Level of Controllability: Bad Or Good

Learning that there are level of relational persuasions and influence from the family hegemony because I know that I was under the level of controllability where I was learning obedience and discipline. I had to learn the value of obedience and discipline but they are saying that I cannot learn on my own. There are books about obedience and discipline. I know that I was forced to reveal my secrets because they love it when I fail. And learning that they are fucked up from Indian Day School, it's safe discovery that I am stronger and more independent than what their needs are. And knowing that I don't have any answers but my own, I know that things are complicated and I am grieving. I know that I don't have that kind of friendship where people want to but don't want to be known by me. I know that I love but everyone is twisted in their own way and I know that I was dysregulated and with dysfunctional family and friends. 

There is a cost to heavy losses and I know that deaths, changes, losses and graduations have been a learning curve. Everyone hates me and knowing that I don't have any good friendships; there is a remedy to the social chaos and toxic culture. I know there is a totalitarian structures and a tyrannical, toxic culture that have been permeated in my life. I know that I needed to take a chance and learn mental health from books I'd collected over the years in We'koqma'q and the amount of training. I know the pain I've been subjected to and the forgiveness I have to find in my own path. I know that people want result and I couldn't give it to them. I know that I don't have any good judgment and I am not looking for a clearer conscience. I know that I am hated and have been learning to love when there is a tyrannical, selfish and toxic culture that is in native world. 

I don't fit in traditional worlds because I know that I have medical issues and intellectual curiosity. I know that I will seek the truths and in that I have been beaten before, for that. I know that I have to stay away from the traditional world because I don't have any physical prowess. I know that my stepfather made sure of that. I know that when I do get my second transplant kidney, I hope that I could drive myself around and learn how to do things. I hope that I could earn the trust from my cousin Ray. I feel that we have something of a good relationships. The adults wants me to add him because they want me to lose everything. I know that I don't fit into the Morrison category because I know the absent elements that I have in life.

The level of controllability could be self serving but I know that the Morrison haven't been kind in trying to keep me in the loop. I know that I don't have any personal histories on them and I know that I don't have any good reasons to move anywhere else. Because the Morrison have such a level of controllability in me, they have such influence and relational persuasions that with non-verbal cues they could remind me of my damages or wrongs. I know that I don't have any innocence because I feel that there was something of a self serving level of controllability and benefit. I know that they haven't taught me my family pride and identity. They taught me their world and I couldn't really enjoy the two families that made up my identity, pride and intellectual integrity. 

Remembering that I don't attract women in my life. I have to be fed them particularly reluctant and repulsed by me. I haven't really discovered dating in my twenties, I haven't really enjoy the ideas and principles of painting with someone. I haven't dated out of my community or anything like that. I know that I'm seen as the undesirable and the kind of guy that don't simply look good. I have been in We'koqma'q for 15 years and learning that I gave up on dating because, online there is phishing and costing kind of online dating. I know that in life I don't have any muscles to attract because I know that in my 30s I just want to relax. 

I am turning 40 and nobody have been wanting to help me at all. Now I look at the disadvantages of and monotonously hearing their stories of love. I know that I have no attraction because of hypergamous intentions and teachings. The Morrison family have been wanting me to date and get out but I know that I am unattractive and repulsive. Complicated answers and everything I have for the celibacy I have been suffering and coping with. I know that women don't want me because I am turning 40 and in that I am not well used in any way. I don't get to practice anything; kissing, dating or sex. I know that I don't have anything to offer and in that I am this self-contained self lover. 

I don't have to worry about someone telling what to do. I get all this free time to learn and do. I know that women sees that as a scary thing. But the pains, losses, deaths, heart-breaks of being ugly, addictions and attritional struggles of not killing myself. I know that I am not pure and knowing that in my twenties I lost the opportunities to date and have sex. This kind of life of incel's hell have been a learning experience. I don't know my sexual attraction because I know that I have been unexploring dates and stuff. I don't have any attractive desirability or qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height or riches or extra curricular activities or careers or business or financial independence or physical features or services that a hypergamous, heterosexual woman would want. 

Learning that I am unattractive, I know that because I've been here for fifteen years and no woman wants me. I know that I've faced racism, types of sexism, ageism, abuse and other mistreatments in Eskasoni. If I was a hot one I would've been called a hot papi. But learning that women don't want me. I know that my male cousins have done better than me because they've had sex with the hot ones. 

I have safely discovered that I am unattractive, unappealing and have no way to get dates because all the dating advisors cost money to a guy like me. I don't have any respect financially for women but I know that I have to be my own guy. I should've gotten into business and learn much as I can. I feel that music can be something therapeutic because I am poor. I don't have any money to afford the things I could use for my understanding of women. MuchMusic have been a therapeutic kind of thing. I know that I didn't have any dates but in MuchMusic I had something worthwhile. 

Well I think I am but I also think that some women find me handsome. That old attitude is because I never dated or had any long-term relationship. Feeling like I have no desire, again desires starts to bubble up and I have to catch the fire. I know that I have been something active when I was a kid and the level of impactful controllability that they had over me was like an addict. I couldn't really control myself when it came to punishment times. A firm believer in punishment and shame believes in trauma and shame. Letting and agreeing with people who are cowards and probably criminals. I know that I've faced many troubles in my time where the situations was quickly created and I have no rights. 

