Higher, Richer, Better in Terms of Love, Personal Development, and More

Learning that I want marriage, I know that in reality there are a few good women that I could try out on. I know that I have a good-looking caramel skin. I just need to put some muscles on it and get in shape. I have a little  motivation, determination and workethic, and direction where I want to have a few businesses under my name, have a few graduations under my belt, and become fully licensed driver while I get a good woman. Eight simple dates and a good conversation in terms of love and respect for each other. I know that I want to fuck a few ladies in mind. I was traumatized and malnourished, I was dysregulated and unprocessed traumas now is my biological mother's story. 

But I know that a relationship is hard work. Which I know that my Bibles for relationship is Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schartz Gottman. Hopefully I can get a woman that dealt with her traumas and addictions. I want to do this eternal companionship/partnership the right way, I want to do this relationship stuff the right way. Hopefully I can use science and if necessary, use talking cure. 

I know that I have to benefit from a long-term relationship. I know that the benefits are in ways where people argue that relationship are better than being single. I know that I've experienced a lot of sexual partners over the years, with potential of a long-term relationship. I could've practiced wisdom of love, monogamy, mutual respect and loyalty. But I hadn't that much in my time. Not like some male cousins.

I know that the benefits are financially good if money isn't an issue, shared home could be beneficial if you have a good interpersonal effectiveness. And if you have a few small business ideas I know that I could learn to share the profits with my future wife. I know that now I have a few good business ideas in mind. I know that I have been living in We'koqma'q but I want to live in Eskasoni. I know that certain women are on my radar. And knowing that I've been selected by them, I hope that I could get something going. 

I want to have an additional level of education, trade training and driving level where I had a career in Carpentry but I am primed to get my NSCC Horticulture and Landscape Technology diploma. I know that I've had goals beneath the shame, I had ambitions beneath my step uncles' abuses and discriminations. I know that I want to learn science, chemistry, and psychology. I know that I need to understand a systematic investigation into a subject, subject matter, object, phenomenon. I know that I want to understand people from a social psychological works. And have written the science of lies: psychiatry and psychology. 

Learning both psychodiagnostics and psychiatry, I know that I want to work within the medical field and socioeconomic reality where I could get honest input. I want to want write about the science in lies: a Psychiatry and Psychology handbook. Both creativity and lies are wildly associated, I cannot tell the truth because i don't know their meaning of truth. It's a diverse and complex world where the social dynamics of lies can work within the realm of possibilities. The only way I would be interested in somebody's truth if they fuck with me. 

Well to a point where they try to dominate my life. That used to be "Pocket Hulk" and I usually break the silence of incest or something else. I know that I didn't have much people to look up to. And every time I became "Hellraiser" was when I captured the attention of the teachers. And I know that I was controlled, lied to and measurably managed. 

But learning that I am learning about morality, my conscience has been wrecked with introduction to child addictions, than child molestations and a good deal of beatings. Knowing that I've been discriminated against and abused over the years in Eskasoni. Morality issues neuroethically speaking has been questioned and mentioned. I know that I'd learnt a lot over the years with TV when I was a punk. Knowing that I wanted to say "fuck you too" to Clyde. I know that I've focused on my self development over the years in We'koqma'q community. I've experienced the darker side of the community at a young age. 

Than I'd learnt from YouTube and Internet. Knowing that I had a lot of Redemptive works in my life. And forgiving people have been hard. But too being forgiven is harder. I know that now I'm trying to not to indulge in my sexual addiction. And trying to take a page out of the Bible and learn monogamy. How to do that through Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schartz Gottman. Hopefully I can learn how to make love last, dating, marriage and relationships. 

I know that I'm thankful and appreciative of what I have but if I do go and get my degree, full driver's license and truck. I hope that I could get a good job in Eskasoni and be competent. I want to be the paragon employee of Eskasoni. Hopefully they could solve the money issues in Eskasoni to develop jobs that people are willing to do. I know that I was learning what a job would've been in We'koqma'q One Stop. And I had a few job shadowing and one work term. A few projects in NSCC Construction Trades Labor program. 

