Living Ideally With Peace

Knowing that I don't have to recap or talk about my past. I know that I am ideally living and thriving in We'koqma'q community. It's a good community and rich with culture and tradition. Living in We'koqma'q I'd upgraded and updated my bedroom, portfolio and other things in my life. I want to start a job or business or apprenticeship while I live at Mawita'mk. I want to be educated in BA(Bachelor of Arts) in Unama'ki College. If that don't pan out and I don't find a right fit? I hope that I could rely on my background in unofficial landscaping and laboring which I did for my stepfather. Instead of beating me, he'd tormented me through work and I never had any justice or emotional catharsis in my life. If I did I would've been put back in my hometown hell. Eskasoni didn't have any respect for healing or profound humility for accepting the their crimes. But would rather have me tormented when I started to use, do and experience my own personal agency, self-efficacy and personal leadership. 

So, I think I would struggle in We'koqma'q community if I did move out of Mawita'mk Society. I know that I don't have any good lifestyle in Eskasoni when I wasn't educated because I was trying to figure out my life. I walked and not too many friends helped out with rides. Nobody wanted me to have my money or online life because I would've invested in my own place. But I know that I had to build up my walking speed, endurance and range of where I could walk. I hope that I could lose my weight and build muscles with certain weights I have. I know that I have exercising weights and in that I need to be more routine with lifting them. It's called pumping iron and I hope that I could get my BA degree in majoring Addiction and Psychology. I hope that I could get certain credits and get into BASE degree program. 

I want to build up my professional and educational reputation in being studious, assiduous and dedicated to what I've learned over the years I've been in We'koqma'q community. Learning is multifaceted and not many people can think like that because they have no theory of multiple intelligence, or social psychology of pain. I hope that I could get back my cultural faith and bring back my cultural heart. I know that I had abusers that didn't went through any systems that they are making me dependent of. They want me stuck on my ways so that way I'll be stuck in a psycho-economical mindset. I know that I have many ways to live and do stuff. I feel that they want me stuck, and getting stuck is  not learning new things, new skills or new experience. Learning to listen is a hard thing with new people, well with certain people. 

I had to do this healing, forgiveness, prayer, universal love, a cultural faith in a multiversal Great Spirit, a beliefs and values of the culture, tradition and science. A belief in the the work of Two-Eye Seeing philosophy. A shared lifestyle communally, culturally, professionally and educationally. And a personal lifestyle at home. I want to build my home somewhere I can. I know that Eskasoni isn't safe because of Katt's boyfriends. And I know that I have been learning to have a family-raised Growth Mindset, a Community-minded faith, clear-minded can-do attitude, financially-frugal workethic and good sense of self values, principles and beliefs. I am learning through my books and other mediums to live my life in a proper way I want. 

My step uncle never wanted me to learn anything meaningfully useful, important and good by myself because he had to ruined my life in ways where he felt his justice would be well served. I have to learn his sense of right all my life during living in Eskasoni and I know that the Morrison kept me weak for their grand raison d'ètre. With that i haven't figure out and knowing that I want to return home triumphantly sane, fit, University educated and trained, a good income, business registered and copyrights to my published works of writings. I hope that I could learn to work with a good understanding of The Elements of Style and other grammar books I want to learn from. I hope that I'm agnotologically freed from the power of abuse, types of abuse, discrimination and prejudice, list of cognitive biases, cognitive dissonances and logical fallacies. Unhelpful Thinking Patterns and Freudian coping mechanisms. I hope that I could learn the true path of recovery, resilience, the true understanding of independence and intelligence, the strength of prayer and a cultural faith. I am hoping to be a skilled and professional writer of poetry, autobiographies, series of fictions and short stories. If I ever get that far.

From "The Meanings of Suffering" by Stan van Hooft:" Suffering is one of the most and profound disturbing of human experiences. The very word "suffering" has resonance that relates to our sense of life's meaning and the threat suffering poses to our hope of happiness. It does not refer just to maladies, pains, and difficulties with which we can and should cope. It involves crises and threats that constitute a degradation or alienation of our being. It is the spiritual dimension of our existence or the "contemplative" aspect of our being, to use Aristotle's term, not only the bodily aspects of ourselves, that is implicated in "suffering"

I've learned that suffering from a Indigenous perspective, which was narrow and small-minded scope of reality. Thankfully, I had two parents who considered me smart and a heavy weight intellectual in a way. I've learned that suffering is a common disturbing range of human experiences with children in general. I know that mental health is a good thing and in that we all suffer in ways. When a native child wants to prove something, it's usually because that person has suffered something psycho-sexual or physical at a young age. They had it with this community and want to get out of the poor section of the community. The range of suffering can be detected in any child willing to open up and talk about it. The amount of shame that can travel from a trajectory of memories and experiences that relates to the truth. That's what my parents where, my alethiologists of my psychohistory and been there since I was a baby. 

