Needs Are Met

Food is important in my life. My enemies have deprived me of ingredients and food while I was living in Eskasoni. To make a happy home you have to have the hierarchy of needs met. All my needs are met in Mawita'mk Society and I know that cooking my own meals would be a luxury for me to some enemies. To complete a happy home I'll have to have security, safety and food. With all my needs met I could cook a good home cooked meal. 

But I know that I have all my needs met at Mawita'mk Society. I just got to get them met when I'm on my own. Might be a chance with recovering from paranoid schizophrenia. My life have taken dark turns and twists that would kill a man.

I know that I have a good home. I am happy to a point but I know that if I do move; it'll take another dark turn to my death. Real enemies don't tell you that they hate you. They corrupt you from the inside.

I know that people here have anxieties about me talking about moving. They want me to be comfortably sexless and jobless(an broke and poor incel). Which I know that I don't have any attractive desirability or qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height or riches or extra curricular activities. Educationally I got more done than my siblings. But I ain't working and that's been a sore spot. They don't want me to get serious about moving out. Not all my needs are met. I have sexual ones that Mawita'mk Society cannot control. Well they can, it's just that I will rebel. All my life I still  haven't gotten it right. I guess whoever taught me didn't do a good job at teaching personal empowerment to me.

I know that I was disempowered and left to live my life in shame. While my step uncles gotten away with corruption, demoralizations, humiliations and discriminations. I know that I didn't have any powers of truthfulness.

I had no angels on my side and I was shaped and molded intellectually by Dodo's secret. Where I did not want to be part of and I definitely did not want to hide from my stepfather. In my youth Dodo have shaped, molded and created steps to control me and use power tactics all those times. I was frozen in a state which I had no control over. 

And Dodo has fucked me up big time. 

Watching my every moves and writings, he controlled every steps I took to feel freed from his personal control. Whatever he has done in my life, it was an empty gesture on his part to be my father. A pedophile that didn't want me to enjoy my sex life in my teen years.

For years I've felt sadden because I couldn't reach my stepfather. We had an affinity or some kind of connection that I know that I have ruined because of Dodo. Donald J. Morrison has ruined my life in so many ways.

I know that with Mawita'mk Society all my needs are met but I want to figure out how to meet all my needs of my own. Dodo never takes responsibility for his actions or secrecy. He is a man that's been a classic master manipulator. 

An abusive child abuser and a classic abuser. 

I know that he won't admit that he is wrong because he is a criminal and wants power over my life. I know that I hadn't lived my childhood how I wanted, or lived my teenage years how I wanted to. I know that Ray and Dodo have ganged up on me. And I couldn't defend myself because Dodo would beat me or Ray. I couldn't really enjoy myself with lady friends because of them.

They'd all cheated me out of my youth and gotten me in so many addictions. I know that I did not have any lady friends. I knew that I was hated by most people. And learning that I was corrupted and controlled by adoptive family.

They've betrayed me by getting me away from schooling and having no educational goals and professional successes. I know that the Morrison didn't want me to have any level of education, training and driving. Or they've would've figured out that part out long ago. I am living the ideal single life. Learning from books and stuff, remembering how construction works and how I could build a shed. I know if I didn't have any good instructors for carpentry, it was because of my stepfather. But he has taught me that floors first are built and than the walls. King stud from a jack stud, I hated that identification. I know that I was well taught, it's just that I could fully connected with my stepfather with all that building.

I could've told him that my biological mother cheated on him with his brother. But Dodo stopped me and took over from there. I was sick of Dodo.

I know that the way I was raised was because of Dodo. I was trapped in a psychological warfare spell and I couldn't really defend myself. Now I can and yes, Dodo has let all the abusers into my life before. And allowed such classic abusers to get away with so much. 

Yes, people want to hate me for no reason. 

And learning that I've lost opportunities in my life, trauma creates hyper-independence and hypersexuality. I've moved out of that community, which I was given a proper comeback or recovery. Its been thirteen years now and everyone has changed. She doesn't want to take responsibility because pedophilia isn't good for her.

Nobody wants to take responsibility for those kinds of acts. Heavy stuff have been a big part of my life. Learning coping skills and mental health knowledge, I know that hyper-independence is a trauma response. Carrying the world is hard enough.

Learning that criminals would convince me of anything. And they are willing to lie and make a lie a truth in ways of convincing. They'd learnt that habitual thinking can be managed and when they use power and control tactics. 

I know that they are willing to convince anyone that they are innocent. This was learnt from lived experiences of addictions and discriminations. Corruptive hyper-independence and hypersexuality was what they wanted, those that hates me. Persuasion and dissuasion techniques they'd used and aimed at, I know that deep Alexithymic Profundity of Deep Disassociation was their key escapism. Once they have power and control over power of truth I know that I am trapped.

I know that smarts can only get you so far. Deep psychological warfare is my lived experiences. And I know that I have to be this sick kid who had deprivations of schooling.

They'd all messed with my sense of rights or my beliefs and values of being right. Being discredited, disempowered and discriminated against the Morrison have served them well. 

Dodo has shaped and molded my ability to maintain secrecy. Being discriminated about being a pathological liar have been their powers and personal reputation over me. The Morrison had the powers of raising me. And this is their powers. Thinking right about my abusers and having no powers have been something that I don't have. My name is forever tarnished with Dodo's secret and having my life ruined, my emotions oppressed and controlled, manipulated and exploited. I know that I don't have any justice.

I hadn't made my own prison, Dodo had with his secret. My hell has been habit-forming into my very thoughts and dreams. Frozen in time I don't think any woman in her right mind would want this kind of personal issues.

