Work, Employment and Economic Resources

Work is important because it gives us a sense of purpose, pride and a daily sense of accomplishment. We have job satisfaction and focus on the job. It disciplines you into being more physically efficient. There are health insurance and types of pay or fringe benefits like educational assistance, reimbursement, hourly or salary or commission or wage. Piecework pay, holiday pay, overtime pay and vacation pay if I get full-time employment from certain business in We'koqma'q community. Sick days pay too.

Benefits of work versus Fringe Benefits is reasons why I should work. Health and regular paychecks, sense of purpose and pride, job satisfaction and sense of service, retirement savings and new skills, valuable socioeconomic connections and networking, discounts and perks, intellectual stimulations and challenges, a sense of cultural/Work-life identity, meeting new people.

And accessing the community, work-life balance, sense of meaning and value, job satisfaction and feeling of contribution and daily accomplishments. Better relationships and bonds, friendships and a good deal of self discipline, self esteem and self worth. You learn physical and personal efficiency. 

And you know how to do stuff better. I got to be practical again. Grief seems to take over when I'd mentioned it. Hopefully I can be practical, logical and wise. I am smart and I do have those skills in practicality, logic and wisdom. My Grammy before she passed in 2022 have came here directly and asked me if Mawita'mk Society was abusing me. No! They have given me a safe home, good medicine and outings.

Three meals a day and a bedroom to work on my poems. Mawita'mk Society has been waking me up before I got an alarm clock. Now I have an alarm on my smartphone.

Work is everywhere, it just depends on who you do business with. Using logic, practical advice and wisdom is doing the exercises and calisthenics. Hopefully I can have a good grammar for my blog. But I know that I don't want to miss any romantic chances. Feeling like I have none because of Mawita'mk Society; I know that I'm not the Great Sexual Attractor. I don't exude confidence, personal leadership or social dominance in my own life. I need support and that's been something of a let down for women. It's already over and I hadn't my sexual encounter. I know that I had a lot of good reasons to look up the Male Consortium online. Learning that I'm not really attractive or desirable so I think. I know that I'll be alone because I don't take the initiatives.

I know that I don't have any chances with certain ladies I think. I want them but they are way too busy. I know that I have to work.

Work at my aspects of my physical fitness. I know that I have been walking. I miss my independence and ability to drink full tall glasses of cups. I know that I have been in this struggle since 2020. I miss having sex and I miss having anything I want. I hope that I could get a good woman by my side and a good few jobs. I know that I am nothing without a good woman. Well I have a rich life in Eskasoni. And that's where my realm of possibilities can be. Apparently Mawita'mk Society don't approve or say anything on the subject of dating. I know that I cannot fully participate in this community because of Mawita'mk Society. I cannot work how I see fit or live how I see fit.

I know that I'm valued in ways because I have disabilities and Thoracic Jeune of Dystrophy. I know that I'm not loved for my personal leadership. And I know that people wouldn't want a repeat of the past.

In my sexual past women haven't really liked me. Yeah I kind of had my something of a fair share of women. Not much but I know that I wasn't wildly attractive to them. They would rather Mt older brother which I never had. Struggling with my step patents' reign and lies 

I was sexually deprived of female teens. It's easy for women to get laid, they don't even have to try. Some men are blessed with muscular good looks and riches. Me? I was delivered by a family that was way too fucked up to love me and consider me as a good fucker. I wasn't allowed to get dates or have sex. Let alone have pity sex. I know that my step parents wanted me to be deprived psycho-sexually. And I know that I was pitied on because I couldn't really get any Windows messages from the pretty girls. I was hated on and controlled, an experimentation of methods persuasion. My step parents didn't want me to enjoy my sexuality. They would rather me suffer like a criminal with coping.

My older brother Steve always had the girls. 

So did Ray and Todd, Luke and others. I know that my sex life was dead and I couldn't revive it because I was a single, simple man. I'd lived ideally simplistic lifestyle in Eskasoni. I know that I don't want to be trapped at Mawita'mk Society forever. Eventually I'll drive on out of here and get my own place in Eskasoni. In We'koqma'q community I'm not wanted, with white community I'm not wanted, and in Eskasoni I wasn't wanted. The women did not come back and I couldn't get side chicks. The women that wanted me tried to trapped me on a relationship. Where I'd paid for them. I don't know if I'm wanted, women teens and ladies aren't that clear.

I think I have opportunities with women with Eskasoni, We'koqma'q, Chapel Island, Paq'tnkek and other First Nation communities. Rosie isn't holistic nor is she caring about me wholly. My sex life is dead.

