How NA & AA in Eskasoni Impacted My Life with Communal Educational System, Eskasoni Services and Family Lineage: I Won't Go Before My Time

Learning how NA and AA impacted my life in Eskasoni. Learning that I have a sponsor and in that I need to go back to my old roots in Eskasoni where religious/family beliefs, truths and values have laid a foundation for my child addictions. I knew that I was a child and in that I had to be treated as a child victim of addictions. Learning how certain people in NA and AA have been teaching me trades and life skills. I knew that I had a lot of family there in NA and AA in Eskasoni. They would track my personal history with the other kids and the inner, private moments I had with myself near Eskasoni Church. I know that I'm hated but loved in Eskasoni and in that I am known. To be known is to have empathic sensitivity to my situational awareness and other situations significant to my upbringing. Knowing that I had all the supports, morality/addictional issues done out, psycho-spiritual home in my hometown and a good sizeable experience of freedoms and liberties which KJ have orchestrated. I knew that I wanted to graduate and earn my living in Eskasoni while I was a kid to a teenager to a young adult. I had a lot of good examples to live in Eskasoni and a strong faith in AA and NA in Eskasoni while attending church. 

The people in Eskasoni; the veteran counselors and clinical director have impacted my mental health literature knowledge which gave me self power, self-efficacy and personal leadership in my own life to run my own brain. I had intolerance for moral cowardice and how certain people reacted to me. Knowing that I had a lot of tolerance to drugs and gas, I knew that I had the moral, educational and intellectual supports, teachings and wisdom from Eskasoni Rehab at the time I needed all that. The former staff that have worked and impacted my life, have taught me a little about religion, theology, community-mindedness, family needs I had and the Red Road to Recovery. I had my own life in Eskasoni and was kind of working where certain people needed money for their addictions, stuff and cleaning supplies. Which I was taught, through experience an addict can become an Responsible/Functional Addict in ways. I knew that I had a private, intimate world in Eskasoni and with that I had my solitude with food, books that my biological mother didn't want to read and a good helping hand of life experience with Addiction/Treatment counselors. The more studious I was, the more reading she done. Well kind of. She read the books and she suggested which ones I should read. 

My biological mother gave me a way of thinking and using coping skills, the teachings of NA and AA, church's teachings and sayings, proverbs and parables. And I'd learned what I could under the protection of my full-blooded parents, and stepfather's family. She had a way of thinking about mental health literature knowledge and methodology. I knew her from such a simplified lifestyle where everything was told and verbally and physically taught. I know that I had a lot of good examples of living a life in Eskasoni because I went exploring my hometown community. There are a lot of professionals and professors in ways of culturology, psychology, philosophy and psychohistory. Knowing that people in Eskasoni took my ability to use my personal influence to get the truths out of people. I knew that they didn't have any respect for me because of the psychological warfare in discriminations and prejudicial authorities in stratified classifications and suits of following. Knowing that I did not have any benefits in work before because of "Work Abuse Child Labor Laws" and how they've mapped out how a child could be abused. I have noticed that certain people wants me under their wings because they are weak inside. Growing stronger doesn't necessarily mean I am growing an ego and I am stuck in egocentric biases. It just means that I'm outgrowing certain people and things in my life.

I know that in We'koqma'q community it's forced to respect the weak and pathetic because they haven't faced or done the necessary work to get stronger. I have the Church's Faith, family and Mawita'mk Society's supports, have a good programs in September with Mike MacInnis and Norma. The moral cowards that are the weak and pathetic are the necessary ones to teach. In Eskasoni it doesn't matter how much they empowered you, if you have an corruptor in your life where he enables and tempts you back to addictions. It's impossible to get away from that person and to identify that person because he doesn't want to sober up. And if someone wants you to give up your knowledge, education and experience in these areas of your life and throw it all away. Than that person doesn't really care unless he has a sober sanity and emotional regulation. Bioharmony is a way of living socially possible and long-term with your job. Through Dignity of Labor philosophy I could appreciate my own job and start to take humble take-aways and pride in my job, with a level of job satisfaction, workethic and clear focus on the job. 

