Big Comfy at Mawita'mk

I know that I'm not supposed to think of these workers as spoiled. Because this is a family environment, we all have trust in each other. I know there isn't any cheaters, abusers or any schemers here. I know that I have to trust my support system to not attract harm my way. I know that at Mawita'mk Society my paranoia goes off as usual and it doesn't make a big shit. I don't want to be disappointed in any way because I've been into many different situations that attracted troubles. But when I started to visit my cousin Ray on a occasional basis. I had chores to do at my stepfather's family house.

I know that I don't want to repeat this ever again. But I have still, stinking thinking and I need AA or NA. I know that I don't get to chill normally like some folks. My stepfather cheated on my biological mother and that is where my paranoia went. I know that I have to get some AA meeting or NA meeting in.

I feel that I'm at a big comfy place at Mawita'mk Society with service that has been excellent since its opening in 2007. I've been here since 2010 and my paranoia was much worst. I couldn't trust anyone here and now I am struggling with some old demons of mine. I've been couped up here for 2 years now, on rarest occasions getting out. I know that could drive a madman like me crazy. I know that I cannot go visiting as usual. I have to have patience with the times these days.

The nightlife in Cape Breton Island I don't know because I hadn't my full driver's license and truck. I know that I don't have any blacklist contacts but I know that I have a bunch of contacts for family channels. The Travails of my past made me who I am today. 

I've worked hard and got my ass out of Eskasoni. Love is a cultural belief, asthete, value and significance. Live love is better because you could feel the attachmentalism.
I know that love is psychobiosociological need for world peace. It's a universal and ecumenical kind of thing. I don't know how we look at people with the neuroscience of love but the psychology of love is knowing the limits without even thinking of it. I know that love is such a powerful feeling and in that we learn that culture, tradition, history, religion and heritage are all important for faith in a Loving God. I know that I hadn't any passionate love(romantic lust) but I know compassionate love(family, friends and forms of therapy) is a comfort for a guy like me.

In fact it gets me out of my head and I get to focus on activities that I do enjoy. I know that I had a bunch of good experiences in Eskasoni, Sydney, Chapel Island, Paq'tnkek and We'koqma'q. I know that I'd struggled back and forth with addictions. But I know that I had been rebellious throughout my teen.

Zion is a hill where the city of David is and in the Christian thought, a hill where heavenly city or kingdom is. I think. Love is such a powerful thing that there is millions of dollars to find that million dollar body. I know that I've been wanting to grow in a relationship because it has so much benefits and perks. I know that there is less stress because you're facing the problem together. There is an increase in sense of purpose. There is so many health benefits that you could practically survive longer.

Love is so powerful that it would make an institution like The Vatican Church rip off some of the youths. Well all of them because it practice measures of control. But we are slowly recovering with love in our hearts. We are slowly learning to unlearn the bad habits that have imprinted on our brains at youth. And we are gradually getting better, growing personally and learning.

I know that I've forgiven my stepfather for cheating on my biological mother. And I know that my stepuncle have raped my mother. I know that I've been angry for the longest time. And I know that I have been through hell and back. But I still worked on myself throughout the years I've been here. I know that I have been developing personally and professionally. I know that I don't have any attractive quality but humble humor. I know that I love my family and I do respect them. But I know that I'm a man and I have to provide my own opportunities and take responsibilities for my life. I know that I have to try.

I've worked hard to get this far and I'm not about to give up now. I know that I need AA and NA like I need a treatment of medicine and food. I know that I want to enjoy the family love(compassionate love) at Mawita'mk Society and with family.

I know that I want to break free from stinking thinking and reinvent myself by adopting new strategies in DBT Skills Training Manual, Emotional Literacy through Trauma and Addiction book, Emotional Intelligence book and Emotion Attunement through The Man's Guide to Women. I have to listen to the hearts of Mawita'mk Society and learn and obey what they want for my holistic, whole and healthy lifestyle. Psycho-sexually speaking, yes I'm kind of stuck but talking health, I am happier and better than I was in Eskasoni on my own. I know that people lie and in that I know there is inherent flaws with that. People will always see to it their lie works.

