Apologize

Looking like an asshole, I know that I'd learned much as I can after the heavy regrets. I was a child addict back in 1989/1990. I know that in my early childhood I was learning concepts that made the commonest kid seem dumb. I know that I am an nerd by nature and I enjoy being a social nerd. My biological mother taught me to be social and open-minded. Feeling that I've learned much as I can about the culture, tradition, customs and etiquette. I'd learned grammar from everyone and I'd learned how to enjoy learning from my stepfather.

I was ashamed and angry because of so much. I know that if I could take these blogs and make an autobiography out of them. I could be a something of a good writer for my blogs and write an autobiography. I apologize if I do sound like an asshole. I want to be elegant like Socrates or Plato. I want to be a skilled writer. And work within my knowing.
Feeling that I am a stranger to the courts of law. I know that I want my books therapeutic and helpful. Making connections with other Treaty allies. I know that I have learned much as I can with books. I am knowledgeable with books and I have tons of reasons to live at Mawita'mk Society.

In Eskasoni I had to hustle because I was completely on my own. Taking care of my own place and living with no one to back me up. Dysfunctional friends that wanted money. I knew that life was easier with family. My bottle-pickin' started in Mickey's Lane, with my stepfather who wanted money and my older brother wanted money. My older brother started the pop bottles idea and I had a good name with this kind of business because of my older brother Steven Joseph Sylliboy-Morrison. My older brother wanted my life to be a productive one. His influences reached outside of the house.

With friends that got me motivated again and wanting to sleep with that motivation. I know that I want to set things right through my blogs. I know that I want to write a pretty interesting autobiography. Of course I'd recovered or I wouldn't be able to tell these short stories. I know that I have been living in Eskasoni for 25 years, on and off. And I'd collected pop bottles, repaired cabinet doors and chopped wood. I was living by myself at the time, on welfare and unable to accomplish what I needed.

This place called Ni'kinen house, is my second chance. Nobody knows this better than me to live my life meaningfully, connecting with family and friends. Nobody deciding anything for me. I know that I was deprived of powers and schooling. I know that I couldn't get anything regular in my life. Feeling that I need my stepfather more than ever. I need to see if this real.

The only person that could give me some closure and information about my past child addiction. I know it's my stepfather. But I feel that I had a good childhood considering. I danced with my stepfather with Dr. Hook and other bands, listening to the healing songs of the 70s, 80s and 90s. I know that my stepfather knew my sense of music could grow this way. This way he wanted my sense of rock and roll to 70s' disco and funk.

I think I'm going to write an autobiography, then memoirs of my past. I have something of an interesting life. An autobiography is an account of my past written by me. While memoirs are more of a historical account or biography written from personal knowledge or special sources. Hopefully, I can handle it and get it right. My personal history starts at 74th street and I was a happy child. I knew a innocent sense of contentment, fellowship and fun. I knew love, hope and prayer.

Feeling that how I got to child addiction, I met up with an abused kid who never had any choices of being sober. I met up with Steve Knockwood. A good friend who let me learn on my own and let me discover delusional happiness, beatings and a good understanding of death. Not in an eschatological way but rather in my own way. 

I know that I've learned much in downward spiral. I learned what darkness meant, I did much in my time and went through so much. Still going through so much, I know that I lost a cousin Nancy Ann Cremo. I have a Grammy in Home Palliative Care and a second cousin in ICU. I know that I am on dialysis and getting my workup done to be on the Transplant kidney list.

I know that some of the supports I get are clothing checks, food and cleaning supplies. I know that if I move out I'll be paying for clothes, shoes, jackets, rain coats.

Winter clothes, summer clothes, spring clothes, boots and socks. I know that I would be paying for my own underwear, long John's, pajamas, shorts. I know that I would have to hustle again, work and live my life without succeeding. But now I think I might be able to thrive in Eskasoni because I'm well aware of my routines for life skills. I know that I'm used of Connie and others, being strict on me. I know that my fluid intake is limited to two cups of water.

I live in comforts of well prepared meals and a little treats every once in a while. Comfort food, comfortable bed, comforts of a good Mi'kmaq home. The comforts of routines and habits. The comforts of a few good staff and the comforts of Mawita'mk Society. I know that I have benefits like getting my clothing check, getting a fresh well prepared meal and transportation to appointments, dialysis and to family's places.

I know that this place is well suited for an ideal client, resident and member of Mawita'mk Society. I know that I get benefits like advocacy for better health. More information about my health. The idea that I get it from the doctor is a plus sign. The regular independence of an modern adult is not needed. I know that I need to get used of seeing my family physician on my own. I know that my baby sister Katt, is going to let me practice with her car. I know that I want to be driving myself to dialysis.

Mawita'mk Society doesn't want to be pegged as the bad guy. They are good but to keep me dependent on them for the rest of my life. I know that I want to be skilled in plumbing, self-advocacy and driving. I want to have my BA degree so that way I could understand how this Band Office works. I know that there is a certain amount of funding they get. And have to use for the betterments of the people.

Here I have my enjoyments and comforts at Mawita'mk Society where I could learn much as I can, with the hours not expected and the timelessness of the great pastimes of reading. I know that I am happy here and have the ability to show my independence when I please. I know that I want to go back to school, to get my BA degree. The CBU is willing to accommodate for me. And they have a Disability Service. I know that Mawita'mk Society wants to hold me back. Feeling that they've never learned about Cape Breton University. I know that I could do the schooling.

I know that I have been living here eleven long happy years and spent my days with NSCC Strait Campus. I never went to Cape Breton University and went through their Bachelor of Arts program. I know that I could do the program in 4 years and have my BA degree in no time.

I know that nobody wants me to rush anything. But I feel that I have to develop my knowledge from CBU program. Get a good understanding of the systems in place of We'koqma'q community, Eskasoni Community and other First Nations Communities. I want to see the differences in the communities I've been in as a passenger. I want to be a skilled driver and have everything I need for my own health, general muscular fitness, walking endurance, degrees and professional Certificates. I want to get much as I can with my life and have my life together in that kind of goals.

I know that I deserved to live my life with CBU. I know that I don't have any NSCC sweater because I hadn't any protections for my stuff from Rosie or others. I know that their excuses are images of me cleaned. I know that Mawita'mk Society don't want me to grow too attached to my clothes.

I know with Mawita'mk Society I don't get my way because I'd would've been out of here already. Living my life in Eskasoni with my expired Beginner's license. But some of the workers don't have a courage to tell Darlene or Rosie all this. That Cape Breton University is willing to accommodate me in my dialysis. And have a good routines for CBU. But I have to say all this, I have to have the spine to tell them that CBU is willing to accommodate me in my schooling and dialysis. Mawita'mk Society held me back when I could've move out but I know that I need to renew my Beginner's license and keep practicing driving.

I just got to wear this cast long enough for my ankle to heal. This orthopedic boot is healing my ankle and 1-6 weeks I have to wear it. Of course I take it off while I'm in my bedroom. But I know that I'm healing up nicely. And in that case I want to work at learning more from my books.