Domestication v. Cultivation

Domestication is the psycho-historic oppressive toxicity from toxic and controlled measures of females and other people in name of safety. I know that I've been psycho-historically domesticated in ways where I cannot cultivate any life skills or routines-building skills when I'm on my own. Mawita'mk Society wants me to depend on the words of support from Mawita'mk Society to do what I need to do to prove that Mawita'mk Society is an excellent support service. I know that I don't have a scheduled, organized and disciplined mind. I have no use of it because Mawita'mk Society has changed their Fair Hiring policy to white chicks.

These chicks are teaching me to fear the unknown, to not use what I've already known and safety tips that I've gotten over the years. 

I know that I've experienced discriminations and abuses as a native child. But no criminal won't admit their wrongs. Every teenager I've met, every drunken adult that have oppressed.

I know that I was taught to cope to hide the truths or facts. I have a guilty mind so deep that I don't have Game-awareness. I've been taken out of the game and I have to use emotional regulation through emotional literacy scientifically written. I know that I've been learning about Narcissistic Personality disorders and how they have no conscience. I know that they have cold-hearted empathy because they are socially smart. And they have practical intelligence, which I know that they use for many manipulations and power-tactics. I know that some people need power in their lives while others have anxiety disorders and other issues.

Knowing that I'm not that attractive, I know that I am an incel for their selfish reasons. I know that I have to be manipulated and stipulate I won't get different women every night. I know that Mawita'mk Society is a safe haven for old people.

Mawita'mk Society is for those who don't want to help themselves. Rosie think that I need Mawita'mk Society because I haven't displayed regulated discipline and policy-standard routines and life skills. Another words I'm not domesticated. Well Mawita'mk Society is for those who need Mawita'mk Society and don't want to help themselves. I have been trying to get every reason to walk or exercise by writing about my motivations and the psycho-historic schemas of it. Hopefully I can add routines where I have my own hometown, garage-home gym and membership to the Eskasoni Fitness Center.

I know that I don't have any powers to get out of here because I'm growing my weight. If I was in Eskasoni I would have more reasons to walk and won't have any Mawita'mk manager telling me that I can or cannot walk. I know that every good reasons I build up; it seems that Mawita'mk Society tears down.

Learning that I need my hometown's infrastructure to be excellent level. I know that I cannot move until I can get my own place somewhere. I have experienced Mawita'mk Society and I don't know what world waits for me outside. I know that paranoid schizophrenia isn't looked upon lightly. It sad that I cannot move out on my own and take good care of myself. Learning to apply my mental health knowledge and coping skills experience into actionable usage. Knowing that discrimination works with the ableism of fair pay in accordance with Mawita'mk Society. I know that people are willing to rip me off and try to guilt me into manipulations.

At Mawita'mk Society my needs are taken care of and I have reliable rides and accommodations through Eskasoni Health Centre. I could educate myself in my own band office use and support and use them.

It would be bitter-sweeten move back home. 

Mawita'mk Society has treated me so well and I had proper supports, benefits, perks, intellectual safety, security, personal safety and home safety. I had food and medicine security and safety, I had women teaching me their heritage and their past. And I am just making new memories with these new workers. It's a power move to reclaim my independence and use my reminded life skills. 

Rosie hasn't respected me all those years because she doesn't see what's wrong with me being subsumed by this organization.

I guess it's part of my essence because Mawita'mk Society is professional relationships. I cannot escape that because I've been learning that professional distance. I know that I don't know certain people because of Mawita'mk policies and regulations. I know that this is an professional environment.

I know that I don't have any powers to stop the ableism of treatments from certain people. Living at this place for thirteen years I've learned that I have to take caution with what I say. Everyone is watching and I don't want to deal with that kind of attention. I know that my attitude of attention is base on need, not want. And people get those confuse because that's a manipulation. I know that people don't care because they are nosy. They don't respect my privacy or sanctuary. 

Learning that I don't have any powers to stop addicts, fiends, bullies, schemers, extortionists, RCMP, thieves and other criminals that don't want to face their wrong doings.