I know that I could become happy in a job with We'koqma'q community because they have an communal infrastructure to thrive off, investments in the community and a good running of the community-operated infrastructure. I know that I have a lot of good examples to live in Eskasoni, or We'koqma'q because certain professionals in We'koqma'q community have "Work" discriminations experience in Eskasoni. I know that I don't have work experience in Eskasoni to live by myself independently, in a financially thriving and professionally successful ways. In Eskasoni they use your personal beliefs of sharing and force it to be social, without any paying back or anything. Something like Clyde Joseph Paul. He is a rip-off artist and a schemer(con artist who makes underhanded and secretive plans for ripping people off). I'd noticed he hasn't paid me back in full because he doesn't like me. He is a specialist in being a user, rip-off artist and a schemer. He will use his relational influences and persuasions to keep me down. Narcissistic Personalities in Mawita'mk Society has been questionable because they have these egocentric biases to protect them. I don't trust them because it's not freedom of thoughts, mindfully clear-minded and tolerant, though fully focused and emotionally wont and determined motivations with vigor and a good idea of fitness. 

Mawita'mk Society's influences and persuasions, relational effects and social tactics haven't worked for these workers because I want to run my own brain. My stepfather is a gambler and would blame me for everything because he hasn't let me get books I needed ta read, in my teenage years I needed to start collecting books. Ray has been my enabler and I don't want to go back to old habits because I have a level of education, training and driving level where I could keep a Google Calendar Professional Schedule in Eskasoni. Learning how discriminations can work in groups, through common beliefs and behaviors, values and perceptions. I knew this long before the psychologist had studied certain hells and heavens in society. Well Ray had been my ultimatums in going back to addictions and poverty, to suffering with him. 

I know that some lessons had been a 21-year experience of on-again and off-again addictional struggles because people wanted me to smoke up with them. I am 38 years old and turning 39 years old in September. Knowing that I've needed to change my environment and energy, I haven't forgotten where I came from because it was addictional traumatic cycles of vengeance amongst vengeance. Learning that I don't have any attractive desirability or qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height or riches or extra curricular activities or careers or business or financial independence. I knew that I was going to be used and manipulated into a corner where I don't have any foods or truth-seeking abilities. Rob have been the closest person I had in my life. Learning that he wanted me to ruin my ability to live in Eskasoni. I knew that I needed to move because he hasn't taken any precautions and get into security matters.

Certain people would use favoritism as a means to chose who gets to stay or have certain things in Eskasoni. Knowing that I don't have any true Fair Hiring practices, policies and protections, provisions and procedures. I know that I don't have any laws in Nova Scotia protecting me or giving me a good chance to work in Eskasoni and Membertou, Wagmatcook or Sydney. I didn't get any certain favors, benefits and supports from Eskasoni to get full-time employment. Knowing that my life in Eskasoni was nothing but an addict's Addictional Poverty/Attritional Poverty. I know that certain behavioral patterns would repeat and work against my stability, security, capacity, capability, ability and experience in Eskasoni to live with a job and have a comfortable home. 

I know that my sex life is dead in We'koqma'q community. Knowing that certain people don't want me to be emotionally intelligent and creatively independent. I know that I have to get out of NA & AA because I see no value in going there. I have books to read n' research while I still got WiFi. Mawita'mk Society doesn't want me to work for myself because they would rather have me stuck in their Mawita'mk Work Program. Learning that they work with Forced Shared Beliefs and Values, I know that this theory is where toxic dysfunctionality is at the heart of power struggles and morality/addictional proverbs, sayings, practices, parables and adages. I know that people have to become sensitive in dealing with me. 

It seems that I'm at a stage in my life where socializationary practices are drunkards and addicts who wants me to go back to the old ways and continue to ruin my life. Learning that's where emotional poverty is at; I know that I don't have any attractive desirability or qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height or riches or extra curricular activities or careers or business or financial independence to pay for dates or cars or meet somewhere. Most of these chicks online are schemers and hustlers. They phish you out and cut your financial independence in half if they could. These women makes real women look bad. I never had any flow of sex partners but I had complainers and liars and thieves. It feels like everything is rushed and I have to choose what I have. 

The dating/job market, it isn't dating n' fun market anymore. It's the dating/job market because these women have no beliefs, truths and values in men. Well I don't have any good luck like my male step cousins because I am at a group home that has no tolerance for drugs or alcohol. I don't date like my bloodline family (male cousins) have because I don't have any possible dates. Hypergamous hypersexuality is the only reason why I don't join the hook-up culture. I am not a high valued man, I am not a political leader or popular with the ladies. I am not a CEO or any high tops in my own life to attract women in my own life. People don't want me in We'koqma'q community because they don't practice Fair Hiring practices. But like an addict grabbing his bottle I could stick with workaholism and live my life in dignity of labor philosophy. 

