Ideally n' Simply Living at Mawita'mk Society

Right now I am ideally n' simply living at Mawita'mk Society. With a bunch of good reasons to live here. I know that Eskasoni has Work Discrimination practices and I know that I don't want to work in a First Nation community that creates such practices and customs to destroy somebody. Knowing that Chief and Council have been public figures since 2010. I know that Chief Leroy Denny has experience with that kind of life in Eskasoni and have done successfully good job. He took over and I don't know why he doesn't do his updates on Eskasoni.ca. I know that Eskasoni mentality doesn't give up until they figure out the solution. Knowing that I had a lot of bad apples bothering me in Eskasoni. I know that certain people make fun of me because they would rather my humiliations instead of taking responsibility. I know that certain workers in We'koqma'q community have been wanting me to work in We'koqma'q community because there is an ever-revolving door of work discriminations and work abuses in Eskasoni. Learning that I don't want to develop a good workethic in Eskasoni. I miss Eskasoni but I know that I don't get to see people I know. 

There are a few types of people in this world that take my energy, destroy my opportunities in developing and growing personal well-being, and having happiness. The first is the competitor narcissistic personality, they want you to do good measurably but they don't want you to do better than them. The second user narcissistic personality, they love you much as they could use you. This Toxic Indiscriminate Relationship is a terrible burden of providing extra stuff to the relationship without them ever paying back. The third is the blamer's narcissistic personality where they will always deflect, manipulate and intimidate in ways where they blame ya. It's another toxic relationship that have no wisdom or use in my life. The other fourth personality is the complainer toxic narcissistic personality. These people only complain to steal your energy and create a sickness inside you. They refuse to change and solve their own problems. These people only need to talk and complain. They are troublesome and querulous. They have no respect for anyone. None of these personalities have no respect. 

The fifth personality is the talker narcissistic personality. They take your energy by talking bullshit and gossips and rumors. Everyone needs the talking cure but the talker have reduced it to no good/no solution-oriented talking. They enjoy pettiness, prejudicial authorities in society and they have enjoyed the privileges that comes with their complexion. They get away with certain talking because they want to continue the wasteful, toxic sickness in negativity. Learning that the sixth toxic, narcissistic personality is the abuser type. I know that I had a lot of mistreatments and abuses, misapprehensions that so many have taken advantage of and ruin any understanding that could've came from solving it. They abuse anything: misapprehensions, confusions, enantiodromia and alexithymia and disabilities, vulnerabilities and stress. They would rather have their stereotyping in prejudicial authorities because it makes them feel superior and better than anyone else. 

My own life have been surrounded by people that don't want me to grow, thrive and develop. They would try their powers to relationally, communally and through influence and persuasion, they've used their powers to convince me it's all my fault they have have created enough emotions in me to abuse me in many ways. I know that with certain psychology of human relationships I have to navigate my own emotional realities, intelligence and range. I know that certain people wants me to lie, cheat and steal. Which comes to my last seventh narcissistic personality, which is the prejudicial hater. Which spot on spreads hate and anger through talking, his/her presence and through corrupting the youth to emotional sickness, wasteful hatred and multi-generational prejudicial authorities. These kinds of people continue and perpetuate the cycles of abuses, discriminations and prejudice in society. 

I am 38 years old and in September I will turn 39. Hopefully I can get my weight down this summer/fall because I know that I'm happy here. I want to lift weights and build muscles. I want to be a responsible, good and keen doer/photographer/documentarian. I want to use Facebook, Instagram, Tumblr, X/Twitter, Tik Tok and YouTube to document my natural transition/progression into a fitness enthusiast from my current level of fitness. There is some kind of level of fitness I have and I want to keep developing, reaching milestones in my fitness journey, progressing and evolving into a fitness enthusiast. I want to use much as I can in my powers to grow my skills, forms and other areas to work on in my fitness journey. I want to use these platforms to document what I can, video what I've done, and see the truths of fitness enthusiasts around the world. 