I just got to ask I think. "Are you single?" "If so are you willing?". I have to have the intellectual confidence of a savant; experienced with some ladies and hadn't any in thirteen years. I don't have any swagger or confidence. I know that people aren't using my mind the right way. I am experienced with confidence. I do believe that I should get a chance but the usual story is that the women are too busy. I know that's a cop out because if I was taller, stronger or had riches, I know that if I showed something that would make me alpha I would win the girl. If I had the right genes that is. I'm broke so I cannot pay for lessons on YouTube. I know that everyone is keeping their women to them.

I have no idea how confidence can change everything. I hadn't caught any women in my age group. It's usually older and they want money. I hadn't experimented with sex in my teen years.

I've never experience my own personal powers and personal leadership in my own life. I was never socially dominant. My life sucks because I never was sexually active with my age group. Now they have kids and don't want me. I was taught to cope and everyone suffers. I know that I was a One Hit Wonder and I did not pursue any relationship. In a way I'm inexperienced with aspects of a romantic, monogamous relationship. My family scared off any possible lovers I had. 

Struggling with being in school and not having enough sports, work, friends, freedom, sex, food, driving experience and schooling. I had no idea what my family was trying to do.

My family have deprived me of essential growing experiences. And I never had any typical experiences. I smoked cigarettes and had coffee. I had a lot of appointments and escapes from school. I couldn't enjoy my sex life while I was a teenager.

They've deprived me out of social networking and connections, they've deprived me out of essential growing experiences like driving, the experience of sex and a relationship, work or full-time employment. I know that my step mother hated me because she didn't listen to me. Especially when it came to driving. My life had full control and hindrances which is humiliating and RCMP hates me. They wouldn't do any service for me when I needed them. I am hated by women of Eskasoni, I am hated by certain people of Eskasoni, Chapel Island and Membertou and We'koqma'q communities. I know what confidence is; I just got to practice it in the mirror. I had sex and I was active since I was a kid.

But I did not seek them out at first. I was out of control and had to process my heartache. Women have been getting away without responsibility and obligations. I know that I hadn't any good women in my life.

Work, employment and economic resources like school and businesses. Work is everywhere and I know that I had a lot of good job experiences. But I have been living in Eskasoni since I was a baby so 25 years. Changes over the years and graduated from different programs. I know that I'm happy that I have a level of education, training and driving experience. I hope that I could get myself fit. Fuck those ladies, I don't want to stay herd any longer. And I am thinking of being in a monogamous relationship. I know that my fitness and small body don't attract these ladies.

Grief have impacted my life where I couldn't stop thinking about what I lack in my life. My step family have deprived me of essential growing experiences and influences. My life could've been better with teen sexuality. I know that women perceive me as the little genetic freak. I am smart and tough.

That's why people want me to change so badly. I am the last of a generation that wanted a different life. Feeling proud that I have gotten this far. I know that I'm stuck here because I'm not really supposed to have any personal independence in my own life. I am supposed to be hard, try hard and work tough but smart. Business as usual I hope. And I know that I wasn't in any sort of business but small money business. I even thought of making it a small money business. Doing chores per household and having a Handyman and Repairman business. I know that I won't have any attractive desirability or qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height or riches or extra curricular activities in my life.

I know that women won't be wildly attracted to me because I am short, disabled, fat, ugly, smelly and a Indigenous descendant. I know this because I don't have any women.

I did not attend any parties or events in my hometown. I wasn't valued enough to have such concerns. I know that I was hated and hindered by certain ladies and people. I wasn't allowed to make my own case because of such animosity towards me. I couldn't simply live my life without any  interference, hindrances and simply oppressionism. I know that I was beaten up and traumatized, humiliated and lied to. And held back in so many ways. I know that I don't fit any categories of attractive desirability or qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height or riches or extra curricular activities. I am lessen of a man because everyone here has decided for me to be an incel.

I know that I'm hated and discriminated against because I never fought my own battles. My stepfather wanted me corrupted and demoralized.

Nobody has a perfect sex life. And with that I did not get girls in my age group. I got older and others. I know that I did not have any smartphone or attractive desirability or qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height or riches or extra curricular activities. I know that I was severely deprived of social opportunities, had periods of malnourishment and had beatdowns, barriers and no employment. I was hated in my community and it seems as though nobody visits me in We'koqma'q community. 

Ah! Nobody visited me in Eskasoni. I know that I had to do all the walking. It would've been ratified occasions that I got visitors. I had drunkards, thieves, cowards, bullies, schemers, addicts and fiends. But friends would've been rarity...

Most I was left alone by women I wanted. I couldn't really enjoy my sex life because I did not have any control over it. It was usually somebody else setting me up. Or somebody egging me on or something. My sex life kind of sucked because I couldn't really get women my age group. They simply wasn't interested in me.