Than again in this world there isn't any paradise for a native. I know that I don't have any lands around Nova Scotia. It's mostly Crown lands and a bunch of racists have control over it. I know that we haven't surrendered and knowing that I don't have any lands to purchase or anything; I know that I don't have any money to get from a job. Knowing that I am hated because I don't fit any women's standards or criteria, or men's respect. I know that I've suffered greatly and had a lot of bad reasons, examples, experiences and evidences of a bad life in Eskasoni. Everyone stressing me out because they didn't want to leave me alone right from the beginning. 

I know that people still don't want to leave me alone. During my time in We'koqma'q community I've lived a good life in the past 14 years of my life. Learning things from books and other eBooks. I've been sober for fourteen years and I don't think that I would be able to live my life in Eskasoni because I cannot seem to get a economic routine in Eskasoni. 

Learning that I could've lived my life without AA or NA. I know that people don't want a single guy like me to succeed without help. Especially in the big cities. I know that I don't have any powers to stop family from keeping me here. I know that they talk behind my back and I know that they've never wanted me brave, smart and tough. They never wanted me financially independent at the age of 18. My sisters don't respect me because I know that intellectually I have to be careful with my words.

I know that it could've been worst. It could've been narcissistic personalities who had hateful toxicity. I know that when my stepfather and stepmother passed on. I know that my sisters would scheme off of me. They've done it before and they still owe me. I think both of my sisters have narcissistic personalities because my sister Katt Morrison owes me money for a phone bill she hasn't paid yet. 

My other sister looks shifty. And I don't trust her with money. As soon as my stepfather passes I am going to let go of my sisters on Facebook because they've financially abused me in so many ways. The Morrison have abused me in a variety, diversified and more ways that I couldn't imagine at the time. I know that I've experienced abuses and discriminations in so many ways that the Morrison from Eskasoni didn't care for me. I was part of their twisted family plot.

Like how Dodo kept me quiet all those years because he didn't want a explosion of information, from being an child addict to being raped and sexually abused, to having witnessed two adults breaking their vows. They were the Moral Cowards that didn't want responsibility anymore. I don't know what fucked up mental/psychological warfare oceans they've created for me. I have to navigate this new terrains because the words wasn't said.

My biological mother cheating with my step uncle was their excuse of keeping me quiet. They thought selfishly, reacted cowardly and wanted to destroy me morally. I know that people didn't want to approach me the right way. Except with Mike A. Doucette and Vincent Marshall Sr. I had a good understanding of things and I know that my biological mother I hate to a degree because she is a moral coward. That's why I was hypersexual and wanted to get my life back in ways. I wanted to escape that dirty feeling through any means possible.

Learning that my step uncle I hate because he didn't want me to succeed. He gotten me twisted up that this was a love story. Knowing that I don't want these memories and I want no part with this family. I know that my stepfather doesn't care about me. He only cares about his gambling now.

I know that I did not have any benefits in my childhood. And no, I wasn't part of the family and I am not part of it now. Everyone decides for me and I don't got that much saying. Knowing that I don't fit any criteria or standard in for being normal child. I know that Muchmusic was my life line. And knowing that they don't know shit about me. I know that I'm nothing to this world.

But today I am reading works like The Lucifer Effect by social psychologist Dr. Philip Zimbardo, The TimeCure: Overcoming PTSD with New Psychology of Time Perspective Therapy by Dr. Philip Zimbardo, and The Myth of Normal by clinician and Dr. Gabor Matè. Learning how isolating motherhood can be with each mental loads and no one to talk with through The Myth of Normal. How PTSD sufferers have a mental injury, deepest depths of depression and rage. And how good people can turn evil with The Lucifer Effect. 

Everybody has their own generational curses, intergenerational impacts and collective traumas. We should, with this kind of deepen, intimate understanding, make the best of our situational forces, social dynamics, relational influences and family powers to, to make a better relationship out of Dr. John Gottman and other doctors. I know their paranoia and I want them to have their own pronoia. Without me and have a good dispositional bias where they explore their capabilities, abilities and knowledge of coping skills and fitness skills.

