Coming From Eskasoni; My Hometown Part 2

I know that I had a heaven when I was a child/baby. But I also know that when I'd turned five I was taught a addiction called Hong Konging. It was called that because it was sniffing gas, or an inhalant. I know that Eskasoni had its moments but too they had tremendous accomplishments in ruining my life. For years I was sober for a certain amount of time, and Dodo wanted to ruin my life with addictions. Which he did because he took interest in my sex life when I was a teenager. Knowing that I've been discriminated against and abused over the years. I know that I was a hated little nerd who nobody respected, wanted suffering in a pointless punitive way, and tormented by addictions and addicts.

Coming from Eskasoni I was a mess. I couldn't function properly and I was severely financially abused. My life have envelop into an mental patient with no education.

My only education from my hometown was Eskasoni Rehab. Which I did not enjoy thoroughly because of bullies in the rehab. I know that I wanted to make it and I focused on my goal of graduating. So I did and I'd graduated with a few things missing. I've grieved over the thirteen years, and I'm grieving this year for family losses. I didn't get to say my goodbyes and stuff, to certain family members. But I know that I have been loved and cherished by family. I've been a man-whore for most of my life. And yeah I think I have a cinnamon skin or caramel skin. 

Learning that I needed to get laid to feel that confidence again. I know that I've experienced a lot of missed opportunities when it came to long-term relationship.

I know that I have tons of fears to have a monogamous relationship. A woman hasn't the slightest idea to comfort me. And these days women think that they have reasons.

Well sound and well founded reasons to not listen to me. Everyone should've left me alone long ago. I did not want to be bothered until I can figure this psychology of human relationships out. And learning is my greatest asset I have. I know that people don't want to learn, do or use therapy, self improvement books and eBooks. I know that people want immediate gratification and I'm 38 turning 39 this September. Knowing that I have been living by myself; working on myself and staying busy with myself through relationship books and eBooks, I know that my relationship could be better in my favor. Learning that my sisters would scheme for personal power over me. My stepfather is a gambler and won't take responsibility for his inaction to get Dodo's story.

Learning that's how much he has hated me. I know that I have to sharpen my skills in psychology of human relationships.

I had tons of reasons to live in Eskasoni with a level of education, training and driving level because it's my hometown. I know people in there and I know that I could get something going for me in Eskasoni. I don't want to be financially abused like how I was in Eskasoni before. I hope that I could get something going for me in Eskasoni because I have Playstations and one Xbox 360. I have a computer, computerized tablet and a laptop I could set up in that good 50 Horseshoe Drive Apartment. But I think I am still in phase one of my training from Mawita'mk Society. I have a Bose Sound System CD player, Aux and radio. I still use CDs just for nostalgic reasons. 

Forming habits and maintaining habits. I don't like to form habits because I like to be able to choose my choices.

I could get eBooks like Atomic Habit and stuff like that. Learning from people to develop grits and tenacity to keep going. Willpower, workethic and a sense of commitment to keep working at it.

Learning that I could learn habit-forming skills and psychology from books. I know that in Eskasoni I fear the repeats and more abuses and discriminations. I know that I would have to protect my things, my hometown home, my jobs and my sobriety. Eskasoni is a place where I'm hated the most. And everyone embraces my corruption and demoralizations there. I know that I have to develop a stronger body in order to live there. The reasons why they say that "muscles don't matter" is because they don't want me to train. They are moral cowards that way. Relationships are add-ons, if there is chemistry. I know that I don't rely on a woman to make me feel content and happy.

I am feel with enthusiasm, contentment and a great sense of well-being. Mawita'mk Society is the reasons why I feel satiated every three hours. And have medicine every four hours, three of those hours with food.

