Hopefulness

I am hopeful that I could get my second kidney. And with those possibilities I could get my own apartment, my own full driver's license and truck. First though I need a job. And I'm hopeful for that too. I know that I get dialysis in the morning at every Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. It's the first of the year and I cannot go see my family. Covid-19 pandemic and three cases in We'koqma'q community. Where I have to stay here for the duration of Christmas. Still waiting on my Christmas bonus, birthday present from Curly and Christmas.

I should be happy because I don't have to do anything right now because of Covid-19. There is a new variant and it's Christmas. I hope that I could get my Christmas bonus and buy my stuff on my Amazon cart. I know that Rosie is going to update us on Monday. And in that we are going to stay home. It's a likelihood that we are going to stay home.

I know that I don't have to hustle but simply save up. I don't always have to buy coffee. But it's good that I have it once a day. I want to build a perfect little Bachelor house in my hometown. Where I built the design of the a multifunctional house with minimalist and earth house. Where I have an exercise basement and two floors earth house. I have my bedroom in the top floor with a bathroom in the bedroom, a closet and room for my stuff. I want to get an estimate for such a Bachelor house. Smart house that has a multifunctional, minimalist and earth house that I could exercise anywhere, write anywhere.

I want to purchase my own land and build a Smart house that is earthen, minimalist style and multifunctional. I want to use all the technology available to make a good home. A wood stove and other things to make the furnace of the house. And a good garage.

I want the star trek home of the future, of an earthen home. I want a Smart toilet, a bath fitter bathtub and a good sink to go with it. I want to make it two-story, Minimalist and Smart earthen Bachelor home. I want to have an basement with it. I want a washer and dryer in there with exercising equipments. And I want to live my life in this kind of home. I am at an ideal place to invest in big things like an small apartment buildings, my ideal Bachelor home and garage. And my own Smart home out of earth.

I'm at an ideal place where I could invest into a earthen home by the Swits, invest in a truck and time to get my own credentials. I know that I am at a safe place to live my life at Mawita'mk Society. A Mi'kmaq group home that has a cultural charitable organization to it. And I know that I am able to do plumbing at Marconi Campus. I know that I want to invest in time to get my full driver's license.

My full driver's license, job, BA degree and NSCC Plumbing Certificate. So, that way I could get my Red Seal papers. I know that my sister thinks she knows me but she never seen me do stuff. I know that she is clinically depressed and wants to hold me back out of anxiety. I know that nobody likes me and in that they like me because I am weak, disabled and sick. But I know that I could do much and in that I could do a lot.

But I need to get my second kidney and then get my credentials and license. I know that I have been living at Mawita'mk Society for eleven long happy years and I know that I don't need to do anything our of self-interest here because nobody let's me fall behind. I know that I have a good support system and staff but I don't like being told what to do as a kid. I always have somebody telling me what to do. And I know that I got how to do it. Feeling that I have a paradise in a way.

I know that simplicity is something that I got accustomed to. I didn't want to because I wanted to retain some independence in my mind. I know that I could get that good feeling and comfortable sense of independence back. I know that life skills, routines and a good hygiene habits is what I need in my life, if I was to move back to Eskasoni. I'll need to have a tub to have a bath because I have this tunneling line. I know that I want to have everything in my life. Still waiting on my Christmas bonus and it's Monday.

I know that I don't want to miss out on God of War for Playstation 4. In a cruel world where racism and traumas are always developing. I say that I have reached paradisiacal place in We'koqma'q community. I have a good home where I have to be patient and understanding, with coping skills, diplomacy and social strategies.

I know that Rosie is a good person but she is blind to the treatments I get from other residents. I know that I am not the youngest because people in my age group are a few months older than me. There isn't any hierarchical command system in place for any reason. I know that Vickie treats me like a target than more of a resident. I know Clyde financially abuses me and gets away with it. 

Making me feel that I have to buy him stuff because of his age. Native friction with each other is a common thing but not bringing out the bad in me or bringing me down is common. I've lived at Mawita'mk Society for eleven long happy years. Enjoying happiness, a warm and good sense of contentment. And a few good accomplishments and jobs with Mawita'mk Society.

I know that I don't get respect for my adulthood because I am in a Mi'kmaq cultural group home.

Mawita'mk Society would've enjoyed the fact that I have volition. And with that I have the ability to choose my own fate. Not be scolded or told what to do with my Facebook. I know that I haven't been well respected because I would've been left alone with a sense of freedom, independence and adulthood. I know that I don't get any respect because I know that Rosie Sylliboy doesn't want to give up her powers or authority in these situations. She doesn't offers much because her powers are powers of suggestions, not direct management.

I know that there are racist's denialism, colonialism and traumas. I know that I haven't been able to treat anyone in my life. And I know that I haven't got any justice or vengeance. I know that Mawita'mk Society is running me thin because I am not working, physically strong or have any accomplishments.

Accomplishments that would bring about life-changing situations of incomes. I know that I want to be patient about getting my second kidney, in order to get my full driver's license and BA degree. I have been through so much when I was a kid, gone through so much as a teen, had been through so much in my twenties and still going through so much right now. I know that I am the strongest person in my life. And I want to be accomplished, prospering and educated. With a full driver's license, physical muscular fitness and a good routines.

I know that I haven't gotten respect as an adult because I would've been told that I'm old enough to do all this, that I could help out and work for Mawita'mk Society. I know that I want to grow accustomed to the lifelong routines of chores, hygiene habits and physical muscular fitness. But I get so damn( fucking) tired that I want to live my life.

Live my life productively, actively and holistically. I want to moderate my video game playing and moderate my reading into a more of a mastery of discipline and self-control where I have a good sense of wonts and I obey that. I want to learn to obey my wishes of cleaning, organizing, tidying up and keeping it neat. I want to have a neat, clean and tidy bedroom by myself. I know these things and I know that I know routines from domestic respect of my step parents. I know that I respect Connie but I want to be able to do it by myself, automatically and right off the bat.

Without being told what to do. That's the kind of independence I enjoy. Candice had a way but I don't know how she done it. I know that I never lived without safety and protection. But when I invited the wrong people in my place. I hadn't any respect since then. I couldn't get them out and they wanted my place.

Like yesterday Connie knew I was old enough, she knew that we were old enough to clean after our messes. I don't want heavy tirading but I know that I want simple acknowledgement of my age and abilities. 

Not this deindividuated state of professionalism. Candice had her way of giving chore duty to everyone. I know that I'd enjoyed that and knew that I was living with a skilled Clinical Support Staff. She knew her stuff and had Therapeutic Recreation diploma from NSCC.

I've lived here for eleven long happy years. Seen a lot of people come and go here. And usually I'm the target. I know that I have a good home but apparently I don't have any respect in any sense of my adulthood. I know that I am an adult and this is an adult situation. I know that Mawita'mk Society offers safety but they don't offer protection. They have safety and security.

That's for their own self-interest. Yes, they have earned my trust but I'm paranoid schizophrenic and gullible. I don't have the common sense to defend myself, protect or secured myself. I feel that I will always be dependent on Mawita'mk Society because I don't have any motivation to move out. Everyone older than me thinks that I should stay here instead of forgive. I know that I am healing and trying to live my life holistic, wholly and healthy. Eskasoni can wait because I know that Eskasoni don't give a damn about me. They've would've came by and visited.

I know that Mawita'mk Society cares a lot and wants me to see nothing but good in them. Yes, they've built a legacy of good service, governance and good management. I know that I have something a negative frame of mind every time I'm stuck or have writer's block. I just got to remain calm and patient.

It's Christmas month, I have to be forgiving and accepting.