The rights to personhood was a native concept for children. We have been learning from our mistakes and moments. I know that emotional regulation isn't taught as a life skill or family skill. I know that we've been learning that with our colonized, behavioristic parents we had to deal with certain suffering in ways that relates and is culturally relevant to those days. The culture is trying to be relevant in today's suffering, which there was a degree and variety and seriousness and severity of suffering we had to approach. The range of suffering can be detected by the amount of shame and ways that person controls the situation. 

The cultural significance of healing from the Indian Day School, and legacy of Indian Residential School, is with the interactions and intercultural discussions of healing and ways of coping in Cape Breton. We are healing from the Indian Act, which is a learning curve and is learning to heal in a toxic and tyrannical culture of business, people, economics, neuro-marketing, mass addictional struggles, disabilities and commercialization or globalizations of certain things, business conglomerate and other entities. 

We are in this struggle of life where the digital wars of hacking and cybersecurity in is our lives one way or another. We have been learning to simply do like addicts and think like them. When our traditions, beliefs and values are important because moderation is key. We live as a throw-away society as Covid-19 hit. We are looking at ourselves hard, our parents grew up with the best knowledge that they had at the time, which was a colonized,  behavioristic society of parents and adults. They had the current knowledge with a behavioristic view of child-developing morality. 

No matter what race you are; we all suffer hard. Global suffering should be studied and looked at. Global suffering of children would make life hard. When I was a child, I did not know saving money, investing or budgeting (so as a child I was financially abused while getting beaten down and abused). As a child you don't know much of the world and when the parent or adult blames you for family fucking you up. It's a burden of a self-analysis of shame and hurt, and where I should just not blame my parents but heal from the wounds and hurts from my childhood. 

How do I live ideally in peace when the world is crazier and more likely to go into World War 3? I know that suffering happens and President Trump doesn't give two shits but so doesn't Canada. They want us colonized and stuck in the past. That's why they are continuing the colonization psychological warfare to Natives and First Nations. Suffering happens in a various and different styles, with multifaceted ways and methods. I don't have any ways to study suffering because I've been through many things on First Nation communities. 

And no, my stepfather didn't beat me down. His brother did for him. And I know that I've been learning that DBT Skills Training Manual is what I could learn to armed myself in this life. My stepfather is getting old and I know that I've been through hell and beatdowns because certain people wanted money for their addictions and tell their friends that they took money from this sick kid. Yes, I used to have disabilities since I was a kid and yes, it wasn't just asthma. It was Jeune of Dystrophy and other things that was happening to me. So, living with peace wasn't that easy for me because I always had to have a routine and than abuses. I know this because I did not take any money from anyone. They created excuses to beat me down and hurt me, all because I was a smart mouth entrepreneur in my hometown. And a kid too.

Anyways, I want to have that small house behind 74th street. It's a constant reminder of a simple life but I don't think I'll have the safest place in Eskasoni. I know that I had a steps outside of my small house apartment. I know that I haven't really discovered the enrichen lifestyle of financial and economic independence. I hope she seriously considers improving her blueprint and plans for that small house apartment. Enough room to put things in there and have a small garage. I know that I hope she considers to put new safety and security measures in as she plans all this. The inherent negative thinking has been an adult experience and learning that I've been taken control of by certain beliefs of psychology. I know that I have to work on myself through general fitness regimens and doing what I can to live life here. 

I have a physical portfolio in my life. And I know that I'm more educated than most people around here. I hope to renew my First Aid, my WHMIS and OHS, and Beginner's license. I know that I got ASIST, Naloxone, Cultural-based trainings, Construction and driving. I could renew Forklift Operation safety, Chainsaw safety, Traffic Control Personnel safety and I think that's it. I am going for Mental Health Peer Support Facilitator training and SafeTALK training. And in the fall I'll be going for Mental Health First Aid First Nation training. And I don't know what else. So, the direction I am going for is either Mental Health or Addiction Services. And in Eskasoni I could work for them. 