All these relationship songs about the struggles of being unable to connect properly, to manage oneself in a relationship and to feel compulsive needs of insecurities to force-fed the lover beliefs and values that you don't truly believe in. I've been struggling with my faith in God because my step uncle controlled so much of my mind at the time of my teenage years. I couldn't emotionally regulate myself in a real meaningful, significant and emotional way. The twisted logic of having a step uncle who have hidden his secret from my stepfather, in turn hidden sexual abuses and manipulations in my life. I don't think I am a ideal candidate for being a lover. A sex partner? Maybe... but I don't think I have it in me to attend to another's emotional needs for intimacy, in a private setting. I know that I'm still learning about the psychology of human relationships and friendships. Hopefully I can finish this kind of reading.

Learning that I had control when I'm away from these kinds of toxic, controlling addicts who have added extra financial workloads on me. I know that I've been hated and competed against in a petty rivalry of selfish hatred and hurt. That I don't care for this Eskasoni community anymore. I had toxic friends in my life who has managed my finances and stuff without considerations to a real full-time employment. Now I have this kind of level of education, training and driving level where I could work three trade jobs: cleaning, Carpentry and landscaping. And drive professionally. But I think I could do two full-time employments like cleaning and Carpentry. And pay for my basic stuff which is my grocery, shoes, hygiene stuff, cleaning supplies for the house. And than my bills which are WiFi, rent, homephone, cable and minutes for my smartphone. Which I know that I could pay for. I could do all that in We'koqma'q community.

People in Eskasoni thought I wasn't being responsible with my money. And I was spending foolishly because of what they'd perceived. Learning that my stepfather would've stolen from me. I know that I could get my own place in Eskasoni, hopefully and get a good rent rebate. I want to keep using Darlene if I do move. Hopefully I can express myself in honest emotions to my frustrations of Eskasoni. They don't like doing their jobs in Eskasoni. They don't have dignity of labor, pride in their job, job satisfaction, sense of purpose and service. I know an old lady who doesn't like her job because she's way too old. She doesn't like to teach correctly or openly.

Mawita'mk Society should teach tax/GST forms and financial literacy. Yes, they are doing a lot and yes, I think I cannot do my taxes. Somebody took my sense of motivated effortfulness and willpower.

Knowing that effortfulness was the spell that my biological mother and step uncle had over me. I know that people don't know me very well free. Learning what kind of workload I am getting into; I feel some kind of of relief with The Psychology of Human Relationships and stuff like that. Learning that I have Games People Play: The Psychology of Human Relationships from Eric Berne MD and The Relationship Cure from Dr. John Gottman, PhD. Learning from these two and having a good understanding of Child-ego state, Parent-ego state and Adult-ego state. Coming from Eskasoni I'd learned that people want a reason to hate me. And they are willing to create relationships to do it.

Knowing that I didn't get my second chance at life because Eskasoni people don't determine that in my life. People think that they have force and control to methodically influence me.

Knowing how abusive Eskasoni is in a single life. I know that I've been discriminated against and abused over the years I've been on my own. I don't think I don't want to return to Eskasoni because it reminds me of traumas and misery. Nothing but on-agaon and off-again addictional issues and poverty. Knowing that I didn't have any good influences in Eskasoni and Chuck always wanted to control everything but it was Dodo who wanted to control and force this mind into thought containment. I am glad that I'm away from Eskasoni and had 14 wonderful years in We'koqma'q community. I didn't know the hot chicks in Eskasoni. I don't know any good chicks that wants, willing and able, in Eskasoni.

Knowing that I had to live on the edge in Eskasoni because most criminals wanted me to. I know that I had no choices in my life in Eskasoni. The damned leading the damned.

Sun is shining. I have my coffee. I have all these side hustles and commissions. And now, quite possibly, I have payable hours with Derek Denny. My step uncle could've gotten to him and talked with him. Chuck is willing to argue back and lie. No truths to tell, no facts to sense. Learning that having a step family that really wants to hold me back because they are criminals. I know that they have a good social image. No truthfulness or facts but what they convince. The psychology of human engineering could be used. They know the elements of rhetoric because verbalizing words can create creativity and lies. Nobody has true interest intrepidly because I know that the Morrison family of Eskasoni knows people don't have any interests in truth, The Elements of Rhetoric, The Psychology of Persuasion and other things. My life is enrichen and saturated with love, appreciation for each other and mutual respectability.