I know that people here love measures of control and food management. I know that I don't walk in this place freely as I would've if I had my own place. This is regulated management and measures of control.

It's a professional environment and they have an image in society I cannot tarnished because they know me well. Getting to know me and using manipulations through behavior modifications, is difficult because I have to be careful. In We'koqma'q community I have no reason to walk and live my life how I see it. I have to do what these Mawita'mk Society workers have to tell me. I cannot disabled them, disempowered them or use my own brain for energy, motivation and workethic foundation for routines and self discipline. Thirteen years of Mawita'mk Society and no breaks, I think it would drive somebody crazy. 

I am still able-body and I could stand myself in work, and alone.

I know that now I'm balanced, sober, clean and safe. Here I have my own privacy and bedroom for a sanctuary. I know that I have to learn more about carpentry terminology and landscaping Horticulturist language.

My therapist said my issues are no more. I could tell a dark story and get out of that stinking thinking. Now my conversations are light, I could meditatively witness my emotions and memories. And let it pass as I try to find motivations and energies in Mawita'mk place to work out during the day. 

It's a regulated place, I cannot workout any time I want. The benefits of solitude with my intellectual mind; I could enjoy myself because I have patience to read a book, play video games, watch movies and TV, Netflix and YouTube. I have the immersive focus to listen to the messages of music. The benefits of solitude is that I don't have to expose my position or feel obligated to tell everyone things.

I hate small talks and I hate my real father. I know that he loved despotic, tyrannical control. I know that I don't have any powers to defend myself.

I know that people are treating me because I've been diagnosed. I know that I cannot control my own feelings because anxiety-filled workers want to convince me of stuff. 

They don't trust me with my own life; funny uh? I have issues with people telling me how to live or where I should live. Thanks to my step uncles and stepfather I've lost opportunities to regain my fighting skills. 

Moral cowards only pick on the weaken disabled because they don't care for the disability world. Knowing that I've had no normal life in my life. Cultivation is sharpening mental acumen, intellectual acuity and reality-based life skills education.

Domestication you get dull and you don't know what to do. Mawita'mk Society has been cultivating me supporting me and the inertia of inactivities are domesticating me. I know that I've experienced abuses from a lot of people over the years in Eskasoni.

But I had a sharp mind before. And learning that Mawita'mk Society wants my life in simple terms because of cultivation. I know that learning, using, earning, doing is my fundamentals in life. I know that through reading learning is done. I know that self-understanding is important in terms of (coping/social/life/personal) skills. Knowing that I need to work on my physical fitness health and renal diet nutrition. I know that tasty meals can be something of a cooking practice. That is a life skill and personal leadership skill. I know that these skills can become social skills too.

Learning that domestication has dulled my senses, I know that the comforts of a group home has me spoiled and enrichen. Learning what I need in life I know that I don't have any attractive qualities. At Mawita'mk Society I am a Beta, a person who is afflicted with the Ideal Male Obedience.

They make up rules for me and tell me what to do. My stepfather has ruled over my teenage life where I couldn't get any schooling done, have my poetry published or get copyrighted. My stepfather is way too old school for me. And so was my real father. I hate them both because of what they've done to me. Economically abused me and used me in so many ways. I know that old school believes that they have a right to dominate a life. Toxic relationships such as my stepparents had me living with Mawita'mk Society. They don't want me to learn, use, do and earn. They always stopped me from getting full-time employment and other things.

No! Nothing is safe when living in Eskasoni. Everyone expects me to share and they don't want to help me out. Learning that there is limitations to their generosity, I know that they won't let me live.

Learning that there is more to freedom than I have here. I know that people still uses that "Bitch" discrimination and wants me to live like a Beta. Learning to cope with the Ideal Male Obedience. Scared of my own freedom and independence, not experiencing making a happy home. Not using, learning, doing and earning. Scare to build up my own happy home because I got enemies. Everyone breaking in and nobody telling me anything. I seem less attractive and more of a Beta. 

Domestication has psycho-historic schemas that have been lessening my skills, worsening the social schemas for self defense, and making me dullen and languishing.