Bit it looks like I am heading in the direction of Mental Health or Addiction Services in We'koqma'q community. Learning that I want to work both jobs part-time, I hope that I could get a good Google Calendar Schedule going. It's easier to have Google Calendar Schedule for jobs. I used to work as a child but I couldn't make a cheque out to me, it had to be made out to my legal guardian or a parent. I know that I had pop bottles and odd jobs when I was a child. I wanted to have a good income and work in the trades. But We'koqma'q Mental Health and Addiction services is trying to make me take jobs I didn't want. Mcgee understood me and so did my parents. People that don't show respect for my privacy/confidentiality are what I consider abusive psychologically. 

I cannot live ideally here because they don't respect me. I cherish my privacy/confidentiality and my direction I am going. I know that people here wants me to make a mistake because I got nobody on my side. Learning that people wants me to chose what they want me to chose. I know that they don't care for me because they've would've had a good help for me with my issues. Ageistically influencing and relationally persuading me to say certain things on here. I cannot be petty because their sanity is at hand. I cannot say much about Mawita'mk Society because I am held accountable for my words. Well, told that I cannot fully express myself because I am supposed to be a Mawita'mk member.

Learning that I have a role in Mawita'mk Society at a age that I couldn't really control; Mawita'mk Society has been there exchanging bits and pieces of my freedoms for years of safety that no staff wanted to guarantee. Nobody wanted me safe from other residents or have the freedoms that independent life could provide. I am medically bound by my insanity through Mawita'mk Society, family and other places because I cannot afford to be petty. I know that my sister Billie Jean wants to score big with me because that's an exchanged of a large piece and bit of my freedoms I cannot afford. I cannot afford any freedoms, I don't have any rights or understanding, according to my family. And I seem I cannot get any meaning right. It seems that the right thinking is far beyond my reach. I cannot grasp anything right because it seems that I am "safe and sound", to whatever that means. I am getting threaten and financially abused by Clyde because they allow certain freedoms for him. 

Anyways, I am living kind of good, ideally life with peace. I just need to get people stop bumming me money. I cannot afford any one else to my name, and I gotten fucked over by my sister Katt. Both of my sisters don't care for my fiscal responsibility because they'd would've been useful in my life. I had one sister (Billie Jean) telling me wait for Katt to pay when she knows damn well she isn't going to. And Katt telling me that Billie Jean is going to pay. They both fucked me over. 

I don't have any financial restorative justice because it's in my name. And I cannot take them to court, which they have said because it's under my name. But I don't intend to harm anyone on my blog. Just simply tell the truth even though the Internet is full of human range of knowledge, deceptions and other things that will haunt you at night. I know that I've been learning to forgive, do what's right on here and overcome my hatred. I could see that I need a part-time employment. Hopefully, I can get something going for my life and have some money to my name. I want to make a good professional pride, sense of purpose and dignity of labor niche by side hustles that people can laugh at. And have a part-time job where I could say that I have a fully satisfying life daily. It's investing my time doing what I can to be a Peer Support, a Mawita'mk Helper and Butler, and a good part-time worker. 

Living ideally with peace in We'koqma'q community, thriving and hopefully working. I know that I have been agnotologically controlled through ageism and in that pedophiles are hiding in the culture. Those that are still have power over me, are the moral cowards who have psychologically, sexually and physically abused me. I had to learn in the horrid times that I was learning powerful feelings at a young age. I know that I had been abused that I had to move out of Eskasoni. The cultural power that certain people have over me, is because nobody taught me proper self-efficacy of independence the fight way. I know that moral cowards have been abusing me since I was five years old. Dodo especially covering up and hiding in the culture. He wanted me emotionally dead and stuck with what he had. 

I won't forget my experiences in Eskasoni or certain places of the community because I have been learning that people want me to repressed the truth out of what? Respect? I know that pedophiles hide in a culture, a religion and other forms of institutions that have made an impact on Canada. Hopefully, I can forgive because I have redemptive work in progress. I know that I've been trying to forgive and work on myself. Nobody wants me to take baby steps because of mortality issues. I could tell how certain people talk about me because they are moral cowards themselves. And don't want me to stand up for my beliefs and values, or work on my principles and merits. 

Again, how can I be living ideally with peace in a place of ageistic, agnotological hegemony? Who have created psychological warfare tactics in the community and I have to earn trust because why? Pedophiles are ruling class? I have a lot to forgive and accept, not in this lifetime but hopefully, in the next lifetime. I'd moved here in my twenties and learning that people are toxic and want to get away with crime, there have to be a paradigm shift in perception where First Nation take accountability, heal and help. But that's not the mindset, or mentality or, attitude of some people. They think they have beliefs in impact statements and stuff like that. People of First Nation don't want to learn logical fallacies, cognitive biases, cognitive dissonances, errors and complexes, personality disorders or any disabilities that would explain any situation. They don't want to be taught unhelpful thinking styles or Freudian coping mechanisms. 

