me back no matter what. I am helpless on my own and it seems that I cannot work, drive or fuck. Dr. John Gottman tells me the evolutionary psychology of a woman and it supports Dr. Rollo Tomassi's work.