Original Hometown

I am something of a good man. I value my peace but I know that I don't have good history. I've been an addict on and off during my time in Eskasoni and I know that I don't value chaos. It's just that my struggles are real and I don't have any respect for being myself. Originally I am from Eskasoni and I need a job from there. My originality is  addictions that have riddled through my life. 

Since my childhood I was an addict and teen addict. I'd learned to have weed in moderation and I knew that I did not have my own job experiences in Eskasoni until I got a job at Gabriel Center.

I got 24 years of typed and hand-written poems that I could turn into many good books. I know that I am a veteran at writing but I know that I have to work at my writings. I know that I am damned and forgotten because I am weak and useless in ways of disabilities. I know that I don't want nightmares.

I could say I was something of a jack of all trades with no masters. I hope that I could become a Red Seal Certifed Plumber. I know that I hope that I am good with measuring tape. I know that I need an Imperial measuring tape. I know that I have access to Internet accessibility with Mawita'mk Society. 

I could listen to music and go get my Certificate from the Four Seasons of Reconciliation. I know that it is said that it's free. I know that if I could stay in touch with Mawita'mk Society, if I do move. But I know that I'm making connections here and having a grand old time.

I feel like I have been given opportunities and choices, to figure out what I want and how I want it. I know that Mawita'mk Society is need-base and I know that I have a great job advocate for my little struggles. I feel that I have been living at Mawita'mk Society for twelve years and have accomplishments.

My hometown hasn't made any efforts to get me back. But they are extremely busy and have to work for the betterment of the community. Growing personally here I know that I have been learning to accept my position and try to make it good here. But We'koqma'q community doesn't hire other band members because it isn't their policy. I know that I want to move back home eventually. And hopefully, work at Eskasoni with a good job. I know that Eskasoni hires but so did We'koqma'q community. But I'll get more of a chance in Eskasoni.

If I ever get a second chance with Eskasoni. I just wanted out and living outside of Eskasoni. I wanted to accomplish so much but in today's society there is inflations and high cost of living, high gas prices and low income. I know that I have no chances unless I keep reading books that have life skills, financial education, balance with personal life.

Balance with personal life and work life. My full driver's license isn't that much of an imperative because I am on dialysis. And it will be extra hard on me because I don't have any jobs or incomes. I know that I have a lot of books to finish. I have started a lot of things and have to finish. I know that I have a lot to think about, especially with those contents and information that contain in those books. The psychology, history and philosophy of information would be an interesting subject.

I used to have an old dictionary and I knew that I wanted to live my life as a wordsmith of poems, of novels, autobiography and other forms of exercises of my mind. I knew that I needed a team and wanted to have several publications in my name. Poem books I've created, an autobiography I've written and a series of novels based on my fantasy. I know that I could rest now.

I was busy today and it was hot out. I felt like I've lost a couple pounds. I know that I've gotten new clothes today and it's July 20th, Wednesday/2021. I enjoy going out shopping with Rosie but nobody else. People can be cruel and strange, but with Rosie it isn't. I feel renewed and want to rest my mind. I feel like Mike MacInnis doesn't understand me fully. And I know that there is a part of me that don't like reading that much. It's my animal side, my dark side where I want to fight. I know that people want me to fail miserably. I know that I don't get to choose my own choices. But at least I get to personalized my space.

I feel like originality is something and I have been original for a while. I've done a lot in my time but never have I had any thing good ln my permanent record. I have no schooling in elementary schools or any schools in Eskasoni.

I barely have any level of education with Eskasoni because of prejudice and favoritism. I know that I'm way too ugly to pass any grades. And I know that I'm not that smart to begin with. I know life skills that are job-related but I don't have any glowing recommendations on my student record. I feel I've been cheated out of my youth. And I never was properly motivated or ambitious to begin with. People kept on tearing the systems down while my stepuncles and stepfather kept me out of education and the important things in my life.

My original hometown is Eskasoni but I never was liked there that much. I knew people wanted me to fail because they have gotten me out of schooling. I know that I haven't lived my life to the fullest potential. I wasn't good at hiding anything and I knew that I was a disaster. I did not earn my own existence and livelihood.

Rights that would've been given to somebody else so graciously. I had to earn my rights to live in a community. Yeah I've grown up there and only stayed there until I was 25 years old. I know that if I was good they would give me opportunity. But I know that I have a criminal element to my name, maybe more. Being that I don't have my older brother looking out for me. Which I know that I have people looking out for me but I know that I don't get to choose anything. I'm talking about rights they've chosen to ignore when I was a kid and teenager.

I know that my stepfather's family has argued back against everything that has happened. I cannot talk about how I was stuck homeless in Eskasoni for a night. I know that I haven't been so lucky enough to get dates, training in driving, good teachings, nourishment or anything that I needed in important stuff. Like jobs.

