Is it a Playbook?

I know that I cannot judge how I live because Mawita'mk Society is where I live. I know that I'm not allowed to figure out my own life. 

Yeah, I was a child addict and yeah, my life was full of past tragedies, ongoing discriminations, stereotypes and prejudice. Past traumas and medical conditions, past miseries and past missed opportunities. But I know that I'd tried to stay in school. And I tried to keep busy throughout my life. With past addictions I was struggling with so much that Vickie don't want to admit I'm stronger than her. I know that I'd suffered abuses, beatdowns and past tragedies but I don't let that cloud the positivity of my future. I want to be independent, strong and skilled in driving, job-related skills and experienced in fitness.

Darren has made fun of me in regarding work and I find work is such a personal issue with me, I cannot stand it.

And living with Mawita'mk Society has its benefits but staying here means I cannot get a regular job without Mawita'mk Society interfering with my work. They don't explain the situation to my boss and I don't have any professional respect for the job I'd did. Because of Covid-19 pandemic I was laid off for a indeterminate amount of time. And living with Mawita'mk Society I see that I'm stuck here, not to get money to save up for a car or pay for my stuff.

But too, living with Mawita'mk Society has its limitations, restrictions and strict regulations that I have to abide by. I know that I cannot purchase a car on my current salary or wage. And with the income of $50 per week I cannot afford that much. I have to wait until I can get my own place in Eskasoni and get a job lined up. I know that living with Mawita'mk Society I won't be able to make what my earning potentials are.

People treat me like I'm insane all my life. But Mawita'mk Society doesn't provide information for my earning potentials. And I think it's economic abuse that I'm suffering, in some fashion or way. I know that I cannot make full-time income because I don't have any professional respect. I know that I struggle to find a role in peacetime. I was used of being the punching bag for my enemies. I struggled to find a role in wartime and peacetime. No occupation, no freedom, no prices of cars in my future. And no chance of getting a woman.

I know that I'd suffered and endured for no reasons, it seems. I know that I struck vengeance in different ways for my pains. And I know that I was on automatic for a while. I know that my education was to not get a role of powers in my socioeconomic progress and society, that I'm confused for my happiness.

The vindictive nature of my blood and the teachings of my stepfather did not mixed well. I'd tried his way and got nothing out of it. I know that I just feel things out. I know that because of medical issues I struggle to find any roles in my life. But I got my education and work experience. I hope that I could find a good role. In a socioeconomic world where agrarian culture is part of our history. I say that I'm struggling to find a role in this community.

My coping skills make me the perfect target for abusing and beatdowns. I know that I haven't received any help in that manner. And I know that I cannot do sports or other activities that would vent my frustrations out. I know that I've learned a lot of emotional intelligence through relationships but I have to choose my own fate. I know that through machinations of my life, I've been a fool too many often, to fall for them.

And quite so often I had to learn how to deal with them without vengeance. So, it's possible to live without vengeance or violence. It is possible to live in harmony with the laws and continue to be on this path. I know that I've learned coping skills and strategies. I've learned emotional intelligence and emotion regulation. Too often, I've forgotten and forgiven my wrong-doers for the traumas they've caused me. But too, they haven't forgotten me.

I know that my redemptive works is important. And to heal from them I have to learn how to forgiven but not forget. I have too, often forgot and that lead me to Damnation. I know that I have to work at building my own arsenal of life skills, coping skills and trade skills. I know that I have to work at my financial skills and abilities. I know that I have to work at learning budgets and building my money up to a good level.

I know that I've learned a lot from Raf but not financial skills. I know that I haven't received any help in that aspect. Mawita'mk Society is so involved in my life that Raf thought it best that I didn't learn the skills. I know that I have to learn the financial skills and goals. And work towards a good level of money. I want to do what I can on my own when I do get my second kidney. And I know that I have to be patient with all this. If I want that kind of knowledge I just got to research myself. I know that I want to move and Eskasoni is going to implement Eskasoni Transit Service. So, what's stopping me?

The fact that I cannot get up on my own or do what I need to do to get out of here. I know there is limitations, restrictions and strict regulations and rules. I know that my coping skills make me the ideal client for this place. I want to move out when I do get far in my life. Like get my second kidney.