Learning that I have Time Paradox and a good social understanding of life through my cousin Ray. I had a lot of good reasons to live my life in terms of individualistic independence because I needed to financially focus on myself in a productive and lucrative way. I know that people say that you have to spend money to make money. Which if you're a fan of Jim Rohn's works, yes you have to spend money to make money.

And I get an educational fund that I could use in my BA to specialize in Psychology, Addiction and Environment. Which I know from an Indigenous descendant perspective I could use in ways where a "bedroom" could be essayed and theorized and used for my dissertation, if I do get that far. For the time capsule called the Hyperbolic Time Chamber which a room in Dragon Ball Z, to develop certain skills sets and muscular physical fitness, could be used in ways where you have a good deal of usage and studies in your own bedroom. Where you emerge stronger, smarter and more better in ways. If you know how to rest your eyes and relax in your bedroom after a good deal of workout.

Learning about the Hyperbolic chamber we could take that power of a bedroom, into a good sessions of journaling, poetry, fitness and creative writing, put it into action like the Hyperbolic Time Chamber, and then come out of the bedroom better with understanding, intellectual's intertheoretical works, and hopefully a better fitness. We have no choice but to use our "bedroom" as a Hyperbolic Time Chamber because a place of self development, self improvement intellectually and physically, and a good deal of faith in the safety and privacy of a "bedroom". Neuroethically it's a refinement space for bettering ourselves to a good degree, extent and depth. 

Each time I use my bedroom, I come out of it emerged and better for my own unique experience in my own bedroom. My poetry of transtheoreticals and intersubjective interculturalism, where people can sense I stay in my "bedroom". Leaning in the idea to "use well" and to "better self", I know that in my bedroom I have my own "Time Bedroom". I could live in my room ideally in a group home where I have everything I need for my own ideal room. I just need one bedroom and knowing that I emerge with a newer understanding each time. 

I know that I've perfected my bedroom and learning that I've had a ton of work experience; from landscaping and pop bottles, to professional works and odd jobs with family. I had a good variety of jobs in Eskasoni, Chapel Island and We'koqma'q communities. Fundamentally from Eskasoni I know that I've been discriminated against and abused over the years. So has everyone else and I know that in this socioeconomic dimensional reality we have to have reality-based leadership. 

So I have to learn to separate the images of my abusers with certain people. They've hurted me and made my abusers diminished. Everyone is blaming me when I was psychologically abused in so many ways that I couldn't tell the truths of my biological mother's cheating. It had everything to do with my biological mother's cheating. They were moral cowards and I'd lost respect for Dodo and my own mother. They didn't allowed me to process my upheavals and unprocessed traumas with their cheating. And knowing that it took so long, Dodo's moral cowardice, sexual selfishness and egocentric biases have served them all. They haven't made my life better in terms of individualistic independence. They've wanted their whims and desires from egocentric biases to be self serving.

The Morrison from Eskasoni haven't helped out because they wanted to help out. The Morrison helped out because they wanted my silence. The trade? My moral integrity for their depravity. Knowing that they've never let me alone. I know that the time perspective or attitude was eternal. Each moments excruciatingly hateful, toxic and sick. I know that my biological mother, the way she left us was a terrible burden on me because nobody wants accountability as an adult. They are all moral cowards. 

My real father didn't help out. Especially when it came to having my own place. Everyone hated on me and didn't want to leave me alone. During my time in Eskasoni it felt like my traumas wasn't healing because nobody wanted to heal my traumas. Knowing that I've needed a better life, We'koqma'q community has served that purpose. My abusers gotten away and some has died. Knowing that it's the entire family's fault for allowing my biological mother's cheating run. I had to learn how certain constructs could be used for my emotional sanity. 