I'd moved from Eskasoni community in 2010 when I was 25 years old. In my young life I've had financial systems and banking systems in Eskasoni wit' friends and dad and Tully. I knew that I needed to earn my money by doing chores in my hometown around my family's homes. The ones that wanted me around and those that hated me didn't add me to Facebook. I gotten a few people that told me that they are careful wit' who they chose. These types of people "work" discriminate depending on where you work. Mawita'mk Society knew that I was a doer and most of my little cousins didn't want me to treat them as little cousins. They didn't even want me to see them as family. They had fucked up thoughts about what beauty should transcend. 

I know that I have to break down my experience into a psychoanalytic thought and exposition of what I've experienced in social psychological constructs and experiences. I have been learning about Freudian psychoanalysis and Dr. Carl G. Jung's works, with Dr. Eric Berne's works. Hopefully I can work on my psychology of human relationships and friendships. I know that I have to live my life in We'koqma'q community with Mawita'mk Society because it's culturally-oriented and solution-oriented. They have strength-based approaches with resourceful beliefs and useful suggestions, with the Native Seven Sacred Teachings and Catholic virtues we have to abide by. I know that personally I abide by what I was taught and learning that I was forced to share in Mental Health Support Group. I know that I have to be careful with my words because they could come off as "work" discriminations. I know that I have been learning about their worries about my writings and everything. 

I know that I have been trying to teach about the mental health literature which none of them wanted to learn. I know that I had a lot of good reasons to stay in We'koqma'q community because they want me to work in We'koqma'q community because they want their pettily ass justice, not true (bigger picture) kind of justice but they want their world's justice because they are pettily jealous of my experiences. As I'd learned about these toxic personalities I know that they love control and manipulations and intimidations. They want reasons to hate and destroy a person because of their pettily ass ego-invested problems. They have a chip on their shoulder and they don't want to laugh it off. I know that they want me to suffer it out for their "good reasons" and their "truths, beliefs and values". They've been affected by certain events in their lives and I know that I've been trying to be tolerant and enduring, but they don't want to share the same wisdoms I've been taught. 

Knowing that's what they've been hanging on to. I know that they've became moral cowards and in their moral cowardice they want to explode or implode because they've been affected by the disease of egocentric biases when it comes to evil. I know that I have been learning about the social psychology of evil and learning about the consequences of those actions I've done. I know that I have to expand my mind into neuroethical areas of my brain and solve my own problems because the egocentric biases of faultless side of evil isn't cutting it. I have to be "evil" intelligent and "enormity" smart in ways. I know that being cultural and opened isn't the key. But it is a blind strengths to the ideas of being good and ego-invested righteous. Like the Twelve Traditions and the Twelve Steps, too I have to abide by the Seven Sacred Teachings and the Catholic Virtues. 

Hopefully when I'm done reading about the Myth of Normal and The Lucifer Effect, I become "evil" smart and would understand situational morality little better in terms of certain books. I am looking to my sisters for the knowledge of motherhood and parenthood. I know that I have to rely on family and learn what I can about the isolations of parenthood. I know that I have been learning about the Index of Loneliness and the Minister of Loneliness and Solitude. I am learning to identify the situational forces in my own life, learning to understand relational influences and persuasions and everything that comes with the quality of a relationship. Enormity comes in many forms and I am learning about that through social dynamics and other areas of social psychology. 

We have to put into words a native youth's experiences in ways of words that have impacts like de-stigmatizations and healing. I know that I have been resilient and obedient most of my life. But in my "chaos" world I've been exposed to beatdowns and addictions to soothe the pains. I know that I have been learning about the chances of evil understanding through Dr. Philip Zimbardo's works and other areas of the professional's world. I could document in words my fitness journey and be a doer in my life. I know that I have been always given ultimatums and other dilemmas that most of my family wanted me to be moral about. They don't want me to get away from their toxicity and hatred. I know that I have incurred their wrath because they wanted me to. 