Like my second kidney, my full driver's license and BA degree. I want to have everything I need to function and live by myself. I got this one life to make it good. I know that I have to make it worthwhile. But I know that I have to miss some opportunities to get an apartment in Eskasoni. I know that I just have to be patient with everything and learn how to do things at Mawita'mk Society. I know that I have to learn cooking. I know that I could get my papers in cooking if I do ever get my second kidney. And I hope that I could get my papers in cooking and plumbing. If that is possible to get while I get my BA degree.

I know that I want to have my own entertainment center and keep my dressers. I know that I have to get new ones from Mawita'mk Society and I know that I have to make my own money. But I cannot even do that right now because I am sick. So, I have to wait until I can get my second kidney.

I know that I have a lot to be thankful for in ways. How my life could've turned out in Eskasoni and how it turned out now. I know that I come from a poverty-line that never had any connections to work. And I couldn't really figure out how to get the job. But I've adapted to We'koqma'q community and for the betterments of my life, I've got my education, trade, Unama’ki Driving Certificate and Beginner's license. But I need to renew my license. And get my second driver's license.

I know that I need to be patient with all this. And I hope that one day I could get my full driver's license and BA degree. And drive on out of here with everything I have at that moment. If that moment comes.

I know that I have my Playstation consoles and hopefully, I can work my smart TV and get my Playstation consoles working with it. I know that I got my PS4 console connected.

But I just got to figure out how my Smart TV works because I want to play my Playstation 2 and original Playstation console. I know that I have Xbox 360 and I know that I got to put my Playstation consoles on it. I know that I have those cords and I just have to figure out where my Smart TV settings are on with the cords.

My friend Rob Shipley told me to look it up on YouTube or Google. And see if I could do it that way. Brilliant but I have to buy this Pound HD link cable kit and it costs $64.99 and hopefully, I can get this little item because I could play my Playstation consoles with this. I hoped that it was something with the TV but it's the Pound HD link kit.

Feeling good right at this moment because I just ate a good spaghetti meal. I know that I won't be able to eat like this on my own. I know that I cannot be safe in Eskasoni.

My family is growing and they flourish on their own. I'm happy for that and I'm sadden I wouldn't be a shining example of how to accomplish my life goals in stages of my life. And I know that I've suffered and lost opportunities to get my Beginner's license and other skills. I know that I'd had to manage my own feelings with this Mawita'mk Society. 

And learn how to do my driving when I do get my second kidney. I'm proudest of my family thriving and growing in their roles in city, communities and places. I know that I'm happy with everything that they've done.

My family has the capacity to make it work somehow. And I'd learned that nobody is there but my family. I cannot have a date or get a woman in my life. And I cannot escape the inevitable that I'm going nowhere fast. I know that I have done so much in my time. But I want to have everything I need to live, work and drive.

I'm armed to the teeth with technology and I would want to have my full driver's license and BA degree. And to invest in a car. I know that I have to be well aware and thriving here before I can live in Eskasoni. I have the happiness of my own collection of technology and books. And have my life in a good place for now. So, I know that I struggle to find a professional role in We'koqma'q community and with Eskasoni. I just hope that I could get a minimum wage job and save up from there.

I know that I want to get my papers in Plumbing and cooking. And get my BA degree and full driver's license in my future. I want to, over the years in my future, have careers of plumbing, cleaning and cooking. I want to move towards my future of having my Red Seal diplomas in Cooking and plumbing, have expert level of cleaning and political knowledge for my business.

I'm First Nations and with coping skills and social strategies. So, I make a perfect client for Mawita'mk Society and the crew of Mawita'mk Society, to be molded or psychologically abused. I know that I'm not really respected in any sense or standard. I know that I don't have any respect for my independence. I know that I have to be in this perpetuating dependency and reliance on Mawita'mk Society. And live my life how they see fit. I know that I'm nothing to the fullest potentials of my life. And I know that independence is a self-perpetuating thriving life of richer knowledge, continued learning and a lifelong routines and schedules. I know that I need to learn how to cook.

I know that I got no choices but to participate in this community and live my life with everything I have now, to live my life happily with a deep, good sense of contentment and well-being. 