Unlearning bad habits and mindsets, I know that I have to get into Mental Health because they have to want to learn. Maybe put on a Cultural Mental Health Helper program/bookclub/seminars where you learn all this. Neurolinguistic Programming skills and DBT Skills, have a good conversation about certain books. And have a good teaching session. All the cognitive biases, cognitive dissonances, cognitive distortions, logical fallacies and Freudian coping mechanisms in a 10 week or 8 week kind of program/seminar. 

People want to help, also want to vilify and hate. They don't get helping means getting your hands a little dirty in the deeds and intents of helping. Well, I could learn from professionals of the field and be a Cultural Mental Health Helper. I hope that I could use Two-Eye Seeing philosophy in a cultural Mental Health and Western Mental health. I want to learn the language, ropes and understanding I could gain from a professional volunteer career. I hope that I could learn a lot over the years and some lessons are repeats and I think that I've been taught but it was way too incredible because who would give up knowledge for me? I know that in a volunteer capacity I could show that I'm not a bad guy and that I want the best for people. I know that I've been learning to do so much with We'koqma'q Mental Health and Addiction Services because that's my go-to training for now. I know that I've been wanting to develop my portfolio in ways where I have a good percentage of my résumé done.

Over the fifteen years I've been in We'koqma'q, First Nation and in that time, I've been developing my portfolio and updating my résumé with each new training and job experiences. I had a Job Shadowing, I had a Work Term and a month's worth of apprenticeship, I had a professional job where I learned professional/personal appearances and styles. I had a lot of volunteer experience with pop bottles in Eskasoni, I had education and trade college training while I'd lived in We'koqma'q. I had a lot of good experiences in We'koqma'q. I want to prove that I am a hard, strong worker and work within my realm of possibilities. I know that people have been trying to get me to accept their ideas of culture. And I know that I've been learning to work within my lifetime in Eskasoni as a roofer, laborer, landscaper and wood chopper. I know that I've been a role in Sweat Lodge ceremonies and a good deal of Eskasoni Welfare and under the radar kind of jobs. I feel that I have a lot to give but don't want to cause any trouble. 

I just have to keep up with my chores at Mawita'mk and keep doing my fitness well. I know that I've been wanting to be living ideally in peace and harmony in my hometown. And I know that I've been wanting to live ideally in We'koqma'q because they've treated me well. I feel very grateful and happy that I am experiencing all this and could move back home when I want to. I know that Mawita'mk and others have respected my independence and self-efficacy and abilities. I know that I need to live my life on my own and work within my own social perception of opportunities and attraction. I am an up-and-coming worker in a way. And I know that I've been wanting to work within a First Nation community for the longest time. I want to spend my days doing what I can with certain people and have a good aura of job gratification and job satisfaction.  

Eventually I'll go home.... I want to be able to say that "I am comin' home" with all the opportunities and level of education, college trade training, driving level and work experience from We'koqma'q and Volunteer Work experience. I want to be able to say that I'd was driven and in that I had a lot of vacations and other experiences in We'koqma'q and around the world, to train and learn language and culture classes, get set up through Eskasoni School Board or Eskasoni METS and have an accomplished life in We'koqma'q. Where I can return triumphantly with physical fitness, accomplished past from now and everything good and settled in my past. I want to be able to say that I have tons of experiences in defending my ways and learning, sharing and correcting people's cognitive biases and stuff. I want to legitimately hustle and work in this world and have a good experiences in being a Peer Support. I hope that I could get a good reputation in helping people like my fathers before me. 

If |I could get a fitness routine going with all this, I hope that I have a general muscular fitness about me and a good appearances in my clothes, groomed body and cleaned body. I know that this is a good way to live and in that I have been taking care of my body. I want to work on my muscles and core muscles in this year, and the years to come. I want to be consistently more active in my fitness, chores, body hygiene and work that'll  I am looking forward to do in my future. I want to continually improve in my life and continually to grow and learn. I know that I am not perfect and in that I have got caught in cognitive biases, stinking thinking, cognitive dissonances, logical fallacies, cognitive distortions and errors and effects. I know that I get stuck in unhelpful thinking patterns and other things that I need to get used of getting out. It's better to be unbiased, believing in resourceful beliefs and strength-based approaches, and using useful suggestions. And stigma-free and sober and working on myself than to live with darkness. 

