Women

I know that I could learn from my female older cousins who has taught me confidence. I know that I have my sisters who thought that they could help out my game. I know that I have been around women most of my life. I had aunties and adult female cousins. I had mothers and grandmothers tell me it's confidence I have to project. I know that I had an male cousins on my bloodline help me out with my dating game. I have learnt that confidence, leadership and money could change a lot around in my life. I know that I had enemies that rather not let me know that they are enemies. And change my view about them through manipulations and psychological warfare.

I know that I play it close to my heart and I don't let up who is an enemy. I know that I have dysfunctional friends which is common and I have enemies which I know that I have been fucked up by. I know that tough loving.

But too I know that punishment. I know that old vengeance wants to peak. And I know that I haven't been able to work at any angles in Eskasoni. Everyone there have kept me down and broke. I know that I have worked on myself but like I said I have enemies that want to intimidate me or make me think that they are not my enemies. It seems that I don't have any influences to stop these enemies. And the matriarchs of my family are passing away. I feel that I don't have time for that kind of nonsense.

I have been gaslighted that I have no rights over anything when it came to the Morrison. I know that I don't have any blacklist contacts or females after me. I have enemies in my house and a good deal of life experiences in traumas and addictions. But the matriarchs of my family are passing away and my influences is dimming. I know that I have been learning a lot about humility.

I know that I have been learning about my sober healing. I know that I have been through hell and back and mad different stages in my life. I've been at one extreme to another and found balance. I know enough to centre myself in focus and concentrate on my breathing. I know that I have been getting comfortable with Mawita'mk Society and that is what I'm scared of. I know that I have made happy, sober productivity over the years and made moves that would improve on my life.

I know that I was building a career in We'koqma'q One Stop and I know that I wanted a car. I know that my sister wanted me to be stuck with subscriptions and paying for her debt. I know that I have been living here for twelve years and reaping benefits of Mawita’mk Society I have graduated couple of times from different programs. I know my current level of education and employability. I know that I'm stuck here.

I know that I have a place I would love to work on. Especially since I have a current level of education and employability. I might get a job in Eskasoni but again I might not. I know that I haven't been able to reach certain goals. And the past matriarchs of my family have passed away. I know that the matriarchs left in the family have been living in Eskasoni. I know that I have been sober and had a few milestones in my time. I know that this driver's license goal is a pain in my ass. I know that I don't have energy here like how I would be motivated to walk in night time.

Mawita'mk Society is enervating, anticipating every move I make and have patrol or control as an option. I know that I have been living here for twelve years and have graduated a few times from different programs. The programs I would want to graduate from isn't in the deck of cards. I know that I have to restack the deck and play my cards right.

I am enervated and languishing at Mawita'mk Society. I feel lazy all the time and lack of energy means in my dialysis means more fat. I know that I don't need that appreciation crap, I need to get my ass in motion and start walking again. It's hard to get a good routine going. The matriarchs would motivate and light a fire under my ass to walk. I know that I have been outdoors before. I have been an endurance walker before and I can do it again. I don't care for certain opinions and saying. Addiction for free stuff is Addiction. Indulging into laziness and not working at my fitness. Being a doer was the best part of my life in Eskasoni. I used to have a lot of good memories in Eskasoni.

I know that I have been held back because of the step family. I couldn't get a job, my full driver's license and car. Eventually, I hope that I could get all that. I know that I haven't be able to work on certain goals.

I have to be that busy doer again. Doing chores, fitness and cooking. I know that I have been living here for twelve years and reaping benefits of Mawita’mk Society I have graduated couple of times from different programs in NSCC Community College, We'koqma'q Health Center, We'koqma'q Blue Building and Eskasoni NADACA. I know that I have been learning a lot about Indigenous descendants' story and working towards being sober but productive. I have been productive ever since I got here. I want to keep that holistically healthy lifestyle at Mawita'mk Society until I can get a couple of things.

One: my second transplant kidney life. I want to live a thriving lifestyle in Eskasoni and have all my things in that Eskasoni 74th street, Horseshoe Drive apartment. Having a current level of education and employability I could look for a job in Eskasoni. And another.

Secondly: I want to get my full driver's license and BA degree with majoring in psychology and addictions. I know this field goof enough and I know social sciences. I know a thing or two about coping, psychology, First Nation history and documentaries. And I have books on the subjects too. Thirdly: I want to reach this milestone with a good job in We'koqma'q community. I want to save up for a decent car and have my first purchase on my Facebook, LinkedIn profile and Instagram. Fourth: I want to earn a fitness and walking endurance back. I want to have a physical healthy fitness.