I know that I got to be mentally tough, prepared and if I'm to live in Eskasoni. I know that I don't have any support or help in an8y fashion or style. I know that I never had any real opportunities to get justice in Eskasoni. And I know that I don't have any power in Eskasoni. I know that I have to keep enduring because everyone wants me hurt: those of my enemies. 

If Mawita'mk Society has a playbook for insane people, what would it be? Strict regulations and rules for their benefits? Would it be possible to see pass the playbook and break free from their influences of perpetuating dependency and reliance on them? Would I need to live my life how they shape rules and regulations? And live within those limitations and restrictions of not reaching my earning potentials of incomes? 

I know financial literacy, I have printouts for all that and I got ways to reach my financial goals. I know that I don't need coffee that badly. I just have to simply save up my money and go for my own tools. I know that Pound HD link cable kit is what I'm aiming for. And I know that financial literacy is using my bank, care for my money and learning much about my bank terms, words and conditions. I know that I have a lot of questions and terminology to expand on. I just got to print them out. 

I wonder if this Pound HD link cable kit works for my Xbox 360. I sure hope so because I have unfinished games on my Playstation 2 and 1, Xbox 360 and Playstation 4. I know that I'll be enrichen with all these tools and online accounts. 

When I got my first apartment in Sydney, Cornwallis Street. I wasn't too happy about the name and what's worst, there is racism in this island. I know that I never had any choices but to get myself out of there. They don't play fair and they are professional con artists. I know that I have to work on my driver's license, NSCC Plumbing Certificate and NSCC Cooking Certificate. I know that I want those two careers in my future life. I hope that I could become better than what those people were. 

When I moved away from Eskasoni it was like a switch turned on and my quality of life was better. I got my ALP diploma, I got my trade credential and Unama'ki Driving Certificate. I had my Beginner's license, I just got to renew it. And I got a couple of Certificates. I know that I never had any connections until now. I know that I could reach out to ALP for jobs in Port Hawkesbury. Or try to find a place there. 

I know that I got dialysis. I got to be patient with getting my second kidney. I know that Mawita'mk Society cares and they care a lot but I wonder sometimes how they could have a Mawita'mk Playbook. I know that it isn't but I feel that I have to have faith in the Lord. And trust Mawita'mk Society for the better. 

I know that I hadn't the best of luck with everything I had in Eskasoni. And having that kind of dark skepticism and criticism has lead me to a self-abusing monkey. I don't have any ladies in my life and I cannot bring them here. 

I know that I've accomplished a lot in my time in We'koqma'q community. I know that I had credentials and Certificates. And I know that I want to continue on that path until I can get my niche job. I know that I want to have everything I need to function independently in Eskasoni. Where I could get my own apartment in Eskasoni or Sydney. And where I have been living with Mawita'mk Society, I want to move out of Eskasoni and We'koqma'q and live my life in Halifax or Sydney. 

For eleven long years Mawita'mk Society has shown the good trustworthiness and style of Mawita'mk Society with everything they had. I know that I never had any real choices in my life. And I know that I have to ask the family for approval of moving. 

Eleven long years of care and service, I should trust them. All they want me to do is the right thing and I know that I haven't been a good renal patient. I know that I have to be well aware of Rosie and Mawita'mk Staff. I feel there is room to build credit. They have the inherent credit-worthiness of being a service of care and love. But instincts never give out and I am still too comfortable with all this. 

I know that right now I cannot do much because I'm on dialysis. And I know that I cannot bring a date at Mawita'mk Society. And I know that I haven't received any job prospects. And school is on a hold because I don't know how long it will be for my second kidney. NSCC and CBU are willing to accommodate for me. And still Mawita'mk Society isn't willing to support me in any of that. 

Raf has taught me financial skills, I just need to read my printouts and research a little on it. I want to be skilled in budget, finance, trades, politics and other skills I wouldn't mind. Like driving and getting Driver's Certificates. I want to be very well skilled in driving, trades and other skills I need for my independent business. 

I've been diagnosed since 2010 and I never had a psychiatrist tell me that I might get over it. I know that I had a psychiatrist tell me he will try to understand. I hadn't a psychiatrist since God's knows when. I know that I don't have any supports for going to CBU. And I know that Mawita'mk Society asked me to drop out. I don't want to because Mawita'mk Society is supposed to look out for me, not its own interests.