The hegemony of this community is elders that want to lead their people away from the drugs, alcohol and inhalants in We'koqma'q community. I wanted to get away and enjoy a vacation from a fringe benefit in full-time employment. In Mawita'mk Society I don't need to have two jobs, I have side hustles and commissions. If Derek Denny comes back I would have payable hours. But I think I'll need another maintenance worker. But hopefully wherever Derek is, I know he is well taken care of. From the lost of my innocence to the cruel world of addictions. 

I've been learning what it took to move out of Eskasoni. My family; my step family has done so much to prevent ant traumatizations or misery to befallen me. But it has and I have a broken heart because of certain losses in my family. Learning this I need a break from the ideas that The Morrison family of Eskasoni is responsible for me and take responsibility. Deontological, logical responsibilities.

I know that I'm loved but this heart is broken and I am deadly with venomous words. 

Verbalized I could use the Elements of Rhetoric and damage someone's self esteem. 

Heaven is living holistically in a healthy, happy and safe lifestyle where I'm active, encouraged daily and more rewards of love and mutual respectability. I appreciate this place because I have all my things and stuff safe and sound. Learning that I had a lot of good things in my life right now; with a level of education, training and driving level I could use and work on in We'koqma'q community. I know that I have a good, enrichen lifestyle at Mawita'mk Society because of certain disabilities and vulnerabilities that I had in Eskasoni; had to move from there was my biggest grief and knowing that I am loved and valued here. I know that I just need to put my theoretical skills to practice. Start building again and have a good guider. Hopefully I can get enough money from my side hustles.
Financially been abused most of my life. 

People thinking that because they know me; they could get away with financially abusing me. I know that I have all these side hustles that I'm not using right now. Knowing that I have Comfort allowance and a few food side hustles and commission sales. I know that people want to rip me off because they want to know everything financially speaking. 

Raymond Wyatt Morrison have been the key in my defense against the Eskasoni Morrison family. Now Chapel Island and Eskasoni. I don't want to take advantage of my monetary opportunities because so many so far have financially abused me. Well clear-minded and strong-faith. I know that I'm afraid of Eskasoni because they are so toxic. Chief and Council don't give two shits about what's happening in Eskasoni. I know that Chief was late in his interest. I'd lost my sanity and opportunities to live in Eskasoni. I know that I don't have any connections to politics.

He has tried to correct my life in Eskasoni while so many wanted to ruin it without any responsibilities. I know that people don't understand emotional vulnerabilities and they don't believe that I'm trying. I know that I don't want to work for certain people. Learning that I've been professionally discriminated against and abused over the years in Eskasoni. I know that people hate me. All I have are memories of being hard worker and not a smart worker. 

But I needed Mawita'mk Society in my life. I know that Dodo won't pay me back because he has been a moral coward since he was born. Clyde won't because he is copying Dodo. And Dodo is in contact through someone that comes here or works here. 

Those that think that Dodo and Charles is a good guy shouldn't, they've financially abused me and physically abused me. There is more types of abuses there because they don't want that kind of responsibility.

Knowing that my biological mother was a moral coward because my stepfather didn't want to change. I know that Dodo could've done the noblest thing and told my stepfather everything. I don't have any history of violence towards my step family the way they've done me wrong. Generally family hurt each other because they don't have anything good going on. I know that I don't have any good role models in my life when I was living in Eskasoni. Everyone hated me or at least that's what it felt like in Eskasoni. Knowing that people believe it's good that I'm away from Eskasoni for fourteen years; I know that I don't fit any likeable criteria or standard for Eskasoni.

