Shadows of My Past Mountainside

I know that I'm loved and in that I'm loved, cherished and valued: Significance? I cannot explain because Alexithymic Profundity of happiness. I want to keep my apartment with lamps down low. But I am in this Ni'kinen house and I have to explore other people's works. I know that I'm learning and I am happy to learn. Feeling enriched with mental health literature and poetry. I feel like I can spend my life with Mawita'mk Society. But what does that mean about my sense of independence? What does that mean about my pride in my independence?

It means that I am simply happy and don't need this and that. But truth that I need is the truth that I can be independent, have powers over my own feelings and thoughts. And have faculties to decide my own actions, thoughts and feelings. I know that there is forced sharing of mental space, wrong thinking and feeling.

I know that I have been trying to regain my independence because my stepfather's family has taken it all away. My true ability to truly think for myself, to feel for my own powers and correct thinking. To identify my own feelings and thoughts and have the powers to change them. My stepuncles have taken everything and lied and cheated me out of my youth. I know that I don't have the true support of the family. True independence requires knowing job-related life skills, having a level of education and employability, having experience in driving and work.

I am extremely independent and have this tough attitude and mentality of walking, lifting weights and doing calisthenics. I know that I have a cultural and traditional strength of family and friends. I have the capacity to work on my own goals in the new year. And write my progress in a good eloquent way. I know that I could capture my feelings.

My thinking and feeling will be energized, I would have my attitude and workethic about fitness and workouts. I have a happy attitude and a strong sense of friendship and community to influenced me in my strong workethic. My hometown is my strength through religion, culture and traditions. I know that there isn't one and there is a philosophy of many ways for the Mi'kmaq. We cannot be stomped, controlled or patrolled. We all are on our unique journey of life and have a lifetime experience, knowledge and skills from culture, tradition and heritage. I know that I'm loved, cherished and valued in a cultural, family, communal and Mawita'mk way.

I know that people can be competitive, hateful and jealous. I know that doctors and culture has their influences of how I should be. But I want my true independence and freedom.

I am proud of my culture and traditions but I want to live by myself. I want to provide for myself, think for myself and have the right meanings and emotional intelligence of true independence. I want to be this self-disciplined, self-directed and self-motivated person of such goal-orientation that I have accomplished a lot in my time. I want to live in my hometown apartment behind 74th street and have my own car, full driver's license and full-time employment. I want my own BA degree and other credentials hanging in my bedroom over the years I'd spent there.

I take great pride and enjoyment of my own independence and freedom. I know how to enjoy myself while I practice job-related life skills and culturally relevant survival skills. I know that there is acculturation and battles in the world. But I know that I could be comforted by my own thinking.

I know that I could be completely comforted by my own independence. Independence isn't saying leave me alone, it's saying that I want my own personal leadership and ownership. It's saying that I am willing to change and learn job-related life skills and survival skills for the betterments of my own quality of life. It's saying routines and habits are a big important things in my life. I have and I just have to learn survival skills. I could learn everything I need to off the Internet. And get into YouTube.

I know there is learning apps, entertainment apps and other apps. Trying to make a good reason to live here is that they have a good group home I could use. I know that I could rely on their services to a degree. But I have to do stuff on my own. Feeling appreciative and grateful for the life I've been shown when I do have transportation in my life. I know that I want my own car.

I am willing to learn everything about a car. I want the faculties of independence, I want the job-related life skills and survival skills of independence. I want to have my fitness and hunting experiences online. I want to move out of here and see if I could walk and exercise on my own. Ever since I came here I got a level of education and employability but had the job-related life skills. I know that I want to have more independence out of my life. I want to drive myself and have an different attitude of work, driving and earning.

I had an attitude that enjoyed my past independence on 74th street. I knew that I wanted my education and employability. I have it now and I know that I want to use it. I want to enjoy my independence and freedom because I know that I can. But I am happy where I am because I am loved, cherished and valued in a community that does have a low crime rate.

I feel like I could get my old place in Eskasoni and make it homey by cooking meals, baking and banking my money online. I know that I have it good here because I don't have to pay for clothes, boots, food, medicine, hats, shoes and presents and Christmas presents. I know that I could have a good place like this with a good attitude of Mawita'mk Society. I want my independence but the inflation rate is going up and I am one person on dialysis. I need my hometown strengths and powers of independence. And I need to get back my old mentality of work. I had a job satisfaction, pride and love of my hometown streets. I know that I was working the pop bottles.

The wrong mindset is finding fault and troubles with this place. Yes, they are talkative and yes they work. But they love, support, care and valued me in ways that range from certain protection without protecting.

I know that I don't trust certain workers at times but I feel that I could get my act together and do something about my fitness. Muscles could define my battle attitude and changed my mentality of being an effortful fighter. I know that people don't want me to train in vengeance because I haven't trained in my teen years. I know that the optimal physical development is teen years and my stepfather has been less motivating. People that are divisive want to draw a line in the guise of respect and have no thoughts about what respect for all living things are.

I know that I don't have any attractive qualities or characteristics but I try to elaborate on truth. I know that my stepuncles have molested and wanted me to destroy my reputation. They were jealous and trying to control me. They wanted hypersexuality to affect me in many ways. Work discrimination and discriminations based on addictions.

They wanted me to tripped into a darken world. And I know that I have to become stronger than their divisiveness. Their hatred has been about outing other people and drawing lines in the sand. This world of addictions, discriminations, hypersexuality and drugs have been a big part of my life. I don't know where the influence came from in getting me to sniff. But I know that I have recovered from all that and became resilient in my life. I am happy where I'm at and want to keep improving, growing and learning. Building a reputation and memories I know that I will get me my own car, full driver's license and fitness.

I love myself. I love, cherish and value myself in independence. I enjoy the solitude and I enjoy the freedom of having ladies over and fucking. Not stealing my shit. I know that art comes with a certain eloquence and force. Professionally speaking I cannot.

I know that I love, cherish and value and care for Mawita'mk Society because they are a growing force. I want to outgrow Mawita'mk Society in my own personal development, leadership, transformation and changes and progress to better my quality of life without addicts, fiends, bullies and criminals. I have enjoyed my quiet time and my hometown life before I was attacked, targeted and home invaded. I knew that I could get a job but I wanted to enjoy the simple life. 19 happy years without smartphone and 16 happy years without a flipphone.

I know that I have been living happily and when the transition of technology has happened. When I changed and got updated and upgraded. I know that I was changed, transformed and good. Technology seemed to improve on my accessibility of dating, books, eBooks, pdfs, audiobooks, stuff and technology.

Having technologies seemed to improve my time on earth. Having a Playstation 4 and a computer with WiFi seemed to help me enjoy this bedroom more. Looking for my own WiFi and other services. I know that people lie, cheat and steal in Eskasoni. As long as nobody knows about it they will keep their mouths shut. I know that Eskasoni has their disappointments and downfalls, pitfalls and harassments. In Eskasoni I was left alone for a little while and then everyone tried to take over my life. They've ruined a ideal homey, cozy and happy place of solitude for their hatred and addictions.

I wanted to return with my own car. Accomplish that and that means I have my fitness, muscles, BA degree, full driver's license, second transplant kidney and full-time employment. I just think that leaving on good terms like that would warm Mawita'mk Society's hearts.