The Ideal Candidate

What makes for an ideal candidate for a lover, a partner and a husband? I don't mess around with Dr. John Gottman and associates. I know that I want to get all his books on dating, marriage and relationships. I have Eight Dates, The Relationship Cure, What Makes Love Last and the audiobook Fight Right by Dr. Julie Schartz Gottman and Dr. John Gottman. Having the Love Prescription book and Eight Dates, I know that women wants me to have a deepen intimate and passionate understanding of love. But people online don't match their information. And learning that it's just a money-grabber/attention-grabber and learning that people online are shady.

People want to cat-phish ya with every possible entrapmental situations. Differences is the common thing these days; just depends on if you accept or not. One-sided limerence is because of sexual myths. One-sided limerence is my common story of certain girls, teens and women. 

Learning and reading books like The Myth of Normal and discovering that our trauma-informed society shun and isolate the mother because of alienating culture of parental books. And learning that women enjoys the joy of conversation. I know that I don't have a ideal mind where I'll communicate and express my philosophic expositions, scientific explanations and personal essays. I know that agnoiology is the theoretical study of the quality and conditions of ignorance, or lack of knowledge or information or education. In particular what can be truly "unknowable", (as distinct from "unknown"). The term was coined by James Frederick Ferrier, in his book "Institutes of Metaphysics", as a foil to the theory of knowledge, or epistemology. I enjoy women and girls but that's just learning hypersexuality and hyper-independence in my life. What if I could have a shared environment of a home.

What if I have read all these books I got on my shelves and researched them? What if I worked on a book club and talked about my collection? I know that I could learn how to use my technology to have Zoom/YouTube online conversations about The Myth of Normal, The Lucifer Effect and other books. I know that I don't date much because I haven't gotten it right. Learning about women and dating through Dr. John Gottman. I want to have a good conversation about Musicology, rock evolution and evolution of psychology. I want to have a Sit-down with snacks and drinks.

And knowing that women online only catphish instead of looking for dates. I know that I don't need that kind of stress. Online dating is way too stressful because they don't want a real, meaningful date. To have Eight Dates conversations and talk about who is compatible.

I don't look for women online. I hate online dating. There is the pretty girls who don't consider me. Knowing that I don't have any attractive desirability or qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height or riches or extra curricular activities or careers or business. If women are looking for a good kind of guy, they won't find it with me. I don't deserve to live my life because everyone in Canada are racists or prejudice in some fashion or way. Women aren't knocking on my window or trying to get my attention because I know that I've experienced sexism in some many ways. If I am to get a woman I want an easy-going woman. Not a cheater or liar. But a woman doesn't treat me like some kind of puzzle.

I don't care if women don't want me because of my lifestyle. I know a addict when I see one and I know how to handle them. Learning that Audrey steals my shit after sex.

I don't want anything to do with Eskasoni women. They scheme and lie and try to make everything about them. I know that every kinds of women don't respect me. I have no good standing with women because I am something of a criminal. And my step uncles made sure that I was humiliated, abused and discriminated, manipulated and susceptible. 

But that's the thing I haven't given in to their torments and humiliations. I know that I've been discriminated so much that I cannot get away from their psychological hold. I know that I did not enjoy my twenties or teenage years because I couldn't get laid by the women I wanted.

I know that I was controlled and manipulated to a point where my susceptibility and vulnerability was exploited. Nothing works out for me and knowing that I haven't dated in fourteen years I know that I'm an Mawita'mk incel.

It seems like I am not an ideal candidate for sexual availability, dating women or anything like that. Women have more sex in their pre-teen years more than men. And knowing that I hadn't got laid in like fourteen years proves that men don't have the best sex for guys like me. No matter if I have been reading whatever material I've been reading. Everyone have been telling me to start with the ugly girls. Knowing that I hadn't the greatest sex in my life. I know that everyone's sex life is way better than mine. I hadn't the slightest clue why women are so damn stubborn amd complicated. But I am researching and trying to understand through psychological works of Dr. John Gottman, Dr. Gabor Matè and others.

I know that people see me as a ugly kind of guy. Learning that I've been through grief and malnourishment over the years, on and off with addictions. And traumatized and abused.

I know that over the years I have a unique insight, experience and schooling that would render most people shameful to understand my story. My story starts with the Morrison family. I've been a baby transported to Paq'tnkek and than Eskasoni. I know that I have a home island and I know that the Five First Nation communities are something of my home land. Knowing that I've been discriminated, discredited, disempowered and dissuaded. I know that I hadn't any real beauties to my name. And knowing that I've been learning about women late in my life. I know that homosexism and a type of sexism comes with the territory of being single.

