Things I'd Already Been Through

I know that I'd experienced racism, sexism and other forms of discrimination that I couldn't really defend myself against as a child. Luckily enough I had a biological mother that taught me the difference. A real father that took no bullshit and a tyrannical, toxic mainstream culture that didn't give two shits about a Indigenous child's situations. I couldn't learn life skills when I needed them. I couldn't really enjoy my financial independence because addicts in my life (teenagers and adults alike) have been financially abusing me since I got money. Learning that they have dominance because they are older, I knew it was cultural ageistic authority bias that they had against me. 

I am hated and not liken by certain women/women. How do I know this? The way they treat me. Racism is an experience of embarrassment, hurt, shame for simply trying to carry a conversation on, targeted and focused on in a negative way. I like stigma-free ego-states because I know that disablism, classism and educationism is still in the community. Being stigma-free is being non-judgmental, unbiased, unassuming and open-minded. But I elicit from certain women is distrust and hatred in ways where I cannot have a good conversation. They'll prove that they could have a good conversation with me just to shut my mouth. The proof is how I am ignored and don't have any association. 

My teacher who I won't name, is a prime example of how image, superficial judgment and racism are common to native, assuming that natives are dirty and don't wash, or how we have inferior intelligence in health and hygiene. I know that a group of people isn't good because of groupthink, cognitive biases, cognitive distortions, logical fallacies and errors. This is a dystopian child, of tragic endings and hated by people. I was beaten and had experienced grief, losses, deaths, more beatdowns, types of discrimination, hurts and moves. I know that I was hated because the way I was beaten and treated.

There is unhelpful thinking styles, cognitive biases, cognitive distortions, logical fallacies, groupthink, disabilities, addictions, grief, losses, deaths, heart-breaks, errors and effects that you have to consider with prejudicial authorities. They think that being in this comfortable state is why they are right when it comes to living. 

I make women feel cheap and that's what my real father taught me how to treat women. I know that it's naturally occurring and women feel, in professional positions, that they are serving me when it comes to common courtesy. I know that I'm ugly because it's been fifteen years at Mawita'mk Society and no women I want, don't want me. Psycho-sexually, I think I make them feel cheap and shamed of themselves. So, sexism and paranoia follows me. Those that had a problem with me should leave me alone. That's common sense.

Well, I guess every women has a problem with me because there is toxic female culture. I know that some that do hate me, has control over me. I've been sexually active but I was way too young. They didn't return to me and I know that I was learning my sexual market value. Through culture ageism they try to influence me that it's all good. I know that people don't have the best interests for me because they have nosey syndrome. They create feelings, plant thoughts and assumed authority bias over me because they think that I need their help. The art of insinuation and relational persuasions that has cultural ageism has its appeals. Easier than normal to have to rely on other people than to work at your own thoughts. The psychological skills in psychological warfare operations always been the habitual dominance of somebody. 

I feel like I am being manipulated because nobody is treating or doing right by me. I am anti-authority and intellectual in ways where I could use hyperagency, hypergamy and hypoagency as a tool for explaining my views. I know there is a power imbalance in my life by multiple places. I know that people think that I have been ignoring certain truths in my life, like my disadvantages, disabilities and political vulnerabilities. 

Okay, I've been a team player before but nobody wanted me to have self-control, self-efficacy or self-discipline. It seems that self isn't a thing to addicts. Personal agency to change your own thoughts, habits and mindsets is in your life. Ricky uses his personal power to get truth out of me. Which I know he is a moral coward and have no spine to do things. His older brother is older than him and at least he tries. 

Learning that dopamine is for sex, general pleasure and short-term experience. It's like neuromarketing is the neuroscience, psychology and marketing put into this kind of world. Addictions have been majorly part of hidden trauma. The alethiological nature of this truth is that you are not hopeless. There is key moderation techniques to help you in your recovery. Addictions have made people vulnerable and isolated, loss of family connections, loss of community experience, and the natural curiosity of the mind to intellectually nourish the brain by reading, writing and talking about the subjects that you could have small talk or a intelligent conversation about. I had that with my older brother Steve who talked with me in exchanges of ideas and theories. Business Narcissism and Sociopathy is a strategy, not a condition. 

