The Old Apartment

I want to be able to drive back to the old apartment in 74th street. I want to have my Red Seal papers in cooking, few job experiences in We'koqma'q community and education from Cape Breton University with Bachelor of Arts, Bachelor of Social Work degree. Nova Scotia Community College Cooking Certificate program and NSCC Baking and Pastry Art Certificate program. 

And ISSA-CANADA Cleaning Management Institute. I hope that I could be good at every job I take up. I know that I want to work per house. I want to build muscular physical endurance, cardio at Mawita'mk Society, a few job experiences to show I can do it and drive when I want to. I want to have that kind of independent choices to choose who I drive and who I don't have to drive. When I get all these professional credentials and add stuff to my portfolios, LinkedIn account and Facebook.

I hope that if I do get that far and have my full driver's license, fitness and car. I hope that I could appreciate how Mawita'mk Society has been there since I came here. I should've had a lot of photos with Mawita'mk Society. I know that I want to have that kind of freedom and independence, to drive anywhere I want and to enjoy myself with a full driver's license. 

I don't want to be bossed around by some ne'li'kwat bipolar. I hope that I could drive on out of here with a job lined up and a good list of educational accomplishments and job experiences in We'koqma'q, Sydney and other places. I hope that I could get my NSCC Bartending and Mixology Certificate of Professional Studies program. Graduate from all that and get my life in Sydney.

I want to become a seasoned veteran, sober and conscious with a presence of mind. To do my jobs right and still have a smile on my face.

Right now I want to be good with my current jobs at Mawita'mk Society. Hopefully they vouch for me and hopefully I can do a lot of good jobs at Mawita'mk Work Program. I am a member and client which means that I have certain benefits at Mawita'mk Society. I want to certify my membership to Mawita'mk Society. I know that I want to develop personally the habits of a healthy person holistically. Hopefully I can because I know it has been thirteen years here and I have developed personally in ways. But it sounds like Mawita'mk Society is struggling. I know that thirteenth year happiness. I know that Mawita'mk Society is something of a good thing.

Mawita'mk Work Program is something fulfilling and rewarding. I get to learn certain things at Mawita'mk Society. I can work on my mathematical skills and knowledge. 

Epistemologically speaking I'm pretty good.

I have this home and have these staff. Feeling very appreciative of what I have I know that I have a good life in We'koqma'q community. Growing personally accustomed to living like this I know that I have a exceptional lifestyle. I know that I could incorporate all the routines-building skills I have learned from Mawita'mk Society. And implement and follow their examples. Feeling like I've been here for thirteen years and had a happy home. I get three meals a day, snacks and medicine. Electricity, WiFi and communication bundle with Mawita'mk Society. I am well taken care of.

But I know that I want to live by myself because I know that I could implement and incorporate all I've experienced, learnt and remembered from Mawita'mk Society, family and friends. The best thing I could have is Mawita'mk Society, this group home is the best damn thing that have ever happened.

I could live at Mawita'mk Society ideally. I have everything I need at Mawita'mk Society. Hoping that Mawita'mk Society last long enough, and I live long enough to get everything I want from NSCC Community College, Cape Breton University, ISSA-CANADA Cleaning Management Institute and Nova Scotia Graduated Driver's Licensing Program. I know that I want to develop professionally from my current position. And Mawita'mk Society is the key for all that.

With a lot of these workers I could talk to, I know that my little nerdy ass don't interest them. I know that I have to talk about gossip or rumors before I can get that kind of excitement of a conversation. But I know that I have my solitude, privacy and simplicity. The old hometown apartment I want to reclaim is when I do good in my cooking or any job I get. I know that I never had relationship experiences but a loving life.

Yes, I am a simple man. Yes, having sex is something I would wanna do. But I have to learn the psychological works of Dr. John Gottman books in order to have a good understanding of things. I used to be non-defensively listening, non-judgmentalistic and empathic. Staying neutral I don't know how to do. I know that I never knew how to listen non-defensively, have an empathic understanding, compassionate comprehension, paying attention fully and have a good time doing it.

I have a ideal simple life where sex isn't involved and I have three meals cooked and readied in every way. Three meals a day, different meals and desserts and other food. I never been in any relationship but sexual. I was used to understand sex better. And I know that I've been excluded in every way because I am poor, unattractive, unappealing and disabled. I know a thing or two about living ideally.