My bloodline family may care but they haven't done anything to prevent any bullies or assaulters in my life. The Morrison family of Eskasoni tried to stop the bully but they bullied me too. So they were an oxymoron or contradictory hypocrites in their lives. I know that I couldn't really rest in Eskasoni because I hadn't any real powers in Eskasoni. These feelings of helplessness, powerlessness and joblessness is all I ever had to remember in Eskasoni. Educationism and classism seems to perpetuate my disablism and their ableism in Eskasoni. So I never had any real job in Eskasoni. And I couldn't ideally live in simplistic peace. 

Learning to holistically live in peace, in a healthy and happy humility have been hurtful. My step uncles are in for a lot of traumas from their past. Learning that I've been learning about family, relationships and friendships. I know who was the good ones while I was struggling with toxic people in my life. Rob Shipley has been one of the good ones attached to a toxic one. He had broken up now and I know he is busy as hell. I know that he needs his downtime alone. I know that people don't want me to thrive or be successful in Eskasoni because I have friends and loved ones. 

I have Playstations from original to the present. I have an Xbox 360 and video games with joystick. I have a Bose Sound System(which Kevin Jerome Johnson would've ripped off and sold off), I have a DVD player and a laptop. I have a computer, Samsung Tablet and a smartphone. So really I have tons of reasons to work at Mawita'mk Work Program and get my money. 

These feelings of people hating me, discriminating me, abusing me are valid because they don't know how to be. Respect and love is not common, acceptable or in a positive impact. Knowing that I don't have any mutuality in Eskasoni because they don't know. My childhood has been riddled with addictions and addicts abusing me. Everyone in Eskasoni wanted a piece of me. If I had small monies or I had a good place they've dirtied. I know that people aren't respectful or responsible in my life. 

I see all these children with opportunities to play instruments and learn from their figure. I know that I did not have anyone to look up to; to learn anything from but my stepfather. Everything I have learned was from corrupted individuals who wanted me to stay because they were moral cowards. Learning that it wasn't my story to tell. I was hit with a mental trap to keep secrets from my biological mother's cheating and my step uncle's cheating. I know that so many people gotten away with much in my life I couldn't really remember my private moments. I just needed a cigarette and a drink of coffee. 

Now people want to get to know me because they are nosy, inconsiderate and don't believe in the sanctuary of privacy. Knowing this I know that people don't deserve to get to know me. I know that people have no mutual respectability in Eskasoni. And hopefully We'koqma'q community proves that they could have that kind of mutual respectability for my sanctuary of privacy. People are rude, selfish, jealous, envious and I am way too misanthropic to deal with a group of people. I know that people love tests and measures of what they could get away with. I know that truths I've lived with isn't what they want to know because I got no memories of my self control. I got no control because people still influence me. 

I know that I want to be clear-minded, focused on the present and very happy and appreciative of my safe place. I know that people have abused me and gotten away with it too. Clyde, Dodo, The Morrison family of Eskasoni. And I know that they are willing to argue and lie. I know that I've experienced abuses and discriminations in so many ways, over the years I've been here with Clyde and at Chapel Island with Elijah. And in Eskasoni. 

Knowing that I've been beaten for no good reasons. I know that they force their views, beliefs and values on me. I know that people hate me free and independent. I know that Eskasoni has mistreated me over the years I've lived in Eskasoni. I don't want to be stuck with resentment, vindictive thinking and hatred in my heart. So I will write though, my love and appreciation for Mawita'mk Society's Work Program because I don't have to worry about thieves and addicts knocking on my door. I know that I have a well respected place in We'koqma'q community. And Mawita'mk Society is a sanctuary of private bedrooms. I still think that people don't want me safe because they know my step uncles and the Morrison family of Eskasoni. 

They want me to ingratiate myself to the Morrison family of Eskasoni. That's a low blow because I know that I was ganged up in there. People didn't want me to defend myself, accuse my abusers or work. So I had to move on out of there; even then they don't want you to succeed or thrive in the outside world because they're the wrong ones. I know that I was beaten up, taken advantage of and drunk when they stole from me. Feeling like the whole community wanted me in hell isn't a change from things; it's an continuation of the hell I've lived. 