Neuroethics can help out to a point but finding what's socially right, spiritually good, physically healthy, emotionally balanced and mentally active. I know that kind of balance comes from the Medicine Wheel. It's not Mi'kmaq but I sure as hell know it is Indigenous to these lands. I know that we borrow from cultures and some the Modern natives dominate instead of ask. They force sharing beliefs and stealing values because they know that I have no home. And people don't like to take accountability or responsibility because they aren't deontologists. I just want to relax and use my options in my bedroom like read, exercise, masturbate, play video games, watch movies or cable TV, listen to podcasts or music or audio books. I know that I cannot talk about certain people because they are protected by the powerful. 

Learning that I have to be humble to accept, forgive and love. That's great to a degree but when you have certain family members abusing ya or controlling ya, I know that I cannot get any justice because certain family members uses excuses or abuse power because they can. They could control their own mind and turn the levels of controllability up or down, depending on what they need to convince. They use ageistic power, hegemonic power and other powers to force their way into my life. They try to cover up the truths of abuse. Learning that I need to work on my own mind and run my own life, I know that I don't want them in my future child's life because they are abusive, narcissistic, solipsistic, selfish and toxic. They don't want to learn, adapt, change and work on themselve. 

But again the values of obedience and discipline are here. Who do I choose who I get to obey and learn from. Certain family members haven't been kind enough to tell the truth of their abuses. And others have been arguing that I should be thrown under the bus. I had dystopian, dysfunctional and dysregulated kind of mind for a relationship. And knowing that I was forced to obey the Morrison, they've associated their goodness with my discipline. And it was self serving because they are moral cowards that have Solipsistic, selfish, Egocentric and biased sociopathy as a strategy. 

My younger siblings probably do know but how the supposed elders that was supposed to take care of me when they were young adults, where cheating me out of certain things. My stepfather doesn't want any accountability or responsibility for what he has neglected, influenced or created or affected in the wrongest way. And I know that the depth of forgiveness I have to practice comes from Neurolinguistic Programming, Dialectal Behavioral Therapy and Time Perspective Therapy. And Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I know that I believe in these therapies and Emotional Literacy and compassion. These are works that have been influential in society, having a good reputation and a strategic learning experience. I know that I had a good life with the Morrison family of Eskasoni because they wanted me to pay for everything. Nobody wants me to take it easy in Eskasoni. 

I know that my obedience and discipline is fucked up. I know that I had toxic people in my life with narcissistic personality tendencies and solipsistic egocentricism. Feeling like they gotten away with so much over the years. I know that they want me to be a moral coward and switch the ideas of honesty to a whole new level of controllability. What about the times I didn't want to agree? We they use intimidation tactics, psychological warfare tactics, gaslighting (questioning my perception of reality) and a few more headgames. 

They aren't the righteous ones because truthfully they have been damaging and abusive and abrasive. They've put themselves in the right positions to corrupt, demoralize or encourage and lift-up. They don't take responsibility or accountability because they would rather have me physically weak and pathetic than to be motivated, determined and focused on my own self. They've beaten me, abused me, controlled, influenced, intimidated, persuaded and told me that I was supposed to obey and learn my humble life. Yeah I was supposed but not with prejudices, biases and forms of culture-based ageism. There are books on discrimination and prejudice that some elders don't know. They think that talking is their way to power. As long as they hold power over me through hegemonic, ageistic influence and relational persuasions. They think that they deserve hatred, anger and talking behind my back. I have no one on my side when it came to them testing me morally. They wanted me to fail because I was sexually abused. 

But as I learn that structure, obedience to parents and discipline has routine. I know that I've been wanted to be good, right and strong. To admit that I was wrong and to honor the people I've wronged. I know that love is the toughest concept to see when there is discipline, addictions and negligence in the family, questionable moral imperatives and no rights to a child. Jordan's Principles would've been useful in my day. And I know that I was loved because they had a twisted logic of compassion and solipsism. They were selfish and couldn't get over their traumas. They didn't want to. 

I have a questionable past and knowing that I've obeyed, stayed loyal long enough and endured their addictions infection trauma. I know they've switched back and forth to harm me and call it punishment. They wanted me vulnerable and isolated, disabled and disempowered, weak and pathetic to reign over me. Dodo especially because my stepfather didn't want the responsibility to stop my hurt inside. The Morrison have played me like a violin in hell and wanted me to suffer. Because they believe it was good and made me interesting. I needed my older brother and mother. Everyone played me and used me and abused me: well certain people. 

I could follow instructions, I could obey and be happy, I could work and exercise and be happy with that. I could ideally live in a miserable way and state, and still call my place home. That's because of the questioning of my perception. Everyone wanted me doubting and lost and hurt. They wanted me addicted and say there isn't anything I can do about it. I told them they needed EDMR sessions or Time Perspective Therapy or Neurolinguistic Programming sessions, or some kind of therapy. They are cowards right from the beginning. 

I know that I'm not scared of being beaten because I've been beaten before where the trauma made me forget who I was. I know that I've been raped as a child because people been struggling with their sexual identity, family or something. Knowing that social psychology is understanding the importance of truthful confessions and admittance. I know that people are moral cowards who don't want that kind of heat or truthfulness to come to life. Criminals have their own ways of psychological warfare tactics, in psychology of discrimination and prejudice, in society and communities where they have criminal self-efficacy where they could play headgames or lie and straight out deny. The ones strongest can make truth-seekers attritionalky weary because they have been working on me since I was a child. 

