Renal Dialysis and 21 Years with The First Transplant Kidney; A Good Thing

I'm working on my fitness. I know that it took a post to finally motivate the Mawita'mk Support Workers to help me in my life. I know that I had renal dialysis for 4 years of my childhood and than got my first transplant kidney at the age of 14. Knowing that I had to get in shape and do something like fitness; I know that I had my stepfather and stepmother to the rescues; including my step grandmother.

It's my fifth week doing the workout plan. If there was a storm I would have the day off. And learning, experiencing and getting to the fitness goal of getting moving with different workouts. I know that I could date my progression and evolution of my body because I've went through so many weight changes during my life time. Knowing that getting in shape is just another reason again to get healthy. I know that I've been through this before. Learning, experiencing and getting moving again.

I am determined and motivated; with a good sense of purpose, direction and time in my life to carve out a routine in We'koqma'q community. I have my level of education, training and driving level where I could work as a Tim Hortons employee, or a landscaper, and than a good driver. I hope that I could get to know this community better than my hometown. I know that I want to do delivery for We'koqma'q Tim Hortons. Start my little weekend taxi and delivery business. Hopefully I can get a good workforce in We'koqma'q community. I want to start a full Yard clean up crew. I want to get a few credentials I would want to try out.

ISSA-CANADA Cleaning Management Institute courses, NSCC Horticulture and Landscape Technology diploma program, or NSCC Carpentry courses. And than CBU'S Bachelor of Arts program. If I feel like it. Well I got my NSCC Construction Trades Labor.

So I might as well get my Tim Hortons training. And than go and become a Nova Scotia fully licensed driver. All these are possibilities of successes and bettering my own life in terms of independence, life skills, essential work skills and driving skills. I hope that I could get a few gym clothes and some muscle mass too. I am on this fitness journey while I'm on Renal dialysis. I hope that I could get my second transplant kidney. Hopefully than I could get back on track with my fitness being part of my health plan.

I know that I love myself. And it's harder than ever to get back into the swing of things. I was deprived of so many things. My step parents never had any compunction, guilt or shame at keeping me away from certain things. There was a lot of hindrance in my time. The best of intentions was a selfish cry for attention from their lover. And being a teenager is something that I couldn't manage.

My Addictional moral struggles was that my stepfather's friends were hypocrites. And I did not fully know who was my biological mother's friends, my biological father's friends, my step-parent's friends. And I did not know who knew who. Everyone was lying, depriving me of my sexual experience, job opportunities and driving opportunities. So many control issues in my life that I couldn't go anywhere. My step parents were liars that they wanted me to thrive at a young age. That's how much I was hated. I know that I couldn't get my driver's license, tractor license, job experiences or education. Or have sex when I wanted to.

Yeah I don't get my way. But things as simple as books I couldn't get used of reading because my step parents didn't want me to earn my own books, book cases or laptop. They didn't want me to be motivated or determined.

I was the Experimental Generation the older generation was experimenting on. And I couldn't arrange to get justice for intellectual abuses, social abuses, manipulations, deprivational power tactics, or relational influences. Nutritional abuses, they'd made me malnourished. I couldn't eat for weeks or days. I couldn't protest this because the Morrison didn't allow such things to happen. 

Their old school methods wasn't allowing me to use such food abuse to be my motivation. I know that what they've allowed wasn't thriving independence but what they wanted to measurably control. Knowing that they have power to abuse, I know that I wasn't safe or protected because I wasn't blood.

I know that under the guise of protecting me; they'd abused and discriminated and than manipulated their statements. I know that the Morrison have done me wrong. And learning that I couldn't really get justice.

Mawita'mk Society have been largely part of my life now; they are doing a wonderful job at keeping me fed, freed of addictions, poverty, ignorance and abuses. They have been taking great care in trying to keep the "Joker" in me alive. Yeah this was the best move I could've done in all my years. Considering that I had extra financial responsibilities in my time in Eskasoni the 7 years I had to live there. I know that Dodo has greatly financially abused me; and thats where all this financial abuses happened. I know that I've been discriminated against over the years in my lifetime in Eskasoni. And any memories I have, are memories of such negative experiences because I was hated on.