I want to be able to live my life in an independent way and use, do and learn my self-efficacy and abilities and skills. When I push myself out of my comfort zone and learn new skills and do new puzzles and stuff, I know that I have my brain working. My granny Barbara have told me if I could keep my brain working than I could keep myself young and smart. I've been doing all this when I was child. And in that I've been trying to do what I could, to learn and grow. I know that I want to play Dungeon and Dragons with my friend Shipley. And I want to finish off 100 books (of my collection) in a year. I have a deadline and I feel motivated and determined, and I know that I want to learn empathic sensitivity and compassionate understanding with people that need it. 

I am working on my books that I have, and I know that I am learning much as I can with certain people. I know that I have been trained in ASIST and SafeTALK and Mental Health Peer Support/Group Facilitator. And I have cultural-based mental health training in addictions, recovery models and other ways to live. I feel that I have an enrichen life in We'koqma'q and it's tempting to change my band status. But I still have hope for Eskasoni and in that I want to teach so much. 

I have so much training from We'koqma'q Mental Health and Addiction Services that I could qualify for a volunteer capacity in Cultural Mental Health Assistant or Peer Support or something. I feel that I am learning to improve my understanding and habits, be aware of them and have that kind of power and self-efficacy over my own life. To prove that good routine means good health and a sensible, strength-based living in a good way of living when remembering the good times in Eskasoni. I know that resourceful beliefs and useful suggestions are a good way of having faith and a good understanding with a Growth Mindset, Social Can-do Attitude and a happy Workethic where I take pride in. I know that I have a sense of purpose and a sense of contributing to this community, with a experience in dignity of labor and a good sense of service, that I hope to work in this community until I can save up for a truck and get my fully licensed driver's license. 

I know that life was looking up for me long before I was getting used of this place. And knowing that I had cable with options of channels and hook-ups like back in the olden days. I know that I have a good lifestyle in We'koqma'q but I wonder if I could be a Emergency Medical First Responder and Certified Medical Assistant? I have a wide variety of interests and training in We'koqma'q that I could keep going until I can get part-time employment somewhere. I am losing weight and I do want that second transplant kidney to continue with my life. I want to work full-time to save up for a truck and hopefully, I can get a full driver's license and more future training. I know that I had a lot of good workers on my side and I know that if I could afford an old truck, one that certain mechanical working trucks do. I hope that I could learn all about it and afford the parts and do the maintenance, repair and basic stuff with it. I want to learn a truck that wouldn't fail me and I hope that I could get something like that in Mawita'mk Society. 

In We'koqma'q I could do certain things with We'koqma'q Firefighters Department and volunteer for that on the weekends. I know that I have ASIST and SafeTALK training, I just got to renew my Standard First Aid and CPR with AED and Level "C" training. I now have a good set of skills and certifications and training in my portfolio. I know that I have to use it in this community and learn the ropes. 

I want to be able to work weekly and daily where I use all of my training and education in ways that I'd mastered and got professional careers in, in We'koqma'q community, that I come home and rest much as I can in my own place. I want to have one registered business and a full-time employment when I do get my second transplant kidney. And if I can managed two registered, licensed and permitted businesses; I hope that I can get my own business accountant and book-keeper in my life. I want to volunteer for now as a Peer Support, Mental Health First Aid, First Nation and a Applied Suicide First Aid. I want to be so train in Mental Health First Aid that I even have that too.

I know that mental health is important because I have seen how a group of mentally ill men could destroy a family. Everyone that have been working in Eskasoni have had a hand in cutting off the phone line in my parents' house, my other parents' house and so many incidents in the early years. I know that I have experienced the darkness of Eskasoni because I was a child that had twisted logic of love and damnation. 

I want to work in ways that I have learned the ropes of doing mental health and worked in various We'koqma'q Mental Health and Addiction departmental employments. I want to build a good impacts in We'koqma'q that I am a good influence with honest input and feedback. I want to have all that I need  from We'koqma'q that I invest into couple hometown projects and create work for those who are walking (hustling) the streets to get to work. I know that I want an couple outdoorsmen in my registered, licensed and permitted business. Hopefully, we can have a walking club in We'koqma'q that we have good routines in We'koqma'q Mental Health and Addiction services department. I want to get back in shape like a Fitness club. Hopefully, we can get positive reviews for the walking club that we create a Johnny's Gym fitness club. 

