Brave, Sober Intellectual

Being smart doesn't necessarily mean brave but I usually am without good results. I usually get beaten or maimed because everyone wants me to accede to being called a bitch. I know my influences like Commander Worf being honorable and brave. Me? I usually try to keep honor with my parents and culturally respect my elders. I know that I have arguments like Cultural ageism versus cultural respect? Why honor a toxic person if it is a parent? But I know that I don't have to put up with a toxic parent because I know that I could cut him or her out of my life. There isn't any understanding when it comes to my real father.

My stuff comes to boredom when it comes to a conversation. I know that I'm a boring talker and I know that these workers don't see the higher interest in epistemic curiosity. I know that I'm that nerdy little descendant bachelor who has accomplished past in We'koqma'q. 

I know that people care about me but not the science of a relationship, emotional coping skills, job-related life skills, strategies, tips and advises for coping. I know a thing or two about coping ahead, splash water on my face for the drown effect. And have my life motivated and determined to exercise. I used to think all this was simple. I used to be an endurance walker and walked when I had to. I have built a good life in We'koqma'q community and my sister Katt is trying to straighten out her life. She has a job at We'koqma'q Daycare and I hope that she could get an apartment or house.

I know that I enjoyed today because we went to Chapel Island. I know that women have plenty of reasons not to go out with me. I cannot be holistically healthy because I know that I'm dialysis. And I know that women have inner fears. I'd provided emotional safety for my sisters.

And I know that I have provided counsel to some female cousins. But my advises were about communication and coping, not having sex or anything. They didn't asked for my counsel again because I know that I'd listened to women. I know that I have provided emotional safety for them too. I know I started to collect pop bottles at the age of five. For Christ sake I got my first Walkman from pop bottle collecting. I know that I have collected while I was up in Paq'tnkek but never got recycled I think.

They never really wanted to validate my knowledge in this labor and job. I could be devoted to my job, show the strongest workethic and self-discipline. But that won't matter if I have to share my job with a high school student. Being brave doesn't mean smart at times. But my cousins are brave intellectuals who had a good life in ways of having a stereo. The latest music from MTV.

They had music channels and I don't know if they were working. But I know that I was at that time. I was learning workethic, commitment, routine, self-respect and self love. I'd learned to accept certain jobs as a good thing. As long as I was learning and growing accustomed to a routine, I knew that I had a summer job with my stepfather. I always had jobs with my stepfather because he was always doing something. And he knew I came cheap. I knew that I was learning to turn a swamp into a beautiful yard. And that was the beauty of landscaping, you could turn anything into a beautiful landscape.

I'd lived a good productive life and I know that I had to work hard. I know that I did not want to but as I was learning accustomation of duty. I'd learned that I was weak and useless. I wanted to be the best stepson and I wasn't. My childhood was set up for failures.

My teen years I was taught I wasn't enough. And that's when I'd realized that my future will not have muscles. I know what I've been through and I know that I was tiraded and put down. I don't need that here. I know that I wanted to help my stepfather but I did not possess the strengths. I wasn't tall enough and strong enough. I know that I did not have any opportunity to build my muscles.

I know that masculinity, the normal amount of it is something that I know is healthy. I know that there are toxic assholes out there who rather see the weaker people harming themselves. And I know that they are very sadden and want their anger to be justified. I know that isn't the best path for these toxic people. I know that the badder they are, the sadder they are. And that's been an underline philosophy for the criminal, the badder they are, the sadder they are. And I know that I want my own family.

But I know that I have to keep looking and living. Being on these dating apps and working. I want to work part-time with We'koqma'q Tim Hortons. And hopefully have my own job. And have a good enough reason to walk to work. I know that I'd lived by myself for 8-7 years in Eskasoni. And I know that half of the stuff I'd accomplished in We'koqma'q community I wouldn't of without regular meals, food and medicine. I just have to have a very good reason to walk every time I'm off of dialysis. I know that I want to work part-time employment with We'koqma'q Tim Hortons. And hopefully work that $400.

I know that I have been unsympathetic and unstoppable in ways. I know that I want to enjoy driving without restrictions or limitations. I know that I have been masculine before without the toxicity. I know that I have no choices but to fight back against the oppressionism of masculinity.

Being a brave intellectual is putting my personal journey out there. And having the world look at it in full. I know that I have been through mad different stages and worked many different things in my life. I know that I want to say that Mawita'mk Society may think that they'd figured me out. But I would rather my independence any day then to be stuck at Mawita'mk Society stagnant and dependent. I know that I have a good choice with moving with my sisters. And having my independence back.