I am the unwanted. Then again that's when I was heart-broken. I couldn't really get my own chick. Or go exploring other places without my mother or Dodo or my stepfather being around. I know that I was sexually abused and heart-broken while my biological mother was having an affair with my stepfather's brother. Who was a coward all those years being secretive and powerful. I needed to get laid and I couldn't because my step uncle had all the controls and measures in place. I couldn't emotionally explore my mind without somebody being there. What was worst that I was unwanted all those years. He'd fucked me up pretty badly and my stepfather didn't do nothing to protect me from both of these two adults. Two Cowards of this Lost Sad One.

I know that I couldn't explored sexually because I was controlled, unwanted and lost. I'm glad that I'm away from Eskasoni.

I was professionally discriminated against; I couldn't really get a job if my life depended on it. And I couldn't really defend my positions of having all this because grief from a lost childhood. They've only created the feeling temporarily and I couldn't think right or straight on my own about the situation I was in. It was an emotional delusion of happiness or drug-induced kind of experience. But I'd lost opportunities of sexually exploring my partners and having a good time. I have grief from lost childhood, I got grief from losses over the years, and lost opportunities of sex over the years. 

I know that I don't remember anything on my own. My powers of my own life is controlled by others. Those that hate me. I know that in my teenage opportunities I have lost out too. I know that my sex life isn't perfect. And I have to research books from Doctors that have written about ladies in an evolutionary psychological perspective. 

All my basic needs are being met except for the most basic: my sexual ones. I know that I'm not that smart to get a woman on my own. I know that I'm the least known person in this world. But it seems like I could masturbate to pornography ideally. Learning that women won't make it easy for me. I know that I don't have any attractive desirability or qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height or riches or extra curricular activities. Educationally successful but not professionally. 

But I know that there is always a story with mothers. They go around and date these losers who didn't want a kid in their lives. Traumatizing the mother and I cannot get any because the mother is damaged and toxic. I have to research and become a critical reader/critical thinker kind of person. Learn my value on the sexual market and have to lose out on opportunities of dating because most women became mothers in my age group. 

Damaged, toxic and highly vigilant. I have to learn the value of myself. My step uncle have left me in a frozen state where I couldn't tell my stepfather anything. My step uncle have been watching me from day one and I'm sick of it. I am sadden because the lost of father/son relationship. 

But it's because of Dodo who had a psychological warfare spell on me. His grip on me was tight and I couldn't really defend my own mind against Dodo and my biological mother. But he eventually left go and had to come face to face with my stepfather. Of course I did not get any powers of self correction or improvements. The Morrison family wanted me to suffer the weaknesses I had. Addictional downward spiral and a good deal of repeats in Eskasoni, I'd moved away and went back. The powers to control my own mind wasn't given by Doucettes(Curly's family), the Morrison family and my blood families. 

Something always had to be wrong with me. And I couldn't really enjoy dating, working, driving or having benefits. My stepfather deprived me out of life, food, driving experience and schooling. He don't want to take responsibility for any of his actions and so doesn't any of my enemies. I couldn't live my life how I wanted to because of the Morrison family. And none of my blood relatives came in to help out. 

It had to be a balance of my hierarchy of needs being met versus having jobs, driver's license and car. That's where I was at, being treated with dialysis for 4 years and having to skip my entire elementary level and middle school level. Just to get my appointments and my strpu uncle Chuck paid. I know that is their excuse for being over dominant in my life. My life in those years but what about the 21 years of my transplant kidney? What about that kind of independence? 

I don't have any experience with being a lover but I do know what a con looks like. And Audrey has been scheming off of me, and so many others in the 7/8 years I've lived on my own. To having no support from family at getting my stuff back. To the years I've had a chance at getting my full driver's license from Nova Scotia Graduated Driver's Licensing Program through Access Nova Scotia. Everyone kept on interfering and messing up my life. 

Yeah food is important but Audrey, Rob Shipley and others kept on stealing from me. I'd focused on my groceries and cleaning tools and supplies. I don't have them here because everyone still steals from me. And don't remember because they don't care.  

I want to meet all my needs on my own. I want to have that kind of satisfaction where I have safety, security and protection for my things and my food, my home and my money in Eskasoni. I know that people in Eskasoni don't give two shits about me. I want to have RBC financial literacy, I want to understand vehicular finances and apartmental rent, I want to be financially responsible and independent. 

But I'm happy how my life have turned out. My life could've been paradisiacal opportunities in Eskasoni if I did my dues. But I'd lived an simplistic lifestyle where I did not have to worry about bills, hacking and online addiction. I know that I had the ideally good simple life in Eskasoni. Now there is a new status quo and I want to craft it into active, progressively thriving and evolving into a professional reputation proceeding kind of life. 

My life could be interpreted as both bad and good. Mostly I have a mixture of bad and good in my life where I couldn't have any small victories, college or university graduations from Cape Breton University or Nova Scotia Community College in carpentry. I have to learn building principles again and this time formally. But if I could get a chance to use Prior Learning, I hope that I could get something going. 

I know that I want the powers of personal leadership and independence over my own life to handle all my needs and wants. I know that I'm happy for now, I just have to focus on my physical fitness. The reasons I'm reading is because I want the skills, powers, knowledge and experience of handling all of my needs in a good, thriving and progressive baby steps kind of ways. Through personal leadership I want to prove that I could become personally independent. Yes, I am intelligent and have awareness in my life that no kids would have when I was a kid. 

I'm freed from addictions, discriminations and prejudice. I am in a stigma-free, drug-free, alcohol-free and abuse-free environment where safety is paramount. Where all my needs on the hierarchy are met, have three different meals a day and the potential is growing every day. I have my independence and personal leadership at Mawita'mk Society, in We'koqma'q community. Where I could study and read, work out and appreciate my loving paradise.