People uses excuses to get out of the situations they'd created. Me? I've been diagnosed with drug-induced psychosis that wouldn't turned off because mental health doesn't want me to learn about schizophrenia. The medical side of it and how they have determined the results. I've already experienced abuses, mistreatments and addictions. I know that I've been learning about how mental health can work with Authority Bias and say that it's easier to trust than be independent. My grandmother, Barbara have been influential in my thinking because is believed in self-trust if I cannot trust anyone else. 

I know that self-interest they use as selfishness which when I share, they become selfish, narcissistic, solipsistic, egocentric and abusive. I feel that I don't deserve justice because of stinking thinking over it, which they have guided and influenced in their psychological warfare operations. They are strategist and psychologist in ways of my life. My head is their summer home and there isn't escapology, alethiology or truthology that can save me. I know that they've wanted me weaken body and wanted my mind to be afraid and scared of them. I know that Curly didn't respect my intellectual freedom to get a bookcase or books. There was a level of controllability over the knowledge I was supposed to have at my teenage years. I know that the more knowledge and experience I had, the more I wanted to understand myself. Moral cowards if I couldn't identify moral cowardice. 

I hated the fact that I was under Curly's reasons to keep me deliberately ignorant of what I wanted. I know that I couldn't afford books I wanted because Rob Shipley had a level of controllability over my finances and it served his family, left my stomach and book case empty. Than I had the landlord's authority bias in my way of my plans. I know that nobody was on my side and learning that I had to obey and deliberate. I know that everyone wanted my money and make me weak. Everyone, including Dodo, has been influential in stealing and forcing information and money out of me. I know that cultural ageistic authority bias has been something that they have been promoting. I go their way or no way. That sounds like tyranny since I wasn't one of their children or independent enough to thrive. 

Things I'd already been through was the issues with authority bias. Everyone didn't care if I had bad influence or not, they wanted me to repeat what I was doing at the time I was a child. So, that way they could have better controllability over my mind. I couldn't breathe because my biological mother didn't want any freedom for me. She was crooked as everyone else who have cheated. Agnotology is the sociological phenomenon in social psychological warfare to culturally induce deliberate ignorance and use anti-intellectualism as a technique. This is the deliberate technique where they use authority bias and distress as a means for their anti-intelligence. More moral cowardice and emotion. 

I know that people don't care for me because they haven't let me run my own life. Or run my own brain. I know that everyone in my life have to have, to some degree, a level of controllability, authority and influence in my life. That's because nobody trusts me and I know that I didn't get any chance to prove myself. But I said "it's okay and I could enjoy my 40s without any doubt or vulnerabilities". I know that people mostly hates me because I didn't heal from my wounds. I am fucked up and Mike MacInnis doesn't know what he is doing. I know that I had to move away and find a good psychotherapist. 

Learning that I'm hated secretly because I was an former addict. I was hated by a narcissistic, sociopathic addict who constantly practiced solipsism, egocentricism and survivalism. Me? I was trying to bridge the gap between the reading books and from reality. I know that I was taught proper reading skills to connect and come back to reality from reading books. I know that the flow of reading was something I needed, the English dictionary, other dictionaries, encyclopedias, books and intellectual works that have been a part of my upbringing. The Morrison didn't want to take accountability for their abuses, mistreatments, violence... because they are sociopathic. Or using that as a strategy. 

I didn't get to take my cases to court system because of Dodo and his brothers and one sister. I know that with the abuses they've done with me, I know that I am not supposed to have faith in the court system when it comes to my cases because they claim that I'd wronged them. They have discriminatory powers over me to relationally influenced and persuaded me to do certain things. I know that the Morrison had my authority bias bent and twisted where I couldn't defend myself against them. 