I know that my sisters would take good care of me to their bestest abilities. But I don't think that they would have taken good care of me with good food and good medicine. And a fitness part of my routine. I know that I would sleep a lot more alone. And I know that I would have to get Eskasoni Welfare/Social Security and have my own pop bottle collection system.

I know that I could get a good job because I have a level of education and employability that could work in Eskasoni. And I know that I could learn financial literacy from my bank. Being a brave intellectual means I would take risks and live my life according to my will. I know that I want to earn trust and develop routines from Books. I know that I want to be on my own where I can live my life to the fullest potential I could have on my own. I know that being a sober, brave intellectual is being a psycho-spiritual warrior who uses Commander Worf's beliefs and values, putting them into good use in my life.

Being a sober, clean shaven and brave intellectual would mean I would want to take good care of myself because I don't want to be stuck at Mawita'mk Society living the good life. Stuck here because I cannot get a job or work on my full driver's license goal. I know that if I do move I would have more chances.
More chances to drive because of my sisters. 

Eskasoni inspires me to do more stuff and become an endurance walker. I know that I have been taking good care of myself ever since I was diagnosed paranoid schizophrenia and moved to We'koqma'q community. Growing personally accustomed to living here I know that I want to renew my Beginner's license and keep working on getting my full driver's license goal. A step family so cruel that they would take my biological mother's home because they have no rights. I know that I could get that house but I'll need help.

I know that they illegally took that house away from me. I did not give it up. I need help in getting that house back. I know that they are selfish, petty and Eurocentric. I know that is the only way they could have that house. I know that I haven't lived to the fullest potential of my abilities.

That's because the Morrison didn't want me to live to the fullest potential of my abilities. They didn't want me to have a car. They are only concern about their children. And so is the people that married them. I know that I'm all by myself when it comes to my rights. I know that I don't get any lady, job, degrees, car or full driver's license because of the Morrison. They'd left me out and left me behind. Nobody in their right, sober mind would help me. I know that they are half natives and they don't have any rights to that house. I know that they undermine and took control when I was young. They'd got to worked on me for their outcomes. Keeping me weak, stuck, stagnant and dependent on them.

Being a sober, productive and thriving and brave intellectual means I have to take that house. Make it my own because this has been a long struggle.

My biological mother's connections to Eskasoni through Jesse Denny takes precedent. I know that I'd let that old lady live there. They don't have any house and if I do make moves the Morrison is there to cause drama about a place they don't have. I know that they have worked on their paper work and worked on keeping my bloodline away from us. I know that I don't have any rights in their eyes(The Morrison side). I have no relation to the Morrison but my half blooded sisters. I know that they have connections with family but they were against me too. But I have to figure out my faith in my sisters. Eskasoni is my truest hometown and I want the best for my sisters.

Thanks to Eskasoni Chief and Council I have to learn my role with that community. Growing personally accustomed to living there and getting no where. I know that now I could get a job through my portfolio.

I just have to update my portfolio and work on my life. Continually improving on my own life. Having my own family with certain people. I want to have a place to invite my bloodline over. I want to live where I could welcome the Jown and Syliboy bloodlines. I hope that I could be careful with who I bring to my place. 

Eventually I will have my own place because I know that I could get my old hometown apartment back. I hope but the Morrison don't care about me because they want the house. I knew that this was gonna happen because I don't have any biological mother or full blooded brother at my corner.

I know that I'm alone in a post-truth distopian society. I know that they've been in Indian Residential School but I know that I have suffered under their reign. I know that it's unfair but any move I make it would end up me being the crazy one. I know that the community is talking about it.

I know that I have many enemies in my life. I know that I don't have that much pull because of the Morrison's work on me. Hypersexuality could be a deadly weapon. And I know that they want me to rely on them forever. I know that I hope for the best for my sisters. If I had that kind of connections/communications I had with my sisters I would re-take the house and get a job at Eskasoni Tim Hortons because my stepfather doesn't want me to work with him.

I know that I have been living without a house. Thankfully I could make that place a good home. My uncle Chuck is something of opportunistic, selfish, petty and Eurocentric kind of guy. He doesn't respect me or want me to have any level of control in my life. I know that I'm happy where I'm at to a degree but I want to be independent. Which would've meant I'm living without the Ni'kinen house house. I know that I have a place, I hope.