In This Socio-economic Reality

In this socio-economic reality we could have a free lifestyle where you are living off the land. And have a paying kind of lifestyle. We all have options in this socio-economic reality; bartering, bargaining, negotiating, gift economy and sustenance economy and subsistence economy. Knowing that barter is part of all two economies. I know that's how I was living; subsistence economy. There are way more economies in this world. And how you make a deal, bargain or sell, is how you gonna work. Types of pay depends on types of job. You could have wages with vacation pays, fringe benefits, perks, overtime pays, holiday pays and bonuses at the end of the year. Just an example of minimum wage full-time employment benefits.

There is base pay, salary, commissions, piecework and royalties. Which are examples of certain pays. With a salary or commission comes contractual agreement.

In this job market though, that socio-economic reality is to earn money, spend money. I was living in subsistence economy and knowing that I did not have any safety back in Eskasoni. I know that I couldn't get security because I did not have any smartphone technology, no Amazon account or online banking. I want to buy that little place and make it into a good home. But I would have repeats of bullying, annoyed people hating on me and abuses and discriminations from those that want power.

In this world where women have to be hypergamous. I know that I am something of a good choice. I got potential to be a committed lover. I know that I have to work at the relationship if I was in one. But not right now because I don't have the energy to please or listen, or be emotionally aware. I want to learn all about women and their feelings.

No matter how you would live, appreciate how far you've come. I've come across many obstacles and still dealing with certain obstacles. I did the adversities and miseries, I've seen incredible crimes and a good deal of abuses and discriminations. I had my fair shares of women and girls. I was taught not to defend or have the courage to tell the truth. My step uncle have repressed or suppressed my courage to tell the truth. I know that I've suffered morally with guilt complex and shame. I know that I have heavy regrets and in that I was to carry that kind of information because I've witnessed it. The breaking of vows and the covering it up.

Morality issues is how I remember how they've earned moral cowards' title. I know that I've been through hells and years of it. The surface had been an superficial imagery of fickle truth and belief. I know that Dodo would beat me down because I said this.
Learning how memory works in various ways. 

I know there is subsistence economy: living a lifestyle at a minimum standard of living. Which on Eskasoni Welfare I was a rich man in ways of knowledge, skills and time. I had a lot of good reasons to develop my trade skills. Knowing that now where I live at now; I could run a business out of Mawita'mk Society and live my life in safety, respect and love. With hopefully a good benefit of Mawita'mk Society's accountant/office manager. I know that I want to make a good investment into adding to my old place in Eskasoni. And build a small garage, shed and porch. Or add more space to my old place. I want to have a thriving small business and earn a decent living.

I want to have a repertoire of construction tools in landscaping, gardening and building. I want to be good at my 4-jobs work Google calendar scheduling.

I want to work on getting my full driver's license, get my NSCC Horticulture and Landscape Technology diploma, NSCC Carpentry Certificate and diploma programs, and work what I can in We'koqma'q community. I know that I could develop a fitness, and have a muscular physical fitness about me, when I do work these kinds of jobs. 

I have the best workers at Mawita'mk Society to keep me regularly in a good routine of habitual doing and thinking of fitness, health, nutrition, renal diet and liquid restrictions. I know that now I can lose the weight and have a good time doing it.

The endorphins and oxytocins released from eustress of fitness, good stress of doing physical fitness. I know that eustress is the good stress of pleasurable activities such as fitness, eating and sex. If I could develop a good regular routine of these three things; my sense of well-being will grow.

But I know that now I'm working on my physical fitness. I have 4 categories to do; that's fitness, take good medicine, eat good and have sex. I don't know what it will be like if I did move back to Eskasoni. People treated me badly when I did have disabilities, minimum standard of living and Eskasoni Welfare. Everyone thought I should share, including Rob Shipley. Yeah we are friends but I was in a toxic position when he brought me to his world. A friend would draw the line with a toxic girlfriend. I did not have the research-focus to read about toxic relationships online.

Living by myself as a paranoid schizophrenic I have to be at a regular routine and habitual thinking and doing of chores, errands and cleaning. My place has to have a good deal of organization, display my level of independence and depth of knowledge in life skills.

I know that I have core competencies of life skills, essential work skills and driving skills for personal/financial independence. Knowing that I've been living ideally at Mawita'mk Society for fourteen years. I know that I have a lot of good reasons to live at Mawita'mk Society. I could live a subsistence economic lifestyle where I could bring a certain degree of small money/incomes to myself at Mawita'mk Society. And work within my realm of possibilities where I could be goal-minded about certain things. But I know that Mawita'mk Society don't ask me about my stuff to sell. Learning that people have been sneaky enough to take away certain things of mine. I know that Mawita'mk Society steals from me because I have things they want.

I get disappointed sometimes with Mawita'mk Society because I look so forward with certain things.