People here don't want me to remember where I come from. Learning that they think they are the better ones is a division of betterments, enlightenment and edification of the community through educationalism, not educationism. Nobody wants this community to get better and people don't want to solve anything. Learning what I need to learn from books, encyclopedias, and eBooks. I know people don't want me to go back and make things better. I know real knowledge is talked about and certain individuals don't want to talk about the grief of moving. They don't know anything about moving away from home because the people would home invade.

My step uncles always wanted excuses to control and manipulate with skills of psychological warfare, social mind games and addictional poverty/attritional poverty kind of effects until I get so hungry that I cannot think or outsmart them. I know that I have been with Dodo's secrets for years and he has confessed to me because he wanted that corrosive powers over me with addictional poverty/attritional poverty respects. But didn't want me to be successful, safe, accomplished, accepted, respected and valued. I know that because of him I've learned the professionalism and art and science of lies, creativity and afflatuses of lies away from truthfulness. 

I have to quit making excuses and keep at my fitness journey until I can get a second transplant kidney. I don't have that kind of support I need for motivated effortfulness. I know that people destroyed my innocence in every aspects of my life. And they have powers over my mind to access memories and dirty them. I came here, I saw, and I conquered my goals. Now I need to set my sights on my body and start working out again. I know that people want power over my mind because they don't want me to be positively impacted in my life. They take away my rights to independence. Self-sufficiency and self-efficacy has been taken away because I am insane. I have to see it their way. Their way have abused me and discriminated against me. 

I know that people don't want me to succeed or thrive without taking personal accountability for their relational influences, social strategies, social dynamics domino effects, situational forces and other social and personal methods of persuasions. I have worked with certain people because I wanted to. Learning that Mawita'mk Society don't have any mutual respectability in that respect because I haven't really conquered. People wanted me to suffer it out the humiliations because they are way too serious. 

I was used of working in silence. The quietude I used to have with wise passivity had tolerance of others while I'd worked in silence. No! I did not have any Facebook or online accounts other than bloggers and Instant Messaging Identity. I'd worked in silence with the secrets of my step family. Learning that it's quietude, composure and forbearance that I was taught with tolerance, acceptance and intelligence. I'd looked at people and hoe the hypersexuals had their business meetings with hypergamous women. The rich are pedophiles (Epstein island), celebrities are pedophiles (puff daddy exposure on CNN) CEOs are sociopathic. This was my biggest fears because I did not want any icons knocked down. Narcissistic Personality in this is written in their songs and my sisters gotten to places I dare not go. I know that for a racistic society I am a target of violence with my people let alone the racistic society. 

Learning that I've had good memories in Eskasoni. I went on a shopping spree with my family and friends. I had celebrations with birthdays and Christmases. But I know that people don't want to celebrate my birthday because I am the black sheep. I've been controlled and I tried to break that control by doing horrible things. But Dodo kept on trying to control me through addictions, methods of control and skills in psychological warfare. Learning that they didn't want me independent individualistically. I know that I needed to grow outside of Eskasoni. I just wanted to be left alone with my ladies I get online. 

They've hidden truths and facts for so long that I don't have feelings about this release. I've been in alexithymia and enantiodromia for so long that I couldn't really control myself. Now I can and these are new waters I have to wade through. Nobody understands how Dodo's confession has affected me. Knowing that I didn't get the proper respect as a child. I know that I was vulnerable because they have made me vulnerable. Indiscriminate hypersexuality and a good deal of addictional poverty. Knowing that they've wanted me living at the edge of my emotionality; years and years of hidden truths and facts because they hate me. 

Learning legal advises from pedophiles in my life, is disheartening and disempowering. I know that they've shut me up with a degree of power that I did not see. Learning from criminals means I won't rat on them. They've traded my honestly for their protection. I know that people that need verbal protection from the law, is guilty of something. People that trade my honesty for their protection has something to hide. My step uncles have exposed everything about me in humiliations and subjugation. I was taught not to defend myself because of "their truths and beliefs" are the right ones. 

