The Reality Today

There is economic inflations, professional stagnancy and driver's dependency. I'm at a developmental stage where I got to simply work on my physical fitness and get my kidney. And have a good life at We'koqma'q One Stop. Maybe I could go back but I know that people respond differently with me. 

Because of ageism I am stuck here. I am not respected because of this cultural ageism. A cultural discrimination based on age is what I usually face. I have to understand they want their cultural respect but I am independent of the culture. I have used coping skills, job-related life skills and survival skills.

With Mawita'mk Society they want to manage my expectations, personal beliefs and values, confidence in me and self-discipline. They want me to obey and listen because I am younger. No one answers for me and nobody responds in my name. I know that nobody respects me because I am young.

Thinking that I need guidance or structure, whatever that means. I've learned about coping skills, job-related life skills and survival skills that I could use in any situation. They don't believe in me because they want to keep me down. I know that I haven't tried to live by myself in Eskasoni. The power of a place is that a flow of spirit in the apartment, is the goal. I feel that more stuff I have, the more structure I have to build. I want that Horseshoe Drive apartment and I want to make that place my hometown forever home. Especially since I want to use exercise equipments, calisthenics and weight training. I want to make a shed/patio and a small garage beside it.

I know routine and habit. And I know that I have had a reading habit. I've read my books to an extent. And have been learning about relationships from Internet, Google, PDF, YouTube and eBooks. And my books.

I just got to focus on one at a time. But I am happy that I ate three meals today. I walked today and I just got to work at my physical fitness. I know that I got a lot of good living at We'koqma'q community. It's a perfect, happy Sunday and I've spent my time taking pictures at the Fire Hall and went shopping. I know it's not my thing but I feel happy anyways. Workethic, dedication and love for the job. My level of job satisfaction was based on how much I did during the day. I know that I take pride in my job whatever it is. And I will constantly try to learn.

But I want to get my BA degree, full driver's license, fitness, walking endurance back, car and second transplant kidney. That will balance out my life with a meaningful level of subjective measuring experience of happiness. And I would stay here longer because I want to prove my job-related life skills. I love this place.

But I want to be a fully licensed and capable driver. With a level of education and employability to get any job in Eskasoni. I don't have any workout buddy but Rob Shipley. I don't have any walking partner but a friend named Rob Shipley. I feel like I have been gaining weight. And I need to get back into routine or make a routine. I know that I haven't been able to reach certain goals and I know that home has been a place of strength and power. I know that I haven't been able to reach those strengths and powers. The power of a place, the power of truths and lies. And the power of conversations.

I know that I have been living here for twelve years and enjoying the holidays, Christmases, birthdays and outings. I know that I have a good life in We'koqma'q community where I'm not at ant dangerous situations. If I could make routines in my own place and have a set time to prepare food, cook and eat.

I could balance out my life and learn routines from an apartmental stage in my life. I know that I want to be left alone with my friends and girlfriends. I hope that I could get good dates and build a good life in Eskasoni. I know that if I train hard in fitness I could build muscles. And have a perfect form of the exercises. I know that I want to live the good life in Eskasoni. I don't want to be bullied and that's why I stay away from Eskasoni. Too many bullies there willing to hurt me because they want me to be treated as a bitch. I hate those cock suckers. I know that if I trained in vengeance I would be training hard, harder and my hardest every day.

I was deprived of sporting opportunities in my younger life. I know that I haven't been able to train for power, strength and impact. I know that I was treated like an enemy. And those bullies are my enemies. I know people weren't honest with me.

So I wasn't honest with them because I believe in Bruce Lee. He has exercised everything. And I know that I had some enemies in my place. Eventually I will get my muscles. Trying to surrender to all the goodness of Mawita'mk Society but surrender isn't my thing. I have been working no matter what. I've been on my feet for years and still I haven't been able to accomplished anything close to what Mawita'mk Society has helped out with when I was on my transplant kidney years. I am happy with the level of education and employability, it's just that I have to work at something.

If that means my six goals and a good list of credentials, so be it. I know that I haven't been able to achieve the levels of education and employability I want. Especially since I have to work on my six goals. I know that I'm living in the luxury, benefits and perks of Mawita'mk Society.

I feel enriched to have such family like my nieces and nephews. And having a good history of traumas and addictions, I know that my sanity should've been questioned long ago. My step uncle Dodo only seen opportunities in my life that I did not see. I feel like I was cheated out of my youth, education, driving goals and fitness. Accepting myself as a experienced bachelor with a level of education and employability I feel like I'm way too late to build a life of my own on my own. I feel that Mawita'mk Society is serving their purpose so far but I want to have a sense of purpose. Live by myself and have a good life in Eskasoni.

With the stagflation I feel like I'm kind of stuck because there isn't anything fair play in this economic situation. I know that Eskasoni's bullies have been living without remorse. I had to face the psychodiagnosis long time ago. I was upset but I got over it.

I know that Mawita'mk Society has saved my life more than a few times over the years I've been here. I know that I could die at any time here. Making generalizations like everyone is gonna die eventually isn't making me feel any better. I know that making me feel better is how my female cousins have a positive twists on things. I know that they are good at making me feel good about myself. I know that if I do move back to my hometown apartment I hope it's my old apartment on 74th street. I know that I have enemies in Eskasoni but I have more friends than enemies. That's the thing I know a lot of people. And growing up there I had a lot of good dysfunctional friends.

I feel rich with the amount of life experiences, job experiences and education I got. I have a rich Facebook friends who are mostly family and friends, potential friends and might be Jown or Syliboy. I feel enriched with life.
Because I have something of a good Facebook account and a good LinkedIn profile. I feel enriched with a good social media accounts and having a good home too. 

I have a paradisiacal home with We'koqma'q community. I know that I have walked hellacious roads and walked a few good ones. I know that I had my shadow beside me and lived in Eskasoni for 8-7 years. Doing pop bottles and recycling them. I felt like I never was given proper education back then because everyone assumed. I felt trapped and stuck where I was in Eskasoni because I had to get my ALP education.

With economic inflations, Occupational stagnancy and driver's dependency. I feel like I've been through a lot and don't want to use any friends. I want to get my full driver's license and fitness. But I don't think I will get my full driver's license because I need to work on my physical fitness.

I was raised in Eskasoni and Eskasoni is more violent than We'koqma'q community. Growing up in Eskasoni I was taught that certain people are cowards. And petty too so I have to steer clear from them. Growing up in Eskasoni the violence there have shaped and molded my opinion about certain people. Personal leadership requires self-sacrifice and a good workethic. Looking for a good reason to live is great in its pursuit. I know that the pursuit of happiness is way less psycho-sexual addiction than the women.

I know that I cannot choose the women I want because that would set a bad precedent. I know that I have to live my life without sex because I know how. Motherfucking Mike MacInnis don't want me to give up because I haven't been able to get a good woman through my available means. And I don't attract the women I want because I'm damned, diagnosed and forgotten.

It takes me a while to accept my circumstance. And realize what kind of opportunities I could have in Eskasoni. I would be thieved and my electronics stolen because I had some kind of child with someone. I know that I never was independent enough to have any electronics or smartphone. I know that I'm the target of being used. I cannot enjoy my money on my own because Rob Shipley or everyone enjoyed it for me. Nobody wants to admit that they owed me for years.

Manipulative, damaging to my reputation and memories. And having no compunction I feel that I was always being cheated out of my money. No matter what kind of spin they've put on it. I was the one getting screwed and people cheating me. Rip-off artists though. I know that I have friends but they are just as dysfunctional as everyone else when it comes to money.

But the matriarchs usually makes it right.