I know that trading my intellectual authority is what I have known for convenience, respect and loyalty to certain people. Knowing that I am a king! Well I am being treated as a king. Wish I was a king with muscles and martial skills. I had that chivalry attitude but only to the one I am loving. But I hadn't any special feelings since I was a kid. Sex was just sex to me. And hyper-independence and hypersexuality was two heavy burdens that I had on top of my shoulders. I hated myself but quickly learnt to love myself. A sense of purpose is able to work for my own reasons.

To pay my own bills; to live my life in a thriving way; to earn my own living and to use my own money how I see fit. Not be a bank to everyone. And have to be constantly checking on my bank account. In We'koqma'q community, at Mawita'mk Society's Ni'kinen Group House, I am living ideally with home services like WiFi and cable.

Knowing that I am young and have no respect because people manage my expectations of what I want to do. I know that I have to loose weight and become physically fit to get my second transplant kidney. I know that the weekend I relax and chill out. I know that I need and I am working on my fitness. I know that I've been exercising in the past. And I have motivated myself before; I know that I'm less attractive because I'm fatten. And I'm weak and vulnerable because I got enemies who have controlled my mind for years. I know that enemies have gotten to me, changed my attitude about my own independence, changed and controlling my mind in an influential way. And I know that I'm hated enough to live like this in Eskasoni.

Knowing their ranges of influences, persuasions and convincing. I know that I am hated in such a way that I don't have any support in Eskasoni.

In this socio-economic reality I don't have any such influences. I know that I'm no good and in this I am learning what I need to learn about sexuality, stress and disorders. I am learning about mental health literature from Dr. John Gottman, From Dr. Philip Zimbardo and other doctors I got in my collections. Questioning my influences, teachings,life lessons and morality; I know that morality can he used to control the weaker people, while the stronger have more sex. I know that I don't have any inner cliques influences, have any family influences or anything like that. I've been learning that family thinks of me as insane. Incapable of taking good care of myself in terms of personal independence.

Knowing that I could provide for myself, and that's what people take advantage of. I know that my siblings are probably arguing about who owes what? I know that I did not have any good money to lend out. 

I know that in this socio-economic reality I am a liability. Learning that I have diagnosed paranoid schizophrenia. It seems there is no recovery from this kind of illness. And everyone will make me an incel learning about relationships from Dr. John Gottman for no reasons. And all this mental health literature for no reasons. In this socio-economic reality I'm less attractive to the women I do want because I'm more of a burden. 

The idea that I still could live a good way at Mawita'mk Society's Ni'kinen Group House is a wondrous experience. I know that I love and want to make my time here well worth it. I know that I'm less trusted and don't have any attractive desirability or qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height or riches or extra curricular activities or careers or business in my own life. Learning that I don't need a woman, would prove otherwise different from what I've experienced in Mawita'mk Society. I could live ideally at Mawita'mk Society without sex or any other needs from a woman other than intimacy. 

And I know that I could get all that from a professional prostitute. But I know what the benefits of a good relationship is; having somebody there for comfort and shared happiness, having a companion for sharing my life, living in a good way with my companion, having a good time with my partner, and sharing books that could be beneficial in terms of hope to understand each other. 

I know that I'd lived a single, independent,  carefree and subsistence economic lifestyle, where what I'd bartered with certain people, I get certain privileges because I am disabled family member. And knowing that toxicity in certain friendships I know that people wanted me insane and suicidal. But I knew if I took my life to another community; I might be able to live ideally peaceful and good in a subsistence economic lifestyle in We'koqma'q community. 

But they've taught me that I'm supposed to earn a full-time employment in We'koqma'q community. And learning that certain people don't want me to be employable because that would grant me respect. I know that I was hated so much in Eskasoni because, I wanted to focus on my self development in Eskasoni and learn what I needed to learn from books and teachings. That people wanted me self destructive and going down in a downward spiral way. 

I know that I don't have that much self-efficacy where I could do stuff by myself. Knowing that I've needed a job, or something in my life where I could merit some sort of respect. I know that I didn't have any chances in Eskasoni because I had no education, trade or driving level. So I collected pop bottles for a small living. I was small monies and everyone thought I was making money because I had women, food and medicine. I NEEDED THOSE! 

I've lived a simplistic lifestyle ideally where I had a good enough money. And people kept on taking my belief systems, sense of value about money and use it for their toxic relationships, have people sneak into my apartment when I'm gone. And have a bunch of reasons to ruin my day. I know that people have been using me to live their lives out through me. Except real friends who I know that I've mistaken my aims.

I did not want to be the bank of Rob and Mare but I was. I was so involved with them it felt like their relationship problems was mine. Especially since I was home invaded, traumatized and stuck in Eskasoni. Stay-cation was my favorite vacations. But I know that drunkards and addicts wouldn't leave me alone. And that's because I've been beaten, battered and bruised by Dodo, KJ and others over the years. 

Now I have a good home and fuck that Horseshoe Drive Apartment. It's in a bad spot and I'm well hated enough to be beaten on. I know that people wanted me to fail miserably, suffer guilt complex and addictions, so that way they could shit on my shames.