Now that my step uncle have told my stepfather, who finally allowed to hear his story. I know that I was hated right from the beginning and that's why I don't have any attractive desirability or qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height or riches or extra curricular activities or careers or business. I am hated because I am the Adopted Child. I know that I don't have any emotional justice, meaning, value and significance in respect of any organized sports, jobs or publications. I am nothing to these ladies and I am mud by my skin. So my cousin Ray have said.

Knowing that I was finally put away in a group home because my stepfather's brothers was abusing me throughout those years I was in Eskasoni. Knowing that he couldn't fight any more and he didn't want to. I know that I had to get more security and safety measures in place because my step uncle Chuck pissed on my bed when I was at the house several times. And they both made my life harder because they were both selfish, jealous and envious of my opportunities. And how I'd worked. My stepfather instilled in me a workethic and dedication, a sense of purpose and service that I could take pride in, and job satisfaction, sense of appreciation after a long-day's hard work, and a good sense of well-being when I've done all that I had done during that day.

My step uncles don't want that because they would rather have me economically despairing, having no self respect and stuck in addictions and poverty. Intergenerational impacts like that I've faced because of Chuck and Dodo. They control my life and have been getting stuff because that family would do anything for their own fucked upness. 

Through hell and ageistic authority everyone wants to control and manage my life without my consent or permission to do so. Everyone wants to assume the technical and difficult feelings they get from me when I need the power and respect. Remembering that I used to work in Eskasoni as a pop bottles picker and Welfare Repicient. I know that back in the day I did not have any GST for 7 years, I did not have any Christmas bonuses for 7 years and did not know I could get business grants from my "Precious" Eskasoni. Everyone hates me because they don't want me to get the right financial compensations, paybacks or backpays because everyone wants to scheme off of me. 

Rob says that "anyone would accept money" and that's not an excuse to financially control me. Nobody helped me out because everyone made it extra hard for me. Stressing me out because they don't want to feel the guilt of stealing off of me, scheming off of me or any guilty feelings. In Eskasoni and people that scheme off of me (financially abused me), has been in We'koqma'q community and Eskasoni and everywhere. People I've met up with to people that has a squeaky clean image. 

I know that everyone (from family to dysfunctional friends, to people I don't know) wanted to financially abused me. I know that I did not possess any riches because I have a family. I don't believe in that and Curly is enforcing such beliefs. Especially since I have small monies schemes (work plans for money). Knowing that my sisters have no disabilities and they still scheme, collect monies and work. I know that I don't have moments that I have to myself. They wanted the kids and now that they have them, I don't think they should pawn them off to others.

Learning from my sisters how difficult a lady could be. I want to live my life ideally single because I got a good life in We'koqma'q community. And I don't think moving back to Eskasoni would be an option because certain family members will used disablism to their disposals, and make a case based in ableism. I know that family thinks I'm severely disabled and have to move in Kiknu nursing home.

It's about security and stricter home in Eskasoni nursing home, from We'koqma'q community's Mawita'mk group home they don't have anything on it. Everyone thinks that I need support and help because I got paranoid schizophrenia. They don't want me to use my life skills education from my step parents because they don't want me to prove that I don't need them. 

Stereotypy and echolalia are common symptoms of a mental condition known as distressed or repeated actions of something that is completely meaningless but important to certain patients. Other symptoms could be gradual alexithymia and enantiodromia but to some there are distinctions and types which they could learn from. 

All that I am and hope to be, have been because I've had biological parents and step parents. Now that I've hated my biological mother for cheating, I have to forgive them in my Redemptive works of faith, psycho-spirituality and psycho-sexuality. I know that I could do it and I know that I've had a lot of good examples of forgiveness, acceptance and healing. 

Neuroethically the Morrison have power over my conscience because they didn't want me to develop a conscience against them. Knowing that I did not have any emotional justice because the Morrison didn't care or wanted that kind of responsibility over me. I knew that they didn't want their consequences because they were convincible and persuasive, forcing beliefs and values to match their twisted logic. 

I've lived a life of weal and woe. And I could say that I had some prosperity and some adversity, some good stuff and some bad stuff. And a whole lot of loving from my step mother. But I wanted to develop, grow into a fully licensed driver with economic resources and a good few business to my name. I wanted my level of education and employability experience where I have a good understanding of a interview. 