I had a small portion of women in my life. Yes, women have impacted me in ways but I know that I don't get to choose any women I want unless they are prostitutes. I know that I've been living here for thirteen years and enjoying music, masturbation, private time to write, having three meals a day with snacks and medicine. I could renew my Beginner's license and work on getting my full driver's license. I could get my job and work on saving for a car. But I have to start somewhere. I'd chased people away before but I know friends and family stay. And I know that I'm valued, loved and meaningfully cherished. I know that I have a good life.

I just have to be patient enough to get a date on dating apps. I'm a humble, broke and not homeless. I know that I've been learning the reasons why I don't get any. People make a big deal out of me not getting any. Some people do that.

But I know that most know that I had good experiences in Eskasoni. I know that I'd been trying to capture the essence of relationships and romance. But I cannot because I haven't experienced a relationship. Feeling like I'd been excluded because I did not meet up with standards, criteria or anyone's checklist. I know women don't practice hypogamy. They could get a lot of sex because men are brokenhearted. But I know that I don't get any because there is a checklist, criteria and standard I have to reach. I wrestle with forbearance and composure because I don't have a simple life. Making it simple isn't easy for some ladies.

I know that I don't want to go through any complex rigmaroles because I don't want to deal with complicated women. I know that I am an emotionally intelligent person but I want to live my life with simplicity. Keeping it real ideal and simple means I don't have any.

I know that I need masturbation and pornography to get what I need. My life have been protected and sheltered to make any impacts in my hometown community, We'koqma'q community and Chapel Island community. I know that I never had any social skills because my stepfather stopped my opportunities, got my stress levels up and made me languished in Eskasoni. I know that I did not have opportunities that other people had because I was mostly disabled, disappointed and sad. But I kept up with playing my games and music.

Women are opportunistic and I am simple. So my stepfather was worried that women would take advantage of me. I don't fight, I don't exercise,I don't know anyone with jobs. And it seems interesting that I cannot act alone with all my reasons to live. I know that I want to experience the world but everyone is saying that it's a racist world.

Multi-racist world theory suggests that I will encounter nothing but racism and traumas. No matter how beautiful a woman is I will eventually have no choices but to accept another family's traumas. The stratifications on this planet is richer in trauma and picking people because of hypergamy instead of hypogamy. Women like money, richer classes and better stuff. I know that I'm no YouTuber, I am no better on Tik Tok or Instagram. On Facebook I suck. And on Twitter my account is questionable because I don't have any followers. I never had any sexy lady come up and say she wants to fuck, date or anything.

But I have a level of education and employability that I could hopefully improve on and add or update my portfolio. I know that I'm humble, broke, no car, no license and no fame. Nobody wants me and I know that I've been learning about women because they don't take hypogamy. They take hypergamy.

A man is ideally simple and I know that I never had any sexy lady approach me because I was beautiful. I am ugly, nerdy, poor, no car, no job, no license and no riches and fame. I might as well live in my old apartment because I cannot live ideally at Mawita'mk Society without some woman hinting or anything, at my torments. People that are toxic are likely to say the other sexes is toxic. I know that I never had any high school sweet heart relationship experience but I know that I don't get any woman because I'm diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic. A man is ideal and simple, they would believe going to a woman's house and showering her with love is something. If they had chance with love.

I was sheltered from life and enjoy my cigarettes and games, music and online life. I know that when I had an Messenger login identity nobody wanted to be my friend.

I just talked with three people. My stepmother, my cousin Ray and a friend. I know that I did not have any social media popularity or have any love interest or anything throughout my teen years. I know that I did not have any multiple sex partners every night because I was hated. I couldn't go on my family's computer because I did not have any passwords or education on anything. I did not have any connections from friends telling them about my situation about my home life. That's how controlled, patrolled and managed I was. I was a horny little miserable person who couldn't get anything. Once reminded.

But I was living ideally without teen sex or that obsession. Or going out or having any other chance at sports, driving and fitness. I know that this world is hypersexual and I know that I was excluded and isolated. Ostracization is something of living off-grid in a way. I listened to music.

I'd watched movies and had no books. I couldn't linguistically develop until I was fourteen. I know that my stepfather was so ashamed of his dyslexia. But I had some small portion of women in my life. I know that I'm jealous of these men having different women every night. I know that I could live my life ideally without that experience. I know it's a lot of work to get a woman. Nobody wants me to enjoy anything simple. I know that I want to live my life simple in peace. That is non-violent and more efficient, simple and living my life how I see fit.

I have lived my life without sexy dressed women. I know that I had a simple life where I always had money. I had guilt and shame because my sisters, brothers and a Rob Shipley kept on needing money. I did not get to enjoy my money. I know that had friends who wanted me to enrichen my life with stuff so they could steal from me.