I know that I hadn't made any moves to create a business. Knowing what I've known about Eskasoni kids, I know that people are fucked up and we live this life together. We have to make it better in coping and dealing with our emotions more better.

I have reasons to make money through Mawita'mk Work Program. I know that is a good hustle and I have to be patient instead of anxious. I have to focus on beadwork because I have been getting a good flow of things. I know that making these necklaces are a good thing. I hope that I could be crafty as Clyde. I want to show my commitment through making these beaded necklaces. I hadn't time to get busy because of dialysis. And wanting to sleep because it's an ordeal. I have to rest and make my money through flippin' board cards at Bingo. I hope that I could show determination and workethic, great vigor and motivation through doing the jobs at Mawita'mk Work Program.

I know that I have experience with Mawita'mk Work Program jobs. I now have work experience in doing what I've done at Hearing Their Voices conference. That job gotten me in good standing with other conferences.

Hopefully I can work harder this time around. I know that I have commission sales, which depends on how much beaded necklaces I make. And the fixed pay rate of $100 for doing a Mi'kmaq Creation Story play. And than my comfort allowance. I do small monies and I don't find that I could have any benefits for going to work at a professional establishment. I have to do this non-taxable incomes for now. I know that I have a lot of good reasons for staying at Mawita'mk Society.

I have three meals a day. I don't have to pay room & board or rent. Or anything. The money is mine alone and I get to spend it how I see fit. I get free WiFi and free cable, I get house phone and take pride in my jobs. I know that I don't have to worry about thieves or addicts because this place is well respected by the community, valued as the heart beat of the community.

And it's meaning and significance is a growing acceptance among the populace. Having a good Mawita'mk member's benefits, perks and safety. I know that I have medical transportation because of Eskasoni Medical transportation clerk. I have a good reason for that. I have all my things here and I gotten over my grief of moving here. I don't want to ruin that in my life. I have Mawita'mk Work Program at the Mawita'mk Work Center. I know that I have a lot of good reasons, evidences and examples of staying here. I know that Rosie would demonstrate her loyalty and devotion to Mawita'mk Society. Having a good relationship with Rosie, not a sexual one but one that is rooted in family.

See that family psychology I was bitchning about earlier proven to be useful in a shared environment. As an ideal candidate for sexual availability I am nothing to these ladies. And learning that I hadn't any real names. I know that I am learning my sexual market value here. People would lie just to keep me comfortable. But as a Mawita'mk Member I am valued, accepted and appreciated because I have disabilities. Which for some reasons I am welcomed and encouraged to stay here. There isn't no dating or anything that would tie me to this place. I know that I've experienced discriminations because of life. 

But I hadn't any good stories or anything like that. I know that I've experienced abuses and discriminations in ways. I know that my skin is like mud and I don't fit any criteria for a lady's game. I have to live the same old song of hypersexuality and hyper-independence, I could feel something in me wanting nothing but lust. I think I'm a shallow fuckboy. Contemptible and weak little man who haven't gotten in his head what effects I have on women. Its the same old story and nobody wants me to embrace my feelings. 

Follow me into a story of hypersexuality, hypergamy and hyper-independence. I've never had any good long-term relationship, never knew what it was like to romance one woman, never knew what it was like to come home to a good lover. My sex life isn't perfect by no means but I had a few good ladies I would've wanted sober. Troubles seem to follow the hypersexual world where I had a lot of good examples of women and girls. 

I am learning Dr. John Gottman world of love, respect, shared beliefs and values, shared  independence and shared leadership. I am scared that I would fall in love with one woman and she doesn't reciprocate with me. It's a common thing my one-sided limerence. And that kind of heart broken sadness is my gentle darkness. I know that I was broken hearted in so many ways because I was hypersexual. I am not a reliable source of independence. I have to figure out my life through my collection of books and eBooks. 

But I am learning what I can about relationships, women, dating, how to make love last and marriage from Dr. Julie Schartz Gottman and Dr. John Gottman. Hopefully I can get more in the subject of relationships by these folks. I know that Rollo is a inspiring evolutionary psychologist. And knowing that I could try to reconcile both works into a good intersubjective open-minded, intellectual work of getting a woman and sticking with her. I just gotto read the works of Dr. John Gottman and Rollo Tomassi. Hopefully I can understand the works, and hopefully I can learn essential skills or instill the quality of it into a dateable thing. 