Mike MacInnis didn't want me to use the terms and words of psychology in ways of cognitive biases, cognitive distortions, logical fallacies and errors, in ways where I talk about Authority Bias for my defense. And how certain family members wants me to be set up to prove them right. Their power of being right in my life is more powerful than my truths. And having unhelpful thinking styles against me, I know that people didn't want me to be free thinking. Styles of oppressionism is what Eskasoni is known for. Nobody trusts papers or internet definitions or dictionary because they are moral cowards. They'd humbled me through addictions and negligence because they wanted me to do wrong in my childhood. The Imperfect game for an Imperfect World: messing with a child.

There is authority bias where ageistic influences, persuasions and manipulations in a social psychological warfare paradigm, where discriminatory practices, customs, protocols and other mistreatments have been part of a society of traumas, addictions-filled hypersexuality and hyper-independence have been targeting the troublemakers and outsiders and loners because they don't want anyone healing. When in fact that's what most people need. I target the Morrison's connections and communication because I am something of a psycho-assassin in ways with words and theories, that I know how to shut them up with certain words. The Morrison have no right to influence and relationally persuade me in any fashion, to parent or uncle or aunt me in any fashion, form or style because they haven't quite healed from their wounds. Oh yeah, the Morrison family of Eskasoni have been part of that dark childhood of mine that had childhood addictions, attritional-will struggles, early sex and beatdowns, and a good deal of discriminations. 

They think that a guy like me needs social circles. I enjoyed music, good food, video games, DVDs, CDs, gaming consoles, board games and other forms of entertainment, physical activities and leisure activities in my life that could make me living in my bedroom an ideal Nerd-Vana. I know that I have been sociable in Eskasoni and We'koqma'q community don't really pop out for me. But I know that being uninvited is a good thing because I could study neuroethics, neuromarketing and other things in my life, to defend my people against mass addiction issues. 

If you are temporarily happy, and you take pleasure out of something. And it interfere with your schedule, it's an addiction. But you wonder what happiness is? It's a cultural, personal, spiritual, emotional, relational and mental kind of completeness inside. You don't have to worry about your life. Just moderation with the pleasures and it won't become an addiction. 

Being the older brother I had to test boundaries, fight and argue second because my older brother have grown up faster than me. Learn to be sensible, capable and responsible for my own actions and morally responsible, sensible and protective of my younger siblings. I know that I had to learn that their actions is their's. And they wanted independence but protection from me? No, that's not how all this works. In this prejudicial world of trauma-filled hells and addictions-filled hypersexuality where hypergamy is the cruel game of money-hustled, superficial judgment. I know that I had been learning that we have role models(moral imperatives) to develop and grow from. My steparents' house is kind of trauma-free, stigma-free and Addiction-free house. 

I had to face public humiliations and embarrassment alone, I had to figure out certain applicability of coping skills and mental health/cultural knowledge to my life. Hometown Eskasoni didn't really help me in keeping my place safe unless it served them in ways. Discriminatory practices and bigoted treatments had me in certain ways of developing self-efficacy in a hyper-independent way. I couldn't figure out how hyperagency in Dodo’s world, with hypoagency in his personal accountability, have been affecting my life because looking up to certain people had their pitfalls. He had super levels of controllability in my world [hyperagency] because it's easier to control other people and criticize them than to look at their own fuckery. And I know that Dodo is an coward in ways of looking at himself.

I had learned personal agency from Mike MacInnis, Mike A. Doucette and my mom. And my stepmother and stepfather. Everything that I'd learned, the abusers hid in because she knew that I was learning. My stepfather didn't want to protect me but he took the battles, grief and painful disappointment in him to hell, wrestled with his conscience for us, and worked his ass off for us. And taught and guided? Man, he was super dad, wise father and a good provider. 