Before, when I was a child addict. I'd morally struggled to accept the elderlies, adults and my family as guidance. I am extremely independent and I don't think they know what that means. It means I get to choose who I obey and learn from. The critical but creative psychohistory of my intelligence is hard to prove because there is so much misrepresentations, mistreatments and abuses that everyone gotten a shot with me. I couldn't really enjoy my dating and sex. Some people believe that sex is dating. That's a cheapen sex life. I know that I've been learning to be patient for the youth to come to fruition of their self-efficacy and self-assurance. I know that I've been verbally abused and Dodo have power-trip over me. 

But I know that I was learning obedience, toxic loyalty, sickening dedication to a family's hegemony, relational persuasions and influence, respecting, honoring and discipline. I felt that I had no fair-minded family members because they taught that justice depended on choices of them. My sister Catherine Morrison have been in that state  where she is blaming everyone for her mistreatments of others. The concepts, beliefs and values of justice is that justice is blind. And "without a shadow of a doubt" kind of bullshit. I know that I cannot prove anything because the Morrison elders are moral cowards, comforted by their spirituality or religion. I know that my stepfather have been influential in my growing up. And so have my biological mother in such impactful ways that I rely on it today.

I try to separate my parents' teachings from my former drunkard of step uncle Dodo's relational manipulations. I know that he wanted to be credited with helping me figure out the meanings of her words. My baby sister Katt has been abused in so many ways that relational influences and persuasions techniques have been a bad experience because of petty assholes[a lot like my step uncle Dodo] who believes in punishments and rewards they chosen for her. I know that Dodo had obsessive narcissistic personality tendencies and wanted to ruin my life because I'd fucked his daughter when I was a kid.

Anyways, I didn't have any good relationship with him when I was getting balanced out. There was a serious power imbalances in my life and my stepfather didn't do anything but let things happened. Dodo was so petty that he should've let go like how I was in pain and had to let go right away as a child addict. As a level of pettiness, egocentricism, selfishness and abusiveness he had ruined my life and made me out to be a child molester as a child. Forced forgiveness in me through threats, manipulative psychological warfare tactics, and conquer and divide tactics. He'd ruled with an iron fist and my stepfather didn't do shit when I was five years old. 

My mother had to get something on me [because I'd witnessed her cheating with Dodo] and I was learning that she wad a moral coward. They are all moral cowards that don't like responsibilities or accountability to their name, haven't honored me as a victim of sexual abuses, haven't honored me in being a victim of "other" abuses and negligence, and teachings of addictions and choices. I couldn't express my emotions, or deal with the justice system properly because all the adults that was supposedly take care of me, have been my abusers, my abusers' enablers or something negative. 

Mawita'mk Society have been something of a positive force because of my step mum. I know that I don't have any attractive desirability or qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height or riches or extra curricular activities or careers or business or financial independence or physical features or services. But that's all superficial women online and in that kind of way, for deep thinkers. My biological mother have lied to me that I was "handsome". I am not innocent or tough criminal. I know that I'm no hustler or rough wrestler. I didn't have any dates or long careers or anything like that because of stigmas, types of discrimination and prejudicial authorities, because of educatonism anc classism and other "-isms" based of criteria and bigotry. 

People here don't care for me. Well one of the residents. I didn't have any long-term relationship, I regretted that I didn't benefited from school or work in my teenage years or twenties. I know that people in Eskasoni, in powerful positions don't like me. And I had the Morrison family of Eskasoni ta thank for my downfalls. I wasn't the favorite because I didn't professionally worked in Eskasoni. Learning that I was the most hated guy in Eskasoni. I had to move because of Addicts and socioeconomically disadvantages, disabilities and political favoritism, people trying to relationally influence me into laziness, matching up with generational stereotypes or addictional struggles, trying to define meaning out of my mind for their own uses. And trying to use me in every way secretly. 

I am almost 40 years old and I got nothing to show for it. Nobody's living in the way I was. And learning how to cope and tolerate, I had no choice but to put up with the adults around me. This is therapeutic, this is my way to a catharsis. And I know that I'm learning not to trust Eskasoni, Paq'tnkek or the Morrison's connections. I know that I don't have any grandmothers to protect me. I don't have any respect financially or honoring for my past traumas. I know that Mike MacInnis hates me. 

With this significant power imbalance, they'd selfishly covered up and let sexual abusers get away with the crimes. So that way I don't blame them for my hurt inside. Criminals have self-efficacy too, that way they don't have to do right by me truthfully, if I forgive and let them continue with their abuses. They'd priced their lessons in exchange for my obedience, forgiveness, acceptance and discipline; for getting their way with me. I know that I don't have any physical prowess or strength to defend myself because the Morrison have gotten away with keeping me hurt, ashame of myself and weak. I couldn't surpassed anything or anyone. 