Ah! It's alright I usually masturbate anyways. My cousin Ray didn't give two fucks if I was unpopular or not. Learning that I'd severely lacked certain things; I couldn't really get any respect from anyone in my age group. They've demanded respect from me but in return they've showed me nothing. No reason to go online, no respect for my best interests, and lost of social opportunities. Ah! I'd would've probably gotten beaten up anyways. 

I had nobody on my side. I was a Indigenous descendant single nerd that couldn't do anything right because I was mostly yelled at, disrespected or beaten down. There was a severe imbalance of powers in my personal life. Feeling like I couldn't control my own life or truths. I knew that people hated me. 

 

Work was everywhere but I was forbidden to do it. Sex is an elaborate rigmaroles that I couldn't really penetrate because my cousin Ray wanted all the sex for himself. But then again nobody has a perfect sex life and that's a scientific fact. Sexology is the scientific study of human sexuality. And with this fucked up life I cannot get any. The cruelty of women for a guy like me is to not give any chances. To make me an incel. 

That's what Mawita'mk Society has made me; an incel. I cannot escape this place because my family loves it when my sex life is controlled. I know that I hadn't the handsomeness of my male cousins. I have every ugly, fat, short and disabled Indigenous descendant nerd body that no woman wants. Yeah my sex life wasn't perfect and yeah, I got raped a couple of times. 

A relationship isn't a out beauty or sex, it's not about wealth or fame, it's about who respects you and loves you. It's about choices that would require sacrifice and building tools. I know that if I could find a good relationship where I have all that; I know that beauty grows and lust comes out. 

Being a parent is a full-time job. And with a full-time employment without a husband or wife, you don't have any choices for dating. It's a scary world and with body-lust and how certain single parents can take a particular effect in what's workable and shareable. You don't really think about sharing your feelings around your lover because of your kid. 

So I kind of can empathize and imagine dealing with your own kid is like. I know that my imagination is limited and imaginable empathy is hard to do. I know that my nieces and nephews could be a handful. I know that being an parent I have to earn the trust of the mother who I am dating. And hopefully get a decent date in.

With types of bodies, myths of hypersexuality and hypergamy, hypogamy and other things. I know that I've been learning evolutionary psychology from Drs. John Gottman and Rollo Tomassi. I think one of them is a doctor. I know that having a monogamous, committed and loyal relationship with a mother is hard work. I am just scratching the surface of being understanding with women. I am also learning from Dr. Tian Dayton, with Psychosexual and Relationship Therapist Dr. Kate Moyle from her books and podcast. 

It's an ego-investments of prioritizations of this young lady(Example). I know that if I find a woman I have to prioritize her and make her my center of my world. If she is a mother her kid and her is my world. That means financially, culturally, psychologically, economically, skilfully and spiritually and lovingly. 

The family has control over my dating and sex life now. I know that I don't have any attractive desirability or qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height or riches or extra curricular activities. I am not a tall high value man who is dark and rich, handsome and have his full driver's license, and everything. I know that I don't attract the hot girls because I am disabled, short, fat, poor, ugly and smell bad. I elicit out of girls feeling bad about sex because of that. They always had control over my sex life and dating. 

Essential growing opportunities was denied and lied about. I know that my stepparents wanted their kids to get the hot girls/guys. I was hated that badly, distrusted and disrespected. So really they've disregarded me or discarded me like some piece of trash when it came to essential growing experiences. They could create the feelings of growing up but I know the difference. 

I've been taught the wrong things in my life. I know that my step parents have been controlling, manipulating and deying me things that could've helped out right from the beginning. My so-called step parents wanted to have all the benefits from them passed down to their children. Superficial freaks and deep pathological liars, they know that they've gotten away with a lot. 

Then again I haven't asked for much. I wanted to be that seed that didn't need much to grow. Ideally I was living a simplistic lifestyle and having a good time when my friends did came by. Fitness was when I did it every day and it was hard but manageable. I know that I had the latest technology in my bedroom: a VCR, Playstation console, Stereo and weights and a bench. I was a pacifist, not a bitch. I know that I was loved because my needs of essential growing experiences was living on the Rez and learning that I could be an expert, professional, skilled Tradesman. 

I wasn't going to beg for driving lessons. I was going to earn my way through High School and trade school at Nova Scotia Community College. I know that I had a good understanding and comprehension with trades. But I was going to earn my own car and get full-time employment. I know that goal-setting is goal-mindedness to the commitment of being arduous and assiduous. I am that tough and smart kid who has been self-perpetuating my own inner toughness. Sedulity and dedication to my hometown, I know that I was a tough and smart kid. 