I know that in Eskasoni I couldn't get a moment to myself. Every motherfuckers knocked on my door looking for something or a place to crash. They didn't respect me. I was used in every way possible.

And than throughout my years in Eskasoni I had my step uncle punched me occasionally. Assaulting me and getting away with it. Knowing that I couldn't fight for myself. I know that he didn't respect me as a child but treated me as a man. In his eyes I was a man to beat down, brow beat and intimidate. To hold back and to hinder. Throughout the years I've been going through trials and tribulations that was set for men. And I know that I did not have a normal childhood because it's only interesting because I had addictions since I was 4/5 years old.

I know that it was because of the Morrison family. I couldn't have a childhood because I had to become a child addict( to relate to them), have sex and get tough enough to go through trials and tribulations of a full grown man. I know that Dodo has psycho-historically abused me in so many ways. And the Morrison have abused me so many ways.

I was a disabled young man learning that the only reasons I'm doing wrong is because of the Morrison. I know that I was the black sheep of the family because the family system was broken. I know that I should've moved with my real father. Call me Mr. Syliboy. I know that now in We'koqma'q community I have a really good life. By comparison from Eskasoni standards I have a luxurious life. All the rights and beauties in this community have been pleasing. But I hadn't the proper long-term relationship care because Eskasoni never had beauties that wanted me. I know that I could ideally have a good woman but I want to develop myself; patience, my own beadwork inventory, fitness, and a good life to boot. All the positivities of We'koqma'q community is spreading.

Now? I have a second hometown that I'm proud to call home. And place at Mawita'mk.
I am proud Syliboy blood. And a proud Mawita'mk member. I feel that Eskasoni could brush up on their positivity. I know that I was one positive kid. But soon learnt the word abuse. And my personal history has matched with old school natives' teachings. I know that now I am well taken care of and have a good group home. These people are awesome. 

Yeah I have some bad opinions about the Morrison family. But I think they are coming around. Fucking I know that now I have three meals a day; an expired Beginner's license with a driving level as I'm a Certified Driver: Certified Trades Worker and educated. I am a proud owner of Johnny's Gym membership. Getting my Identification card updated.

I just need to keep this beat up. I could rely on Mawita'mk staff to help out. Especially when it comes to cooking. Ah! The cooking. I love their cooking n' baking. Thieves on Unama'ki Driving School had me like I couldn't really determined who it was. Knowing that I had to learn to protect my wallet. I know that people love thieving, lying and trying to get away with stuff. And Natashia Sylliboy didn't want to hold her students responsible. She knew because she was at her front watching everything. Those kids were savages and didn't have respect for my disabilities. 

I know that Natashia didn't have any respect for me because she didn't report the person. And knowing that I was financially abused and stolen from by her students. She wouldn't want to hold her students responsible because she is a moral coward a lot like Dodo. An old school classic abuser of power. 

In my life being in Eskasoni I've been tormented, dissuaded of my rights, discriminated, manipulated, abused, malnourished, beaten down and stomped on at my weakest. I know that people in Eskasoni hasn't changed; they will always be abusers, pedophiles and criminals, or have a criminal mentality. Those that are professionals are like this too. Classism and colorism is a thing in Eskasoni. Knowing that they refuse to take responsibility, prevention and measurable progress. I know that they are trying to escape their responsibilities through other crimes and lying. 

At the time; yeah I was getting Certificate from this Natashia. But I did not want her to give it to me. I know that she thinks she's invincible in that classroom because of her life experiences. Knowing that she believes she has certain rights over certain people. I know because I'm diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic I've been taken advantage of because she thinks I'm wrong in some fashion. 

I know that I was traumatized by certain family members and having no justice because they believe in their rights over me. That's discriminations and abuses. That mentality where you have rights over people is ageistic, sexistic and other forms of discriminatory authorities. I know that people don't care for me in Eskasoni. And knowing that they don't care for me; I think it's fair enough to say from my life experiences I have the right to move out. Make, build and sustain my life in We'koqma'q community. 

Because when I was in Eskasoni for my work term; they'd bullied and tried to throw me under the bus. And when I went to Unama'ki Driving School I was stolen from and lied to. I know that I couldn't really defend my pockets because I had a condition response they didn't care about. Eskasoni hasn't changed and there will always be bullies, liars and addicts and thieves. 