But I know that I didn't enjoy my 90s because they'd priced everything and financially abused me in my teen years. Considering that people generally don't trust me, I have to get the benefit of doubt where I'm tested and still vulnerable. I know that Dodo liked me because I had potential of learning his ways when he was a narcissistic drunkard. People don't care for me socially, they use and influence but don't take responsibility of what they'd say or do. I don't want to continuously live in We'koqma'q community because they are petty in ways of doing me wrong. On the surface they do right but with certain counseling and stuff, they'd do wrong. 

I know that they don't want to leave ya alone because these are paranoid times. They logically figure out reasons why they shouldn't leave me alone, say it's "a condition or disability" and I don't know what I'm doing. Nobody has the proper respect or love because they aren't bloodline family. I know that I'm hated here too, I don't have anyone backing me here. Yeah they prompt me but they don't back me up. There is a cultural ageism and slick words that they use for psychological manipulations. There is generational stereotypes, professional bigotry, political classism and educationism, disablism and ableism, and sexism. I cannot think right with Mike MacInnis and others because they don't believe in free will or independence or my rights. The stigmas they use and the words that they use to defend their powers imbalancing me. They don't believe in standing up for my rights or beliefs or values. Epistemologically they think that they have experience. What? 

I know that I have learned that these older people are a mess. And knowing that I've obeyed people that have been influential in my moral/personal development. I know that they are moral cowards who deflect, deny, lie, cheat me out of my time, abuse, gaslight and manipulate me into a state where they feel comfortable with. I know that good [or angels] can become evil [demons] but what's more incredible is that criminals [demons] can become good citizens[angels/paragon] and I just learned that's not what professionals believe in because they are moral cowards in ways. I know that forgiveness is earned since they haven't earned their respect with me. And knowing that sober people can become addicts[criminals/demons] and more harder to believe or do but is equally incredible is that addicts [criminals/demons] can become sober people who live with the haunting memories of hardships, bad decisions and other criminal activities. 

If you could truly live in hell of someone's heaven, than you could create your own heaven from learning someone's hell. That's what I'm saying but the saying comes from John Milton's Paradise Lost. That kind of transformation can leave a vulnerable state where the abusers can take advantage of. Anyways, the saying goes, "the mind is its own place, and itself can come hell of a heaven, a heaven of a hell", or something like that. 

These moral transformation does come from trauma n' grief. The Complex post-traumatic stress disorder and Religious Trauma Syndrome is something that I've been studying for couple years. Well months when I do have the time. People assume to tell me because of cultural ageism, family hegemony. They use their relational influences and persuasions techniques to better their sense of community, sobriety and trauma and grief. There have been criticism unfounded by some participants I am dealing with. And knowing that I have to be humble, they force their beliefs and values knowledge systems because that's their egocentric, biased, cultural Comforts and Bigotry. 

I an standing up to be left alone because these are paranoid but grieving people who will talk behind my back. I know that they have to talk because they keep repeating the memories habitually, almost ritualistic. I don't want to be stuck like these old people who don't want me to succeed because I didn't listen to them. I know that evil is repeating the memories in your head, getting more hatred and anger against your "enemy". "Enemy" is s social construct where getting intimate and personal, is a process of studying your revenge, tormenting the person, keeping the immortal hatred for the person. And having no remorse for disinformation or personalizing your work, for your personal beliefs and values knowledge systems. It's a moral-less, social obligation-free and no consequences of a social construct, "enemy". And having positions where you have professional hegemony isn't a good thing either because people have exercised prejudicial authorities, experimented with me and lied about leaving me alone. 

That's how prejudice can cause wars and the Inquisition, Indian Residential School systems and blaming others for your thoughts and behaviors. I know that throughout history the Vatican Church have been a questionable force for prejudice, bigotry and types of discrimination. You know its a potential so why not choose peace and Neurolinguistic Programming, DBT, CBT, and Time Perspective Therapy. If done right you could imagine a Multiverse. I believe in Dr. Marsha Linehan, Dr. Carl Gustav Jung, Dr. Daniel Goldman, Dr. John Gottman,Dr. Philip Zimbardo, Dr. Sigmund Freud, Dr. Eric Berne and others I want to research. Like Dr. Tian Dayton who promotes and says that Emotional Literacy is key to the Emotional Intelligence. Of course, I am still working on these books and Dr. Gabor Matè's work too. 

But I know what I'm talking about when it comes to sexism. They have wanted me gay that way they could have all the women. I know that I've experienced, over the years a type of discrimination where they forces their attention on my sexuality. And Dodo have been wanting me to fail for the longest time. They have reverse the discrimination to being not gay enough or something like that. That it's already accepted that somehow I am gay instead of heterosexual. I know that they've messed with my sexuality and influenced my behavior where I couldn't really enjoy my sexuality. They think that they are sexologists of my personality and know me so well, that I have to obey them out of guilt and shame. Or they would threaten me. 

Well they didn't give me a chance to learn from books and podcasts. I knew that people wanted to infect my life because of certain addictions. But I had to learn obedience(taking instructions and following them), discipline(strength to do something and honoring victims, having the right thinking, having your own belief and value system through books and culturology), intellect(having the ability to learn the right ways of life, or wrong ways for fun, because learning is multifaceted we have to learn a lot), social powers(multidisciplinary science of sex, politics, culture, Cape Breton traditions, social psychology, sexology, health and wealth). 