Higher, richer and better in terms of personal independence. I know that I am getting my self-efficacy back and getting my self-esteem back. I know that I'm beautiful like cinnamon and have a good understanding of my own lineage. Well kind of. I was hoping to work with genealogists and find my family lineage, or put my family lineage online with Ancestry. I know that I love my family and I want to do the family lineage from my papers. My hangry pettiness got the best of me today. And I think I kind of snapped. Hopefully I didn't do too much damages. Anyways I'd eaten and feel better now. 

I hope that I could get Darlene to help out or one of the workers to help out, with putting my family lineage on Ancestry.ca because I got a huge family gene and I think I'm related to half of the population of Sipekne'takit, Paq'tnkek, Chapel Island, Membertou and Eskasoni. I think We'koqma'q community and Wagmatcook too. I hope that they are treated well and have a good life in wherever they may live. The mainland First Nation communities and Island First Nation communities is on this island. 

I don't know how family beliefs and values should be in terms of my family bloodline but I know that I want to be this family guy like my real father. I know that I've been learning my family lineage from the Immediate bloodline lifeline. I know that people have been learning about family dynamics and other things, too. From a place of love, respect and honor(like the Klingons and other cultures on Star Trek), I feel a great pride for this blogging because I am writing what I could out of love.

Learning that I don't necessarily hate my biological mother's story, like short lived in Claudia's story of Interview with The Vampire. I know that I talk about my biological mother with love and respect in how she made me feel about witnessing something like that. I know that my family loves me and I am their Louis de Pointe du Lac. I am their vampire coming to terms with what I've done in my past. Learning about mental health literature and getting reading experience in with my books. I feel intellectually an authentic authority after all. 

I don't want to exploit them for anything. I'd tried to write with the utmost respect and love I had in me. Demoralization process could only last for a while then vulnerability and emotions get the best of me. I know that I've been learning about options with my writings. To write a story and to go with a timeline is difficult. That's why I'd chosen a blog because the pain is too unbearable to handle. 

It's everyone that's telling me what to do. I cannot get crossed because it doesn't look good on Mawita'mk staff. I have to worry about their image much as I don't give two shits about mine. They restrict me in the strictest ways and have a little fit about me being hangry? It's like I have no rights to how I feel, say or do. I am severely oppressed and left with scraps of dignity. It's a shared environment for professionals to cone in just to tell you how to live. 

Psychologically they manage my situations like I have no right to how I feel. Knowing the vulnerability of this professional position I know there is a level of trust that goes with it. I have to be on my best behavior because it makes them look good. It's like winning with these ladies and I cannot escape their presence because I am living in the house. Knowing that they've denied me cake I'd probably would've done some things for them tonight to make it up. 

They could get hurt in a violent way. And I know that I've been learning about options with myself. I am never without any options but today was extremely annoying. I cannot believe how messed up I thought of her. I wanted to choke her out. Watch this I'll probably fuck this up and leave Mawita'mk Society because everyone always gets angry with me. I am a man, a symbol of strength, discipline, toughness, courage and power. I cannot rebuke or reproach anyone because I have that kind of might. There is a power imbalance here that nobody sees. I cannot figure it all out yet. 

It's kind of a tricky situation where they have to feel comfortable at work. Learning that my emotions aren't based on justice, just pettiness. I have to admit that I am something of a man but nothing to the dating world. I know that I could live ideally simplistic but I don't think I want to be trapped in a toxic relationship. I know that I've been learning about toxic relationships on the Internet and knowing that's a disability they are making money off of. I know that I need to support my support workers and get out of my head. I am here and I share a house. This is my living situation. 

I don't have any diary or journal with cryptic entries. You just have to simply get into the story already made. I know that I was a prejudiced and tough man. Especially when it came to enemies. They simply hated me and I hated them right back. That was simple, it usually means battling and a good deal of traumas. My people was sick and I couldn't do nothing about the toxicity. I had to take precautions because everyone would've wanted you to suffer consequences one way or the other. I was the tough second older brother and with these heavy weight emotions I had to live with that kind of pressure because my biological mother was out of commission. 