Women have been a big part of my life. I know that I have a sense of earning since I was five. I had been addicted and mess up most of my life but I had sobriety and lucidity. I know that I have recovered before and went on my marry way. I just have to be a doer again and live my life active and productive.

My biological mother's connections and teachings have been a safeguard from addictions. I know that hypersexuality is another form of insane shame and psycho-sexual addiction. I know that I have to live a sober, clean and organize life. I know that women have been a big part of my recovery. And healing. Yes, I know the 60s and 70s women's right movement. I know that I have watched 60s horror films with my godmum. I know that I have been living at Mawita'mk Society with a bunch of women and one man.

I know that I have been living here for twelve years and reaping benefits of Mawita’mk Society I have graduated couple of times from different programs. And I know my current level of education and employability could get me a good job in Eskasoni if I had my second transplant kidney life. I know that I have been able to reach certain goals in the past.

Females love leadership, emotional safety, non-judgmentalism, go with the flow and a good amount of fun. But I have to learn about hunting skills. I do know that women love to learn. I know that is why I have a large variety of job-related life skills. I know that my skills set have been in landscaping, janitorial, building, installing, cleaning, organizing, assembling and plumbing. I know that I have experienced plumbing projects with a Red Seal called Vicktor. I hope that I could meet some kind of Red Seal Certified Plumber.

I need to refocus my efforts into getting my walking in. I know that I want to be a doer again and start doing stuff. Hopefully everyone will support me in my goal of walking and lifting weights. I hope that I could build a routine of fitness in my bedroom and outdoors. I haven't grown accustomed to a career. I know that my enemies always wanted me weak.

I know that I have been addicted and hypersexual. I know that I don't get any lady because I haven't been on dating apps for a long while. I know that I have to work at my fitness since I get food for free and medicine given to me. I know that the matriarchs have been a big part of my mentality. And I know that I haven't been able to secure a lady yet. I know that I don't attract the ladies I want. I know that being brave is facing my doubt and becoming confident. I have done that plenty of times.

I know that I don't have any respect in Mawita'mk Society because of cultural ageism. They've disempowered me and gave me a biased look on society. But I know that I could be re-empowered by my stepfather if he moves back. I know that I don't get to choose my own choices in We'koqma'q community. Growing personally accustomed to living here.

I don't want to grow complacent with all this and forget where I was from. I know that I have to work at certain things. I hope that I could get something going for me like fitness and a walking routine. I know that I need 4 things on my list and it's above this blog. I know 4 more things I might need is one: a Apprenticeship to get my Red Seal papers. Secondly: more books and ebooks. Thirdly: a online Playstation account and better WiFi. And a good set up with my future job. Fourthly: I want to be at Seymour's level of fitness.

I know that I have been living here for twelve years and what a few more years wouldn't hurt. Even though I'm missing out on opportunities. I know that people have opinions about my life. I just got to ignore them and keep at my own level of confidence. I know that I could move but I'm just hoping on those 8 goals of mine.

I know that I want to be University graduate. And graduate from Nova Scotia Graduated Driver's Licensing Program. Have my own car and put my first purchase online. I know that I could purchase a car by myself. But I hope that I could learn about the Power of reading. Appreciate it and learn from it. I know that I have to work towards a car. And drive on out of here. If I do get my full driver's license before I get my second transplant kidney life I hope that I could save up for a decent car.

I might be able to work shifts at We'koqma'q One Stop, We'koqma'q Tim Hortons and at the weed shop. If I could get a second transplant kidney. And have a second transplant kidney life. I could get a good few jobs and hopefully work full-time employment with all of them. I know that I want my walking experience to be joyous and have a natural high with it. I know that I could get a good few jobs on the weekends too.

My quality of life can be such a highly subjective measure of level of love, care and happiness that I could compare how happy I was in Eskasoni to the current level of happiness I have now. Such coziness from Mawita'mk Society is by far good food, medicine and routine. I know that it is part of essential, central and integral components of many lifestyles and financial decisions that with a level of education and employability I could, with a second transplant kidney life, live in Eskasoni. 

I know that I do get stuff for free here. I don't have to pay for my clothes, jackets, coats, boots, shoes, hats and presents. I know that my quality of life have improved drastically and I know that I don't have to cook. I could learn how to cook through watching. 

Factors that play roles in the quality of life can vary depending on personal preferences, economic or professional accomplishments, lifestyle, financial security, job security, job satisfaction, family ties, life satisfaction or personal life, level of fitness, health, income and safety. I have safety and security at Mawita'mk Society. I just have to work with the level of fitness I have now and improve on it.