That's Life

I don't get the woman I want but that's life. I know that I have accomplished so much in We'koqma'q community. I know that I have a good life at Mawita'mk Society but I hadn't date at all. That's life and I have to take the bad with the good. I know that I have to accept all walks of life and have a good understanding of the seven sacred teachings in my life, alongside with understanding coping skills in my life. Using them and applying them in my life.

The psycho-situational issues of a long-term neglect, malnourishment and addictions. Going through different stages of traumas and grief. I know that I had a good life in ways but I could've live without the beatdowns and hypersexuality. I could make a life here worth living with vitality, energy and personal growth. I know that my future personal growth will change me in ways of being productive and thriving.

I wouldn't mind being an Accredited Addiction Counselor for We'koqma'q. And a Judo Referee Specialist for We'koqma'q. I know that I want to be able to build a very good life on my own and without any help. I don't want to be stuck with a bunch of old people and wasting away. I want to get out and do stuff. Hopefully, I can get Certify in We'koqma'q Prevention program, Judo Referee Specialist and Dialectal Behavioral Therapy. I hope that after I get Certified in all that I could get Certify in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and later in life, I could get Registered as a licensed Counseling Psychologist. I want to get my Master's degree in Counseling Psychology and hopefully, become a skilled psychotherapist who is Certified in Dialectal Behavioral Therapy and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. And have so many reasons to stay at We'koqma'q community because I have a career, credentials and licenses.

I hope that I could enjoy life by cooking. Hopefully, Tinder changes my woman need. And Mike MacInnis could help me in being Certified in a few things. I know that I'm not giving up that easily and I want to be skilled, competent and proficient in driving, Trades and fitness, Counseling psychology and much more. I know that I'm on dialysis and that's life for me. I feel that everyone that has been healthy and fortunate enough to have a smartphone when they were young. I am jealous of them because I don't have any dating experience in my life. I know that I was left to the wolves and I know that I didn't get to go out on dates at all. But that's life for me, being disadvantaged and having missed opportunities. My stepfather wanted me to missed out on so much that he didn't care for me when I became a 16 years old.

He didn't care of I needed a smartphone or anything. All he cares about is me owing him.
I know that I'm too much in debt with my stepfather. He wants to keep it that way too. 

So, that way he could win the Father of the Year award. I feel that when I turned 18 everyone came after me because I was alone in that house. I couldn't put claim to it and I couldn't really thrive because of so much psycho-social stratifications of discriminations, traumas and addictions. I know that I have to keep getting certain Certifcates and credentials. I know that I have faith in the Church to bring those documents and apologize. I know that I'm a descendant of Indian Residential School survivors and I know that I want to be successful, accomplished and published.

I know that I have a lot of good reasons to stay here and live my life to thrive. I know that I want to be skilled, disciplined, experienced, practiced and knowledgeable in counseling, driving, Trades, Judo Referee Specialization.

I have to build routines with Mike MacInnis and Mawita'mk Society. Morning routines to daily routines and evening leisures. I know that I'm a bachelor and love is going to change because of Tinder I think. I know that I have to have an open mind as I get on there. I know that I'm happy where I'm at but I want to keep doing stuff. I know that mental health is important so I try to keep in shape through my exercising equipments and weights. I know that I want to get in shape because I know that in not that strong. There is body dysmorphic disorder where a guy or girl don't have the type of body that is on the Internet. I know that I want to be lean with some muscular fitness.

Accepting that I'm not that attractive to some of these women in We'koqma'q community, I just have to change that through Tinder and have my days waiting on a response. I know that I'm not really liked or respected.

I know that I'm still trying to find meaning, value and significance in my culture,  tradition, history, religion, philosophy and heritage, community, family and friends. I don't have any respect or black list contacts because I'm still wanting to move back home and go on dates. That's life for me though and I know that I'm not that smart or perfect. But I am knowledgeable in ways and hopefully, I can keep expanding my mind through the enjoyments of reading and writing. I know that I want to be Certified in Judo Referee Specialization, Dialectal Behavioral Therapy, We'koqma'q Prevention program and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

I know that at 6 I start to read and think of things to write. Complimentary works to original ideas. I know that I have worked through many difficulties, missed opportunities, traumas, mistreatments, addictions, discriminations, traumas, losses.
I know that I never had any good chances at love because there is so much problems in every First Nation communities. I know that I'm not really happy with missed opportunities. I know that I'm happy how my life turned out in ways but I'm sadden because my grandmother passed away. I had a few losses. My uncle Richard, my uncle Alex, my cousins Nancy Ann Cremo and Noel Julian. And I know that I'm back on dialysis because my kidney was at that mark in life where I couldn't maintain it.