I think that I could say that I am a Emergency Medical First Responder and a Certified Medical Officer. I want to have experiences from We'koqma'q that I have a lot of volunteer job experiences in certain things that I could put certain things on my Facebook. I might be employed as a Medical First Responder and a Certified Medical Officer. See? These are professional goals to have and to work towards in We'koqma'q if they allow it. I want to learn from the best in We'koqma'q and I want to give my 100 percent to learning. But I fear that I cannot work in that area because of my disabilities. 

What can I learn from couple of decades in We'koqma'q community? I started this journey at the age of 25, in 2010 when I committed to sober up and keep it clean and sober. I know that I have been in We'koqma'q community for fifteen years, and making to 5 more years in We'koqma'q community would make it two decades of communal experience. I've lived in Eskasoni for two decades and five years. A decade is ten year mark and I was there since the late 80s. I had a dystopian life in the community, I just tried to get people to believe in my truths. I know that I'd struggled in Eskasoni, learning coping skills to work with the toxic bullies of Eskasoni. 

I feel that I have to work on myself instead of having to work where Mike MacInnis tells me. I know that people hate me because of the life I'd lived. All my abusers in my childhood are in Eskasoni. And knowing that I'll be victimized by them. I know that I wasn't given a proper answer because they bent the truth to their twisted logic. I know that if I do get back to Eskasoni, I cannot do any mental health for my own family because a lot of percentage of Eskasoni is my family. It's a conflict of interest for me. Plus, Dodo don't really respect me because he has been calling me a child molester since I was five years old. I had to deal with my birth mother cheating with Dodo, I had to deal with Dodo bending the collective truths that I got abused, and covering it up for 30 years. Since the late 80s/early 90s. 

He could tell when I was telling the truth when it came to his child but couldn't tell my truths of my abusers? Yeah, Dodo is a moral coward and an Abuser of Power. And probably abused me in many ways over the years. Considering that he would deny, defend and dispose of. I know that people have been moral cowards since they knew that I couldn't defend myself. I was a young child introduced to people more fucked up than me. My abusers have left the door open to more abuses and crimes happening to me. So, I'd moved away and Eskasoni isn't my old stomping grounds, they are a festering breeding grounds for more abuses, corruption, demoralizations, mistreatments, violence and psychological warfare tactics. I cannot live in Eskasoni because Dodo and others would bother me. Financially abused me and take full advantage of me. 

I know that pedophiles in the community have been influential in my upbringing. In that I was learning the power of cultural ageism and how they want to get to know me to control me. I let them do what they needed to make, emphasize or lionized their truths over my truths as moral imperatives. They've taught me their sense of "right thinking" because I've been abused, controlled and taught I didn't have any rights. Dodo has been wanting to hold consequences of some kind to my name; that way he could take full control over my forgiveness and accepting. A collective power where people kept on hiding in this cultural/religious power. And I've been the alethiologist since I could remember. 

I was taught that I didn't know how to think. That I couldn't use, do or experience my self-efficacy without their sense of righteousness. I was taught that justice depended on choices and dilemmas. I couldn't seem to get justice because Dodo wanted my downfalls. 

Anyways, the past is the past. And I hope that I can come up with examples and ideas on how to live ideally in peace in We'koqma'q community. I am on a good life path in We'koqma'q community. I don't have to worry about the people in We'koqma'q community. Learning that I have a future in We'koqma'q community, I might change my band status because I think I could thrive in this community. I want to be living ideally in peace in my hometown community but looks like that's going to change into a small town. 

I hope that that landlady would invest into a better apartment house. I have a few ideas of my own but I don't think she would hear me out. I wouldn't mind investing into my own place. It would be nice, I have no women coming at me and I know that I don't take any hints or anything. If you want to be straight with me, honestly have a conversation of spending my time with ya, good! I don't want to waste time with childish ideas or things that would make the relationship a bridge of toxicity. 

I want to build a few places if I do get the chance. I hope that I could get my own business registered, licensed and permitted by Nova Scotia. Save up a few bucks and try to earn a good living at Mawita'mk Society. Until I can have enough knowledge in construction to build that 50 Horseshoe Drive Apartment into a house worthy of a dryer and washer, a two small storey building and a good garage. I have plans and ideas for that place. 

What I invest my time in, is for the health of my mind, body and soul. I am a builder, installer, repairman, handyman and butler. I try to service people much as I can because I have a good knowledge from home. I feel enrichen in ways where I have to work on myself. Nobody gets to tell me when I should stop working on myself. And get a woman for myself. I know certain skills set and I want to prove that I'm skilled, responsible, sensible reliable and highly motivated to do the jobs needed. I know that people wants me to get it wrong because they don't believe in differently-abled employees. And I feel like I had a good disablism against me in the dating world. 