I know that I'm not ideal candidate to make loving to mothers or women in general. And knowing that I don't match up with certain qualities of a good relationship. I know that my construct of a relationship is practically non-existent. I never experienced a long-term relationship because no woman wants me monogamously. And in this questionable socioeconomic situation where love can be used. I know that I'm nothing to these ladies because I ain't that fuckboy that would take opportunities. 

I want that book on "Institutes of Metaphysics" because I want to read it. It seems that people don't want me to learn about scientific researches and investigations. I know that people hide knowledge from me because I know that they don't respect me. And I know that I lived a contemptible life because I was controlled and manipulated. 

Not thinking right is my curse. I know that my step uncles don't want me to think right about my vengeance, justice or anything that resembles their faults. They don't want to be responsible for my addictions over the years, they don't want to be responsible for their discriminations and abuses towards me over the years. Dodo had gotten away with so much and so have his little minions. I could still feel the grip over my own mental neck and emotional mind. 

As much as my looks cannot cut it, I know that beauty won't cut it because I need someone that is beautiful, strong and independent. Not this "Chase me" attitude but rather diplomacy with tact and skill in explaining her desires for me. I know that I cannot get a girl because no woman wants me. There isn't enough woman here to get me. Knowing that I don't chase women because no woman wants me. Just be a human, having this human connection with me. I am tired of the game and coyness and everything. I want a woman that have that human diplomacy of tact and skill. 

Knowing how the intersexual dynamics of human interactions goes; I know that I won't get my ideal woman because everyone is a liar, manipulator and an addict. I know that I would be used and exploited because I am disposable. That's the dispositional view of a woman towards a man. I know that I hadn't much sex in my time and knowing that I've been an incel for some time now; I know that women wouldn't want me. The community of elders or some other party puts pressure on women to flirt with me. 

Women are opportunists and hustlers, they use hypergamy to get what they want because I know that I don't fit any "nice boy" criteria to fuck. I know that people are seriously doubting my sexuality. And knowing that I don't have any powers or respect to have a heterosexuality. I know that people are using excuses and lies to tell themselves things. And I know that I don't have any business opportunities, full-time employment opportunities, educational opportunities or driving opportunities right now because of Mawita'mk Society. 

People are comfortable liars and manipulators. I know that I don't have any personal powers, authority or anything like that to have truths to come out. Everyone doesn't owe me anything but truths. Even that is deniable. I know that I've experienced disgusts with myself and never had any chances at a long-term relationship. Well there was a few but not too many. 

I know that everyone lies and cheats and manipulates. I know that the women of this world don't owe me anything but I know that I miss having sex. I miss how I used to have a good time in my own apartment. How I used to have a jealous landlady trying to control and manage my situation. How women are the root causes of my sadness. And how shit seem to disappear when I'm with them. But I know that none of those women know properly how to catch man. Especially an emotionally intelligent man of such anti-authority. 

Starting to feel like an incel: well the celibate part anyways. I have no sense of self-entitlement towards sex, I don't sexually objectified women, I was taught by my biological mother. And I was taught by my stepmother not to objectify. Resentment? Hatred? Hostility? No wonder these cats gets a bad reputation for having endorsement of sexual and non-sexual violence towards women and sexually active people. Anyone would but they get extra. 

I have a little misanthropic disposition of writing state. Misogyny and self-pity don't mixed well together. I've been down that road in Eskasoni with my Morrison family. Especially with self-loathing and racism (Racial Colorism). What the hell are evolutionary genetics? I don't blame women for my celibacy. I am trying not to be addicted to sex. Probably should've went through proper channels of information for being an incel. 

Anyways there isn't any biological determism for sex. Probably should've read up on these guys. A online subculture of this and that? Damn no wonder they are miserable. They have to have a better view on sex, women and dating. Looks does work for me and I know those looks when women give it to me. But I want to go on dates instead of looking for a good woman. Eight simple dates, kind of. And we have to have a good conversation about sex and intimacy, sensuality and fun, adventure and money, and other things. Women are understandable to a degree. And there isn't no biological determinism that determines your sexual partners. 

Just have to have confidence. Egocentric biases works for survivalism but this incel thing is the untouched, negative side of survivalism, or egocentric biases that serves only in a self perpetual cycle of suffering, misery and hatred. It is an ever endless abyss of negativity and stinking thinking, self-loathing and racism. Of course they are going to be this moral coward of sex and addictions. 

I cannot be an incel because I am experienced in sex. I am no virgin by no means. Sex was thrust upon me and learning addictions in so many ways. I think that I've cheated some ladies out of a long-term relationship. But than again they'd probably didn't want me because my skin is mud. But I've been told that I am like caramel skin.