My family is broken up and learning that they are in Chapel Island and some stayed behind. I know that I don't have my own house because I don't want that kind of level of home care I have to do. I know that I hope that I could become "Evil" smart as doctors and nurses. And hopefully learn about situational/relational influences and persuasions that I hope that I could use in my own moral imperatives developments. So many reasons to be good in We'koqma'q community but I fear it's for the wrong reasons that they want me to stay. Ideally and simply living at my parents' house with all I needed to live my life in that house. I know that a family have been important and technology and music. I know that I had the latest technology: Sony Playstation and games and joystick, a computer and my own MSN Messenger identity. Learning that my business can take place online. I know that Microsoft identity has evolved, grown and became what it became. 

I am small money-earner. I have a good deal of business/professional transactions and experience but I don't have trades business/services I could put on my rèsumè. I know that my portfolio have a good deal of professional experience and educational experience. I have projects that I have done with my stepfather. I don't think I could do it because I got performance-induced anxiety. I want to prove and perform I have these skills set but with my traumatic thinking I have been introduced to; I know that I have been learning about coping, DBT Skills Training Manual, doctors' works and the job market. I know that I have a lot of good reasons to lose the weight, which some of these people don't know about. 

There is a multi-generational traumatic cycles of abuses and discriminations where prejudicial authorities stratified classes and organizes or pacify people in ways of not giving two fucks. Than again multifaceted issues in society, in a multi-generational way have been something that everyone tried to heal and solve. Complex issues such as an Indigenous descendant paranoid schizophrenic native have been stratified and pacified by certain people, is the common. Knowing that my generation has their personal histories in the 90s and have memories of such happiness. I know that I have lived ideally and simply in Eskasoni, at my step parents' house. Silencing my music and making me the fool of heavy metal, have been some people's goal since day one. 

There is no complications at Mawita'mk Society, there is no troubles and deteriorations. I think I should manage my past in a more constructive way. Learning that I have to be creative and with epinoia. I have to figure out a placebo effect, imagined solutions-oriented fantasies and the philosophy of Two-Eye Seeing philosophy. I know that my nephrologist is concerned with me. But I know that I'm facing certain things without my step uncle's lie of my biological mother's cheating. I am going through some changes and the life of a lie that have been effective in coping, I have to develop real coping skills. 

Knowing that there aren't any complications in ways of addicts bothering me. I know that I have to figure some stuff out. Learning that I have to work on myself full-time. I know that people needs an answer from me. I am always thinking because there is something about my past needing address. I know that I never had sny therapy as a kid; when I was a child addict. I had AA and NA down stairs of Eskasoni Rehab. But I never had any full-time self improvements where I've worked on my body on my own. I always had somebody there and knowing that I have to go into that devotional chaos through therapy. I know that I'm hated for many reasons and knowing that I need to work within those potentialities. 

With certain knowledge there comes certain powers and with those powers comes responsibilities. If you don't like that saying than you don't respect the powers you have. Knowledge is power and in learning rudimentary knowledge of life skills and cultural practices, you have learned the humbleness of accepting another culture. Diplomacy is knowledge and skills of statesmanship, interpersonal effectiveness, psychology of human relationships and shared realm of handling people with sensitivity and effectiveness. We are an interdependent society that needs to provide accessibility for small businesses, communities and villages. 

Learning that in Eskasoni I was controlled, lied to and measurably convinced that everyone was faultless. They didn't want to let me go and live wit' my real dad because the Morrison family of Eskasoni are moral cowards and don't want me to live ideally n' simply wit' my real dad. Through their own ageistic, relational influences and persuasions they've worked over the years in Eskasoni. It's typical of Eskasoni to let criminals ruin this community. A hometown that has been overlooking and condoning Dodo's involvement and interests in my sexuality. I know that he wanted me dependent on him for self-management and self-obedience. These life skills haven't been taught unless I ignore my past. 

I thankfully moved and wanted to confront my past on my own. I know that I wanted to make a happy home through morning cooking breakfast, having coffee in my own apartment and having everything cleaned up before 6 am. I usually wake up around 4 am and listen to my radio wit' "Morning Information" or play my video games. It takes me an couple minutes to get ready but if I had my second transplant kidney, I would have a good headstart with my day. I would be able to start my mornings with a good cup of coffee, a good breakfast and toast or bagel. My real father have taught me a good meal settled, is a good starter of the day. 