Mike is an older person but not an elder to me. He struggles with his age group category. I know that my generation have been learning that people have been wanting to force their beliefs and values unto us. I know that through books we can create our own knowledge system. I know that Mike MacInnis have been careless to a degree, wanting power over me. Yes, he is a clinical therapist but he doesn't want me to grieve alone which isn't his business. But somehow, someway I have to make connections I don't want to, with people that are unstable and hates me pettily. So that means that Mike won't do his job right. 

If anyone is making hard transformations process, it's Dodo because he has been trying his damnest to change into a sensible and responsible member of the Mi'kmaq Nation. He has proven time and time again he would take the blows and brunt of my anger[not hatred] and change it into something positive. Dodo have been wanting to keep the family together, wanting to keep me in the family out of some twisted love. And a darken logic out of his drunken insanity comes my virtues, beliefs and values knowledge systems. He knows my epinoia, my esoteric knowledge, my epistemology story and my moral/personal development. His moral learning hasn't ended yet. 

I say for the Morrison's punishments, they should read about Dr. Philip Zimbardo's works in Man, Interrupted book, Timecure: Overcoming PTSD. And other books that they could benefit from. I know that I don't have any good reasons to move back home. And I know that my trust is fragile and I cannot stand people wilfully ignorant and unempatthetic. So, I know that Donald J. Morrison's triumphant recovery had been a darken insanity of guilt, shame, hatred and anger. He has been struggling to re-learn his role or learn his role in the family, in the community and in the economy. I hope that he has a good deal of social success, accomplishments and graduations in his time left on this earth. 

The Morrison have struggled with morality as a family member, Mi'kmaq Nation member and my personal guardians. They are the struggling artists with ego issues like bruises and hurt. They have addictional poverty struggles and a good deal of personal issues. I have to be empathetic, forgiving, accepting and loving. They need it as much as I need it. We need to support each other and learn to cope, tolerate and endure. The patience of a Mi'kmaq family member is humbling, powerful and loving. Petty people will be petty because they don't see the bigger picture. To care for each other while supporting each other no matter the personality, criminality or other issues. 

Thieves have a self-efficacy that has been something of a idea-stealers. That's Eskasoni Mental Health and Social Services, Eskasoni in general, We'koqma'q Mental Health and Addiction, and We'koqma'q in general. Natives have no respect for the originator of ideas and wants to claim it their own. Claim/Authority Theory in Mi'kmaq culture has been some kind of theory I need to work out in academia. I know that being powerful in position and having claimed an idea is a social psychological warfare paradigm that everyone in Eskasoni has some kind of, level of controllability and authority in professional positions. This idea stealing paradigm seems to follow Norma Gould and Mike MacInnis, who are in positions of Mental Health to unwrittenly priced their services in ways where they have accessibility to originators' ideas and theories. 

The significance of having ideas and theories are that they are a lifeline motivator for going to college or school. To putting their ideas and theories in academia and having graduated with idea-justice or validation that they are your ideas and theories. Mi'kmaq people don't have any respect and don't honor the originators of ideas and theories because they are moral cowards. Enemies to Originality, Lifelines and Motivators. They claim ideas as their own and comfort me that they have plenty of ideas and theories because of their studies. Mike is a clinical therapist who steals ideas and theories for his betterments when it was a motivation and sense of purpose for going to school. 

Mike is a moral coward under his martial art Judo belt. He picks and chooses who gets information and underhandedly steals ideas and theories and works because he has been controlling his life through other people's knowledge. He thinks that because he is on a crusade of saving children, that he would justify the means to an end but in reality. The youths won't start responding to them because they've had a psychohistory of stealing ideas, theories and works. He is a charlatan and don't come up with his own ideas, theories and works. There is an enantiodromia and confusion about how I got my ideas and theories. I had written poetry over 27 years. And I had a few good works and ideas. Mi'kmaq people don't respect, aren't humble or have honor for the originators of ideas because they are in authority and nobody will believe me because I was a child addict who couldn't really tell my story the right way. 

Mike MacInnis doesn't empower. Eskasoni doesn't empower. They don't teach or give information necessary for writing classes. They have stolen intellectual property or at least ideas and theories [the very reasons that they go to school] and destroy a youth's lifeline or motivator or reasons. They say that they are on a crusade of saving children when in fact they are on a crusade of stealing ideas and theories that could be the very reasons for education, college, University or schooling. 

The very crusade that they are on, is the crusade of stealing values, ideas, theories and works and beliefs of children and youths to go to school, or university or anywhere. Mike MacInnis and Norma Gould is destroying Mi'kmaq children's motives to graduate with no reasons and go back to menial jobs and drink and smoke up because of them. 

They force their beliefs and values through workable arguability, plausible deniability and convincing the person they have no idea what they are talking about. It seems as though they want ideas, works and theories for themselves so badly that they are willing to convince kids that it wasn't their ideas. They are in a position of power and influence, have a crusade for saving children when they are, in actuality, destroying what they could work on, test out and experiment with. The significance of an idea isn't to be used by the masses but rather to be worked on, developed over the years and come to fruition when good and ready. I know that people lie and cheat and deflect and manipulate but steal ideas? That's been something of Norma and Mike's areas. 