I have to move out of Mawita'mk Society in order to get a date back to my place. Even with that I get sexism because the Landlady doesn't want me to have a thriving sex/good life in my own place. Knowing that certain people are strict on me I know that I don't fit any criteria or standard for any lady in that subject matter. All I did in Eskasoni was suffered and no woman, teen or girl would want me because they are playing the game of silence. The younger women don't appreciate the boys they are wit' and I don't have any attractive desirability or qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height or riches or extra curricular activities or careers or business or financial independence to pay for a date. 

Pornography have been helping me. And YouTube dating tips cost money. I hate spending money and I refuse to listen to people making money off of me. I know that I don't have any knowledge other than what Dr. John Gottman and Mr. Rollo Tomassi have taught me. I am going to experiment with dating tips from each one and see which ones works and which ones could be reconciled. I am at a stage in my life where I recovered and just need to keep working on things. Knowing that there are literature that works for certain  people. The truth is that I haven't used any of these advises, learning moderation of reading and researching. I had a good thinking of it in one time or another. 

I just learnt that a high-value men are always self-improving, looking for betterments in their aspects of life, are sober and stable(in my case), have self-confidence and books to inspire self-improvements and personal growth. It's an ever-evolving, lifelong learning and understanding of what higher education is, what integrity means and how we perceive ourselves in all honesty of our dealings. High-value men are always looking for self-improvement, self betterments in aspects and personal growth. He is a lifelong learner with a growth mindset, resourceful beliefs and useful suggestions, laser-like focus and a habit of working and studying. Who is driven to excel in various aspects of life; including careers, relationships and personal development. 

In a growth mindset, people tend ta believe that their most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work. Brains and talents are just the starting point. This view creates a love of lifelong learning and a resilience that is essential to great accomplishments. 

With resourceful beliefs/working beliefs they tend to believe (with placebo effects or suspended beliefs), something is working why mess with it? But resourceful beliefs are "working" beliefs that can help somebody to function. But if they have negative beliefs in mental health literature, they don't understand all these skills and knowledge could work for the average Joe. 

I am a paranoid schizophrenic, Indigenous descendant, nerdy little high-value man in a way. I know that racism have been affecting my dating pool. And knowing that I don't match up with a lot of other high-value men. I know that I have a criminal element to my life. Well I don't think I'm acclimated to the today's economy but learning that I'll need to work on certain aspects in my life; I am always seeking self-improvements and personal growth in my career, relationships and personal evolution. I have a level of education, training and driving level where I could be employable, empowered to work in racist world, have a good life in dignity of labor philosophy. Have a good life in We'koqma'q community. Hopefully anyways... 

In this ageistic/favoritistic cultural authority where people choose who they favor because they want to prove that they are right. I know that they are wrong in so many levels and ways. I have to be the anti-authoritarian where I have to practice my caution and keep my guard up. I know that certain people had more sex than me. Learning how attractive I am, I know that I've been blessed with books I get to read. 

In this island nobody is truly unbiased, in a stigma-free states, have protected or protecting neutralism and non-judgmentalism. Or have an understanding of the philosophy of non-judgmentalism that my biological mother had. 

I know that I need to figure out from memory and my stepfather what she had in her journals. Learning that my Grammy burnt them and wanted to forget. She claim that there was only negativity in there. Well those journals could've contained what information I could've used in my writings for her cheating and covering up. It seems the more I'd tried to understand my own biological mother, the more I have to settle in that she died as a cheating moral coward. My Grammy had no right burning those journals and not letting me see them. I don't know my birth mother's side of the story. 

With certain professional/relational influences and persuasions I have to deal wit' certain people in my life who likes to play powerplay. Learning the power tactics and techniques this person employs. I know that I have to deal with tjis person's egocentric biased ways because this person believes that this person has rights and privileges. The amount of favoritism in this community, the amount of nepotism and family connections. It sounds little like any other First Nation communities. 

Learning the importances of having a job or getting work, is learning to have the status of a high-value man characteristics. A few of them are to have effective communication, mastery of self and relationships, having reasons and importances of work. Jobs are good because of the number of reasons n' importances they have in an ego-state. The first importance is purpose in life: a job gives you a passion and a sense of purpose. You feel useful, skilful, able, capable, important, independent and professionally successful. 

