Getting Well Adjusted

I know that I've been learning that it takes patience and focus, a inner calm to read something about relationships. I have to see my opportunities in life and have my mind open to new possibilities of dating and fucking. I know that I don't want to be used and unappealing. I know that's been my problem all along. I couldn't get the women because I wasn't attractive enough. I know it's bad timing and I have nothing checked off. 

Feeling like I've never been in any relationship but I had sex partners. My fear is losing out on opportunities. And I'm stuck with nothing but a good masturbation.

Feeling like I was looking in all the wrong places and people for love. Dating is an exciting thing but it's work. I just go for the fucking. I know that I have to live at Mawita'mk Society because it's safer and better support services. They cook a good meal and I know that I'm welcomed here.

I know that I want to fall in love with someone. But I cannot go with the flow when it comes to love. Learning that I need to practice forbearance and mindfulness, I know that I don't have any attractive qualities or characteristics. Attractive traits or physical features. I know that love is just an exploration and reading of science in psychology to read about in Dr. John Gottman's works, Dr. Tara Bennett-Goleman and others. I gotta look out for myself and make the best choices for myself. Originally from Eskasoni I know that the worst is over. And I have to have the inspiration to read.

I want to get used of the economic struggles. I know at least that way I know that I could get laid. I'm hoping for mental recovery from paranoid schizophrenia. I know that it's been thirteen years of routine, habits and a good established way of doing something. I know that I'm working on Redemption.

I want to talk but I cannot talk with these people. I have to talk with my rocking friends. Feeling like I've been learning about hypersexuality through pdfs and eBooks. It seems that hypersexuality has ruled this world and thrown me out. I guess I wasn't good enough in bed or I wasn't going with the flow. Independence is seriously thinking for myself and learning how to take a girl out on dates. And determine my sexuality through heterosexuality. I know that I was learning about other preferences. A Demon knows what you want too. Compatibility could be used as a weapon. Gay people can be prejudice and discriminate against me.

I want to get that book The Psychology of Prejudice and Discrimination. I love but I want to understand psychology deeply. I know that I have mental health knowledge and literature. The books I have is something that I know that I want to live by.

Women can be opportunistic and think and outsmart me. Feeling unattractive and feeling well used. I know that women wants body counts to keep rising. I know that I wasn't really enrichen by Eskasoni, only by experiences and job experiences. Cheater's paradise is perpetuating the lie. People don't take pride in their relationships. They don't value, take pride, enjoy ideally simple and live with a good heaven. They've been spoiled and rottening on the inside. Some women are opportunistic and devious. I just gotta be on the lookout for a good woman.

Being used of a level and standard of quality of life. Mawita'mk Society made me realize what kind of life I could have in Eskasoni if I had my full driver's license, if I had my BA degree, if I had my fitness and second transplant kidney. Mawita'mk Society has inspired me many times over the years. And the level of motivation that I should have!

They are teaching me in every way. So yeah I want that level of self-care, the warmest hominess and feeling good because I've showered and cleaned up. I know that I could enjoy a clean house. I want my own place in Eskasoni and I want to drive up to Rosie Basque's store and make an offer. I know that I could be a laborer, a store clerk, I could take up apprenticeship and get my Plumbing papers. Or take up cooking and do something with my life. I know that I have a lot of communication skills. I want to move out when I have my muscular fitness, second transplant kidney and full driver's license. Mawita'mk Society has a lot to support me in.

I know that I could work in Eskasoni. Mawita'mk Society is losing me because they've enrichen my life with options. I got more options in Eskasoni because each store is independent and part of the Eskasoni Business Community.

Yes, I'm starting from the bottom. But I have experience and hopefully I can get something going for me. I know that I was lifted up from Dr. Leroy Denny before he was chief or after. Not too sure. Dr. Leroy Denny should write about his life. He has an interesting one. 

Before he became Dr. Leroy Denny. I want to leave because nobody here is helping me think right about my independence. I know that it deals with life skills and routines. Learning about the Power of Habit I know that I'm learning life. Feeling like I won't be able to have any other independence because I have weaknesses and I'm vulnerable.

Mawita'mk Society is trying to get me out of my bedroom. My dad used to be social and he knew a lot. I know that he wanted me to socialize when it's time to socialize. But I am on dialysis and hopefully I can get this shunt to work. Feeling better about my life because I had a friend inviting me over made me calm.

I am homesick and I know that I want to live my life in Eskasoni. Relationships creates space for creativity, emotional intelligence, emotional literacy and mindfulness. I know that certain Relationships don't want me to have that kind of freedom because I know that people usher my mind into thinking that I'm no good. Probably true but I don't trust women and women don't trust me. Feeling like I've been cheated out of my youth and grew up too fast. I know that I had happy moments in Eskasoni. But they were based on lies and cheating me.