Pedophiles that know the law and break it has the power of Fear of God in my life. Pedophiles that wanted to get away with creating worlds in my life, is based on cheating and lying. Manipulations that my stepfather is guilty of, because he didn't want to learn the truths to stop the rapists and beaters in my life. My stepfather allowed perpetuation and continuation of traumas because in reflections, I was just a child and unstructured teenager. He (my stepfather) didn't want to work on me because he didn't love me anymore. They have the following powers over my mind: 1. Faculties like memories and cognition. Choices and intelligence. Feelings or sentience. Right conscience. My stepfather would've trained and gotten me into routines without corruptibility or loss of routine. 

Hypersexuality is an addiction, inhalant is an addiction, cigarettes are an addiction. Of all my addictions and poverty in my life, I've been stuck with people that could argue back and stand up for what they believe in. They always had the confidence to mess with me, they always had the courage to manipulate, gaslight and force their beliefs, truthology and culturological argumentations in me. And they've made damn sure I was always unsure, unwelcome, unwanted and disempowered. I couldn't kill them because they had Fear of God powers of my emotionality through their grip. And people always kept me weak because I was learning from them. 

My stepfather couldn't defend his family against these perverts because they were his brothers. He was taught the old school Brotherhood. The old school family beliefs, truths and values. Epistemologically it was wrong in my world because axiology and truthology needed psychology of beliefs. People were complaining that government was telling people how to live and stuff, PhD doctors, medical doctors and scientists were telling people how to live. When really they left an open book for the right path. But learning that they wanted to be write meant writing unbiasedly, it meant to write the autobiographies of their own past. They've been moral cowards most of their lives. 

This is in reflections, introspection and retrospect of my past. I've been wanting to live a good life because everyone in Eskasoni was living a lie. Someway, somehow I know they are all guilty and I know that I don't trust anyone. That's what my life has taught me; don't trust anyone. 

Learning that they don't want responsibility for my teachings, I knew that I was going to struggle with their arguments, culturological argumentations, and fighting. I know that I didn't get any justice because I wasn't going to get that. Dodo wanted my mother so he lied to her and stuff. He did not want to live out the old school punishments because he was a moral coward. 

Culturally I know my customs and values. I know that family dynamics/social dynamics can change a conversation into beliefs because I know that I wasn't taught well enough. I wanted my stepfather but Dodo has been manipulating and Billy Aquan has allowed such things to happen. The subconscious relational influences has affected me. Learning that Dodo don't want to learn his consequences with me. He has kept me in this state of hyper-independence and hypersexuality where I couldn't put away my pride. And my stepfather allowed this too. 

I was taught to let my family to rule me. I wasn't taught to defend myself the right way. Learning that certain people have absolute control over me is corruption. They could get away with financial abuses, economic abuses, sexual humiliations, social humiliations, social abuses(isolationism), personal abuses, discriminations and prejudicial treatments. They've taught me to perpetuate the cycle and to continue living with their truths, beliefs and values. Learning that they have emotional control over my life. They didn't want to let me go to my real father. 

Moral cowards wants absolute controllability(over another person's life and mind) through forceable management. And learning that I wasn't taught to defend myself; this is sort of a self defense. I know that I was hated because I've enjoyed my life in books. Everyone was so concerned about my sexuality that everyone contributed the stressful vulnerabilities I was feeling. Indiscriminate hypersexuality was encouraged daily and more I'd tried to read; the more that everyone stressed me out. It seems that they don't believe in knowledge written. Everyone wanted to know what I'll write in my future, they had absolute controllability, they can argue and deny, but they knew that they had absolute controllability over me. 