As I learn about Mawita'mk Society's new staff. I know that I don't know anything about them and I don't want to because they use logical fallacies, cognitive biases, Errors and effects, and cognitive dissonance to their advantage. I feel cheated out of my time to make my arguments because for starter they need examples, definitions and history. Everyone has a Bias Blind Spot. But cognitive bias is a systematic pattern of deviating thought process from norms and rationality of judgment. Individuals create their own "subjective reality" from their perception of the input. And Individual's construction of reality, based on this systematic pattern of deviating thought process(not objective input), may dictate their own behaviors in the world. Thus, cognitive biases may sometimes lead to perceptual distortions, inaccurate judgment, illogical interpretation, and irrationality. 

The authority bias is where I had to fight against, was forced situational pressure and lies, intimidation tactics and strategies that Dodo have employed for securing his own "sense of right" thinking and supposedly punishments that were beatdowns I had to suffer. Everyone hates me in Eskasoni and Clyde is from Eskasoni, so he knows how to scheme off of me. Create feelings of generosity and authority bias. These kinds of people aren't concerned about respect or honoring people, they are concern about power and dominance over my life. 

I was trapped with Eskasoni because of the Morrison family of Eskasoni's fucked upness. The Morrison family of Eskasoni created me, a weak monster who don't workout for vengeance. Everyone is against me in Eskasoni. And Clyde Joseph Paul is too. Mawita'mk Society doesn't care about what I post on my blog, as long as I don't do it on Facebook. Learning that Mawita'mk Society wants a level of controllability over my life, they'd dominated with their cultural ageistic hegemony(a group authority over my life). I'd traded my morals for WiFi, giving up because Mawita'mk Society wants me to stay here. No respect for my independence or how I motivate myself. 

I am a target for most narcissistic, solipsistic, egocentric, selfish and sociopathic addicts who doesn't want me to succeed without them. I want RCMP and local security system and people guarding my place. I was home invaded by a lot of people who didn't respect me at all. Just came in and John Robert created that sense of easement in Rob Shipley's old place. Most people don't have the clear-minded, "evil" smart and "right" thinking in their lives. 

I did not have the physical toughness to keep going with my stepfather, when we'd built a yard. Fucking I was losing precious time with my stepfather because I did not have the physical fitness of a good worker. People think because I am insane, that I don't need muscles or technique. I couldn't really enjoy my own body in peak physical condition in my teen years, I could do any sports but did nothing but work on my stepfather's lawn. I couldn't really get full-time employment because my stepfather wanted me on Eskasoni Welfare. 

Mawita'mk Society has such hegemony(Group power over someone) that I cannot stand up for my beliefs, stuff, values and principles. And trusting a group haven't been in my favors, or good graces because in Eskasoni I wasn't that well respected. I am safe here and having a good, positive Mawita'mk hegemony over me. I think that they are professionals in ways. Some discriminatory stereotypes, attitudes and beliefs had to be changed. Darren was doing a good job at that but Rosie could do a Cultural-based, Sovereignty-based sensitivity training with them. 

Anyways, I am starting to think about my positional power. It's a small power and not much votes on what I have to say. Nobody in Nova Scotia don't like stigma-free, trauma-free and addictions-free life. I know that certain people wants me to submit to authority bias because they like me following. The ideas to research and study was my own inspiration to break free from authority bias. Really become independent and learning. Navigating my own life because everyone else is way too fucked up. I know that my biological mother was worried that I would tell somebody about her cheating, that's why she put in all her power to make me submit, be subsumed and vapid was because she wanted control and power over me. She knew that I was learning on my own, on my own terms and with Eskasoni Welfare. Educationism is also a psychological warfare tactics where they use educational background as a means to determine what a good worker is.

I know that people wants me to not stand up for my beliefs, past mistreatments, violence and psychological abuse. I know that I have to stop people from forcing their views onto me because they are insecure, selfish, narcissistic(inflated sense of importance in a sensitive ego), solipsistic(the philosophy that the self is all there is and in that nobody should be important), egocentric(thinking of oneself needs and a sense of conflated important desires without regard for other people, a narrow scope of reality on oneself). I was going to be independent (without parental or family interference of my learning of job-related, trade skills or mental health knowledge). I know that I didn't want to be dependent on my parents' teachings, authority or income because I needed to live with them. I wanted to learn to be financially independent enough to make wise financial independence in business. 