Mike claims to have plenty of ideas but are they stolen ideas? Anyways, I feel like I'm getting enrichen at and by Mawita'mk Society because each year it gets better. And I lose weight and restrict my fluids this year. I am doing pretty good considering that the old psychology is behaviorism. The idea that I was taught by an old school behaviorist like my stepfather who was learning all these sciences of mental health, child development science and Internal Family Systems. I know that my stepfather has learned a lot over the years and tried his best at raising children that wasn't his own, to his two daughters I should've guided better. 

He has created a heaven/hell kind of home where people who believes that they have the right to beat me knocks on my window. I know that I'm secretly hated because the options that my abusers have is plenty because I didn't attacked them when I was young. They hated me for telling the truths and facts of my life. Hometown hell/hometown heaven was a paradox where I couldn't really settle for happiness because I know that I was targeted. Learning that therapist can abuse their powers for personal gains, I know that right now I'm crying because I don't have the right person in my life. Or key players who have taught me the right self-efficacy. The dichotomy or duality of both good and bad have been part of my life because certain people wanted Mr to fail for their curiosity. 

Dodo doesn't want me to believe, or have my own personal beliefs, values and science of my own brain development and what I'm lacking. I think my child development years was pretty rough at times and my stepfather intervened at the right moments. I know that I've been learning about child development science because my step family have no idea why forcing their beliefs and values have worked. I should've stayed mad and killed them in their sleep. My abusers and agents of the cover-ups. Moral cowards don't go for Family Therapy. 

But my step family already have and had experienced the bad side of it. Probably studied the Internal Family Systems and others, the sharpness of blame had been something of a torment. I am a young/big brother of a mixed family that I'll need to read, study and research for because I know that my books have significant contents and information in them. They have morality issues, new way of thinking of religion and spirituality, a good way of thinking in ways of Neurolinguistic Programming and Dialectal Behavioral Therapy. I know that I had been learning that psychobiosocial affectivity of certain Complex Post-traumatic Stress disorder and Religious Trauma Syndrome have moral imperatives in ways. 

Discriminatory practices and bigoted outlooks, I know that people don't want to do right, be good and transforms into a citizen because government has everyone in confluted tailspin. An object attached to a downward helix and the best part it's heading straight to hell. People discriminate, bully, manipulate, gaslight (questioning of perception of reality) and intimidate the people that cannot defend for themselves. Norma doesn't have the right mentality or good mental health because she's lost so much. And learning that she's being selfish all those years, I guess stealing ideas wasn't her biggest problem. 

I suggest Complex Guilt Syndrome. I hope that I could develop theories and techniques and practices based on Mi'kmaq culture and Two-Eye Seeing philosophy, to work into my little theory. I know that people had to move away and find that they've been used for other people's advancement. I doubt that I know what I know when it comes to women because women are manipulative and skilled in the art of persuasions, the art of negotiation and the art of deception. I know that they cannot handle truthfulness when it comes to their body counts. Women are moral cowards so badly that they cannot escape their own downfall. There is men who are domineering, toxic and rich which I know with the Hypersexual, Hypocritical,  Hypergamous, Heterosexual woman she has a lot of opportunities with empty guys. I am not handsome by standard or criteria. I don't have nothing to offer to women but greedy little fiendish addicts who steals, threatens and domineers in a sexual encounters. I never had that good woman who is beautiful and sexy. So, since I had the bad side of women and I cannot explain that or talk about that. I know that abuses are undocumented because the women of the family are moral cowards. A level of controllability over information I cannot trust, is what I know that I doubt people because nobody tells the truth with me. And I know that I've been taught that anyone can convince or persuasively explains. 

That same principle applies to people in my family, the community and the rest of Mi'kma'ki. I don't trust anyone because they could convince by using the art of negotiation, Neurolinguistic Programming, Dialectal Behavioral Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, art of listening, counseling and art of persuasion. I know that I don't hate people, I just generally cont trust people with all my heart because my biological mother died an moral coward. My self assurance is the key in my understanding of Dr. Philip Zimbardo's Theory in Lucifer Effect. I know that "evil" smart isn't their keen interest. And being in mental health nobody wants to hear the criminals' stories. 

This story begins with William Stewart Morrison Sr., who have took care of me and taught me well, to be diplomatic and skilled in certain things for the sufferings and moral failures the Morrison have created. Everyone wants me to doubt and have enantiodromia and confusion in my life so that way they can save me. I didn't want to hear their stories, agree to the things I'd agreed to, or have them in my life. Hometown Eskasoni have been their playground because they wanted me to suffer badly. And I have because of them. They have been using everything against me and trying to get away with assaults, thefts, mistreatments and abuses. And discriminations are real bigotry. 

I had to show my strength but I couldn't be running my own brain because a community is groupthink, a hive mind that don't allow individuality, personality or personal independence to flourish or thrive. The psycho-economical-growth mindset is dependent on education, portfolio development/professional development and personal surrendering and acceptance. Learning that people in power didn't want me to set an example that I could make it in this cruel world. They've made me an example that I couldn't do nothing without their help or support because of cultural ageism, family hegemony and relational warfares. I know that people had me in malnourished state where I couldn't think of a way out. They wanted the kids afraid and not critical/creative thinkers with original ideas and theories. 

Learning that people steal ideas and theories, they don't have no respect or honor for where it came from. They give credit but don't have any respect or honor. They use workable arguability and plausible deniability for their causes, not the child's. Teaching has so many different ways to enter the mind and create, that we cannot control or change or oppressed truths. I know that when you are in public you have to deal with prejudicial authorities. Which is a whole philosophy and framework theory altogether. 