But I have to work on it with a lot of books I have. I have to grow accustomed to duties like cooking, cleaning, baking, doing chores and errands. I hope that I could grow accustomed to family love in this place. I know that I'm reading a lot.

I'd loved every apartment I've been in and I know every apartment I've been in, I'd made it cozy and homey. I'd cooked many meals and was growing accustomed to cooking in every apartment. I was just enjoying the silence and solitude of my own apartment space. I know that I have been enjoying my freedom since then. I know that I needed to switch my nights into daily routine and have everything I need at my own place. I did not have any online shopping account but now I do and hopefully, it can serve a great purpose in my life if I do get that far in my life.

My great pastimes would be books, music, video games and watching movies or TV or Netflix. I know that I never had a smartphone for the longest time and everyone recommended the smartphone. A cheap one too. But I wanted a good one and I know that I had a bunch of money if I didn't use any apps.

I care and I know that these people care. I just got to get my act together and start to grow accustomed to obeying the rules and regulations instead of having such pettiness in my life. Its just getting in the way and I know that I have been with females that didn't want me. They just used me to get that vital information. Then again Connie has pettiness with her reactions. I don't see any difference in my influences. I know that I have to learn to accept, do and move in fitness, walking, bathing and everything. I know that Connie or Darren has done something to my mind to make me less independent.

I know that they care and want the best for me. My real father went through Midlife Crisis and his was a deadly one because of Indian Residential Schools. I know that he was something of a strong man because he loved me enough to stay away from me during his Midlife Crisis.

I know that I didn't want to be part of his life because he'd used me in every way. I know that my stepfather cheated on my biological mother long ago. Back in the 80s turning to the 90s. I know that I never had any woman for a lover. And the reason is because I had everything against me. I know that I had to learn on my own to entertain myself. I know that with my older brothers I always watched the video game and played it later on.

I know that I have my own gaming systems and that I have to prove my independence. I used to have a full personal powers over my life that nobody could influence any outcome. Now they can with a thought and I don't like that. I hope that I could learn to control my own  life, have some mental tools and life skills to manage my life. I just got to enjoy my life without interruptions or on my own personally. If I hadn't learned these mental tools and life skills at Mawita'mk Society.

I know that it's nor working here. I have no idea why they want to keep me here. I know that I want to move back home. I know that I have many issues at home but I am learning. I know a thing or two about DBT Skills Training Manual. Hopefully, I can keep reading it until I finish the damn book. I know that I'm almost done Trauma and Addiction, a psychological works of the relationship in terms of the abusive cycle of addictions and discriminations. It covers relationship experience in alcoholic parents and children, to neglect and malnourishment.

How a kid have survived the times and is able to tell the story. Dr. Tian Dayton got her Master's degree in Educational Psychology and a Doctorate in Clinical Psychology, and is board Certified trainer in psychodrama, sociometry and group psychotherapy. She is a Certified Montessori teacher. I know that she is brilliant.

She has authored fifteen books, including The Soulful Journey of Recovery, The ACOAs Trauma Syndrome, Emotional Sobriety, Trauma and Addiction(which I am reading), Forgiving and Moving On and The Living Stage. I've got enough bookcases for her books, Dr. Phillip Zimbardo and Dr. John Gottman books.

I've listened to fools who never picked up a book. And want to stump the doctors because they don't want to be wrong. She has created and incorporated approaches for experiential work into the Treatment Programs and Group Work known as Relationship Trauma Repair or RTR. She knows her stuff because I never had any real connections or friends who knew these books. I know that I'm trapped by my family and Mawita'mk Society because they don't want me to learn about counseling, driving or anything.

It seems I am not allowed to have personal powers in this place. Because I am diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic I know that I'm needing a woman. But that is impossible because I don't have any friends. But I know that I usually provide for myself because hot women won't fuck me. I know that I'm not handsome or attractive, only to my aunties.lmao.

I know that I'm happy where I'm at because I am grieving, on dialysis and have paranoid schizophrenia. I know that I'm useless and have too many enemies in Eskasoni and probably here. I don't want to count this place as an enemy. But I know that if they are picking on me, they must like me. So some people say. I know that where I come from I'm humiliated in ways of being picked on and nobody respects that part of my life. I know that I don't get that much women because most of them are in relationships.