I know that kids and those kinds of adults don't like it when I learn self-respect through jobs and other means of independent thoughts. But learning from independent people like my grandmother Barbara have been a blessing. But a curse at the same time. I had to go back to the fucked up family's hegemony and submit to their egocentric, selfish biased ways. I couldn't really live by myself because ladies that are associated with certain people(like addicts, bullies, people that make me the brunt of their bullying jokes). I know that I couldn't understand certain services because I didn't know their job descriptions. The nature of responsibilities isn't specified for me and these adult day care workers only wanted me to serve them and them not serving me. That's been the Mawita'mk Hegemony(Group Power, Attitudes of powers and other nature of the work). 

They are supposed to be selling a homey comfort and freedom, sanctuary and independence. I know that depending on nature of disabilities, physical or mental, I have to consider who needs help. I have been anti-authority for reasons because I accepted corruption, demoralizations, relational despair, what real relationship struggles are like and why they think that way (with cognitive biases, cognitive distortions and logical fallacies). And with unhelpful thinking styles too. 

Okay, I got that out of my systems. Now claiming my agency, owning my responsibility and taking accountability is my fault. I have let these giants of shame, trauma, addictions, grief and anger ruled my writings because they are emotionally inclined to hide. And use Observer-Actor bias to their advantages. I know that I need to own my own agency and self-esteem, personal leadership and self-assurance, personal power and self-efficacy. I am at fault but they could've done it differently. Instead of using cognitive biases, working from Freudian coping mechanisms, working from cognitive dissonance, and using logical fallacies. With the extra boost of unhelpful thinking styles. 

I know that I had their nuts and ass in my grip. And I knew that my stepfather didn't want to hear me. I know that he'd used a Cognitive Bias because he didn't want me to think of his negligence. And to this day their influence and grip over my head have been paired with Mike MacInnis, a Métis clinical therapist who have been saying that my people are lucky because they had schooling. But learning that my biological mother just wanted to "feel" is a crisis most women suffer because I think that they "feel" too much and don't have enough "clear-minded (think of nothing)" kind of fun.

I know that I had a good and bad life. The good stuff was living with my biological mother from Paq'tnkek First Nation, and my real father in Sipekne'takit First Nation. I know that I have ties and connections all over Nova Scotia. I know that I'm kind of glad that u got a large family, I got a few more years to determine my drug-induced psychosis, a good level of education, training and driving level where I could work in my hometown. 

But family is my strength. I have family beliefs and values that I care about very much. It's just that I cannot trust the minds of the collective hegemony in the family. Learning to stop discriminations and bigotry I know that I need to create a homey place for my family. Not to financially abuse but rather spend time with me. I know that family have been through the darkest times of my life and the greatest moments. But I have a few questions about them. Where they working off of a few things? Luke Freudian coping mechanisms? Unhelpful thinking styles? Cognitive biases and forms of generational stereotypes? Like Cognitive dissonance and logical fallacies? 

With forgiveness there is a understanding and compassionate willingness, as well recovery time to think of the next words carefully. With understanding comes acceptance which I'd morally struggled with. I had adult-like situations, adults' burdens and the teachings to be relied on. Gnosiphobia is the intense fear of knowledge. Maybe my stepfather had a type of gnosiphobia and used anti-intelligence tactics and psychological methods to make me feel that I don't have these knowledge systems. 

There are ideas and principles I haven't worked out. I know there is a bunch of theories and definitions to work on. And the big vocabulary and terminologies and other body of works to understand. I know that I have routines and schedules to go by, the training and knowledge that I have to research and work on. I know that I have a good understanding of mental health to a seminal truths that my stepfather has said. I just know that I am behind because of Curly and dad. I feel that I didn't have the intellectual freedoms and wherewithal to amass money and books (my wealth with entertainment systems and technologies) to work on a Nerd-Vana kind of bedroom. I know that I wanted to work on my bedroom but my stepfather didn't want that for me. He wanted to have a family-oriented, compacted and ideally obedient children because it would've been easier for him. 