I'm not dependent in my personality. I am extremely independent and I don't think it's showing. I know that I don't have anything attractive for the ladies. I am a slob and not that great at thinking. These blogs is all I have left of my intelligence. Getting well adjusted to the socioeconomic realities of today.

I know that I need my second transplant kidney. I know that I need my reasons written down and listed like this. I know that I am Unattractive and I need to work on my body. I know that I've been taught to accept myself as an addict. Feeling like pride usually gets in the way. I know that I'm still looking for that good girl. Having the life experiences I had in Eskasoni, having the productive and supported years in We'koqma'q community. Growing personally accustomed to living like this and having three meals a day. I know that I'm not genuinely happy because I take great pride in my workethic, commitment and dedication, work performance and attendance and independence. 

Mawita'mk Society is using strategies to make their powerplays. To make me accept the new workers. I know that I don't get no say in this or have any powers, influences or control over my life.

I know that I don't get thriving independence. I am forced to think in a certain way. And I know that I don't want to deal with Vickie or anyone here. Feeling like I had been a child addict and was taught the confidence just to play it off that I was tough and okay. The only thing I ever wanted was my right thinking of my independence. Every time I say that people get scared and want me to fear with them. Feeling trapped, languishing and enervated I know avolitional attitude is something that is a struggle.

Feeling like I'd walked twice today. I should scheduled out next day. I know that with my life being enrichen with Mawita'mk Society's level of care, NSCC quality and level of education, Unama'ki Driving instructions and practice. And having job experiences through Eskasoni and We'koqma'q communities. I know that I've been enriched with a good job experiences and employability.

I have to gain the trust of Mawita'mk staff and Mawita'mk management. I have to earn their trust in my understanding, use and doing of their professional level of care and love. 

Emotionally I don't want to attach myself to this place because I wanted to return back home when I do drive home. If I do get that far. Desires are directed when I do have the goals of independence. When I know that I want to move back to my old hometown apartment. Trust is emotional and I have emotional intelligence and wisdom to say what I need to say. Work is necessary because I have to put the work into it. Feeling like I've been treated well, enrichen and have a good home.

Nobody asks what the experience is anymore. Or what is your story. They find out these days through the mouths of others or online. Feeling like I've been learning about how the narrative works.

I don't share any connections but at least I get to enjoy my simple solitude. I know that I've been learning that I don't attract country girls. But that hasn't been my goal, I want a rocker chick that knows how to cook. I know that I want to drive on out of here when I do get that far. Hopefully I can live my life with a richer education and employments and car. Mawita'mk Society has shown me what a life I could've had while in Eskasoni by showing me the usefulness of routines, habits, vehicles and other things. I know that I don't know the lives outside of Mawita'mk Society's care.

I know that I haven't asked and I know that I will never ask about it. Something new has been exciting while I had my computer, laptop, computer tablet, Playstation consoles and Xbox 360 games and console. People that are such an inspiration of what I don't want to be. Simple happiness is my goal.

I know that I got technology, electronics and a happy home to put my stuff in. If I was in Eskasoni in my old apartment on Horseshoe Drive I wouldn't have a closet or room to put all my stuff in. I know that I would have to add a garage-styled shed on the side of that damn apartment and have some stuff and Washer and Dryer put in there. Like a bench, stationary bike, weights and bars. And a dart board. Getting well adjusted to living here and growing personally accustomed to it too. I know that I've been taught to bring out the good in people. But some people are just simply mean.

I know that I need to work on my privacy. And I know that I cannot prove my usefulness to a pretty lady because I never went hunting, never went sporting, hiking, on any adventure because I know that my level of independence is held back through control tactics, power playbooks, patrol strategies.

I know that is management and I have to learn all the usefulness of a good routine. What I'd felt, what I'd known. The lessons and values I'd faced alone. I know that I was left alone with Eskasoni bad eggs and my biological mother assumed that I would be alright. It wasn't like that and I know that aftermath learning, I'd learned about mental health knowledge verbally. I knew then things were going wrong for me and I had to deal with my heartaches, my traumas and losses. Feeling like I've been ripped apart and beaten down, refocused on my healing and recovery. Learned how sobriety can be emotional. And learned about emotional intelligence and emotional literacy.

I'm top damned and damaged to be loved. That much I know because I got no safety or security. I cannot protect myself on my own. Everyone wanted me to suffered, become malnourished and beaten.

So I thought that was the leading thoughts on everyone's minds. But I know that I still don't know the leading thoughts on people's minds. I know that I don't text women and I'm not on their radar. I know that I'm no conversationalist. I know that I want to talk about philosophical works, psychological works and other works. Like something out of a Native story book my life have been thrown into chaos and darkness. At first and then I started to learn about psychology of relationships, addictions and discriminations. 

I started to learn about mental health knowledge verbally. People kept on testing me and wanting to see how much they could get away.

I decide what to share and what I keep private. The integrity of what I say to my family and what I share online is something that I have absolute power over. Nobody can make me present anything I don't want.