I'd quitted smoking up, smoking cigarettes and chewing. I quitted drinking and eating too much. I know that I have a routine with Mawita'mk Society. I just have to follow their examples and routines-building skills I'd learned from them. I know that I could learn Eskasoni Welfare system. I know that I got family in Chapel Island and Eskasoni. I know that I got many friends in Eskasoni but some of them are alcoholics. Feeling like I could make that old hometown apartment a good home. I could put a monthly appointment schedule on my computer and laptop through my phone.

I know that through application of my skills set I'd learned from my stepfather, from Mawita'mk Society and from NSCC. I know that I got recognized with certain transferable skills, soft skills, life skills and survival skills. I know that I have a bunch of good memories in Port Hawkesbury with NSCC and Mawita'mk.

I have situational awareness, emotional intelligence, transferable skills, soft skills, some survival skills, life skills, job skills. I know that I have a rich educational experience with NSCC Community College. I hope that I could make a 10-year careers with cooking, baking and landscaping. I wanted to plan my life out like that. Do BA degree jobs and have my plumbing in my 50s. I know that I am motivated to get that second transplant kidney because I am motivated to live my life richer and better. Being an experienced Indigenous descendant bachelor I know that I have volunteer work experience, job experiences, Work Term experience, Job Shadowing Experience.

I know that I have a level of education and employability to get new jobs and work in Eskasoni. I know that I have Mawita'mk discipline with Morrison mentality and routines-building skills of Mawita’mk Society. I know that Rehab has taught me a lot, so has my family and friends. They are a bit older than me but I have different generational friends. What I don't have is a full driver's license, job, girlfriend and second transplant kidney. I need my fitness to get that second transplant kidney. 

A "Good Man" is a rich, handsome man. I am not one of these people because I know that I don't have any 10-years of couple careers. I haven't spent a significant portion of my life saving up for a house, a car, porch and deck. I haven't been living my best life in Eskasoni or We'koqma'q community. I have been stuck on dialysis because I want to move and live my life simply. 

My anonymity is something that was taken advantage of. I was deindividuated, controlled, patrolled and managed. I know that I did not have any strengths to fight back and make my case. I know that I did not want to because like knowledge that's supposed to be free, I know that certain members of this family wanted powers, influences and control over my life. But I know that I was supposed to be freed and independent. 

It's not people that make my life complicated. It's women that do that. They bring their complications and difficulties into my life. I know that my dad passed away. And my dad did not help with any situation or any family member for that fact, to help out in getting a woman. Nobody wanted me thriving, enjoying my life or having a good time. They want me full of heavy regrets and shames, jealousy and envy. 

I wanted my independence because I know that I could live a good life in Eskasoni. But people would break in and steal everything of mine. I am not naming because people could've seen and did not report. I know that I don't get safety, liberty, security and life in my life. I am languishing, enervating and feels like I'm simply dying in motivation. These old people don't inspire motivation, energy and excitement. I know that I did not have any life in my life. 

In solitude I could ideally enjoy myself. Easily have a good time with learning and reading. I don't want Mawita'mk to be a influence over my reading, watching, listening and living. That's why I wanna move. But I know that they are a good influence with routine but I want to read my way, I want to watch movies and TV shows my way, I want to listen to music my way and audiobooks. And living? Well I could play video games and forget where I was. I know that I have a history of video game consoles experience throughout my life. 

I know that I'm grateful for the relationships I do have in my life. Some addicts, others sober and working. Enjoying my life with a good amount of emotional intelligence from my many relationships. I know that I don't have any attractive qualities or characteristics with women. Being an experienced Indigenous descendant bachelor who has accomplished past in We'koqma'q community I know that I have a rich life in We'koqma'q community. I could live ideally simple. 

I know that is what I want. The simplicity of living. But I know that I'm still learning about life and dating, relationships and romance. I know that women have body counts more than me. Feeling unattractive and unappealing. I know that I had missed opportunities in a good chunk of my lifetime. Still I would be happy with one. I have no idea where this body count is any reasons to think somebody is attractive. Of course I have cousins say otherwise. 

I don't want any slut unless it's a prostitute. I know that I want to be taught tips, advises, skills and techniques, knowledge and methods. Hopefully I can afford a prostitute in my life. I figure that I could because I have no woman or women in my life. I don't pick up on hints, non-verbal cues or anything like that. But I know that I want a good woman in my life. What I mean by a "Good woman"? Simple, skilled, intelligent and talented. Affable, amicable and amiable. There are a 9 billion people on this earth and somebody is bound to match my descriptions. She is open to music and video game, enjoy watching movies and TV shows I like. And introduces new skills and music.