I feel that I could make it through this because spring is coming. And I know that I want to be walking more to We'koqma'q Tim Hortons. I know that I have a lot of support here and I know that I'm not really that attractive to these ladies. But I know that I'm still wanting to thrive on my own. Whatever that means now and these days. I know that I'm still stuck here.

I know that I'm still stuck here where people are holding me back because I'm on dialysis. I know that I want to earn a Certificate in We'koqma'q Prevention program from Therasa Memorial Health Center. I know that I have been learning to cope through Mike MacInnis. I know that I'm alright but I'm thinking backwards in some fashion. I know that I ain't any special lover but I know that I'm still looking for a wife. I hope that I could get somebody that won't judge me as much as I won't judge her. I have a shady past and I'm trying to work through it. I know that I'm still a drug dealer in ways. A bad ass that was selling drugs one point in my life so some people would respect me.

I know that I had something of an issue with selling so I'd backed out. I know that I was discriminated against for picking pop bottles. And I know that I was taught a lot of things. But I wasn't progressing in any way.

I know that I'm not genius because I would've had many scientific and philosophical books on cross-species genetics and stem cell research could have promising results. A new splicing can happen. But I could read stuff off the Internet and learn about the news of these things. I know that I have read about Japan's National Institute of Physiological Sciences and other researches. I want to be at Triumf University and live my life with the latest collection of scientific books in medicine, in physics and in mathematics. What makes headline and what I can do with.

I know that I got a bunch of books on psychological techniques on coping. Emotional Literacy, Emotion Attunement, Emotional Intelligence, Mindfulness, Emotional Sobriety, Emotional Regulation, Distress Tolerance and Interpersonal Effectiveness. I know that I have a strong interest in my books because I've read them.

I've read them to an extent and I know that I want to be able to build a good life here because I don't have any blacklist contacts. I know that I am still learning about relationships in addictions, and learning healthy relationships. I know that I'm enjoying my books because reading doesn't hurt. I know that I had no easy job. And I know that I'm still the one who is against hypergamy. I know that I'm nothing to the ladies on Tinder but hopefully, Tinder can change all that. I want to get a lot of women in bed.

I know that with staff here this job is apt to fit their comforts. They don't have to drive me but I get held back at driving myself? I don't get to bring a woman to my bedroom but I am free to date? Why do the workers fend off women when I have a chance? Why do I feel trapped here when they say that I could leave any time I want? Why am I dependent on my family's approvals and concensus?
That's easy I don't have a job, full driver's license or car. I know that I'm still stuck where I'm at because this place serves for the staff's feelings instead of professionalism. They aren't hired for any support. They could say that but they be omitting a lie in a way. This place isn't a family, my family is in other communities. I am a Jown and a Syliboy, I know that I am, of Muin Clan. I feel like I don't have any family here and I know that I've been humiliated in a few ways. First I cannot take care of myself, self-prompt because they took that ability away from me.

I always had a loving family. My real family have been good with me. I know that I never had any dates in my teen years. And I never had any dates in my twenties. Missed opportunities I always had because my stepfather was cheap, stingy and a miser. I know that I always had to earn my money from him. 

I know that I had difficulties, bullies, grief and losses, pains and traumas, mistreatments and discriminations, missed opportunities and held backs, hindrances and neglect, malnourishment and addictions, mental illness and more lost opportunities of dating. And lost opportunities of employment, education and training or socioeconomic resources, barriers and tragedies. 

Still u wake up from a lost childhood and a childhood addiction, going to school just to be taken out for their personal gains. I know that I never had any normal life and when I was diagnosed paranoid schizophrenia that was an upsetting blow to my mind. I've lost my mind and I was grieving for that. Grieving that I'd lost my apartment, my mind and my stepfather's approval to keep living on my own without Mawita'mk Society's care.

I still wake up without being laid for twelve years and patiently waiting to get a date.