Two: it adds to your repertoire or you learn new skills. Learning how a business runs and getting the full-time employment status with fringe benefits, perks and supports in your life have been one of the wherewithal to start your own business. Hopefully a high-value man values his job and the importances it brings him. The status of full-time employment, the importances of a contractual obligation, the professional salary. It takes three/four, six months to build a house in Nova Scotia. That's a 1,800 square foot home with standard finishes. 

A 10,000 square foot custom home could take two years or more to build. I have been in NSCC Construction Trades Labor program with Nova Scotia Community College program, of NSCC. I could get a job in Eskasoni with my own place because of my level of education, training and driving level where I could work on. 

Third, this one deals with a cultural community-minded, Indigenous descendant socioeconomic and social sense of identity from the job because of accessibility to the community. This gives you a sense of dignity of labor philosophy, a level of job satisfaction, sense of appreciation and experience, a workethic, a sense of commitment and dedication. Having a greater sense of self-esteem, self-efficacy, having fringe benefits, perks and supports, social connections, business connections, business wherewithal and the gratification of business determinants in your life. 

Fourth is the Work/Life balance you could orchestrate and determine with the right kind of coaxing. This allows for a degree of financial independence and a routine of regular paydays and paying the bills in your own place. Work teaches you professional reputation, economic resources, business wherewithal, professional responsibilities, obligations and duties of the job. A healthy work environment is up to the employees but it's where a good employee thrives, strives and survives. It's where they feel a sense of fulfillment, contribution and professional courtesy. It's where your attitude about work, your work mentality/hustling, and your workethic shows in your job. 

Fifth importance is:Work creates meaning of professional duties, self proud imagery, builds knowledge of skills, opportunities, level of proficiency and efficiency, sufficiency of the position, and gives you a general good feeling of accomplishment after the long day is done. I take pride in my work. Learning that professionalism is all about proud self imagery. See? I am paranoid schizophrenic and sometimes I forget to tuck in my clean shirt. Or I get clumsy and spill. I have myself for that but I clean up pretty nicely. I have co-workers and friends. 

Sixth reason:There is a degree of financial, social and personal independence that work allows. Learning that's how you could use the created meaningfully connected relationships in your job. Work improves on society because it's the community-operated infrastructure and job market in the First Nation communities. Work allows for business accessibility to a community-operated infrastructure and a job market. Your socio-business networking, and interactions determine who favors you. A job creates that a essential accessibility to a business world or a survivalist's world, a bushman's world or a traditionalist's world. We all have traditional ways and the interaction between intercultural places a house could have a discussion in cultural differences and similarities. 

Seventh importance is: this world works on socio-business favoritism. From my job experiences in We'koqma'q community and Eskasoni I enjoyed it. I always had a busy day, had a sense of daily accomplishments, but an eagerness and excitement to do it. To get started. I was kind of routined, professionally disciplined and ready for a good full-time employment promotion, apprenticeship or internship. Tjis reason is to have a business/professional sense of the job. To build up your repertoire, business connections, wherewithal and use your economic resources. 

High-value men are men that have a unique set of qualities that set them apart from the crowd. Yes, they're confident, valuable, valued, successful, and well respected, not only in their persona lives, but also in their gait, their fitness, their home, in their professional endeavors and courtesy. We are delving into a high-value man, an Indigenous descendant nerd and what characteristics could make me shine.

I've mastered a lot of things in my own life, wondering if I need NA or AA.i know that I will be updating my portfolio soon. I will be going to a Grief Certificate program with Mike MacInnis and Norma Gould. Mastering my own life skills, talents, writings and relationship dynamics have been challenging. Growing, cultivating, and strengthening my own Growth Mindset have been a struggle to mindfully accept. Yes, I was taught tolerance and philosophy of suffering. 

The more years of being sober I grow, the more I change, the more I have to be adaptable and evolve personally. I know that I had a lot of good examples to live in Eskasoni because I've had a lot of addicts on the Red Road to Recovery. I know that I'm hated because I don't have any original thinking. If you think about it we are all copies of something. The years of published writings with copyright? 

In this world we are all fucked up manipulators of words and psycho-historic works. We have been in such a long-time psychological warfare operations, in psychology of discrimination and prejudicial authorities in a stratified classifications of social classes. That I've forgotten how to relate without friction. We all have certain frictional idiosyncrasy we have to deal with. I have mine in weak men that are pathetic talkers who need to feel good from an external locus of identity. I am anti-authority which means I go up against the cultural community-minded ageistic/favoritistic authorities. The prejudice of ageism have been something that they are weak for. 