As I am learning about the insurmountable parental literature that based their theories in ways of their own ways. I say that I have been learning about grief, mental health and sanity in ways of doing and thinking of nothing. I know that my stepfather have programmed me to think of nothing, to know nothing and use agnotological methods because it hurts his head, I know that I am old enough to understand where I am at considering that I have only read one book of mental health. But learned a lot so my step family wants to be credited with. They didn't want me to understand budget or financial literacy or how the world works by myself. They claim it is love that I was learning when it's their fuckery(Creative psychological warfare manipulations and discriminatory practices) I was learning. 

I know that I'd learned their fuckery and I was doing what I could to separate myself from them. Nobody wanted me to learn by myself because they figure that they have agnotological manipulations, anti-intelligence and anti-independence. They left me with oppressed and repressed knowledge and uses cognitive biases, cognitive dissonance, logical fallacies and Freudian coping mechanisms to prove a point. I've been through all this before and I know that I wasn't allowed to form my own opinions or theories with Mike MacInnis or anyone else because they would use all these methods to control me. Ageistic agnotological controllability over me, psychological warfare and discriminatory practices, manipulative techniques, and forced sharing through guilt. I know that Mike didn't respect the privacy and intimacy of my blog, nor my journals or what I have private because he hates me. I know this because he has been ignoring me and wanted me to overshare (forced sharing). 

I know that I am vulnerable because I don't have a level of martial prowess, physical fitness or any sort of in-this-world protections, to stop people from hurting me. I know that I never had any protections from the Morrison and Doucette like Francis. I didn't have any protections from enemies that wanted me to fuck up. I know that I didn't have any protections from Dodo because my biological mother have been infatuated with him at the time of I was five in Eskasoni. I know that I didn't have any real rights for protections against any sort of abuses like my real father or anyone else. I know that family is fiercely loyal and want me to give up. Things I'd already been through have been talked about. 

There is so many ways to be a truth-seeker: Scientifically, epistemologically, alethiologically, truthological, culturologically, metaphysically, ontologically and philosophically. The philosophy and science of neuroethics should be discussed, considered and worked on in today's society. Considering that neuromarketing is creating a society of mass addictional struggles and morality issues. I know that addictions are reasons why we numb the pain, create feelings of delusional happiness and drug-induced psychosis. And knowing that people don't really have any morality but vindictive reasons for punishment. Punitive reasons isn't going to solve the traumas, vulnerabilities and situational factors that determine criminality. 

It's easier for people to consider intrinsic reasons instead of psychological, emotional, culturological, psycho-sexual, neurobiological, physiological, spiritual and personal complex  processes of grief, addictions, traumas and agnotological oppressionism as reasons for criminality. People don't want to explore anything criminal in themselves but when a child addict sees there isn't any hope for justice. I know that people have been working off of cognitive biases, cognitive dissonances, logical fallacies, Freudian coping mechanisms and unhelpful thinking styles. I know that if you went into these things with the intentions of proving your moral beliefs than that's confirmation bias. And I know that people uses Observer-Actor bias to create attributions about people. A judgmental kind of opinions about certain people. 

I know that all I've gained, everything that I have experienced. It's nothing to losing your world to somebody that don't give two shits about what they've done. I know that I don't have any reasons to be open-minded, intellectually nourished or curious, or have a good life. I know that is the viewpoint of a lot of people who consider themselves authority figures in my life. Who force their beliefs, values, role models and principles into my life. It's easier to judge somebody else than to experience the actual feelings. Dodo have covered his ass so well that he didn't want the real emotional reality to bite him in the ass. 

Phenomenological agnoiology is the theory that ignorance can have both negative and positive effects, aspects and quality. Being generationally ignorant of my family, how do you prove a history that hasn't been recorded or documented in any fashion or way. I don't know Dodo's power to control me because he didn't want me to learn self-control by myself. He claimed it was love when it was a twisted logic of love. A circular logic. I know that I've been manipulated through all of my technology. I know that people want to sociopathically control me without consequences, effects, explanations and words. I'd learned to have the "right" thinking for myself be ause the Morrison family of Eskasoni don't acknowledge, say or confess themselves. What have created a monster? 