Knowing that here I have to go by what these workers tell me. Eskasoni is such a terrible place for me that I don't have any respect in Eskasoni. And here I don't have any respect too. Knowing that nobody will defend me or protect me here, I might as well live Eskasoni.

But learning the toxic culture between men and women. I know there is toxic sexism( Toxic discrimination based on sex) between man and woman. We are all fucked up and we shouldn't judge others because we don't what they are going through. But yeah here I am happy, simplistic and have good memories here. I want to learn at a level of polymathic student of being a polyglot to a hyperglot. 

That's just the beginning of my little intellectual development if I could reach that far in my life. Learning languages and scientific works, to philosophic works and theories of certain people. Growing essential skills in my life from Joe MacKenzie and other tutors, I had a pretty good life.

But with all those reading skills I have I want to learn new languages, terms and words. I want to learn a whole new vocabulary and psychology of languages. I know that I want to master Earth's geography and languages.
I want to have a neuro-culturologically trained mind into being a hyperglot. Hoping anyways. I know that I got a few books and dictionaries to work on. I am happy that I got these workloads, potentials and goals in my life to work on. I've lived this far and I could die any time. I just hope that I could master everything in my life well enough to live by myself in Eskasoni. I know that I want to be the best gardener, landscaper and carpenter. 

That's what I was taught by my grandmother, stepfather and stepmother. My family has been teaching me the value and biology of gardening, the geophysics of landscaping and carpentry labor. I know that I have that kind of background in my teenage years. And knowing that I could do gardening, landscaping and building.

Learning that I've been through many discriminatory hells and beliefs. Learning that I don't have any moral icons in my life.

I have to lead my own way in ways. My mental health is neuroethically questionable but I think I could master certain skills and mental acumen in ways where I could sharpen my own mental faculties. I know that I have a good life in We'koqma'q community but sometimes I wonder what my life would've been like if I'd triumphant in my recovery? If I gotten my Eskasoni high school diploma and had my Beginner's license. It is sad that I cannot move out on my own and take good care of myself through my own personalized care system in Eskasoni. Learning that these women want me stuck in stinking thinking. 

Not getting over my victimization or victimhood, I know that I could live a single life ideally. Why with the level of accomplishments I have now I could get my own fitness through walking Eskasoni community strip. I know my hometown well and I know who to visit. But that was another life in Eskasoni. 

Dodo knows how to scheme off of me like Clyde. They both owe me a lot of money and I don't think I will get it because of Clyde's powers. And my step uncle's powerplay. Learning that they both uses ageism as a means to lie to me. Clyde owes me from Eskasoni and starting at 2010. 

I was doing just fine without Dodo. Every time he came into my life it's usually to beat me, steal from me or harm me in some fashion. Disguises it as warnings when I didn't need anyway. Learning that I don't know how to use the court systems to my favors, defend myself against their hatefulness and accusations, and invest in my own apartment without approvals. I know that everyone thought I was approval-bound. It's my money they were after and so was Rob Shipley and Mari K. Joe. 

Everyone was involved in my psychological stress. I know that I couldn't date because Rob Shipley's relationship was more important. Learning that they cheapen and cheated me out of my guests' appearance. I know that people wanted to know me and I wanted to create meaningful relationships through these visits. The Distant Domestication I've suffered was because they had a household hold over me and they were using me financially speaking. The food I'd bought they took and whatever little money I got; they took. 

So there was people that have financially abused me. They wouldn't let go and didn't want me to live my life ideally. Learning that they had an addictive hold over me and didn't want me to figure out my own life. I had to move out of my hometown because of Mari K. Joe. I don't know who is living where but Rob Shipley. Now I could visit him and do D&D with him. 

He is much more healthier and have a better lifestyle. Aspects of my health was affected and yes, I was malnourished because of those two. I couldn't really defend my own home because they haven't fed me at all. And in their toxicity I had to make due with what I could. Learning that Eskasoni Welfare is for single life budgeting, now I could say that I have a pretty good lifestyle in We'koqma'q community. 