I want to have that place for myself when I become financially independent, economically thriving and have my own full-time employment, registered, licensed and permitted business. And I become a fully licensed driver. I want to have a good deal of headquarters in Eskasoni. So, when I do get my Red Seals; as soon as I get my Red Seals I hope that I could move back to my old place and fix up it the way I could. And get funding for my apprenticeships and students coming out of high school. I hope that I could get them enjoying body movements like how they've used to. I want to start a walking club to work the angle of getting them in shape. If I could get them consistent in habitual walking, maybe I could get the youths and people to believe in themselves to start their own walking clubs. 

I hope that there is an all-inclusive, humble and motivated, determined and energetic, strong and fit speed walkers. If I could reach that far and work certain things through fundraising and volunteering. I hope that I could learn to enjoy my part-time job in We'koqma'q and get in shape. I've built a life in We'koqma'q community, I want to keep building a life here so that way I could say that I'd lived well here when, if and where I move. But the raison d'ètre is growing and getting stronger by the years here. 

I gotta get useful of a consistency of a habit when doing a fitness goal. I am getting acclimated and accustomed to living here, I just gotta be active and focused where I'll be taking pictures and videos of me walking, lifting weights and sweating. I got leg power to a degree, I just want to keep building leg endurance, distance stamina and range of speed walking that I get to places fast. Hopefully, I can lose weight and build muscles better with weight lifting and walking. 

The Morrison family of Eskasoni is scared that I'll find out where they get their knowledge. Afraid if I start reading I'll develop critical thinking skills in intelligent creativity that I might have a good way of looking at my past. I've been learning that people didn't want me to learn anything because they wanted to call me "stupid fuck". When I was learning heavy weighted power of knowledge, I elt cheated out of my childhood because of certain  ignoramuses of books are intellectually, and morally lazy. But I wanted to develop my understanding of English words for better vocabulary and knowledge paths. 

I don't have dyslexia and I know that Joe Mckenzie have figured me out. I feel like I've been enrichen to read a my own bookcase of books in my old bedroom, when I was a teen. I know that my stepfather controlled my knowledge-gathering because no step parents trusts me. I was controlled financially because I did not have anybody on my side. My real father didn't want me financially independent, he stressed the hell out of me when I was young. Nobody protected me financially because they thought I was foolish with money. A multi-generational prejudicial stereotype of my generation. I couldn't really have useful suggestions, or resourceful beliefs in my life because people didn't believed in strength-based living. They'd believed in getting away with crimes and cheating me out of my youth. I couldn't really enjoy my freedoms because people kept secrets and always lied to me. People naturally, financially abused me. 

But I am honoring the family by keeping them in forgiveness, love, cultural faith, care and respect through doing stuff like  Neurolinguistic Programming, using coping skills from DBT Skills Training Manual, using therapies to help me think the right way for honoring my family, my stepfamily and extended family (Mawita'mk Society). The righteous thinking is honoring my honest family, my stepfamily (mixed siblings and step-parents), friends and extended family (Mawita'mk Society, cousins and distant relatives). I hope that my heart heals in ways that I could do stuff. 

Actually, self-honoring is self-respecting. People that need control over my life, have self control, self-efficacy and agency issues with themselves. Discriminatory practices that my step family have used was to influence me in a bad way (deny, defend and dispose), when they want to deflect and turn the table on me. I've been learning my own freedoms and self development, I know that my real dishonest family wants me fucked up and hiding them in the cultural religion. Nobody wants me to practice self-control, true self-belief, self-efficacy and personal leadership in my own life because they feel? 

I've been weak ever since my step family intervened in my affairs. I know that my stepfather hasn't wanted me to tell the truth about his negligence of certain acknowledgements and confessions of what I'd witnessed. I know that every adults/elders in my life have been moral cowards and used everything to switch it on me. Dodo have been my childhood corruptor, every one that has connections to the Morrison family of Eskasoni, have been something of a teacher in ways of riding out the high. I feel that I couldn't trust anyone else because the Morrison have played me so much in my time. 

Yes, they've done good but what are the bad in my life (from them)? I know that they don't honor me because of false pride and egocentric biases. I feel that I have been learning that I cannot be selfless because I am 39 years old, turning 40 and learned that Dodo has lived a family life. I couldn't really take command of my own life because I couldn't really control my own treatments. But I'd moved and ever since then, I have been educating myself, training with others, enjoying celebrations and parties with Mawita'mk Society. And having a general good time. I know that I am happy here because I've been learning, experiencing, enjoying, doing, earning and thriving. I've been with a bunch of good people and learn to work on myself. 