I believe in Tupac and others who have laid the foundation down. I believe that Tupac was going to build an conglomerate. And learning that I had been learning history of Indigenous natives and our brothers from another mother. I know that I also believe in heavy metal and other genres that are relatable. I know that I've been doing what I could, ta have a small business registered, copyrighted, with brand and logo. With the amount of skills I want to do with NSCC Horticulture and Landscape Technology diploma, I hope that I could learn employability through education, training and work. I want to have the overall employability for a disabled native in education, training, apprenticeship and work.

Dodo knows counseling a child into a responsible, caring and sensible person of the community. I know that through the Morrison I have learnt love through the darkness. And when I do doubt I just gotta reminisce about the good, happy and right moments of my life. The building blocks of a child addict, is through an adult struggling with addictions himself. I learnt carpentry and landscaping from my stepfather, step uncles and other trades to survive in this world. I got my mental health from books and family. While Mike MacInnis made me out to be a liar. I'd learned from Lloyd Gould and my biological mother. The two people that have impacted my life. 

The faith of MuchMusic and the Great Spirit. And the belief in science and intellectual integrity. Remembering that I come from addicts, womanizers and abusers in many forms, shapes and people. And I know that I have a bunch of good reasons to live in We'koqma'q community because of the psychobiosocial susceptibility of a social argument. I hadn't put my two cents in and made my intentions known. People have secret identities and learning that people are moral cowards, willing to fight instead of accept the consequences. I know that I'm stuck where I'm at. 

Being under taught by the family hegemony is something questionable because they made up their own rules and shit. And had to work on my sharpness of the blame because certain people don't want me to get it right by me. They don't want to know me, they don't want me to get it right for me, and they believe that I owed them something. They all had ego and solipsism because they couldn't care for me until there was something to care for. I know that I don't regret forgiving my biological parents, step parents and grandmothers. I know that I had a lot of love no matter where I went. I know that what I've been through was something that I've never experienced in my babyhood. 

I cannot pay them back with what they've done, went through and going through. I know that I was happy because of all the sweet things my mothers did for me. All the extra love and care they've gave me. I know that I had no way of paying them back, and they don't expect to be paid back because I have to honor them in their elderly ages. I am mad that I got no justice but I am happy that I was done right by certain people. 

The things I'd learnt, the life experiences I got, the education, training and driving level I have. I am not that mad because I got no prisons of my own mind. Throughout my childhood I sniffed and learn to do hustling for smokes and Mary Jane at the end of the week. But I started to hustle with my stepfather who taught me the values in workethic, dedication and the can-do attitude that I could use. I got to listen to Hip-hop with my brother from another mother, Steve Googoo. And I'd settled all my issues of my past. Doing right by someone, is honoring the friendships or family relationships. We had VHS movies and cartoons, MuchMusic and other things. 

But We'koqma'q community have been trying to have a level of controllability over the information that I have. Yeah some people are petty enough to prove that I need them, while others know that I'm self-contained. That's what Eskasoni provides for me, my identity, pride and intellectual integrity. I feel that Dodo wanted me dependent on him long ago, so do certain people in my life. Trying to prove a point that I do need help in all aspects. Self-efficacy isn't a thing for me because the Morrison have been making me dependent mentally, psychologically, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. That's the kind of benevolence they provide, a give and take kind of responsibilities. I was forced to share. 

But I know that I could trust my parents now, have trust in the process of treatment with Mawita'mk Society, and work on myself by becoming more discipline in my renal diet, fitness and researching my renal diet. Write down what I want to try. I am in routine with We'koqma'q Mental Health and Addiction services, and Theresa Cremo Memorial Health Center. And I have appointments that Mawita'mk staff is taking care of. Knowing my level of self-belief in my performance, ability and skill. I know that confidence is a self-belief in my entire mind to run for me and to honor myself by stopping people from abusing me in power, in family hegemony, mental health services and other areas of my life. Personal self accountability, personal agency, personal leadership and personal power is using my knowledge in renal diet recipes here, putting my fitness knowledge to work and having a relaxing bath after a good workout. 

I know life skills, I know how to think right, I know how to run my own brain. When it comes to my bedroom, or place I want options to eat, play, read, watch and listen. I know that I gave options for bathing or shower, have washer and dryer, have Fiber opt option, have a good deal of personal workout equipment, gear and accessories. Have my own workout area. And have a good deal of things built by my hands. I know that there are inflation rates, tariffs and possibility of annexation of Canada into the 51st state. Which I know that I don't want. 

There are social issues like addictions because of emotional impacts. There are people that are greedy in Canada, racist and other types of biased sociopathy. Learning that we have worked on so many steps in Canada. And Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is back because of President Donald Trump. Hopefully the PM could focus on other resources and infrastructure in Canada. I hope that Eskasoni could survive these wars of tariffs. And I know that Canada nation and First Nation are still working together, to hold off President Trump. 