Like the old saying goes, "nobody is perfect" but I know that don't mean there is room for self improvements. I would rather have a strong, stigma-free, trauma-free, addictions-free and good girl who haven't had a body count. But that's really close to impossible. A woman who understands, through reading and applying that knowledge systems to her life. Than to have a fucked up, hypergamous,  heterosexual, hypocritical and hypersexual woman who have will simply use me as a piece of meat. 

Hopefully, this woman accepts me and wants me. Thanks to modern technology I know that I've been learning how people will approach me. I know that I am disgusting to most women. So, my options are masturbation, get a prostitute or sex toys. Apparently I have no friend willing to help me out. And family are ashamed of me, so no help there. My older brother have passed and I don't want anyone claiming his spot. I know that Clyde is trying to be a friend but he is a user. 

But in a perfect world that would be possible. I know the Imperfect World with the Imperfect game is what people are playing with me.  People love to play me and use Observer-Actor bias, Confirmation bias, and other cognitive biases, to justify or rationalize their reasons to use me, abuse me and harm me and call it punishments. 

Anyways, I know the art of deception and manipulations are high on the social skills/street smarts. I feel that I had been learning that certain family dynamics keep me healthy, laughter in my belly, a good amount of obedience and discipline to them. A good understanding of authority bias and learning about the list of cognitive biases, what is cognitive dissonance, the list of logical fallacies and Freudian coping mechanisms, and unhelpful thinking styles. See, I'd learned that people don't have the vocabulary and knowledge to research and learn from books, internet and what words to use. I would rather be stigma-free, unassuming, emotionally composed and focusedly calm, understanding and compassionate. My kindness is something learned from my real honest family bloodline. Not the ones who talk behind your back or backstab ya. 

These things I'd already been through, knowing certain family members aren't with me to protect me. I have to rely on the Morrison family of Eskasoni. They did some wrong and I wrote it down. But they did a lot of good. Created fond and good, warn memories with me while my biological mother was alive. They created a moral development for guidance and self-support. They have taught me right from wrong through these messes I was in. 

They'd built, made, and created a heaven out of a hell when I was in hell thinking that I was in heaven. I learn words like "paradigm shift" and other realities that I had had to learn alethiologically through the community's culture, tradition and moral/family values. I know that I've been learning that I was dealing with no justice because the other family bloodline that was manipulative and talk behind your back has been learning to wait their turn. I know that I was in serious trouble and it seems that somebody, some force is taking out the key family members that have been honest with me and got me on a sober, sane and healthy path. 

My biological mother have been the only force that did me right. Because she wanted me to stand up for myself and get my justice. Not through violence but through peaceful means and non-violence. I didn't know what she meant until she told me that I should be in mental health. I know that I was learning to work this kind of life in We'koqma'q. The Morrison family struck gold again and made a good decision to keep me here at Mawita'mk. I know that I am loved where even through their hatred, cognitive biases, cognitive dissonance, Freudian coping mechanisms, logical fallacies and unhepful thinking styles. They still somehow leave out my abusers and bullies when correcting my thinking. 

But Dodo has forced forgiveness which in turn denied my justice and claims about my abusers. I know that people have wanted to slowed me down, weaken me and get my life in addictional turmoil. I know that I had to talk with an sane adult and get my justice through that. Dodo had control by saying certain things and lying to certain people. I know that Dodo wanted me to be forced to take accountability for his sense of wrong I did to him when it wasn't his story. I know that I had to take this further into account and talk about the past in this way. Eskasoni has been my hometown and I was taken there when I was a baby. 