No one has earned my respect and trust because no one is stigma-free. I've been trying to be unbiased in my ego-states. I have been learning the necessity of protecting neutralism and non-judgmentalism. And I think that everyone just assumes I'll fold. Creativity and epinoia have granted me a good understanding of what I should be writing about. Learning that Dodo's relational manipulations goes so deep psychologically they I consider his warfare a little troublesome. His relational truths, beliefs and values have been highly questionable in ways where all my fucked upness is originating from. He is no role model because he has been a moral coward all this time. He has covered up pedophilia as much as he covered up their cheating together. My birth mother died a whoring, cheating moral coward. 

But I'd forgiven my biological mother's moral cowardice long ago, accepted her ways and had an attitude of emotional safety for her. I wanted to provide bodyguard and security guard service, I want those kinds of skills set and repertoire for my own mother. My biological mother taught me strengthening my mind techniques, which are to practice saying self-confident and self-efficacy self empowering words. Verbalized my strengths and work towards the laser-like focus on them. Grow, cultivate and evolve them into even more powerful emotional intensity. Stay confident and work on my own interests.

I had a good day today. I didn't sleep last night but I wanted to develop a good workethic in my writings. Hopefully I can have an oeuvre copyrighted, worked on and made for publications. My body of writings I want is songwritings, books and novellas, poetry and educational/academic works, textbooks,  nonfiction, autobiographies, series or novels/creative fictions, novelette, tall tales, working papers, anthologies, journals, blogs, newspaper articles, conference papers, letters, emails, manuscripts, dissertations, essays, expositions, theses, drama, proses, speeches, historical expositional essays, short stories, biographies, memoires, science fictions, fantasy, folklore, and online works. 

I have a passion to learn all these literary works and psycho-historic works. I have handwritten poems, I just got to type them up and copyright them and publish. I want to type so much in my own life. Firstly I have to hand-write my ideas down. I have journals to type up. I have poetry to type up! I have work in progress novels or novellas or novelettes. Hopefully I can get something good in my own life. In all the good sci-fi, space traveling and state of the art technologies and weapons, you have a Eurocentric/colonizer person in the leading role. 

Learning that I need to cut down some of the oeuvre. I hope that I could learn habit-forming skills. I know that I have a lot of good power of discipline moments. But Dodo has told his secret and relinquished any power over me. I know that I don't want to go back to Eskasoni because Dodo isn't afraid of me, nor is those guys that want to hurt me. I know that I'm hated because they don't want to admit their wrongs or give me respect. Remembering how certain events in my life have turned out. I know that I'm much wiser and stronger in my faith with God, to search, read, study and research my books. 

Anyways, NA & AA have taught that tolerance, forbearance and fortitude comes from expressing what's needed, not what's good for someone that has a external loci of identity. They teach how to seek external approval instead of having a self-essteem independent of people. I know that I have to develop communication skills to extract certain knowledge in people (counseling and psychotherapeutic skills). "Everyone gossips" and that seems to exclude certain doers in life. I've been learning that these ladies have been using hegemony of Mawita'mk Society and We'koqma'q (the feministic hegemony) to influence certain behavioral patterns because they have certain beliefs, truths (interpretation & perceptions of facts) and values of their own. Everyone had truths and knowing that I've been learning about the sum of my own life kind of truths. 

Certain people in the community wants my peace ruined and destroyed. I cannot live ideally and simply in We'koqma'q community because certain feministic hegemony wants me to give up certain beliefs, truths, values and significance. They think because they work in a Mawita'mk group home or organization they have certain rights. Those "rights" are non-existent and I know that certain people won't respect that because they are extremely nosy, disrespectful and invasive. They don't leave certain people alone because of certain social attitudes about loneliness and Solitude. There is always a difference between being strong and relying on a God. A God is supposed to be an entity of heaven, of universe and universes. 

Being in solitude doesn't mean I am lonely. It just means that I have to develop reading habits and personal life skills in my repertoire to live my life. Don't get it mistaken, I am here because of family and because of my darken insanity. I know how to live my life in accordance to government, a personal workethic and codes of conduct in my place, a good portfolio with my own personal headspace(sanctuary), and a good sizeable experience of freedoms and liberties. Knowing that I've suffered abuses in Eskasoni( mistreatments, assaults, humiliations and subjugation), I know that people in Eskasoni don't respect me because of certain systemic prejudicial authorities in place. 