I knew what effects trauma can have on the brain. Especially in the subconscious or unconscious. I knew that I was hated because I'd caused traumas and other things. Everyone wanted to harm my sisters and my sisters didn't want to listen to me. I know now that I cannot fight a war out there in the community. I don't have any backup or any help in my name. 

The Morrison family from Eskasoni had my conscience and mind in ways where I couldn't really decide what to do with my own life. All I know is that I got some muscles because I did yard work with my stepfather. I know that I don't have the perfect life I always wanted from my own financial independence. I am not thriving because I am not doing, using, earning and learning. 

Navigating these new oceans of truthfulness I have to learn to not harm myself emotionally. I have to learn a new sensitivity to myself because I am still on high alert. Knowing that I'd kept on getting beaten off guard. I know that I'm still learning the newer psychologies of today's world. And newer child development because I don't know much about it. These waters are strange but familiar in ways. I have to be this hybrid of merman and Mi'kmaq. I haven't gotten out of the waters because I'd carried that mental load with me. 

Higher in marriage, richer in life and better in love and personal development. I have a lot to be thankful for, for such potentiality. I know that I want to thrive in my own way: earn my financial independence and pay for my self development through gym membership, Writer's Federation membership and Playstation Plus membership. I know that I want to get a good woman and work on her. I hope that I could start paying for my own computer services, Playstation Plus and everything I have to focus on my own little world.

Immerse into the world of mental health literature and scientific oeuvre. Work within my realm of life and poetry, have my blogging grammar and writing skills used, done and worked on. Knowing that I've danced with the Devil when I was a child I know that type of fuckery. Fuck is such a versatile word that I could use it for anything. It's usability is something workable and applicable in ways of sentences, pronouns and verbs and adjectives and expressions and such. It could be used for frustration or to good sex, "fuck!" Or " nice fucking".

Anyways this grammatic versatile word can lighten the load mentally, give a good impression to some or have a good deal of ignorance. Fuck is the word that most creative writer should've used. Fuck in Limp Bizkit's song Hot Dog uses 48 fucks in his fucked up rhyme. 

I know that I want to fuck and have a good fucking time. I want to develop skills and muscles for fucking. I want to be skilled, trained musculature and have my own list of ladies. I haven't gotten on any dating app that's willing to take me on. And I've been on Tinder and other apps for a good while now. Sexuality is a set of skills, knowledge and muscles that would render any woman helpless to the effects of their bodies. 

I know there is a percentage of women getting fucked like crazy. The beautiful ones that don't have to work for it. And the beautiful men that gets all the luck and chances and good times. I know that I'm nothing to these country girls and in that I don't have any attractive desirability or qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height or riches or extra curricular activities or careers or business. I know that I don't have any Game-mindedness and I don't have any skills possessed by the alpha. 

Learning that I did not possess any attractive powers or sexual charms; I know that I don't meet any women's standards or criteria. There is something about a woman I cannot have because nobody wanted me. Except the gay rapists of my generation, the child abusers of my time and the Morrison family of Eskasoni. I have to be ready, uh? Yeah everyone loves a good humiliation in my name. And that's all I have in my life: nothing but mistreatments and mistakes. 

My dad is the last generation before social media. I've learnt that I needed to lie and manipulate my way onto Windows Identity Messenger. And I needed to work this Google thing. I know there is misinformation, disinformation and manipulations. I know that there isn't any room for truth on the Internet. And social media started back in 1997. Learning that's when Tupac and Biggie passed, and than my brother. I know that TV wasn't censored and I had my freedom like that. 

Marriage is hard work and I haven't prepared for marriage in my life. Learning there are things about relationships I don't know about; I know that I need to work on my reading experience in Mawita'mk Society and Inverness hospital, with dialysis unit. Than again I'm mostly sleeping.