I don't want to make any more mistakes or wrongs. My step family didn't have mercy on me, nor did my own birth parents. But I want to stop the intergenerational (Multi-generational) impacts of such unhealthy behaviors, cognitive biases, cognitive dissonances, cognitive distortions and logical fallacies. With unhelpful thinking styles and Freudian coping mechanisms that distracts them from making right decisions in my life. I want to have a good lifestyle where positive, social power of honest Family Growth Mindset, Social Can-do Attitude and Positive, Social/Personal Go-getter mentality work with strength-based living, resourceful beliefs and useful suggestions. If we cannot create this than obviously my step family isn't trying. 

In Cogntive Processing Therapy (CPT), there is such a thing called "stuck points" that are negative thoughts or beliefs about oneself, others and the world. It keeps myself in stuck in fears, anger, shame, guilt, trauma, romanticizing past experiences in addictions, grief and intrusive thoughts of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I am learning much as I can to get over my "stuck points" because I truly believe in Neurolinguistic Programming, Dialectal Behavioral Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Cognitive Processing Therapy, Time Perspective Therapy, other therapies and training that would keep me developing, growing, evolving and learning myself in a productive manner in any community. 

I know that I'm loved but I hope to teach much as I can from therapists, clinicians, doctors, group facilitators, life coaches and other people that have a range of mental health knowledge to care and love myself better. I know that Dodo wanted petty vengeance over me because he is such a moral coward. To go therapy himself and learn things there. I know Transactional Analysis, or Games People Play, which I am learning to use with my nieces and nephews as a strategy to develop social skills. I hope that I could do much as I can to teach choices and understanding of therapies, to progress, evolve, grow, learn and develop in themselves. 

In the book, I learn submodalities, or qualities of the way we think; thinking sound, thinking in words, thinking in tastes, thinking in smell and thinking in sight. With each thought we can appreciate these thoughts, or thinking, in ways of goodness, rightness and balance or moderation of good and right moments. With old psychology, we consider that our problems are a permanent state of being. Anything we do, any therapies we use, we have these limiting beliefs and non-useful behaviors where we have believed in the absolving of these effective changes in our lives. The Old psychology used to be that insights produces change when we can control qualities of our thoughts and beliefs. In NLP, or Neurolinguistic Programming, they believe, so do I, that we have self-efficacy (level of belief in our controllability over our own live through personal ownership, agency and leadership). I know that I'm out of shape (kind of) when I know that working out isn't that scary if I learn to enjoy, associate social, or personal moderation of good and right moments in fitness. Another words, thinking right for myself. 

The true capacity of our mastering our own minds is in NLP, we have been learning, conditioned and taught negative, limiting beliefs because we are natives. What moral implications do people have if personal power in my own life doesn't affect my bullies? It means that I'll need to fight hard! That also means coming up wit' reasons to exercise. Better physical features, better appearance, improved core muscles, a good level of general muscular fitness, accomplished goal, a feeling of gratitude and a sense of safety. A good attitude about my body, better body image in my head, better understanding of heakth-conscious, strength-based living. Having resourceful beliefs and useful suggestions written down. A wonderful feeling of being attractive, strong and intelligent. 

So, considering that and "stuck points", I could say that stuck points are limiting, negative thoughts or beliefs about yourself, others, and the world. It's where you focus on a narrow scope of ego-state reality where the nature is small-minded. I feel that I had a lot of good books and understanding of such terms, words and theories that I know that coming up with certain standards is exciting. I might say that I'll need to get used of the habitual, daily consistency of work performance in a personal quality work where we all are excellent. Dr. Philip Zimbardo's Theory in The Lucifer Effect, have been an interesting theory of situational forces, relational persuasions and collective influence, social dynamics and personal power imbalances. 

"You are only focused on "Stuck Points"",and I think that I want something beautiful to say. I feel enrichen in ways of my birth parents' teachings in prayers, protocols, and customs. And native practices and ideologies. I know my culture and tradition. I feel loved and well respected in the manner I was allowed to reached this far by The Great Spirit, and I hope many good years. Considering that I've learned all this; I want to impart some wisdom to people because I know mental health to a degree, not the gamut of Mi'kmaq culture and tradition, nor in the classes I've been in. But rather I have been through these cognitive biases, cognitive dissonances, logical fallacies, and stuck points and errors, that I had a lot of good people telling me that I have it good because of the "righteous" thinking; that'd be honoring family and families of my community, and being Mi'kmaq.