My family didn't let me processed what I needed to process. And they've caused more problems with oppressing me and controlling me. I don't want to turn evil but if I am going for that, I hope that I do it with sedulity and knowledge to get back home when I'm done. I need to process and think too. My step family has controlled every steps and thoughts, every details and childlike innocence. My step family hated me and didn't want me to process my pains, my headaches, my losses and lost opportunities. 

I know that they were gunning for despotic, psychotic control in my psyche. And learning that Fruedian psychoanalysis had some merits, I know that Dr. Eric Berne has a better Transactional Analysis and interactional states. I hope that the Games We Play can have some merits too. Jungian psychology has merits too. I hadn't read Dr. Sigmund Freud's works and Dr. Carl Gustav Jung's works. But I'm working towards that. 

I was denied work, employment and economic resources. I was economically abused(controlled and manipulated), socially abused(Controlled and manipulated), work abused, sexually abused and discriminated and abused in many other ways. I know that I was financially abused(controlling every spending habits and keeping the money for himself). I am learning psychological works and coping strategies/skills. But I did not needed much to live my life in Unama'ki.

I knew that when I was young my options were plentiful and abundant. I knew that I was simply happy in Eskasoni listening to Smashing Pumpkins and other bands in the 90s. I knew that I was on cloud nine and ecstatic that I had a simple drink per day. Learning how I had a good life in ways of exploring music on Muchmusic and CMT. I knew that I was with a few good channels on Canadian TV. 

My life could be interpreted both miserable, alone and ideally simplistic for a pacifist. My life has been about living the good life but yeah, I had traumas to recover from and yeah, I am experienced with recovering. They say it's punishments but traumatizations isn't going to be processed properly than I will be fucked up more than my step family. But like I said I'm a tough and knowledgeable survivor and Indigenous descendant nerd who has a coordinated attack patterns readied when I need them. People afraid of intelligence is more likely cowards of types and causes of discriminations and violence. 

Yeah I'd suffered maramus and periods of intermittent malnourishment. I know it was power tactics for punishment. And being an incel is something of their continued punishment. I lost control and my sanity because my family tormented me in ways and called it punishment. I was well fed at certain times in my life and they'd pissed me off with traumatic punishments. I don't care how old school you are; you are an abuser, depriver and stealer of youth opportunities. Ya'll need to stick with your beliefs and hold your guns at me. Me? I don't have to try; I'll just keep myself sane. 

I know that old school is losing footing. And mental health literature is reaching beyond how shame can be crippling. There should be psychological works of shame in copyrighted publications. I know that I had the pleasures of having certain books in my collection. And my family's punitive systems isn't that great. Why should we suffer when they have been living the good life. They've suffered Indian Day Schools and being in eras where old school punishmentalism is something of a philosophical suffering for the kid.

Not deonological or ontological but truthological where people study situational reality of punishmentalism and crippling shames. It's where the limits of pushing for mental health literature has every reasons to be read. Copyrighted works like Dr. John Gottman, Dr. Gabor Matè's works, Aristotle, Dr. Eric Berne, Dr. Tian Dayton and others.

There is that philosophy of take the good with the bad, the dignity of labor philosophy, philosophy of work, philosophy of coping, and philosophy of suffering. Depending upon how I could interpret my life I could say that I'm tough but smart. If I was skilled in killing I would've understood violence to a specialized professionalism where I could be employable to sone bosses. I know that I've had my life handed to me plenty of times. I was taught not to fight because my stepfather was a coward. He didn't want me to become skilled in Judo, Juijitsu and boxing. 

He has masked his concerns with me doing martial arts with my body. I know that I've learned he wanted me weak and pathetic like most of these assholes and cowards. Masking their strengths with arrogance and claiming to back it up. Afraid if I do get motivated the right way I might focus and become determined to work on my technical skills and physical fitness. Everyone is a coward because they don't choose peace. 

They've taken my powers of alpha strength and personal leadership. I know that I have been disempowered and persuaded that I am happy here. They've wanted me to be comfortable with being a Beta. But I'm paranoid schizophrenic and they don't want any repeats. I know that here I don't have to be this skilled, tough worker. In my own sick ways of being thankful, thank you for stopping me from any repeats. 

Even though I hate it, and I know that I'm less attractive here. Knowing that in ways of hating me they had to control me. Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you, Billy Morrison. You've impacted my life where wherewithal isn't my thing. And no matter how determined I want to live my life. 

I cannot build my own family, happy house because I am too insane. I know that no woman in her right mind would love me. I am such a liability and short, fat, ugly, smelly and disabled Indigenous descendant nerd who nobody wants. With Tik Tok videos about women and long-term relationships, with books using evolutionary psychology for dating.