Mostly with my life experiences with Eskasoni; it had been about people scheming off of me, ripping me off, thriving off of me to scheme off of me, using me measurably to keep me hungry and working. Because I had toxic relationships in Eskasoni; from family members to people I didn't even know was my friends; to people that thought they were better at the time. And I knew that the Morrison wanted an imbalacing of morality issues and beliefs and power in my life that they were willing to cause it. I was on-again and off-again addict but I had money for food and groceries which people kept on stealing from me. And cleaning supplies and tools too.

Well Trent Seven Nicholas kept on stealing my cleaning tools. Like a broom, swiffer wet jet and other things I needed. Rob Shipley kept on breaking in and stealing my groceries. Bad enough I was raped by Trent Seven Nicholas. That's my Eskasoni life experiences. The Morrison have mostly dominated my life, and Trent; I guess wanted my ass so badly that he raped me. Eskasoni has been a breeding ground for discriminations and abuses for years. Considering that there was no hope in my life. I couldn't even get CDs to relate to the Music I needed to. 

But I didn't let that fucked me up totally. I had my Dark Moments in life. I know that I had become something of an accomplished person in We'koqma'q community. Eskasoni hasn't changed for a second because I got enemies there. I know that I don't have any respect from Eskasoni. And I don't have any ties in Eskasoni. Knowing this I want to build my own little business in We'koqma'q community. 

Knowing that the things the Morrison have done, I could forgive and heal and recover. But I know that I am not gonna let my guard down because they are mad. Dodo wants me powerless, guardless and bloodlineless. I know that Dodo has tormented me all those years by beating on me. Getting Ray to get me high again. And having no chicks; wasting my life on scraps of happiness and pieces of garbage of love. I know that I don't have anyone loving me. I am not loved or cared for in that fashion. 

My mom was a bitch and I had to put up with her bullshit because she was a moral coward. And she admitted this a few times. I know that Dodo was a moral coward since the Late 80s. I know that I wasn't going to have any respect because I was stuck in this state of frozen years. My stepfather didn't want to hear the truth: especially from me. I was that much hated. 

You would think that being on Renal dialysis for 4 years as a child would be something right? But... I had to suffer it out because old school mentality didn't wanted to stop the traumas causing hypersexuality and hyper-independence. Which they were causing. I know that I wanted meaningless sex. But I know that I was learning my sex market value. I wasn't that attractive. 

I know she was a righteous bitch because she cheated with Dodo, they were both moral cowards. And learning that I want to take BASE program at Unama'ki College. I hope that I could also take after BASE degree program; NSCC Horticulture and Landscape Technology diploma program. And do this kind of work within Sustainability. Learning all I can about Sustainability and Alternative Energy Sources since I have the know-how to build a shed or a home. I just need to take Environment 101 through BA degree program( or Bachelor of Arts program). Update my skills with science and learn a thing or two about science and sustainability. 

She didn't get a chance to tell her story. She also changed her mind when she found out about Dodo's true values and beliefs. Learning that they only lasted a minute in bed, it felt like an eternity. Dodo did not want to ruin his measures of controllability in my life. I know that I had to move away from this family. My biological mother didn't get a chance to finish her story. She was going to write one about her life eventually. I know that she didn't get that chance because Dodo was sweet talking her bullshit. 

But anyways, I want to get my BA than my BASE program, and than my NSCC Horticulture and Landscape Technology diploma program. Learning what I can with all that I hope that with my BA I could have enough credits for BASE through my BA. 

I know that I've been learning that emotionally I wasn't that smart because my step uncles had power over me. Knowing that they didn't want to admit their wrongs, I know that they are moral cowards. I know that they love their petty anger because it saves them from confronting their demons. I know that I'd tried to live the life ideally in Eskasoni. Knowing that women didn't want me. I know that I was learning my sex market value in Eskasoni. 

I know that in We'koqma'q, or anywhere else; I am less attractive because I cannot get one night stands on my own. I know that I've been widely ignored and left to my devices. But my step-parents have led me to this choice. And they'd taught me to be action-oriented. Learning that I was pro-active in schools and colleges, I just got to add fitness to that routine. I know because of certain workers I had been convinced to be lazy to a degree. Don't think for myself, or don't do it myself. That's independence.