My Questions of Motivations

I want sex I could get it from prostitutes and if I want go explore my fantasy, I look at pornography. I'm happy with my options because if I want romance I could get dates.  Some rejections, others more pleasing. But I know if I cannot get it from women, I get it from female prostitutes. I never was out in the field for a while. But there is inflations and stagnancy. So stagflations. Somebody was smart enough to capitalize on that. Hopefully I can be that kind of eligible bachelor. Racism plays a crucial role in this dating game.

But I'm learning much as I can to keep a woman in my life. I'm learning about Dr. John Gottman's works, Dr. Tian Dayton's emotional literacy I'd learned. And Dr. Daniel Goleman's Emotional Intelligence. I know that I have a lot of books to read yet. I am learning about the consequences of certain actions. I am loved and cherished so I'm happy.

I'm loved and cherished and so happy about the knowledge I have, going to read about and work on. I get to read mental health literature and learn about my own addictions, learn how discriminations and prejudice works. I know that I have been gaslighted and discriminated against in my younger years. I know that my generational perspective and  personal history is something that I need encouragements for tackling. I know that truth is what people hide from: therapists, civilians, workers, tradespeople and so many others. Writing about these things help me put things into perspective. The younger generations don't know we have a past.

There is good prostitutes and there is good girls. Dateable because of presentation they present. I feel that I have to exercise to work at my image and to look good in a suit. It's motive to want to be at the best shape of my life for my dates.

Before my mental health declined I was a productive welfare student of life. I was learning about Vampires, witches, superheroes, heroes and scientists and philosophers. My book collection had a bunch of good stuff to it I could've used in building a functional garage in Horseshoe Drive apartment. I know that I don't want to fall in debt with the wrong people. And I don't want to let people walk all over me. I have to stand up and grow a backbone. Stand up for what I believe in. I believe that my hometown can recover. There is so much grief and traumas, hate and anger. I think that Eskasoni cannot muster up anything.

It is such a sensitive time for my people. I hope that somebody could help out. I know that I have a plans for the place. I want to work on it like it's my home. And I want to use mental health tactics and strategies to help people out. In Eskasoni I gotta be careful.

In Eskasoni some people think that technology isn't useful and my stepfather is one of them. I used to be one of those people until I found a smartphone. I knew that my life has changed and I'm emotionally invested in this smartphone. I know my apps, my online accounts and official credentials I have. I know that I have an accomplished past in We'koqma'q community but I could better use all this in Eskasoni. It's my Grammy's hometown and my hometown. I think I could deal without a smartphone but I don't know. That's what scares me.

I'd learned the old technology and I'm something of an Old Techie. I remember RadioShack. I know that was my source for the latest technology. I didn't know about smartphone history, cellphone history or flipphone history. I have the WiFi and food here. I know that Support Workers are here and I know that I'm safe. I think.

I have questions of motives. I wonder if people would help me out when it comes to something like safety issues. I know that Eskasoni is a boiling pot and they need downtime. Thinking that I could figure out certain Eskasoni members. I know that I have to stay here because it's much safer. But what if I could work within the realm of theoretical and see this scenario play out. What if I was attractive enough to get dates and one-night stands? I just got to work on my fitness here.

But what if I had accomplished everything I wanted, achieved my new Six Personal Goals and my Last Goals of My Current Situation. I know that I want to work within Mawita'mk Society's sunroom and have my weight training there. The significance of situational morality and forces are supported in my fitness. I know that I just got to do it and keep working at it.

If I could accomplish all I need to, to get my second transplant kidney I hope that I could build on that in a couple key areas and aspects of my level of independence, education, fitness and employability that I could get a good job, save up for the financial goal of getting a car and having my BA degree. Living at Mawita'mk Society I know that I will get homesick and it will pass. I know that I want to have everything I need to work on my professional schedule of the month. I know that I love and care for women but there could be mental issues, emotional disorders and addictions.

They have to clean up or something. I know that I had my heart broken but nobody wants to take responsibility. I know that I have been learning about mental health knowledge through Andrea Currie and Mike MacInnis over the years. I just got to get back to reading again.

The patriarchy of the good men have been attacked and I questioned my motives, my identity, my culture, my traditions and customs. My ideologies, my religion, my psycho-spirituality and male psyche. The whole idea that we are wrong over the years have generalized and stereotyped from the patriarchy of bad men, criminal brotherhood.  The brotherhood of men have been the principled and practiced organizational institution of good men. The rituals we have is something like initiations or milestones of manhood. It's just a learning curve and I know that I'm straight and loved. The idea that all men are incorrigible is one of the discrimination I have to deal with.

The idea that we are all wrong is a generalization, stereotypical bitch wanting to bring me down. And people here don't care for me because they choose whatever they want.