I could exercise in my small garage and have my Communication capacity installed in my own apartment. I know that I need to live my life in a good, thriving way. I know that I need to add more floors and walls to that little apartment in Eskasoni. I have a level of independence where I should be in routine in the morning habits, work habits and maintaining habits every day. Make my bed every morning, at Friday washed my bedding and laundry. I want to design blueprints for my small garage at the side of the driveway, and add a few more inches to that apartment, that way I could add a bathtub in my old bathroom, with a shower head. 

I hope that in NSCC Carpentry programs I could learn building principles and science, and learn what they use for blueprints for a small house. I want to have a good understanding of making, estimating and printing out blueprints for that old apartment. See I haven't given up on making that little home a really functional, updated and upgraded place where I could have my own WiFi, Eskasoni cable and Satellite. Added space and a good tub in my bathroom. 

In Eskasoni I had been living a ideal simplistic lifestyle where I was learning, or getting acclimated to daily different activities in Eskasoni daily. Through Rob Shipley I was being trained in routine, to do different daily activities and some times the same things, in a good way. Now at Mawita'mk Society I am learning to build a routine through different daily activities at Ni'kinen house. 

Rob, through a bartering system we put in place years before my sisters decided to come into my life at that time/year frame. I was doing pretty good with my finances with Rob and my banking systems in Eskasoni. I didn't have to pay no banks or worry about online threats. I had a simple cash-flowing kind of banking systems with my stepfather and Tully. And every Welfare Day I had my Eskasoni Welfare and bought my own stuff. Rob tried to control my finance to a degree telling me I couldn't come in without changing my banking systems. I gave him my Welfares couple of times. 

I tried to give him my permission but Tully and my stepfather knew better. Knowing that I did not have any real meaning in full-time employment. I was a professional in ways of lawn maintenance, wood chopping and piling, sweat lodge services(volunteerism), landscaping (beautification process of a swamp into a beautiful yard), building services and labor services. I want to have my Red Seal papers in landscaping and carpentry. 

If I embrace something, I want to learn the biologicals of the landscaping laboring. It's a labor of love and a way to remember my former life with my granny, Grammy and stepfather. I know that he is getting older and I have to take steps into getting my cardio fitness together. I know that I'm still working emotionally on myself. Billy Aquan have taught me to focus on myself. I want to be accomplished, successful and published in ways where I have copyrights in my emails. 

I know that I had something of a good life in Eskasoni. I just wished I have shared my memory card in the house. Gotten everyone a memory card and let them play my video games. If people know that I had an online gamer's life they would come over more often. I don't want that because there could be potential thefts and larceny. 

I would have to stay with that person until he leaves my personal space. Family? I think I could trust them to a degree (some of them). Not everyone. 

Anyways there is a degree of trust when it comes to family. I've fucked up, my mother fucked up, my dad fucked up, my family have fucked up. So we have that in common and I know that there are good things about old school and bad bigotry in old school. With my business I want to do this the right way; 1. Get my BA degree. 2. Get my full driver's license. 3. Get my NSCC Horticulture and Landscape Technology diploma, Concentration in Operations. 4. Get my BASE degree. 5. Get my NSCC Carpentry Certificate and NSCC Carpentry diploma. 6. Get my professional driver's license and papers. Doesn't necessarily have to be in that order, my future goals and endeavors. 

Learning to realign myself in ways. I hope that I could base my open-mindedness on philosophy of Two-Eye Seeing. Hopefully I can understand the philosophy of the world and have my own place, car and electronics I hope to use in my future. I want to own my own land from Cape Breton municipality. And Indigenized it into my own business. Hopefully I can find the right woman and hopefully I can build my ideal man's room. I want to have a house well built in one of these hilly sides, have my own business trucks, plows and vehicles in my yard. Be a function for Mawita'mk Society's vehicles; get specialized mechanics. Have a good deal of apartments in my own land. That would be ideal and I would be happy.