The moral cowards have anxiety, insecurities and fears of confrontations. They don't want to admit that they and wrong and they only take control because they want to be superior. Their arrogance has been damaging to my ego and they deprive me of personal leadership. Learning that's Charles and Dodo and Billy Aquan. I know that Dodo and Charles is pedophiles. 

I know that I don't get dates online or through friends because I am hated. I know that I don't meet any criteria or standard for a woman because I have no attractive desirability or qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height or riches or extra curricular activities or careers or business or independence. Self-sufficiency is something that I am not allowed to have because of dialysis. It's laughable because it's true, I cannot attract ant women into my life because I am a liability; disabled person. You never hear paranoid schizophrenic getting tons of women or dates. And that's what I am: paranoid schizophrenic. 

Plus I come from a rapistic kind of family. So nobody wants to help me out with that. Audrey intimidates and scares the ladies I do want; and the rest of women don't want me because I'd tried what they called fate or destiny. Learning that I don't match any romantic qualities or characteristics in their world. I know that my stepfather's brothers are rapistic and controlling. I don't trust anyone because I know controllability when I see it. Everyone is out to get some. 

I'd tried sex with my own generation. I'd tried sex with different ages. I'd tried sex with some kind of fate and destiny. I'd tried everything and learning that women simply don't want me. I know that I'm something of a time-ticking bomb of responsibility. Deontological burden that nobody wants except Mawita'mk Society. And that's for professional reasons only. Now I am learning Dr. John Gottman's, Dr. Eric Berne's and Rollo Tomassi's works. See which one pans out for me to get the dates going at least. I have to read late into my 30s because my step parents didn't promote real literature that would help me with my women issues, self esteem, psychological history, philosophical works and perspectives. There was no reasons to keep moral learning from these doctoral works from me. They just wanted the intellectual powers over my intellectual authority. 

The yoke of my stepfather's cart, was the grandest banking system I had. Manners, grammar, etiquette, morality, psychoethics talks and intelligent conversations about morality. A cultural perspective is that everyone can work under the yoke of elders' and hereditary chiefs' cart. I know that band Chief and Council are really interested in powers. Which they aren't supposed to have. I had a grand banking system which my stepfather protected because he was my stepfather. A real father who earned the title Father other Year. Ta a degree...

He was training me to be an exceptional hard and smart worker. Learning from my family and wanting to do it the hard way. I knew that if I get acclimated to hard work maybe I could have muscles and fitness for professional, improved efficiency through my stepfather's training and teaching. I know that working at We'koqma'q One Stop was a pleasure. I guess I had job satisfaction, dignity of labor, pride in job, perks and income from the job. I was losing out on my aranesp injection for low-iron deficiency anemia. The workers at We'koqma'q One Stop tried to respect my disabilities but don't have a good sober memory. 

My hometown is home sweet, home but it hasn't given me any information on jobs and other things I needed. I know that I wanted a steady income and a good deal of educational experience in BA degree program. Hopefully I can get my life back in ways where I could add fitness to my lifelong routines. 

The Morrison family of Eskasoni forced their beliefs, truths and values into me through corroptive means and damaging reality. Dodo and Billy Aquan didn't want to have that conversation about my biological mother's cheating with Dodo. So my stepfather was a moral coward in that sense. 

Learning that none of them wanted me financially independent and intelligently thriving. I know that I did not have any promixate support against Dodo all these years; thus my life turned to addictions and poverty. Intergenerational ageistic authority has been the predominant forced shared beliefs, truths and values. My biological mother was a moral coward in many ways because she left me with that kind of burden. And knowing that I did not have any emotional sanity for the longest time. Forgiveness is a hard policy to maintain because Dodo always had the upper hands. It was nothing but power over my life Dodo wanted. 

Dodo wanted control over my perception of reality so deepen, so intimate and so strong that I couldn't tell the truths to manage them on my own. I wasn't allowed to run my own brain because Dodo wanted psychological warfare holds in me. Demoralization process takes place because I know that Dodo doesn't know how to discipline the proper way.