They are hurting and I know that I was learning about the hypersexuality of adults and others in my life. A child could learn a lot from Eskasoni. When that patriarchy of good men gets hurt from childhood. I know that I don't have much to say but the hatred, anger, traumas, vindictiveness and bitterness of the intergenerational cycle caused by Indian Residential Schools, Indian Day School, Sixties Scoop, Millennium Scoop and Murdered and Missing Indigenous Women, that's what caused the intergenerational traumatic cycle and curses. My Grammy survived a lot, both of my fathers have survived a lot, and my stepmother have survived a lot. I am a Descendant child of Diane Mae Morrison and Vincent Syliboy. Both Indian Residential School survivors.

That's the historical/generational cursed perspective I have about my own life. I know that intergenerational sin is bad.
So you could see the historical/generational perspective I'm coming from with all this. I know that my real father and stepfather has to write their story. I would want to read it. I know that situational morality plays.

The Darkest Little Lies Work! Something happens and I get the blame. It depends on power, generational connections and powers, knowledge and skills. I know that people could debunk if they want to but Dr. Philip Zimbardo's works of situational forces is something. Because my step uncles don't know how prejudice and discriminations works. Or situational forces and morality plays out. I haven't read Lucifer's Effect but I hope that I could learn a lot from it. What is punishment but trauma accepted. I know that I've learned emotional intelligence from relationships and therapy. But I know a thing or two about addictions and discriminations.

I'm showing backbone with my words and I know a thing or two about what's good hurts for tough love and what is bullying? I could make that distinction because I was loved and cherished, I think. I don't trust how I was brought up in Eskasoni. I know that I'd chosen to move on out of there. And live the rest of my life in We'koqma'q community. Growing personally accustomed to We'koqma'q community I know that I could jog around these places and I know that I could exercise in that sunroom. Bullying deals with trauma and picking is just picking.

The male psyche, the male identity crisis in the Canadian country. And USA. The underpinning of subtle sexism in the countries. I know that misandry is a word, so is misogyny. I know there are female and male disableds in these countries. And I know that I've been schemed off, rejected and beatdown.

I know that I had bad days and Shallow Dads. And I know that I never had sex partners in twelve years. Not that I was focused on it or anything. I was going through some  intergenerational sex when I was in Eskasoni. And I know she was older than me. I feel that I was underrated and unappreciated in younger generations. Plus nobody knows me in the dating world. So yeah, bite that nail.

I know that I was learning about mental health knowledge through Andrea Currie. I could use her for support for Clyde. I feel that we have a good thing going. A good friendship and good ol' pal kind of thing. I know that I'm enjoying my read. I know that with Bachelor of Social Work degree I could specialize in Bachelor of Arts degree, majoring in psychology and addiction. I could learn from my stepfather. 

Chilling in my bedroom, thinking that I've done a lot over the twelve years I'd lived here.

I know that I don't chose my women. They chose me. That's what at least Dr. John Gottman says. I know that because of the Intergenerational traumatic cycle everyone is gonna play their part. And I know that I have to start reading again. This time joyously and religiously. I hope to study the science of relationship, emotional intelligence of therapy, and personal coping skills. Job-related life skills and educational skills. I've read to a certain extent of The Man's Guide to Women.

I know that I'm chilling in my bedroom, thinking about how I could live my life in my Horseshoe Drive apartment. I hope that I could get everything I need to feel my independence at Mawita'mk Society. I don't want to move because of cruelty, suble rudeness and meanness. I know that I don't do any special counseling. And I'm proud of Eskasoni's infrastructural accomplishments.

What is toxic masculinity? The sickness of abuses and mental disorders? Or is it abuses and bad situational forces? Are they using situational morality as a means to utter these words in a generalized way or is it collective term? Toxic personalities are such deepening sicknesses of abuse and corruption that everyone has to get it out. Am I being toxic when I want to build a good family relationship with nieces and nephews? Sexism based on misandry is toxic in itself and needing therapy. There is toxic masculinity, well there is toxic feminity and toxic humanity. That should be defined in what way?

I know that I love and care. If my sisters have mental diagnoses and have over the years suffered. What does toxic masculinity have to do in the present of a good man? I'm the devil and I know that I've done some wrongs in my years of on-again and off-again addictions.

A broken man with no beliefs, no values have no control over his life. This infection of the soul has to die. It has to be cured and therapized. I feel that I could treat women good but they hate so much that I'm happy with what I have. Everyone is hating, angry and trying to get petty wins instead of making impactful positive changes, transitions and transformations. Where does it end? Masculinity is part of a man, he has his feminine side for his nieces, daughters and lovers. He has exercised restraint and practiced wisdom. But how is he toxic?

What do you mean by using the word "toxic"? There should be a interdependence (Teamplayerhood), about how people should live there lives. Instead toxic hatred and anger, maybe there should be a flexible mind to expand, grow and learn. I know that I want my life in shared house experience with my own wife. I want to keep busy with learning.

Toxic personalities or humanity could be because of hypersexuality. It's an indiscriminate addiction. But the hatefulness is what makes them eclectic. The animosity is what guiding them to discriminate. Sexism is on both sides of sexes. I know that I don't want to learn the battle of sexes.