My stepfather still haven't chosen me for rehab job. He always held that view that I was lazy and a view could be powerful. I am being held back again and it seems that I cannot get anyone on my side. I cannot have any thing that I need. This world is cruel and slow. I live in stagnancy and dependency. I don't have anyone willing to give me training in driving anymore. I am stuck where I'm at because I don't have any respect. I know that people rather me faithless but comfortable happy about it.

But I have to take heart. There is Rosie who said she would train me in the back roads. And I know that I don't get any lady because I have no car, no full driver's license or job. I know that I'm still learning about how relationships works. And I know that from my friendships I never was in control of my own finances. I was slowly losing my mind and thankfully I had Mawita'mk Society.

The people cheating with each other isn't lying to me but I don't appreciate being at those moments. It's embarrassing because they are legitimately trying to get away with cheating on a long term. But the people that cheat me isn't gonna get away with it. These people are just cruel, mean-spirited and downright sadistic. They would get you malnourished if it suited their entertainment. What seem like a nice gesture in normal circumstances is cruel taunt in another circumstances. I know that I never brought home a date and I never went to prom.

I was stuck where I was because I couldn't have relations. I feel trapped here because sexuality isn't discussed. And everyone is too damn bigoted to even think things through. I don't have anyone defending me because I wasn't the fighting type I'd told my biological mother. Plus my stepfather didn't want me to fight or exercise in vengeance.

I know that I'm no lucky man who has everything all in the right places. I know that I did not get a job in my early twenties. And I know that I don't get any ladies one night at a time. I know that I don't get any jobs I want. I know that I don't take any opportunities because I was taught to be afraid of those opportunities. I know that I wasn't fairly treated because my step family had some vengeance or either they didn't believe I shouldn't of been given any opportunity because I was a nerd. I know that certain stepfamily members didn't want me to graduate from anything. They would rather see me in the deadly cycle of addictions and discriminations. Everything I've done and the family that protected each other.

I know that I wasn't given anything but unfair treatments just to torment me more. So that they could say they've raised me right thr best that they did. Greedy for my opportunities.

I know that I was taught to be afraid of any opportunity. I know that my step uncles never wanted me to take any opportunities that came my path. I knew that I did not have much opportunity because mostly everyone that was Indigenous was my family in Cape Breton. And I never went off the island because I did wasn't able to drive off. And I wasn't able to drive to the places I wanted. I know that I didn't get any dates like that in Eskasoni but I had my fair shares of women.

I know that now I'm struggling to get a woman into my bed. But I don't know if I have the energy to even have relations. But I do know that I'm happy where I'm at because I have some enthusiasm yo my life, I feel glad and satisfied. I know that women aren't that great at times. I don't read too well at times and I know that I'm not that adept at reading other people. Growing accustomed to life at Mawita'mk Society I'm happy.

I don't like this age thing where they get all my money for drugs and alcohol. I know that Audrey has done that to me and gotten my money. I know that I've faced many problems in Eskasoni and I couldn't really get anything I wanted. Everyone seemed to want me get things for them. I felt that I didn't have any opportunities in Eskasoni because but I had jobs in there. Business transactions has happened where I accepted cash to do their lawn or wash dishes when they weren't up to it. I know that I'd tried to make friends and I felt that I did not do that well. But I'd showed a strong hand.

I know that Clyde doesn't respect me enough to tell me the truth. But I know that most people here in We'koqma'q community are like that too. I haven't really progressed in any stages because it doesn't feel like that. Clyde keeps me down and I know that I don't have any respect from anyone here.

That's another thing I get blamed and it's full discriminations all the way. But one of these people get blamed, oh its not their fault though. I have discriminations on a daily basis and I don't appreciate that. 

Discriminations based on a cultural ageism, sexism, favoritism, nepotism, intercultural racism through colourism, ableism and guilt through ageism. I know that I don't get the respect I deserve because they assume rights over my own mind. Cruelest things they've done was shaming me to the extreme. I know that I don't get to choose my women but damn I don't get to choose my own mind? Discriminations works many ways and one of them is suffering like a criminal. I've gotten used of everything that I don't know anything else.

I know that I cannot stand anyone trying to tell me what to do. I know that I value my independence.

I know that I have been treated fairly but it means that I have to give up years of resistance to this organization. I know that I don't need to work extra hard because I got a level of education from Port Hawkesbury in 2015. While I was in Eskasoni I picked pop bottles and recycled them for cash. I landscaped and did repair work. I felt like I was free financially but everyone kept on stealing my money, grocery and cleaning tools and supplies. 

With my level of education I could move back home and get a job doing retail, construction or fast food. But I don't want to move back because I know that I will face problems. Eskasoni reminds me of a life of struggles and beatdowns. I got traumatized to spend my time trying to get healed. Just to get traumatized again and again. 

I did not have much to look forward to in Eskasoni and Paq'tnkek. I know that in We'koqma'q I cannot get the job I want because of many things. Building a career is a lifetime experience. But what do I want to for the rest of my life?