The Morrison family didn't tell me my true bloodline and family clan. Everyone wanted to claim they know my clan and lie to me. I know that my real father told me that I was part of a bear clan and in that "muin" is "bear" in Mi'kmaq and I had to learn certain things about being an introspective, I was learning that we are the protectors and guardians of the community, responsible for ensuring safety of the community, confidentiality, and maintaining boundaries. But I wasn't taught all that by my real father or stepfather. Maybe that's why I should go into mental health, I am introspective, an ambivert and a good listener. I know where I should go and how to get the services. 

So, what's the correct thinking for me? To forgive and let people live. I cannot judge because that's been my upbringing. "You don't judge the book by it's cover" my nanny would say. And she had a lot of sayings and teachings like certain trade skills and life skills. She was a cornucopia of knowledge, food and hominess in her spirit. She knew how to build a home and use the home in many ways. She knew how to upkeep the house and create a safe space for conversations for abuses and other things. She was working on me and I don't think that I was safe in Eskasoni.

So, again with Mawita'mk and We'koqma'q the Morrison family of Chapel Island, formerly of Eskasoni has struck gold moments and a good place like Mawita'mk Society. I get many training and educational journeys I want. Within Eskasoni I had many good conversations and other good experiences in Eskasoni. I know that I was learning that I had many life skills, trade skills and psychological information in Cognitive Biases, Freudian Coping Mechanisms, Cognitive Dissonances, Unhelpful Thinking Patterns, and Logical Fallacies that my family was working off of. They didn't know how to be stigma-free, unbiased, unassuming, unprejudiced, non-judgmental and diplomatic. I had to take the brunt of their serious questions and not have the fun of being curious but the responsibility of being right. Which was a heavy load by itself. 

I want a psychologist to help my family and certain people in my life to learn how to be. I know that old school had some merits, values and beliefs that needs to be clarify. I know that I was learning that I had to be this kid who taught adults how to think. My psycho-diagnostic skills are intuitive and kind of keen. Well, they used to be but I have the mental acumen of a professional in ways where I could be a psycho-diagnostician but I need to learn the symptoms and how they hide. My mother was manic-depressive with Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and Complicated Grief due to too many changes in her young life. She was stuck in the 70s and 80s because she didn't lived her teen years free. She had to take care of kids and be a mother, wife, sister, friend and everything she took pride in. 

So, I am thinking she was unhappy because she wasn't dealing with her emotions and issues at the time. I know that she had intergenerational trauma because of Indian Day School and because of her mother being from Indian Residential School. I know that I was learning to deal with her and the twisted, honest family members. I feel that I was learning a lot over the years and from family I just had to put the knowledge to practice. I know that I was supposed to prove my understanding when I was sane and cleared of drug-induced psychosis. I know that I'd recovered and came out of it but everyone thought I was so smart that I learned all these terms by myself when I was kid. 

I know that over the years I've been through so much as a child that it seems incredible. I could write an interesting autobiography or couple at least. I feel that I wanted to learn how I was supposed to take charge of my parents' learning and in that teach them how to be. I am not an trained psychologist, I am not an educated ontologist. I am a person reading people, studying and reading books, studying family dynamics and interactional analysis. I am something of an alethiologist but untrained. I need the understanding and teachings from people that can psycho-diagnosed people with intuitive and skillful ways. 

Anyways, I had learned emotional intelligence, emotional language and emotional literacy as a child from my step dad and biological mother because they were torn. My mother demanded a lot out of me. I had to grow up fast and worked to kill the time. I know that financial valuing and pricing of work my family didn't want me to learn at a young age. They financially abused me and discriminated against me based on my age. They gotten away with so much that I couldn't get justice from the Children's Services, Nova Scotia Courts or any other means I needed. 

Learning that I couldn't really trust family at my core, they'd forced their beliefs onto me because most of them are moral cowards hiding in the culture. I know that alethiologist is a student of the validity, extent, nature and origin of truth. Well, actually alethiology is the study of truth and error, and is the branch of logic that studies all this. Well, truthology should be but alethiology, what a branch? 

Anyways, people react, or is angry with me because I shouldn't be exploring my sexuality at this age because I already did.