Solitude takes away the excuses and distractions of social life in ways. But social life provides discussions through social networking(socioeconomic interactional /transactional reality, status and experience). Learning social networking involves candid conversations, sordid sense of humor and a sense of spatial perception. This intersubjective interculturalistic reality/intersubjective multi-generational multiculturalism has been subjected to culturology, sociology, the social sciences and a good deal of psychological works. We all have interpretations of facts and that would be the study of truthology, the scientific research, study and investigation into how interpretations of facts can lead to somebody's truth. And this would be leading to unspoken truths. 

What's the neural basis of truths versus beliefs? The neuroethical/neuroscience of truths and beliefs? What's the neural validity of truths versus beliefs? What do we study when truths impact? I want that kind of social understanding of social psychology/social psychiatry. I want to make psychology a primary field and neuroscience a associate degree. I have been reading books about certain works. This is neurotruthology. Studying beliefs and the neural basis of beliefs, truths and values. 

I know that I don't have any respect from the Gould brothers in We'koqma'q community: Ricky and Lolie. Ricky talks too much and Lolie is demanding. They don't both respect me because they think I should respect them. They force their way into my life. Learning that I don't have much of a choice to protect myself in Mawita'mk Society from Roddie, Clyde n' Ricky. I know that I cannot defend myself because I got no supports and the Gould Brothers of Mawita'mk Society don't want me to stand up for my own beliefs, truths and values. They try to indoctrinate me into their family prejudicial authorities. A multifaceted, multi-generational prejudicial authorities that they believe in. Lolie is older than me and I don't have any real respect from the guy. They think that I cannot be, believe or act right. 

The Gould Brothers think of me as an unwanted orphan. That's an insult to me but I did feel like that a lot of my times in Eskasoni. The right relationships in my life wants my true story to come out. Knowing that I don't have any respect from them. I know that I had a mother, father, older brother, cousin and an auntie. I know that my past losses have impacted my quality of my life in my own headspace because the Gould brothers don't have any respect for me as a human being. Forcefully they want me imbalanced, indoctrinated and overpowered. I am nobody special but it doesn't mean I have to follow the relational influences and persuasions of Lolie and Ricky. They are prime example of how to bully in at Mawita'mk Society because Rosie doesn't care for fair-mindedness. She believes in her old school prejudicial authorities(a multi-generational, multifaceted prejudicial authorities in many forms of discrimination and bigotry). 

I know that I'm still learning to take things with a grain of sand. There is a lot to process in my life. And yes, I had a dull story because most people that do come in my life cause problems. I know that I don't have to live in Eskasoni but I want to because it's my hometown. I hope that I could create my own business in Eskasoni, teens mowing the lawns and professionals building and beautifying the landscape. They could get their High School apprenticeship and get certain gratifying scores and skills in trades. Learn the ropes of making money with family and friends. 

The Gould brothers don't want me to remember where I came from. And not a lot of people want me to give Eskasoni a second chance. Learning that I need to wheel n' deal, I know that I need to work in Eskasoni, to experience the work conditions myself. Knowing that I cannot defend myself or work ideally, I know that I need to thrive in another city or community. Hopefully I can thrive by myself because I don't trust certain family members because they are addicts. I've been in situations that people took advantage of my weaknesses. I did not have the muscular endurance and strength to defend myself. I don't practice punching because my stepfather didn't want to back me up wit' boxing skills. 

Can't knock the hustle when it comes ta da Gould brothers. They know certain things but I think that Ricky hates me. I know that they both have a form of bullying n' discriminations. I am not perfect but they want ideal treatment. Thinking that everyone is jealous. At what? I know that with a good self-esteem, dignity of labor and job satisfaction I could become prideful and do, with my workethic in ways where I'm working. I know that I am not broken but poor. 

But that's the thing; I've experienced love and friendship with a love/hate, pull/push struggle of having a good fight. I know that I'm peaceful and I want to be an ideal worker. Accomplishing certain things in my life have been rewarding because culturally I know who I am, family identity has a cultural, professional, social and religious identity to it. I have such teachings in my own life that I switch in relationships; to cultural roles to family roles, to professional roles and religious roles. I know that my identity is complex because I am not the same person as I am in a romantic role as I'm in a family role. I know this but certain family wants me confused and they won't let go of their relational influence and persuasion because they refuse to. Certain family members that is.