Now with Mawita'mk Society I have an cultivation that have been well scraping against sharpener. Learning that I have to accept my past, forgive my enemies and bullies, schemers and financial abusers. I know that people scheme off of me but this New Year resolution I am making New Finances. I am no longer lending out money anymore because I had bad experiences financially speaking, in Eskasoni. They are heartless and cold when it comes to cash. My step uncle Dodo owes me thousands. 

In Eskasoni people won't change because they repeat their unexamined lifestyle. And knowing that I have a good life in We'koqma'q community. Feeling proud of how far I've gotten and my opportunities in We'koqma'q community. I never had any good opportunities in Eskasoni. Learning that people have discriminated and humiliated against me. I know that I was stagnant and professionally discriminated and quiescent in Eskasoni. I am learning my business opportunities in We'koqma'q community. 

Through Dodo I know that the spell was to keep my mouth shut about certain things. He has cheated me out of my youth, my justice and my expressions. Knowing that Dodo had a psychological dictatorship over my mind. He doesn't want that kind of responsibility for my mind; corruption and demoralizations. And with that kind of psychological abuses and corruption, he has forced me to do things I did not want to do through manipulations and power-tactics. 

I hate this motherfucker that I cannot stand him. I know that he does this psychological manipulation over me where he makes me like him. Learning that he deflects, deny, lie, steal, dissuade and persuade. I know that he would use his options to say that my toxic silence of corruption and demoralizations is nothing. 

Joseph Clyde Paul doesn't respect me. He isn't even afraid of me let alone respects me. Neuroethics isn't his thing and he doesn't want to pay me back. Fucker keeps scheming off of me and don't respects me because he financially abuses me. Learning how Clyde sees me; like some punk bitch who he can scheme off of. I know that he doesn't want me to build my muscles and earn or do fitness because he is a moral coward. He doesn't want me to get my money and Mawita'mk Society allows such behavior to happen. 

I realize that I'm nobody important enough to call or text. Learning from 38 years of life experience on this earth. I know that I wasn't really liked or respected in any ways because my stepfather wanted me to be left out. I've been to only two concerts in my life with Mawita'mk Society. And I have been on a Helicopter ride once. I don't think I will sky dive because Mawita'mk Society has to take responsibility for certain things. The legality of sky diving is an issue in itself. A type of ableism that prevents me from doing what I want to do. 

I was conditioned to fear certain activities because my stepfather didn't want that kind of results. I know that I did not live my life fully because my stepfather didn't care for me in ways where he would've fully supported me in driving, in helping me make a rèsumè or something that helps me in my financial independence. I never had that kind of support from anyone while I lived in Eskasoni. 

Domestication is oppressive toxicity into toxic silence from both parents. I know that I did not have any good reasons to live with the Morrison family. I would rather my own place instead of living with one of my aunties or uncles. But they won't give either because I am sone kind of creature to them. I have to be something tamed and controlled through forms of discriminations; ageism, ableism, sexism, classism, colorism and other forms of discriminations I have to deal with through intergenerational impacts. 

But at Mawita'mk Society I'm spoiled and well taken care of. At Mawita'mk Society I have a level of education, training and driving level where I am enrichen in ways. But I need to focus on my physical fitness health in order to lose the weight to get my second transplant kidney. My school board in Eskasoni has said that I could get funding as soon as I can get my second transplant kidney. After I recovery and heal right up. That's why I don't want to leave, because Mawita'mk Society spoils me and takes good care of me. I have safety and security here. Knowing that I have the safest place in We'koqma'q community. Feeling proud that I've gotten over certain traumas.

Here I could possibly date; I just got to practice safe sex. I know that certain professionals hates me secretly and learning that I didn't learned any personal powers away from Dodo. I know that certain step family deserves a beat down. Letting such assholes come into my life and ruins my reputation. I know that he wants to be credited with the good stuff instead of taking the bad with the good. Dodo knows how to manipulate and force his beliefs on me. Which from a corruptive view I was doomed to repeat my history because he didn't let me examine my own life. All of it.