Forbearance, forgiveness, tolerance, endurance, perseverance, diligence, patience, fortitude, temperance and prudence. The virtues I was taught by the Church in Eskasoni. My hometown church. I know that acceptance of these virtues are heavy and in that I know that Distress Tolerance, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Mindfulness and Emotional Regulation are coping skills I hope to read up on in DBT Skills Training Manual. I know that I have all that, Neurolinguistic Programming skills, Emotional Intelligence/Emotional Literacy skills, Emotional Language skills and romance and magic of the moment. I have Dr. John Gottman, have Dr. Philip Zimbardo, Dr. Richard Bandler, Dr. Daniel Goldman, Dr. Tara Bennett-Goleman, Dr. Sigmund Freud, Dr. Carl Gustav Jung, Dr. Eric Berne, Dr. Marsha Linehan and others. I know that I've been learning from Dr. Gabor Matè's work in Myth of Normal. I haven't read all these books but I am working on them. 

Mike MacInnis wants me to accept his assumptions and biased ways. Through a cultural ageism that I know that there is a level of controllability, with prejudicial authorities and discriminatory practices. The community wants me to say that it sucks being alone. That addicts and fiends are fun to play with, elders and professionals. I know that I have been learning that I don't have any deductive powers or personal power to get the truths out of my abusers. They have prejudicial authorities and family hegemony against me. I know that people reach in my mind to mess with me but won't check the validity of truthfulness in my memories. People can diagnose schizophrenia but doubt the truth of sexual abuse? 

A lot of pedophiles in this country. I know that I was supposed to be working for my own independence. But some people wants me to give it up, for what? A bunch of people telling me off like a child? There isn't any mutual respect in this Mawita'mk Society because people keep wanting me to obey their instructions, be disciplined by them and be sensitive to their needs and wants at work. This is a playground and they are spoiled with power at Mawita'mk Society. A level of controllability in serving me is what they have. Which isn't serious about their jobs. 

No, they haven't misguided me but they could take their jobs more seriously. I mean their job description is to prompt verbally, clean the Elders and have respect for my stuff. This shared living isn't good for me because I'd lived with a step family. And they did actually this kind of things; bother my Sunday chores day and not giving a fuck about me. Intimidating me and scaring me into obedience. 

Sorry! Misguided anger. I had unhelpful thinking. Styles of thinking that don't help like "All-or-Nothing Thinking", "Catastrophizing", "Over-Generalization", "Mental Filter", "Disqualifying the Positive", "Jumping to Conclusions", "Low Frustration Tolerance", "Minimization", "Emotional Reasoning", "Demands", "Labeling", and "Personalization". There are Cognitive Biases, Errors and Logical Fallacies to be aware of too, which are: "Anchoring bias", "Confirmation bias, "Gambler's fallacy", "Gender Bias", "Group Attribution Error", "False Consensus Effect", "Halo Effect", "Self-Serving Bias", "Overconfidence Bias", "The Herd Mentality Cognitive Bias", "The Loss Aversion Bias", "Framing Cognitive Bias", "Narrative Fallacy", "Hindsight Bias", "Representativeness Heuristic Cognitive bias", "Attentional Bias", "Bandwagon Effect/Groupthink Bias", "Ambiguity Effect", "Clustering Illusion", "The Dunning-Kruger Effect", " Extreme Aversion Bias", " Fundamental Attribution Error", "Illusory Correlation", "Actor-Observer Bias", "Availability Heuristic Bias", "Authority Bias", " Bias Blind Spot", "Adherence Bias", "Congruence Bias", and "Conjunction Fallacy". 

So it's good to check myself, have mindful clear-mindedness, stigma-free ego-states, ego-investments into reading and exercising (to have the intelligence and better health-picture appearance), discipline, intellect and routine during the day. And know my limits and personal agency. I feel that I was supposed to be raised insightful and smart. I know that Dodo had all these in his early years. Considering that I wasn't that attractive I think I would be a good emotional language, empathic reader and listener. If I can. 

I know that I used to be like that. Somewhere with multiple losses, deaths, moving around and addictions, I'd lost perspective. In my life I'd learnt that people are merciless and ruthless. They don't care for me because I am learning that they want to talk about me. I know that I am nothing and I have to develop better mental toughness, the right thinking about my self-efficacy, agency and independence. Self-sufficiency and general life skulls set could create skills for jobs in the trades of ISSA-CANADA Cleaning Management Institute courses, building could be use for NSCC carpentry, yard work could be something for NSCC Horticulture and Landscape Technology diploma program, and learning about my security and safety issues, I had to prove that I had street smarts. 

I knew that Billie Jean used a Cognitive bias and logical Fallacy to her effects. The wisdom of AA is to be non-judgmental, the wisdom of my biological mother suggest a philosophy of non-judgmentalism, neutralism and brinkmanship. My father didn't care for any of this and wanted my forgiveness. The collective wisdom in my family, even though they use Actor-Observer Bias, Confirmation bias and other Cognitive biases, Logical Fallacies and errors. Have been partly right in a dystopian, dysregulated and dysfunctional way. I feel that they haven't learned from their past and wanted me to suffer greatly. But I know that we all have "Bias Blind Spot". 

So, I am a fan of Dr. Sigmund Freud, whose books I wanted for my collection. And Dr. Carl Gustav Jung, whose works I wanted in my collection. I haven't been able to invest into my own bedroom because the adoptive family I'd lived with made things hard for me to have nice things and room in my own bedroom. My stepfather was a cheap bastard who had this Workable Arguability skills.